Super Secret Cider Squeezy 6000

by nucnik

Chapter 2 - Leave Shortened

Sitting in a defensive position between Manners-Mare Pearl and my preceptor was not where I expected to find myself after arriving back. Directly in front of me, behind her massive desk, set the white mare with glaring pink eyes and a red mane that made it appear as if she was on fire. It matched her attitude. To my right towered the large gray figure of the departing Royal Guard, a brown-eyed pony named Yellow Ridge. He was motionless and level-headed, as always.

“This is quite a serious accusation,” Manners-Mare Pearl continued while my brain was still figuring out the details, “Think carefully before you respond.”

The Manners-Mare was a pony existing in the gray area between defense personnel and public officials. Her everyday role was that of a lecturer at the Office of Civil Behavior, where she would explain and demonstrate the virtues of orderly conduct that all Royal Guards were expected to have. The fact that an entire department was created for this purpose tells you more about the importance of behaving properly than I ever could. This day, she was in her other role - that of judge, jury and executioner. It was a function the Manners-Mares served whenever somepony broke any of the myriad of rules that governed the behavior of every Specialist and Guard.

I shot out a harsh "no." A stern look from my preceptor reminded me to rephrase that answer. I coughed and apologized. "I'm sorry. I mean - no, I deny these accusations."

This wasn’t my first visit to the Office. I had been here before, although only once on account of something I did and twice as a potential witness to something others had done. The potential part is very important, as there weren’t many ponies at the Academy that were actual witnesses to anything. Everypony at the Academy felt the same level of disdain for the Office for their nitpicking abilities.

"Noted." Her tone of voice was as level as it was unfeeling, contrasting her stare. She wrote something in the Journal of Proceedings before turning back to me. "So your being here is completely unwarranted?"

When I first learned of my destination, I wasn’t any more worried than I subconsciously assumed was necessary, as the misdemeanors that got you sent to the Office usually involved minor stuff. Being too loud at certain times or places in the campus, drinking, getting into heated arguments, not following your orders to the letter, and so on. There were too many to keep track, so getting called in for something trivial was always an option, although the rumor-mill always came up with new and exciting stories of somepony from another class – you wouldn’t know them, they’re a year older than you – getting in trouble for something we all did. It was funny most of the time. I, on the other hoof, hadn't broken any of the major rules and I was sure the minor ones wouldn’t tally up to anything important even if they were all witnessed. In retrospect the fact that I was called in from Ponyville should have raised an alarm.

“Yes.”

“Yes?” she asked, the only thing moving on her body being an eyebrow. Her statue-like stillness was so much worse than any screaming and kicking would be. “Yes? Somepony just made this up for no reason?”

“I don’t know, but I never did that.”

I really didn’t. I was being framed. The worst part is, it’s practically impossible to defend against something you haven’t done, just as it’s impossible to disprove something that doesn’t exist.

“Did what exactly?” Manners-Mare’s voice shot back as if she had expected that answer.

“That’s the thing! I don’t even know what I was supposed to have said. I haven’t even heard the rumor yet.”

My pressure was slowly rising despite my best efforts to control it as I spewed that out. I had never been in such a position before and I wasn’t coping well. All sorts of emotions flowed through my head as I tried to piece it all together. Cold sweat ran beneath my fur, slowly drenching me. My bladder was going to explode. I wasn’t here for cheating on a test. I wasn’t here for being drunk or aggressive. I was here for the big one: Slandering Celestia. Short of threatening to kill her there wasn’t really anything that could top that. I was on the verge of hyperventilating and it took whatever willpower I had had to combat it.

“Rumor? You mean the report?”

She picked up a letter and started reading in fast pace. Somepony had started a rumor – I refuse to call it anything else than that - about me going around half-drunk and talking to anypony that would listen about the unpleasant sides of “Sunbutt”, as I apparently called our benevolent ruler, and what I would do to said alicorn. Specific body parts and their interlocking patterns were mentioned. The more she read the more I thought I was a part of some prank or that somepony had framed me for something. Whatever the reason behind it was, I wasn’t very clear on that. The kind of words and language that I had supposedly used were far below what I would call my worst enemies. Preceptor Ridge’s change in facial expression indicated a similar thought.

“That doesn’t sound anything like mister Neigh,” he said, a smile forming on his face, “Not unless he’d gone to the Everfree forest and got tangled up in some Poison joke, but I think I would have noticed that. When was this supposed to have happened?”

Thank you!

“Recently, in Ponyville.” She looked at me, as if I was the one who had asked the question. “Obviously I can’t tell you who you were seen talking to so you don’t start harassing the witnesses, but apparently the anonymous tipster isn’t the only one who heard you.”

“I don’t know why he made it up. I only know it’s not true.”

With every passing moment my hopes of this being some kind of cruel prank vanished piece by piece and a single mistake in that sentence was enough for her to continue the tirade. Her voice definitely got livelier at that point, not to mention her gaze, which was now sporadically running over my face in search of the slightest sign of nervousness, of which there were many.

“He? Whoever said it was a he? Or do you know who reported you? Which would mean,” she spoke the words more slowly and deliberately, as if solving a puzzle, “That you remember who you so disgracefully spoke to about Princess Celestia.”

“What? No!”

One mistake led to another. After giving her the best cue I could ever have given for the next question I fell straight into the trap that I had helped to prepare. I don’t know why I responded the way I did. It was the most obvious response possible, expected even, and even though I felt a pang of subconscious trying to hold me back, I had to say it. This time she said nothing, merely looking at me with a contained smile in her eyes. The smile of victory. A mixture of humiliation and injustice forced the next words out of my mouth.

“Why would I do that?” Why would I want to be a Royal Guard and then do something like that? “Why…”

I looked to my right, breathing heavily, as if I had just run a marathon, and saw the preceptor’s pitying look. I had broken, if only for a moment. As they quietly looked at me the full realization of how I was behaving hit me. The mental cold shower snapped me out of my own grave digging and I calmed my thoughts, despite a developing urge to jell at them for playing these mind games. I couldn’t even justify jelling at Yellow Ridge, but my mind had somehow decided that he was as bad as Pearl. He must have sensed that. Before I found the words to continue my defense, he stepped in.

“Young mister Neigh can be a bit reckless at times, but I don’t image him badmouthing the princess.” He talked slowly and patiently, as if this was a debate club. “He’s far too ambitious to compromise that, even if he still has some things to iron out as far as his behavior goes. Or is there something I don’t know?”

Why couldn’t you have said that at the start?!

“No. No, there isn’t.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised to see that I have one ally in that room, although at the time my mind was drowning. Pearl said nothing, waiting for me to continue, but the outright defense I was receiving from my preceptor gave me enough time to regroup my thoughts and assess the situation a bit better.

She’s playing mind games. It’s her job. Don’t take it personally.

I momentarily looked at him and then back to Pearl. I remembered that if there’s one thing these official-types like, it’s showing humility and strength in the face of danger and I was determined to act on that. I guess all the years at the Academy had paid off, even if I never suspected I would have to use the skills it was teaching me on its own territory. I took a deep breath, straightened myself out and relaxed my muscles.

“I know this must be some kind of sick joke, but right now I’m just battling the wind. I can’t defend myself against something somepony said." I'm still proud of what I said next. "But I’ll gladly confront these accusations in a court where I can defend myself properly.”

That shut her up, while Yellow Ridge was starting to twitch, fearing I would continue my little speech into misconduct. Much to his relief, I held back. That didn’t stop him from preemptively involving himself into the conversation more than he probably should have.

“That source of yours, how reliable is it?” Even before he finished the sentence, Pearl demonstrated that I wasn’t the only one worthy of receiving her razor blade stare as she turned to my mentor. He quietly gulped and continued in a slightly calmer, slower voice. “What I mean is, mister Neigh’s recent argument is perfectly valid.”

“Preceptor Ridge,” she replied in a slightly condescending tone, “You know perfectly well that these kind of situations call for a preliminary hearing, which is what we’ve done here today.” Then, turning back to me, she added, “I had to see with my own eyes exactly how Specialist Neigh would react to the letter. And who knows how mister Neigh, as you so leisurely call him, would have reacted had he been brought directly to court to face his accuser. He might terrorize him into submission. After all, these kinds of complaints don’t just appear out of thin air.”

Pearl was still looking at me with her pink eyes like she wanted me skewered. The Manners-Mares were always chosen for their ferocious loyalty to Celestia, which in itself was understandable. They carried on their backs the reputation of the Academy and any other public office, so the way they held to their beliefs and the way they enforced them was entirely understandable, if annoying for everypony else. The way it made them blind to any change in circumstance regarding a specific case was not. Despite my earlier thoughts of self-assurance Pearl was convinced I had done something, and she wasn’t going to let my preceptor change her mind even slightly. Looking at the grand scheme of things, perhaps that was a good trait to have. I didn’t see it that way at the time for obvious reasons.

“Of course.”

After a few minutes’ worth of formalities that are mandatory at such occurrences I was left off with a stern warning about behaving myself from the still unconvinced Manners-Mare, but at the end of the day, she really had nothing to do. Either she would have sent me to court with only an anonymous letter serving as evidence, or she would have to let me go. I was pleased she chose the second alternative. Speaking of which, it really was the end of the day – I had just enough time I got back to Ponyville and get some sleep if I wanted to see the brothers return in the morning. As the door of the Office closed behind me and prepared to leave, I was stopped by a gray hoof.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Yellow Ridge held firm as I looked back at him. “I don’t think it’s such a good idea to be going back to Ponyville after what had just happened.”

“What?” I automatically stopped and stood at attention, as one should when being talked to by a pony of higher rank, even if my choice of words wasn’t fully by protocol. “I don’t understand.”

“Just because you got off easy doesn’t mean the matter is closed. And how will it look like if you run back to the town that indicted you the first chance you get?”

“Well, it-“

“It would look as if Manners-Mare was right. That you were on your way to find the joker who sent in that report and have a little one-to-one with him.” He was talking with a quiet yet heavy tone, as if the advice wasn’t really meant for me. “There would be agents on your tail the whole time there and you can forget about not breaking at least one code of conduct while you’re there. One misstep and you’re back here.”

He slowly put his hoof on the ground and looked at me for a few seconds. I looked back, all the while thinking of ways to stand my ground. About arguing with him. Or reasoning, but a part of me knew this day could have ended a lot worse, so having to spend the final day of rest here – even still having a final day of rest – was its own reward, even if it hadn’t been my fault.

“Yes sir.”

With a lowered head I made my way to the dormitory to get some rest. Despite the good outcome the short walk from one building to the next proved to be the longest in my life. And creepiest. I felt eyes following me with every step, monitoring my every motion, only to hastily retreat into another direction as I searched for them. The Guards standing watch at the gates tightened the grip on their spears as I passed. The few souls wandering around the small park at the center of the Academy snickered and whispered about me in scornful tones. Outlines of sinister faces appeared on trees. It was only at the gates to the dorm that the walk of shame ended. At the one doorway without guards. I opened the door and looked back.

I hope you got a good laugh out of-

I looked around the campus. None of it was real. The trees were, well, trees. The Guards stood as calmly and unmoving as they had always stood. The few ponies wandering around were too busy talking to one another and enjoying the evening to take any more notice of me than they would have on any other day. There was a fellow Specialist, whose name has always eluded me, that looked at me with a questioning curiosity. At first I thought that his look was the result of the manner in which I had walked by him without greeting him, which was both rude and against the code of conduct, so I nodded with a forced smile, my head moving in a mechanical way. Then I realized that he had seen me exit the Office and understood that my behavior was a direct result of what had just happened. The manner in which he returned my late greeting, on the other hoof, reassured me that he had no idea what the reason behind my visit was. It was more a – hope you didn’t get into too much trouble – kind of look. Then he turned and walked away, while I made my way inside.

The white marble building, usually teeming with life, was nearly deserted. Usually there would be groups of ponies walking around, talking, laughing, even at this time of day. And even when the building was emptier than usual, there would usually be somepony from our little group present to hang out with or I would have some assignment to finish that would pass the time. Not so this time. Nearly everypony was away on leave, as I should still have been. The few younger ponies in the central hall were sitting and silently reading, getting ready for the exams that would start in a few days’ time. A few looked my way when I entered, nodded and got back to reading. Say what you will of the average students, discipline reined here.

The curved hallways echoed with the sound of silence. They stretched out to both sides from the round central hall, leading to all the rooms and forming a horseshoe if viewed by a Pegasus. As I took a left and slowly walked to my room, one and the same question popped up in my mind with every click of my hoof. It wasn’t the one you’d think. Not why or who had done this to me but rather why did it have such a strong effect on me as I walked to the dorm? Why had I imagined all those things if I was indeed guiltless. I shook my head.

No. This is what happens. They accuse you of something and you feel guilty because you got accused. Everything worked out fine so there’s no need for that!

My powers of self-persuasion only lasted until I got to my bed. The day wasn’t nearly over by my normal standards, but I was mentally exhausted. I spent the better part of the night borderline asleep, awoken by every little noise and rolling around in my bed like I had never slept in it before. Even in moments when I did actually sleep, I would wake up due to strange dreams. To make matters worse, I saw a lot of Pearl. Not as a monster or a villain, though, but in a more – ahem – close way. I woke up not because of nightmares, but due to sheer shock value of seeing the hateful white mare acting in such a way.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Unless it hates you.

Luckily my sporadic dreams changed for the better just as I caught glimpses of dawn, but the efforts of what was now the previous day were too much. When I woke up for good I made my way out of my room and noticed that there was still barely anypony in the halls of the Academy dorm. Barely anypony I would want to talk to, anyway. Outside seemed the best place to be, so I went for a walk around Canterlot, endlessly wondering why somepony would do something as sinister as that despite trying to calm down and bury it in the past. Any way I looked at it, it was a low kick.

At least the matter stayed behind closed doors. The last thing I need is for my friends and family to hear those accusations and act all polite towards me.

Of course I knew they would support me, but then again I would never be able to tell exactly how much they really believed me, and that would slowly eat me from the inside. Amidst the darkening cloud of thoughts came a delivery of good news when I returned to the dorm in the afternoon and learned about my assignments for the next few days. Mail delivery. Well, not ordinary mail, obviously, but delivery of correspondence that was just important enough to warrant some kind of official escort, yet somehow not important enough to be delivered by the Guards. I never understood that, but I wasn't going to complain. My leave may have ended unexpectedly and on a sour note, but the upshot was that I was going to get to travel a bit over Equestria for a few days.

I bet Ridge made this happen to make sure I don't go near Ponyville. I shouldn't like what that implies, but I'll take it!

Whatever the reason behind it was, mail delivery was quite a few steps better than having to actually go through a hearing and whatnot. Regular courts have always been a place for bureaucracy to spread its wings and fly, so you’re bound to lose a few hairs on your mane, but the Royal Court… Well, let's just say I was happy that my offer to stand trial was enough to prevent that outcome. The strange part was that I still somehow felt guilty, as if I could have done something to prevent those accusations from appearing in the first place. Or perhaps that it was my behavior in the past that somehow lead to this and dammit, there had to be some kind of trial for my failure to act good enough to prevent this. I wasn't sure.

I'm hungry.

I continued my sulking in the lounge of the dormitory while stuffing myself slowly on some late lunch. I looked at the food in front of me without really considering it, ate it piece by piece and ignored everything and everypony else around me. The lunch gave me just enough of a boost that I realized I was wasting the day and that I really wanted to talk to somepony, so I decided it might be a good idea to check up on my dad. Maybe he’d have some insight into dealing with these kinds of situations. Wisdom with old age and all that. Thankfully, the University isn't that far away from the Academy, so the walk there didn’t take long

It had always felt strange to me, the University. A part of me knew I would never feel at home there, while another part reminded me that dad had always hoped I’d follow in his hoofsteps as a professor or at least study there. He never quite accepted that I chose the Academy over this, but he cared enough to support me anyway. Not that any of that would make the conversation I had in mind any easier. The uneasy feeling in my gut intensified as I had to check the schedules posted on an information boards to see when he would possibly have the time to see me. Looking at the confusing schedules I felt like an initiate, obviously trying not to appear lost but failing miserably.

Good thing I don’t have to do this often.

After finally deciphering the walls of text and avoiding eye contact with any students that passed me by I made my way to library to wait until his lecture was over. I stepped through the thick wood doors of the library and looked over a small stack of books on the librarian’s desk waiting to be put back on the shelves:

- Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone

No, I’m not in the mood for adventure.

- Love and Tolerance Volume IV: Don’t hate them, be extra kind!

Somepony could really use this…

- The Little Sunny Book – Quotations from princess Celestia

Hah, I already know it by heart!

- A Brief History of Equestria

Science and history. No.

- The Cutie Mark Thief

The butler did it. It’s always the butler.

Since there wasn’t anything good in the pile, I moved on and trotted randomly through the rows of bookshelves until my sight caught something interesting laying on the edge of a bookshelf. I pulled out the book. It had bright yellow covers and a feel of freshness, as if it were printed the previous day.

- Locomotives and other Mechanized Contraptions of Equestria

That got my attention. I started going through the pages, of which there were not many, and with each drawing I passed the smile on my muzzle faded just a little. Before I had a chance to get to the end I heard other ponies entering the library behind me. I peered through the aisles to see the clock over the check-out desk. The lecture was over. Book in mouth I made my way toward the door.

"Excuse me!"

The librarian didn't take lightly to my attempt at simply walking out of the library. With everything that had been going on it slipped my mind that I needed to borrow the book. What can I say, it was a confusing day.

"Didn't you forget something?"

Right.

I nearly spat the book onto the counter of the check-out desk and fumbled around for my Academy Pass. Moments like this were reminders that I was walking around without a uniform, since I was technically still on leave. I brought the pass out of my saddlebags and showed it to her.

"It's OK, I'm with the Academy."

"I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way. You'll need to show me your library card."

Talk about being embarrassed. Not only had I wanted to run off with a book, I had forgotten that an Academy Pass wasn't worth much outside of the actual Academy. There was a reason we had Academy Passes and the students at the University had their own passes. Or were they special ID cards? I don't remember. At least the librarian was starting to understand just how absent-minded I was. Now that she knew it wasn't my plan to steal the book, she relaxed a little bit and possibly prepared herself to explain how a library works. I rarely blush. I reserve it for situations like this.

"Of course, sorry!" There was one more thing I could try. "I don't think I have a library card from here, but my dad works here, professor Bill Neigh. Would it be possible for me to take this and..."

She was already gently shaking her head. Her way of looking at me with slightly narrowed eyes and a gentle smile wasn't helping. Now I really did feel like a little colt.

"Of course. I don't know what I was thinking. Sorry again."

"Not a problem." There was restrained humor in her yellow eyes, but at least she was helpful. "I'll tell you what. I'll take the book and hold on to it for you until you come back with somepony who has a card. Is that OK?"

"Yes. Yes, thank you!"

"Just make sure you come back in a day at the most, or I'll have to return it."

"No problem, I'm coming back today! Bye!"

I hoofed it to my father’s office where I could at last talk to my dad. Although “talk” is such a strong word. My monologue lasted for over an hour, yet felt like seconds. I never planned to be the only one speaking, but after greeting dad and receiving the expected “What brings you here?” I started talking. And couldn’t stop.

I started with the accusation, then moved on to Pearl and how I thought I was being set up and then my brain decided to remind me of all the past injustices, no matter how small and insignificant they were. Using them as fuel for my rant, it gave me extra rage for the working of the courts that ultimately manifested in me rambling incoherently about how everyone was out to get me.

I don’t always exaggerate, but when I do…

Dad listened patiently with a worried look on his face. Well, until I started rambling.

He waited for me to finish and said with a chuckle, “It’s been quite some time since I’ve seen you this upset, but there’s no need to overdo it!” That broke my rage and I smiled back, slightly ashamed. He continued in a more serious voice, “Yes, this is bad. Well, it was bad. But sometimes, ponies will just want to hurt you in some way, you know that! Jealousy, fear, having a bad day; anything can make somepony act like that. What matters is that you don’t take it personally.”

I wanted to intervene with how can this not be personal if I was singled out..., but just as I raised my hoof in objection, he carried on.

“Let me finish. I don’t for one moment believe that Unicorn–“

“Manners-Mare,” I added.

“- Manners-Mare Pearl would want to do something like that. And if she did, she would make sure to throw something more than an unverifiable claim at you!”

He laughed again.

I hated how right he was. This still didn’t excuse the one who sent the letter, but it did make me feel a bit better about the whole situation. And even more stupid for trying to inject steroids into my problems.

“Now, it’s close to closing time, let’s get something to eat.”

I didn't object despite the lunch earlier. I had a pretty good idea as to where we were going and large menus were not the standard there. And in any case, I would just have two meals close together and then probably nothing until morning. My stomach was flexible like that. We were just leaving his office when I remembered the book, so I hastily asked him if he could borrow it for me. He gave me the strangest look, a mixture of disbelief and amusement. I was as surprised about the way he was looking at me as he was of my request, so I had to ask what’s wrong.

“I can’t believe you want to borrow a book.” And, after a slight pause. “Don’t you have a library at the Academy?”

I gave him an annoyed look.

“Yes, we do. But it probably doesn’t have this.”

When he saw the book his expression lightened as he sarcastically muttered something to himself about how he should have known it wasn’t going to be a novel. The librarian was already anxious to leave, so I stopped myself from replying and continued skipping through the book from where I left off last time, while dad borrowed it. I felt more than a little disappointed when I reached the end without finding the mystery machine in any of the drawings. Sure, I was just glancing over it, but you don’t just forget something so strange. Unless it really was only described in writing. Or perhaps made from one of these machines and heavily customized. Before my train of thought continued it was time to go.

The dusk lit skyline of Canterlot moved slowly around us as we made our way to the Fast Grass restaurant, disrupted only by the glow of strictly placed street lamps. Ponies of all walks of life were enjoying the fine evening. Some were lazily trotting about in pairs, others engaged in debates right on the streets. Alcohol probably played some part in that, but it was all very civilized. Very Canterlot. For the first time since returning here I felt really relaxed.

Between catching up on each other’s lives and enjoying the tranquility of the arriving night we made it there in what felt like minutes, even though the small but chic building was located on the outskirts of the city, far away from the gates and the busy center. I don’t think I’ve eaten there more than half a dozen times and never on my treat - I had no way of getting the bits for that kind of place, but the most prominent ponies in public services received vouchers to eat there every now and then in recognition of their contributions to Equestrian progress. The ornate food, served in delicately small quantities, wasn’t the only reason why I was looking forward to eating there, as the second biggest perk of going to Fast Grass was the service; the way you were greeted and treated like a prince, despite obviously not being one. And the biggest perk? Well, that was seeing the actual princes and occasionally even princesses, surrounded by important-looking ponies, enjoying the same atmosphere.

The doormare greeted us with a sweet smile and kindly informed us there was a surprise live performance of jazz this evening. Octavia and her quintet of musicians had returned from an Equestria-wide concert tour and wanted to finish it where it began, only instead of the large Canterlot concert hall, they chose a smaller venue. And, to keep it from overcrowding, had told nopony about it. Even in the small lobby, the sound of music had a visible effect on the ponies working here. They were always calm and relaxed to help create the upscale atmosphere, but this day it seemed they were moving to the music with every step and turn. It had a similar effect on the two of us, to be honest. I had all but forgotten the events of the day in light of this place. All I could think about was where we would be seated and what I would eat. I didn’t have to wait long for an answer as one of the waiters, dressed in a red and white suit with small silver decorations, approached to show us the way to our table.

After the events of the last two days, this was the best place to be.