August 15th, 123 L. B.
Throughout my life of studying the lengths of magic, I've always believed that we as a species could get nowhere without it. But I was wrong, so far off that I couldn’t even believe what I was reading when Clover and I made that discovery.
We discovered something that was beyond all measures; we’ve discovered that the lost city of Iva might really exist! It's an ancient civilization that was so scientifically advanced that they were able to build an underground city without magic!
For a while I believed it to be an old foal's tale, but then Clover found traces of fossils of creatures that were unlike any mammal in Equestria. She then launched a full scale expedition and brought me along for the ride.
Half the time I denied the existence of any other civilization, but when Clover showed me her findings, I just couldn't believe my eyes! Not only had she found fossils, but also actual written documents! The writing predated the very existence of ponykind, written in a strange language that I had never seen before. Luckily for me, I didn't have to stay hidden in my tent all night trying to decipher it since Clover was kind enough to cast a deciphering spell on it.
The book seemed to be a journal of sorts, perhaps even a diary. Despite the deciphering spell, I still had no idea what this creature was writing about. It spoke of things such as 'cars' and 'radios', things I don't understand. They could possibly be some sort of inside joke, or perhaps a slang term; I'll have to look into it later.
Besides those, I did spot two words in specific I did understood right away: Time Capsule. If I’m right, then this species might share the same meaning of the term 'Time Capsule' as we do. I still remember back to when I was learning about magic as a young foal. Princess Celestia made me create a time capsule, one in which I was directed to place a few items that I thought were precious to me, and to bury it in the castle courtyard.
If my speculations are correct, this journal was in that capsule when Clover’s expedition team dug it up. I must consult with her after I’m done observing the rest of this journal and maybe then we can learn more about this Fallen Civilization.
August 16th, 123 L. B.
It’s been a day now since Clover has introduced me to the Time Capsule. Now it isn’t much but, we’ve managed to make a small amount of progress. There were three items in the compartment of the capsule: a map, a Calendar, and a doll. I suppose I'm willing to bet that the journal would’ve made number four, but it doesn't look - or feel for that matter - like ordinary paper. It's like it was made from some sort of glass-like material. But despite that the rest of the items were truly amazing.
Never in my life did I ever think that I would be so happy to see a doll. Well, it wasn’t an ordinary doll and that’s what made it interesting. Instead, it was a creature which I assumed to be a bipedal organism of some sorts. It was made of some sort of hard material and the color was a bit faded due to it being underground for some unknown amount of years. But for a doll, it was tall, slender, and wore clothing like that of the fancy ponies up in Canterlot. The item had no fur on its body except for a long, small patch of blonde on its head that came down to its shoulders. Now that we know what these creatures look like… I must say to myself they do seem a bit creepy, especially the way that doll smiles. It just sends shivers up my spine.
Other than that, the Calendar was the next interesting item that Clover found. We share the same counting system and the same number of days in a month. But it wasn’t just the dates that caught my attention. No, it was the pictures. They seemed so real that it looked as if I could reach through and place my hoof on one of the trees, or these humongous buildings that seemed to reach the edges of the sky.
It also had pictures of the creatures; ones that weren’t creepy looking like the doll. While there were similar ones that shared identical features, there were also larger, bulkier ones that didn’t have the mounds on the chest that I suppose are the more dominant gender in the species. Possibly even the males, if there are any. Who knows? Maybe they’re all asexual.
Aside from that, what confuses me the most is how such a highly advance civilization could be wiped out. With their technology and sentience, how could one fall to nature, and leave behind such little evidence of their existence? Perhaps they're not as peaceful as I make them out to be.
August 17th, 123 L. B.
Three days since the discovery of the time capsule and I’ve returned to my old wonderful home in Hoofton where I’ll look deeper into the subject of these creatures. Ever since the discovery I’ve not been able to sleep. Instead, I have been up reading through countless books trying to figure out what these things are. Every book I've looked at it has always contained pointless information; nothing that could help me in the slightest, until earlier today when I found an outsider griffon merchant in the center of town.
The griffon salesman sold strange antique items, from jewelry to furniture to even books. Now at the time I was kind of desperate to find something that could help Clover and I with our research. After I finished rummaging through the Merchant's belongings, I came across this large book entitled "Equestria’s Ancient Myths." I’d already been through at least fifteen books that all shared that same title and I’d just flung them out the nearest window, but something about that book caught my eye. It wasn’t the bland cover or the nicely written title, but by its age. It didn’t look as if a child or dog had gotten to it, but instead as if time itself had done it.
The book looked as if it was older than me. The cover seemed old and was slowly deteriorating. It was large and thick and was covered in grime, and when I lifted it, dust just fell off the thing like an avalanche. Curious by what it held within its pages, I bought it off the merchant. He seemed rather relieved after I left.
When I returned home just hours ago, I instantly sat it on the desk in my study and began to read. For over an hour I sat there, going through page after page of different kinds of myths and legends. When I began nearing the end of the book, I began to lose hope in finding anything pertaining to Iva. Just as I began to give up, I noticed the final six pages. I turned the page and was greeted by large words written at the top in bold text.
The Age of Man.
I began to read, curious as to what Man was. The more I read, the more it dawned on me; the creatures that Clover and I had been searching for are the same ones written in that very book. The story told of a highly scientific civilization known as Man, creatures that were able to conquer all of nature’s elements with science and machinery.
They were a species that were able to build large cities that would spread to miles on end, buildings that could touch Celestia’s sun, a species that could even fly without needing wings. The book claimed that they lived happily with each other for years on end, that their civilization lasted for millennia that seemed undying.
As I progressed through the story of Man, I realized that not all was peaceful. Near the end, I began to notice that Man’s society began to collapse, consumed in utter chaos. To them, it was known as the Great Collapse. Fire began to rain from the skies as they were locked into a permanent day, men, women, and children being afflicted with a bizarre disease that warped them. Made them chaotic and evil, clouds changed colors and became pinkish, inanimate objects came to life. Whole buildings lifted off the ground and began floating into the sky as if gravity no longer worked; oceans froze and the entire world descended into utter chaos. .
When Man finally figured out who was causing all of this, it was too late. They tried to fight back, but their machines no longer worked and all was lost to chaos. In the end, Man finally let go of the string, and they plunged the world into eternal darkness.
In the end, it says that Man might have never died out, but instead remain dormant. It claims that when they wake up, they might bring on a new age to Equestria, either an Age of Gold, or an Age of Darkness…
Starswirl the Bearded’s Journal,
Uncovered March 1st, 13 L. R.
In his study’s secret safe,
All information in here must remain Classified.
Hm. This story seems it could get interesting... I'm gonna favorite it, it has a lot of potential. I hope it is used wisely.
Im excited to see what elce happens- good job catching the reader's intrest
can't wait to read more
Okay, this is awesome. So here's my constructive criticism:
1. Post updates regularly, pick a day or days out of the week, and update the chapter on those days. Write a few chapters ahead if it helps. I've waited so long for so many stories to update that I lost interest in many of them.
2. When you get your editor, make sure that they send you a .doc or .odt file, since they can place comments in the writing, and there are a lot of grammatical mistakes that could be missed otherwise. Also, send your editor your plan for the story.
Pink clouds? Buildings floating? DAMMITDISCORD
3173337
ALL GO RAEP THE DISCOBUTT UP
We are the true gods of chaos... Oh how I love being human.
Very good so far. I can't wait to find out what this Iva is, and what cause these catastrophes, though I have a few ideas.
let's see where this goes
Interesting, this story has a lot of potential so I'm definitely favouriting it, but you may consider getting an editor; there were some spelling/grammar mistakes and a couple of sentences just felt a bit... clunky. Sort that out and you're good though :)
Also screw this Discord.
3173751>>3173531>>3173320 Thank you, you three I'll try right away to find a good editor/pre readers!
3173616 With all do respect please share!
3173961
Oh nononono, I don't want to accidentally give you an idea.
3174064 Oh you slimy sun of a... Okay then I hope you enjoy your time with this story.
3174070
I plan to, keep up the good work.
Antic should be antiques.
I am honestly not sure about fifth-teens..... Are you trying to make it sound ye olden like? Well I am not sure if it is right but it does sound good.
Otherwise great fic! I will be watching. I like these sorts of fics.
dis gonna be gud :)
3174070
Maybe it was just Discord's birth? An experiment? Someone accidentally pressed the ancient "change physics" button?
strangely this is how I imagine our world to end, CHAOS
I... hate you... so much right now.
3174933 No, Klondike you can't... Wait no! Why do you hate me! I thought... I thought... Ah fuck it... He's long gone.
3174938 Still here.
3174940 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m230ucnyhi1ql4vemo1_500.jpg
3174952 blogs-images.forbes.com/kiriblakeley/files/2011/02/jealousy.jpg
gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Another-Glass-Throw-Thor.gif
you have GOT TO CONTINUE THIS!!
**cough cough** ahem... please
this is a great beginning and i just can't wait to read what happens next!
Looking good so far. I'm keeping an eye on this. I do have a soft spot for lost human race stories.
Two things though -- both related to calendars.
First, what is the present Equestrian day's date (of the show), and what do the abbreviations L.B. and L.R. mean?
Second, there's this:
"We share the same counting system and the same number of days in a month; even the same number of days in a month."
Is "number of days in a month" supposed to be repeated? I suspect that one of them is supposed to be months in a year.
Still, look forward to the next chapter.
--Spade
3175501 Oh whoops that is a editing mistake, but L.B. is Luna's Banishment so that's during Luna's Banishment and L. R. is Luna's Return.
3175511
Thanks
the way the story is going I feel as if humanity will make a grand return like cryo pods or a giant ship returns with the last of humanity's people. Good stuff author I'm expecting good things good things.
That depends on whether it is the 41st millennium or after the Emperor is healed and returns to lead mankind personally once again.
If the former...well, you're screwed. If the later... well, you have about a fifty-fifty chance of being screwed or not screwed.
Hey, it's your own fault for being xenos! *cue ridiculous propaganda*
I so know what it is, that the day magic started existing!
I am going to find a song for this fiction.
Found it
Maybe humanity isn't the best but you better be ready to see are legacy and all we stand for.
MOAR! You must give us moar!
Now that I think about what i just said, I realize how well Equestria will fair after humans come around, if they come around.
At first when it said "fire rained from the sky and an unknown disease." I thought "he's crossing over the maze runner with mlp!"
Then it said pink clouds and I was all like "Fucking Discord killed us!!!"
Interesting concept, but one problem so far. How would they know what the word 'car' was? To translate it from human language to Equestrian would mean they would have to have the word. They would basically have to find something synonymous with the word 'car' such as 'carriage'. Translating isn't a perfect science, and mistakes have been (and always will be) made. It would be like trying to get a caveman to pronounce the word 'car'. He might be able to eventually pronounce it in our language but not in his language due to the fact that there isn't a word for 'car' in his language.
3178946 Maybe the spell translated each individual letter. Hard? Yes. Impossible? Yes. But, it's not a computer translation. They're using magic; advanced magic, at that.
so awesome!
Holy shit, I thought this was beautiful. You built "man" up to be something so epic, even though I know what it's like to be part of this species. Star Swirl's (yours) prose was very elegant, and I'm very interested to read more. Keep it up!
Third Journal entry, first paragraph, second sentence:
I spy a run-on sentence. maybe you need a period after the word "sleep"? And you might want to change the highlighted bit, cuz' it sounds weird. What every you do, these need a fixin'.
Good luck, and have fun writing.
I am getting a slight Lovecraftian feel from this...good.
3175511
I like the hook for this so far.
A small point I might make about your choice of dating for the first part: In the Nightmare Night episode, while not explicitly stated, it is evident that Luna personally knew Starswirl while he was alive and an adult. So him being alive some 120 years after that point seems off. It may be a better choice to name the years after Equestria's founding, something like EU for Equestren Unification.
/nitpicking
3173616
Global warming, loss of fossil fuels, nuclear devastation, second ice age, ect. ect. the list goes on forever.
But from the way he described it, it is most likely Discord because he is connected to the gravity defying buildings and pink clouds.
3184723 Ahh, Howard Phillip Lovecraft, the reminiscent feels! I'a Cthulhu! I'a Dagon!
I like how this is starting out.
Giving this story another shot, having let it get buried in my tbr list since before the rewrite started. I don't even remember how it started before, but this is definitely a good start!
You don't seem to have a bad voice, but you do have a few word choice or spelling errors. A few are listed below.
advanced
were
millennia
That's just three items I caught, but I think there are more. Hope this helps.
If LB is Luna's Banishment, then I think your timeline is a little off. Clover lived before the rule of the sister, and Luna knew who Starswirl was, so he lived before banishment too.