Drip… Drip… Drip...
“I should really get that pipe fixed…” Jinx thought. "That could be an accident waiting to happen..."
The gentle humming of Jinx’s machinery echoed in his subterranean chamber. A single lantern hung in the middle of room, glowing white hot and caressing the damp stones around it with a soothing glow.
A single earth pony sat at the center table, quietly scribbling on paper. He stared at the suspended vial, eyes not blinking. Sweat dripped down his face, his jaw clenched.
"Alright, if I try Calcium instead of Magnesium it shouldn't explode in my face this time... hopefully..." Jinx mused. "That hair regrowth serum tastes awful..."
Being down in his private laboratory always soothed the alchemist. Jinx did enjoy the company of other ponies, but he was always more comfortable alone and applying his trade. Nobody else appreciated the kind of work that Jinx did, but he never held it against anyone. After all, alchemy is a complicated science and trying to explain the inner machinations of its complex and delicate processes would bore anypony.
Jinx grabbed a small plastic pipette and sucked up a small amount of the blue liquid with it. Licking his lips, he hovered it over his concoction, relishing the moment he squeezes the drops in and completes-
“HI JINX!”
“MEEP!” Jinx squeaked. Jinx's reflexes betrayed him and the poor earth pony tumbled out of his chair. He landed with a disgraceful thud and an even more disgraceful "oof!"
Jinx blinked twice as his brain caught up to what his body just did. He lifted his goggles off his face and was greeted by the stifled chuckles of a green earth pony with a Cheshire cat grin.
“Oh my gosh, that was hilarious!” Shenanigans howled, “Man, I knew you were jumpy, but-”
“I’m not jumpy.” Jinx insisted, his cheeks burning red. He snatched the vial away and huffed. “You just... startled me a bit, is all... I thought was alone...”
“Okay, whatever you say...” Shen shrugged.
Jinx huffed and turned back to his workbench. He took a deep breath and returned his full attention to his work. His latest creation was glowing a clear white, bathing everything around in a soft glow. It was almost inviting, like it was beckoning Jinx to come to it.
Jinx grinned and redonned his red-tinted goggles. He took more blue liquid with the pipette and hovered it above the vial. His plan was nearly coming to fruition. After months of planning and testing, it was now finally within his reach. Slowly but surely, his creative zen washed over him, blocking out everything around-
“HI JINX!”
“WAGA!” Jinx sputtered. Again, he and the ground became acquainted with each other.
“So, uh, what were you saying about not being jumpy?” Shen probed with a raised eyebrow.
Jinx silently mourned the death of any pride he had remaining in him. He turned to Shenanigans with a vulnerable look in his eyes. “Look, I’m trying to concentrate. Can you please not shout into my ears anymore?”
Shenanigans waved a hoof and sighed, “Okay, okay, I promise I won’t scare you anymore.”
“Thank you.” Heaving a sigh, Jinx once again eyed his project. Losing a little bit of patience due to Shen's interruptions, he decided against savoring the moment and quickly proceeded with the next step. With a slow, steady squeeze, two drops of the blue liquid fell into the mixture. All that remained was to wait to see the effects of combining the two chemicals.
Nothing happened. With every passing second Jinx furrowed his brow, a little surprised his experiment failed. By all accounts and according to his long hours of testing, it should have worked. "Maybe my math was wrong... maybe it-"
The solution fizzed and bubbled. A cloud of blue began to come into existence at the top of the vial. Like a drop of food-coloring permeating water, the solution slowly spread its taint throughout the bottle. A small grin tugged at the corners of Jinx’s mouth. He had done it. His experiment was a success and there was somepony breathing down his neck.
“Shen…” Jinx moaned.
“Sorry but… what are you doing?”
“Oh, this?” Jinx replied. “Well, if I'm right, I’ve just completed a new formula to bend the visible spectrum of light around the ingester. If precisely effectuated, this solution should administer precise electromagnetic impulses across numerous nerve endings rendering complete-"
“Hello? Uneducated pony in the room!” Shen wailed. “Use small words, please!”
“Oh… sorry.” Jinx chuckled. “Umm… it’s an... invisibility potion.”
“Wow, seriously?" Shen said.
"Yes, but there’s a problem," Jinx held up the vial to his face and sighed. "I haven't tested it yet. I honestly don't know what to give it to first."
"Well then, fine. Test it on an animal," Shen shrugged. "Don't scientists test things on rats or something?"
"Well... yes... but..." Jinx rubbed the back of his mane, "I asked her and this time she said no."
"'She?'" Shen quoted.
"Yes, my pet rat, Mrs. Twitches."
"Seriously?" Shen snorted. "You have a pet rat named Mrs. Twitches?" He stifled a snicker after saying the name out loud.
On cue, a small white rat scurried up onto Jinx's head. It was fairly larger than normal rats and had a large tuft of fur on its forehead. It pushed Jinx's messy hair out of its way to give itself some room, tickling Jinx in the process. It then groomed itself, washing its face and pressing back the hair between its ears and nose. Once it was finished it tilted its head, scrutinizing Shenanigans with its red beady eyes.
"Awww," Shenanigans cooed, letting his grin adopt a toothy and goofy appearance. "She's so cute!"
"Don't patronize me, you mediocre sack of chartreuse vomit."
"Huwuhwuh-" Shen reeled back, eyes bulging out like saucers. "Did that rat just talk?!"
"Congratulations, you have the perceptive qualities of a three-year-old, and 'That rat...'" Mrs. Twitches tiny mouth quoted, "-refuses to drink it, because if I turn invisible it would be rather troublesome for me not to get stepped on. Any simpleton could figure out as much. It baffles me how you are the dominant species..."
"Why? Talking? Explain? Rat? Please?" Shen stammered, pointing a trembling hoof at the rat on Jinx's head. Jinx opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off.
"And once again, we are treated to another rousing example of the startling intelligence of your species," Mrs. Twitches groaned, slamming her tiny paw to the tuft of her head. It took Shenanigans a second to realize she was mimicking the motion of a headslap. "Maybe I should explain this slowly, so you don't drivel again: Jinx is an alchemist. Put two and two together, you imperceptive dunce. Let me guess, born unintelligent? No, too convenient, must've been childhood head trauma..."
"Mrs. Twitches!" Jinx chided. "Shenanigans is a good friend of mine; please be nice!"
"This walking disaster of evolution's name is Shenanigans?" Mrs. Twitches mocked. "Well, someone's parents had a sense of humor; it certainly compliments his cranium's output capacity. Now, if you two plebeians will excuse me, I require sustenance and would prefer not to spend it with less developed life forms."
Mrs. Twitches leapt off of Jinx's shoulder and scurried towards the stairs. With great dexterity, she hopped up each step in quick succession until she disappeared from sight.
"Sorry about her," Jinx apologized. "I know she seems like a jerk, but she's actually a big help. She offers a lot of useful advice and is a great assistant. Really, I can count on her when I need her. But as you've noticed her personality takes some..." Jinx rubbed the back of his head, "...getting used to."
"I can get used to her personality, easy," Shen said, eyes not leaving the staircase. "It's the fact that I was just verbally abused by a rat that I'm still a little shaken about."
"Like I said, sorry."
Shenanigans waved a hoof. "So, anyways, let's ignore the possible Chekhov's gun derailment there and get this plot back on track. Invisibility potion? What the heck, I’ll drink it for you!”
"Wait, what?" Jinx blinked. "B-b-but I haven't tested it yet! I don't know if it's-"
“Come on, if you say it's safe, that's good enough for me!"
Jinx's eyes darted back and forth and his neck tightened. "Well, I never actually said it was safe, all I said was it-"
"Is it going to make me explode?" Shen questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"Well... no... that's not possible consider-"
"Is it going to give me some freaky disease?"
Jinx's eyes glassed over. "Well, theoretically that's highly unlikely given the chemical structu-"
"Is it going to turn me into a mare?"
Jinx blinked. "Of course not. In order to do that, I'd have to-"
"So then what's the problem?" Shen questioned.
"Umm..." Jinx rubbed his leg and let his gaze wander to the machinery clinging to the wall. As much as he tried, he had nothing to refute Shenanigans' logic. He worked on this project for weeks and thought of every possible outcome. There really was nothing conceivable that could go wrong with it.
"I... I dunno."
"Bottoms up!" Shenanigans thrust the vial in the air in a faux toast and pressed the vial to his lips, letting the fizzing liquid flow down his throat.
"Wait, you shouldn't drink it straight from the bottle!" Jinx exclaimed. "You never know what chemical residue may have gathered at the t-!"
“Hmm…” Shen smacked his lips and clicked his tongue a few times, swirling the remnants of the concoction in his mouth. “Can’t figure out the flavor. What’s it supposed to be?”
"Oh... well, the flavoring's chemical structure had to be nonreactive to the potion's," Jinx explained, "So the only thing that was compatible was snozzberry.”
Shen narrowed his eyes. “Wait, doesn’t snozzberry actually mean-URP!” Shen’s body lurched forward. He clutched his stomach, a distorted grimace appearing on his face.
“Whoa!" Shen heaved. "That is NOT sitting well!”
“Oh, good, that means it’s working,” Jinx smiled. “And that means we’re running out of time before it passes through your system and tarnishes in your bloodstream. Quickly, we need to get you strapped.”
“Wait, what?”
Jinx ignored Shen’s questioning and shoved him backwards. The surprised Shenanigans landed on a small metal slab with six leather belts on it.
“The potion is just a primer,” Jinx explained, binding Shenanigans’ hooves, chest, and head with leather straps. “This machine is what will actually make you invisible. Are you comfortable?”
“Yes I am, honey. Did you bring the whips?” Shen smirked.
Jinx's face rivaled a tomato. "I'll... take that as a yes."
Jinx reached under the table and pressed a small button. Metallic sounds whirred and clanked as the machinery stirred. Shenanigans' platform rose above the floor and inclined towards the wall. A large cylindrical casing wrapped itself around Shen's form, covering him completely.
"Hey, wait, have you tested this thing?" Shen questioned, his voice muffled by the container. "This thing doesn't seem very safe."
"I've used this machine before on other things." Jinx assured. "The worst that could happen is nothing some cream and gauze won't fix, and even then it's unlikely for that to happen. Nothing is going to go wrong."
“Thanks for jinxing it, Jinx," Shen deadpanned. "Look, I trust you, but even that only goes so far. I want you to be one hundred percent sure; this thing isn't going to do anything really, really bad? Like, leave any permanent scars or burns on me, or something?”
“Oh no no no no, of course not, ” Jinx replied, placing both hooves on the giant switch. “Nothing permanent.”
“Oh oka- Wait, What?!”
Jinx yanked the lever down. Electricity surged from the superconductors on top of the machine as it sparked to life. The room was soon filled with the sounds of a rushing engine. Flashing lights from bulbs and electricity caused by the experiment would put a rave to shame.
“Hey, is that going to-" Shen suddenly gritted his teeth and forced his eyes shut. Electricity currents flowed across his body, pinning his body in place. "Ow! Wowch! Yeough!” Shen yelped, straining against his restraints. "That hurts! OW!"
"Shen?" Jinx asked, his eyes widening. "Shen, is everything okay in there?"
"NO! No, I'm not alr-" Shen's voice escalated in volume, filling the entire room with his voice. "AHHH!! IT HURTS!!! ARGHH THE PAAAIN!!! STOP IT! NO MORE! GET ME OUT OF THIS THING!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT! OWOWOW YEAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!”
“Shen?! Shen!!!” Jinx cried, his heart exploding in his chest. Realizing he just made a terrible mistake, Jinx pounded on the glass, his friend’s cries of agony ringing in his ears. “This isn't supposed to be happening! I made sure that thi- Oh I knew this was a bad idea! Why did I let you-" Another scream from inside the container. "SHEN! Please, speak to me! Are you alright, Shen!?”
“I TOLD YOU IT’S NOT SITTING WELL!” Shen screamed. “I REALLY NEED TO USE THE BATHROOOOOOOOM!”
Jinx paused, then sighed. "Why did he have to do that?" he whined. "Has to make a song and dance out of everything, doesn't he? Nearly gave me a heart attack..." Jinx shook his head and walked over to the apparatus’ switch. With a grumpy frown, he placed his hooves on the lever.
“If my calculations are correct, the experiment should be done in three, two, one…” Jinx yanked the lever back, powering the machine down. The room descended back into its quiet, dormant state.
Jinx walked over to the apparatus and pressed the activation button again. The metal casing groaned as it opened, revealing thick foggy smoke.
“Shenanigans?”
Jinx waved his hoof in the smoke, trying to see if he could spot Shenanigans. After a few seconds without success, he tried to blow the smoke away. A big mistake as he inhaled a large volume of the gas and began coughing. His vision blurred by tears and smoke, Jinx took a few steps back to try and regain a hold of his senses. The smog eventually cleared, and Jinx smiled once he saw a lack of a certain green pony.
And the leather bindings were burnt into dust.
“SHENANIGANS?”
Jinx's hoof rushed to meet the table. All he felt was metal.
“Oh nonononono… this can’t be happening!" Jinx fell back onto his haunches, the world spinning around him. A thousand thoughts rushed through his mind, sending him into spiraling mess. "I vaporized him! How could this have happened?! Prowler's going to arrest me and my friends are never going to talk to me again but it was an accident I didn't mean to foully and unnaturally murder him what am I going to-”
“HI JINX!”
“GHOST!!!” Jinx jumped into the air and clung to a dangling pipe. His head darted back and forth, wide frantic eyes searching for the source of the voice. "Please Shenanigans! I didn't mean to vaporize you! Please don't take your ghostly revenge on me because I don't deserve it because you were the one who volunteered for the invisibility... and..." Jinx's voice trailed off, finally hearing the muffled, lighthearted snickers echoing in the chamber.
“You promised…” Jinx whined.
“Hey, Aqua Jet’s the Element of Honesty, not me,” Shen voice echoed.
“...ehhhh….” Jinx whimpered, “Point taken…"
“Still, nice reflexes. Here, let me help you down." Shen snickered. He walked over and picked up a chair. To an onlooker, it would have appeared if the chair were bouncing in midair. Hesitant at first, Jinx let go of the pipe and landed on the chair.
"And nice potion! I'm completely invisible!" Shen cheered. Jinx couldn't see what Shen was doing, but from the sound of hooves walking in a circular motion, it seemed he was looking himself over.
"How long's this gonna last?" Shen asked.
"Uhh... Aboouuut...." Jinx hummed. "To be honest I'm not sure but at least three, maybe four hours."
"Shoot. Well, I guess we'd better get started."
"Started on what?" Jinx asked. He heard something that vaguely sounded like two things rubbing together, coupled with conspiratorial chuckles.
"I wanna go see what we can mess with."
3315393 This made me laugh. I haven't even started reading the story, but I have to now. Well done, good sir. Well done.
Step 1: Look at title of new chapter. Step 2: Comment these 4 words: "Dis gon be good!" Step 3: Read chapter.
This chapter reminder me Flintstones episode Barry the invisible
Basically a bunch of self insert OCs with Twilight.
WHY?
3316458
Self insert... I don't think that means what you think it means. Considering... you'd have to... I dunno... know what I'm like in real life to make such a judgement...
331647
Self Insert - Ponies made by their author(s) to be just like him/themselves.
Yeah, I think I know what it means
3316480
And you are using it in the incorrect context. I believe the term you are looking for is two-dimensional. Get it right.
Just like me? Oh, I wasn't aware we knew each other! Have we met?
3316500
By the way, I've been meaning to ask you about your stallions. Did you design them yourself? I am particularly fond of Jinx, especially since he replaces Fluttershy and does a really good job at it.
Plus, anypony who wears lab goggles and pulls it off deserves some recognition in my book.
3316549
Sort of. I had a picture of what I wanted them to look like and
paidasked one of my friends to draw them for me.And goggles rock!
BWAHAHAHAH!!
This is great! Did you make references to The Philadelphia Experiment during your scene where Shen is in the machine?
Double Rainboom never crossed my mind. I just got so caught up on Mrs. Twitches. Reminds me of a certain scary moments video.
And then Shen proceeded to go on a silly rampage as the Ponyville Ghost.
I have to ask, Josh: "Why a spoon?"
Also, invisible Shenanigans will lead to... shenanigans.
3316821
I suppose even I am not immune to such pitfalls...
Step 4: Laugh at this until I cry.
List completed.
It did actually seem kinda like Double Rainboom, just MUCH better written.
e_0 Did I read that right?
Wait, what am I saying? It's right there in white and grey. Or black and white. Whichever color you're reading it in.
3316844 She's like Angel, only many times more interesting, and actually funny.
3316938
Eh, it's fine. XD It was foreshadowed.
3318145
That as well.
1.) The Snozzberries taste like Snozzberries...
2.) Jinx is a scientist/alchemist, correct? Then I take a great deal of issue with the fact that he just rolled over and let Shen drink the potion and then used an untested machine on him. If the rat wouldn't take it, then at the very least he could have gotten something less intelligent, like a vole or something. There is a reason we test things on rats and the likes before sentient creatures. Also, isn't Shen supposed to be Jinx's friend? I can't help but feel you abused the plot armor on this one.
3319167
Well, let me put up a feeble defense for that choice.
Jinx isn't an assertive character, and gives Twilight a run for her money in social incompetence. He gets pushed around a lot, especially by Shen in this case, but it's not something he minds terribly. Besides, Shen was able to refute any reason Jinx could give to not drink the potion, and I'm not sure I mentioned the machine was untested or unsafe, in fact it obviously must have been tested hence Jinx saying "[the harm will be] Nothing permanent." He's socially incompetent but he knows what he's doing.
Maybe I should make it a bit clearer. Give me an hour or so, and I'll add some more crucial details. Thanks for the criticism.
3320031
Making stories better for everyone, one constructive criticism at a time.
3320031
I actually think that that scene was very clear, didn't seem to miss anything. And man was this chapter funny. I had to stop reading because Ms. Twitches made laugh too hard. A Talking/loud mouth rat? Brilliant! And the interaction between Shen and Jinx sounded believable, big kudos for that . And Shennanigans just keeps getting funnier every time .
Who's up to write the Re-Casted version of "On a Cross and Arrow"?
3317559
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/10/109662/3206008-the_tick_spoon.jpg
3321017picslap.com/images/donotwant.jpg
Well, now I have to know what happens.
How does the Grand Galloping Gala go?
What is Shen doing when the potion wears off?
Who will kiss Twilight first?
You, sir, have earned a favorite from me.
"What can go wrong, will go wrong." Now that I'm caught up, I'm looking forward to what... shenanigans Shenanigans will get into... I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
When will be the next update?
3338721
CALM YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO BE MUCH CALMER!!!!! I WILL GET IT DONE WHEN IT GETS DONE! BE PATIENT. GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!
3338731 I was just asking. Just needed either a date or something similar.
3338917
I know. I was joking.
TBH I don't know.
3339040 Sorry. I'm not good at telling when someone's joking. And thank you for answering.
Hehe, the results of this predicament will be GLORIOUS!!
So this is the fanfic the latest video talked about? Let's give it a shot.
I really love this fanfic so far, don't know why in your latest MLP review video you were so embarrassed by it, I'm not really a Brony but well made fan stories like this might make me become one and I wouldn't mind. It's that good! Really like your original characters as well, I really respect FireBrand as a character, strict but kind-hearted, like a good leader and for me, I'm not sure whether I prefer your original characters or the normal Mane 6. Shen also makes me laugh cause of....well....his shens. I also like how you've kept Twi in character even with different characters. Looking forward to more! But, no need to rush.
I have to say, I really enjoy this story. Not only do you have a diverse group of characters who are generally likeable, but you use it as an opportunity to speak about some more adult topics that either can't be done on the actual show, are done just poorly (I.E. Pinkie Keen and Griffon Brush Off). Although you use some of the cliches you try to steer clear from, you do it in a way that I could actually see as an episode of the show, if the show it gave a little more leeway for content pertaining to more serious or touchy subjects.
As for this episode, I really can see this going in either a "Can Science Go Too Far" or a "For the love of all things pure, don't be a pushover" moral.
Can't wait for the next update.
3413464
Go ahead.
Hmm, this story is very well done for being dared to write one. I've read the entire thing in one day after hearing about it from your latest MLP review with Xain. Since, I'm not a brony, I thought I would only read at least one chapter a day but after reading the first one, I was surprised and hooked by the stallions. They're all so different, zany and work very well off each other that I just love them all.
Whereas the Mane 6, I found rather annoying in some aspects, like Pinkie so annoying that I want to punch her to Rarity being so inconsiderate that I want to bash her over the head with a bat. (these are just my opinions so none of you can just flame me for speaking what I think of the Mane 6) I find the new stallions much more likable, I didn't have a problem with any of them, Prowler's flirting actually made me smile and laugh. Firebrand's insults and stern attitude only served to let me see that he's not just a control freak to be in control but to be in control out of fear of something going totally wrong. At least when it comes to his brother and sister.
And all the others stand out better than the Mane 6 to me. And the different lessons and problems are all interesting to read and learn. Especially chapter 5: Weathering a Storm. It's my favorite one so far! You're doing a good job Josh! Looking forward to more here and on youtube.
3413653 Funny thing, nothing notified me of your response, which is why I didn't respond myself sooner. Anyways, here I go:
I'm not completely sure about this, but shouldn't it be "stopping to buy" or "that stopped to buy"? Again, not sure about this one
Missed an of there "Stopped in front of the duo"
Whahuh? I think you forgot to write a piece of sentence here. "moving in a way that was" would be better, I'd say
This is not a mistake per-say but you should avoid putting sentences so similar so close together. It sounds weird and makes the writing repetitive and boring if done too much
Probably "Where do I even begin"
He slows to a trot twice.
I think a comma after well is needed here ", well, once I get famous enough"
"be so nonchalant" ?
Isn't that last bit supposed to be inner monologue? If so, you forgot the "" (The Italics are there, though)
This is more of a personal nit-pick, but this line of Nightmare makes no sense in the context. It does in the show, cause she is asked "What did you do with our princess?", but here they ask specifically for Princess Celestia. But hey, this is my personal view.
I hope I was of some help.
You'll hear again about me... Heheheheh...
3472510
-shrugs- I dunno. It's none of my business.
3475170
I know ABOUT it. Like Cupcakes. I haven't read it, but enough people have said things about to the point where I can guess what it's about. I'm just poking fun at a meme.
3486162
you know what its Shen I wont question
3473195
Didn't the creator of "Ren & Stimpy" say the same thing?
3494565
It applies.
3321017
TICK!! *pounces on tick* MAN I MISSED YOU BUDDY!!!!
3472510
Dont you remember chapter 5?
Aqua Jet beamed. “I’m so glad you’re alive. I was afraid I’d have to do mouth to mouth.”
“Sorry, I don’t swing that way.” Firebrand coughed up water as he tried to move.
God set tup, though there isn't much else other than humor I can comment on, because this seems to be all set up so far.
Love Mrs. Twiches by the way, lovely character.
PS:
Do I need to say anything?
PPS:
NYA?! Nya! I shall make any comparisons I so please mr. fiery joker! For I am the one who takes everything one writes and says and does everything he can to take it our of context! NYAHAHAHAAA!
Though really, Double Rainboom made my little brother cry...
3316938
At least you had a lead up too it, mind a very obvious leed-up, but it's not as bad as the plot device potion. Though, I forgot about the Plot Device Potion due to the very next scene... I also almost forgot about your thing on old laws by the time it came up, so you did a good job.
PS: (It's illegal to bath inside in the town i'm near. When i'm Evil overlo-I mean governor of my state, my whole agenda will likely be zapping current laws away. That and banning the phrase YOLO and making people call the hashtag a F***ing pound symbol.)
3548682
Even if they legalized it, the fact is that he committed the crime when it was ILLEGAL. Adversum ex post facto.
3549549
I know, it's just a little thing I have.