Left Behind

We all to often put our heroes on pedestals. We sing of their deeds eternally as though they were hymns in a service. However, for all their victories and legends, they still are human. They all have or had families or friends that looked upon them, not as champions or heroes, but as brothers or sisters by either blood or bond. So what of these people? What of those that were left behind as the heroes went to face their trials?

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 10 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 10
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Traiden

Traiden #1 · Sep 24th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Thank you for writing an interesting story, I quite enjoy your writing style and shall watch to how this story develops. You are very good at setting a tone and sticking to it with your use of imagery, keep at it.

Hybridnecros

Hybridnecros #2 · Sep 24th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1 ·

3249984

I'm not too sure that I've written enough to have a defined style yet, but your input is most appreciated. As far as tone goes, I'm still trying to keep it light-hearted, but it still seems to jump around a bit to me. Any ideas?

Adin Terim

Adin Terim #3 · Oct 19th, 2013 · · · Chapter 2 ·

I liked this chapter, only thing that I would really complain about would be the amount of mistakes that I saw. Hoping that we get some answers soon, especially who the alicorn that knows Jeremy is.

Hybridnecros

Hybridnecros #4 · Oct 19th, 2013 · · · Chapter 2 ·

3366465

I'm always open to PMs regarding glaring grammar mistakes. If you point them out, I'll fix them as soon as I can.

Adin Terim

Adin Terim #5 · Oct 19th, 2013 · · · Chapter 2 ·

3366630
I'm away from a physical keyboard right now, but as soon as I have the time I'll send them to you.

Main thing that I'll point out to you now is that you have very inconsistent terminology, just take a look the way you did bat pony(or other noun). Some have spaces, some have hyphens, and one has the two words fused together.

Kage no Brony

Kage no Brony #6 · Oct 20th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1 ·

That was just as amazing as I pictured it. 10 bruised faces out of 10.

Also, here's a couple errors I noticed.

The way I view it, family is whatever you call the people you would you put your life, and sometimes dignity, on the line for with little to no hesitation.

One too many 'you's.

Upon reaching my destination, I opened the door and flipped the light switch. “Huh. They weren’t lying when they said that it was pretty much the same way I left it” I thought...

I'm actually not entirely certain on this one, however I think it'd be better for you to make the thought it's own sentence, get rid of the quotation marks, and italicize it. Like so:

Upon reaching my destination, I opened the door and flipped the light switch. “Huh. They weren’t lying when they said that it was pretty much the same way I left it”. I thought...

Hybridnecros