“It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday,” a voice sang in an empty, dark gymnasium, their tune out of whack and singing capabilities positively atrocious. “Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend!”
“You’re not actually singing that insufferable song, are you?” another voice, clearly feminine, asked behind the first.
A chuckle could be heard in the dim lighting, followed by a flick of a lightswitch that flooded the gym in bright illumination from the lights overhead.
“Aw, coulda warned me before making things go all bright,” a figure in the middle of the room complained with a snidely grin, belonging to the gruff voice from before. It was a tall and lanky man, white hair and goatee untrimmed and ungroomed for a long while. He was wearing what appeared to be the least costly clothes the thrift store had available. Cheap cargo pants, a grimy jacket and black, longsleeve shirt with the word ‘CHAOS’ printed in white letters on the front.
“Why are you cleaning the gym in the dark anyways?” the woman asked, seeming to be the complete opposite of the man. Graceful, charming, with properly maintained hair of a multispectral variety. Along with that was pink skin with hardly a blemish and an expensive yellow jacket that was free of any wrinkle or stain. “I’m not paying you to goof off, Discord.”
Discord held his hands up in the air in surrenderance. “Hey now, don’t get your panties in a bunch, Celly.”
“First off, do not make comments on my underdrawers,” she said, walking at a brisk pace to the center of the gymnasium to him. “And secondly, you are to address me as Principal Celestia. Understood?”
With a lavish wave of his hand, Discord bowed before her. “My apologies, your highness. How unsophisticated of me to ever address you in such an unrefined manner.”
“Can it with the sarcasm, Discord. I can practically smell it off of you.” Sniffing for a few moments, Celestia gagged and backed up a step. “Actually, why do you smell bad?”
“Oh, you know, the usual stuff after a prom.” Discord lifted his mop up from the floor and dumped it back in the bucket by his side. “Had to redo the drywall of the giant hole in front of the school, paint in the new part, put in a new door and windows, fix that giant, gaping hole out front in the lawn, and clean up after the kiddies had their fun in here.” He kicked a balloon at his foot, staring gloomily at the job ahead of him. “So excuse me if I smell a bit rank after all of that.”
Celestia sighed, rubbing her forehead with a pained expression on her face. “Yeah… sorry about that. Things just got a bit–”
“Chaotic?” Discord asked with a laugh, his golden eyes glowing for a brief moment.
“Not the type you usually do,” Celestia assured him, crossing her arms, unamused.
The mop hit the floor again as Discord continued with his cleaning duty, though doing it with much more fun one would expect. His movements with the mop seemed to be parallel with dancing. One step, then two, moving onto a swing and twist of the body that covered a surprisingly good amount of space in no time flat.
“And what would my type be, Celly?” he asked, sashaying nearer to her with his cleaning appliance dance partner close at his heel.
Biting back a retort at the inappropriate use of her name again, she said, “The type that gets you expelled from school and winding up in prison, if I remember correct.”
“Oh, you know me so well!” Discord laughed, bending his mop down in a swing while staring up at Celestia. “Even after all these years you can still recall the cops storming the school.”
“I was the one who called them in the first place,” Celestia reminded him, backing up a step from the flamboyant janitor. “You had your locker stuffed with drugs. What else was I supposed to do?”
“Oh, I suppose you’re right,” Discord lamented, holding a hand to his head in an over-dramatic pose. “Woe is me for being young, wild and careless with illegal narcotics. Blessed be your name for setting me on the path of goodness with that eye opener.”
Celestia’s lips moved downward into a hardset frown. “Like that did you any good. Word is it that after high school you were a deadbeat most of the time, and prison inmate for the rest of the time.”
Discord smirked, circling Celestia while mopping the floor in a multitasking purpose. “Aw, you have tabs on me. How sweet.” Leaning backward so that his back was parallel with the floor, he saw Celestia upside down and said, “Looks like someone has the hots for me.”
“You’ve been huffing too many paints fumes.”
“Maybe,” Discord agreed, scratching his unruly goatee. “Or maybe you like me. Why else would you give me this job?”
“Because I felt sorry for your pathetically broke ass,” Celestia told him, putting a finger to his forehead and pushing him out of her comfort zone. “You were basically homeless and living off of cat food. It would have been cruel for me to leave you high and dry like that.”
“Hey, don’t knock cat food ‘til you’ve tried it.” Discord ended his jaunt around her, leaning on his mop handle while grinning deviously at her. “And it just touches my cold, black heart that you care so much for me.”
“Well, yeah, we were friends in high school, weren’t we? Even with yours bad habits, that still holds true.”
Discord rested the tip of his chin on the top of his mop handle. “Then do you mind this friend asking you out for coffee sometime?”
Celestia was stunned for several moments, her mouth opening and closing like a floundering fish. “You’re… you’re not serious, are you?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. Hell, even I don’t know most of the time. Up to you to decide on that.”
“You’d seriously considering going out with me, even after I called the cops on you back in high school?” Celestia asked, arching an eyebrow at him.
Nodding, he said, “Heck, if you weren’t gonna do it, someone else would have. I know you just wanted the best for me. I was selling drugs to other students, and even though juvy didn’t exactly set me straight, you had your best intentions.”
Celestia sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Discord, I just don’t know…”
“About looking bad in front of the kiddies going out with a derelict like me?” he guessed, laughing under his breath as he walked past her. “I thought you’d be like that, as usual. Too uptight for your own good sometimes.”
“Like you’re any better,” she pointed out, arms held out straight at her sides as she blushed slightly.
“I know I’m better looking,” Discord said, turning around and pointing both index fingers at her with a sly wink. “Though you’re looking pretty sexy as well, Principal Celestia. I bet you’d be great as a naughty school teacher.”
Getting redder in the face, she gritted her teeth and replied with, “How many times do I have to remind you to keep your perverted comments to a minimum when on school grounds?”
“Everyday, baby.” Celestia groaned under her breath, only to be cut off by Discord saying, “But you still haven’t given me that answer on the coffee offer.”
Giving Discord a once over with her eyes, her lips pursed as she held a finger to her chin in judgement. “Next time you ask me, dress in something other than rags you picked up on the streets.”
“Hey, gimme credit, Celly,” he chuckled, opening his jacket wide. “Got these rags at the thrift store. Only ninety-nine cents.”
“I’d expect that from you,” she said with a slight smile on her face. Shrugging, she turned around and made her way through the gymnasium floor, avoiding the plethora of half inflated balloons and streamers scattered throughout the room. “I expect this room cleaned up before classes start for the students!” she called over her shoulder.
“You got it, Celly!” Discord shouted after her. Though this time, Celestia didn’t mind the use of the nickname. “Mind turning the lights off on your way out?”
With a flick of the switch, the gymnasium was once more shrouded in darkness. Sloshing the mop head back in the bucket, Discord chuckled. “Pony princesses, demonic teenagers, the magic of friendship, and Celestia going out on a date with me. Guess anything is possible.”
Snapping his fingers, the room was suddenly shined in light, though no one touched the light switch across the room. The gymnasium was spotless, with hardly any indication it had been filled with rambunctious teenagers only a few hours ago.
“Anything at all,” Discord laughed, golden eyes glowing once more as he lifted his bucket with mop to walk out the school.
On the 8th I'll have been here on earth for 27 years.
I have received much over my past birthdays.
Games, money, toys (when I was younger), cake.
But this? Best. Gift. Ever.
Thank you.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Not bad... I would love to see this continued!
Now that's some escalation.
Honestly, I'm not a fan of the Equestria's Girl Universe, but I always had it in the back of my mind that Discord would be either the really awesome janitor, or the freaking awesome Science teacher who let you blow stuff up in class.
Also, I really enjoyed the last scene, I'd expect Discord to have quite a few tricks, even in this world.
I want more of this. Now.
Ooo, I love this idea. I'd love to see more if you're up for it.
I spotted a few misused amd misspelled words, such as using "principle" instead of "principal". However, since most of these errors somehow happened to be in Discord's dialogue, I'm not making a big deal out of it. Heck, it probably adds to his in-character-ness.
Gread story. I think it should stay a one-shot. Trying to build on it would ruin its charm.
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Whoops, brainderp there. Fixed!
Oh hell yeah that was cool
Gotta' love the way you write Discord.
You should write more of this. Do eet faget.
Please continue this it seems like an interesting concept
DUDE MORE
Hmm, it has some potential. Why not release another chapter and see how it goes?
Please continue.
EQG universe? Damn, he must have gotten so high, he got magic.
Insert Thor meme here:
I'm to lazy.
The drugs probably gave him perfect understanding of how the universe works.
This is interesting,
I enjoyed this. It was a bit short, but well-contained. Would love it if you decide to write more, but it stands pretty well as a one shot. More like an epilogue of sorts. Very nice.
Also, it's derelict. Just sayin'.
I lost my shit when I read the part about Discord having Drugs in his locker and realized I was listening to Nightcore-Cocaine...
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Huh. Nice version of the song.
~Skeeter The Lurker
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Thanks My Friend and DM Got me into Nightcore, oh, about four hours ago...
Edit: Happy Birthday, by the way.
while it works well as a one shot, you really shouldnt deprive the community of more if you can
this needs more chapter
This...needs to be continued!!!
Silly RainbowBob. You can't write one-shots; you're fans won't let you stop there!
WE GOTTA KEEP THIS SHIT MOVING!
I'd be willing to forgo updates on Jungle Fever to get more of this.
Pretty funny, but Discords janitorial skills don't even register compared to The Janitor's, an original creation of mine with the sole, soul crushingly large, task of cleaning up the messes of every major and minor event across the multiverse.
3167671 Happy cross-timezone's birthday Skeeter, and by New Zealand time, you're already 27, now I go to bang my head on a wall out of boredom and immense frustration at my laptops inability to run at anything lower than 50 degrees Celsius,
I just thinking yesterday about writing a story about Discord either being a janitor or a student counselor at Canterlot High. And then today I found this story. Which is really good by the way. So good, you should continue it.
By Navarone's beard! Continue!
3167671 Congratulations, weird it is... My father is turning 47 tomorrow :P
More please!
Continue so long as you make them bang with Celly as the naughty school teacher
Huh. I always figured Discord was the head of the science department, teaching physics through counterexample.
Still, I do like this take on him. If you know where you want to take this, I'd gladly read more.
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...
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There are no words in any language, to describe the excellence that shall be foretold in this saga of troll.
One shot? I demand a trilogy
i.qkme.me/3rshpq.jpg
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By Kumani's Greed! please continue!
Well, you don't need me to tell you to continue. I also enjoy that Thrift Shop bit.
By Celestia's Golden Beard! This is brilliant!
I'd say more, but I honestly think this is fine.
In fact, this is perfect.
Moar now!!!!!!!!!!!!
3168720 By Watcher's eye! Continue!
I like it as it is, but if you decide to do more, make it a 3-shot or something.
I believe you could leave this at a one shot if you wanted to, but if the other comments are any indication, the general populace would love it if you kept writing this. I know I certainly would.
Discord as a Almighty Janitor sir you have my attention
You shall do more. Please?
THRIFT SHOP REFERENCE THRIFT SHOP REFERENCE THRIFT SHOP REFERENCE THRIFT SHOP REFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh...Oh wow. This...This, i enjoy.
It would be a very good idea to continue this. But if not still an excellent story!
Either do more or make a sequel, you can't leave things like this. There has to be more.