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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I really like this, I have no idea why people are downvoting it. Like sure it's a clopfic and some people downvote just for that. I'm not the best one for finding mistakes but to me it's written fine. Im just really confused.
3345755
Appreciate it. And you're right--when it was posted, it got two immediate downvotes within the first minute, meaning it was downvoted simply for being a clopfic or maybe because it was a human one. They didn't even read it; they just saw the header and thumbed it down. I hate it when people do that.
But no matter... thanks for the thumbs-up, and I'm not discouraged. The story will go on.
Really is fantastic! would love to see steady updates!
Just a point: if she's used a cooler (whih she said she did), it's very unlikely for her to have a 'virginal barrier' as you put it.
Otherwise, very good.
Like it so far, deserves more up-votes (but thats what happens when its marked clop+human+oc+no charaters from the show).
Looking forward to more chapters :)
3351373
Thank you! I'll do my best to deliver...
3353474
Derp... you're right. I'll fix that in a bit. And thanks... figured I'd take a break from Turnabout Storm to work on this.
3353505
Point taken. Hobbling myself from the start, maybe, but I'm not bothered by it. I've had this story idea for some time, and just because it doesn't have any of the usual crew doesn't mean it can't work. In truth, the first three ratings were downvotes, but I don't think any of them actually read it. I understand that clop and especially cross-species clop is not everyone's cup of tea, but you shouldn't thumb a story down just for that.
3353659
Well, glad to see you're doing as good a job here as over there! Honestly, I like Five Star, glad to see more of her.
One question, why did you choose to make her bent towards males? Or was she always, and I just forgot and am to lazy to double check right now?
3353729
Fixed the virginity thing. Thanks again for pointing it out.
According to the original Gentlemen story, Five Stars said she really wasn't into mares:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/60371/5/gentleman-for-mares/we-need-gentlemen
That doesn't mean there won't be some mare-on-mare action in the story, though.
3353659
Know the feeling. Got 2 down votes myself within the first min. Not saying that my fic dident deserve it, but i doubt they actually had time to read it.
3356319
Appreciate it, thanks!
Do I detect the influence of "Xenophilia", and it's related stories? Regardless of the answer, I think this has a very strong start for a first story. Judging from what I've seen so far: this will be quite good.
I didn't make it past the prologue before giving a thumbs up. Bravo.
You used irony three times and only used it correctly once. A very minor thing, I know, but it's a pet peeve of mine.
Ask and you shall receive! *Grabs Scissors* Time to cut this baby up!
THIS FILM IS A WORK OF FICTION. No resemblance is intended to any persons living, dead, or yet to be born or conceived. Neither is any resemblance intended to any type of artificial human created by science, such as a life-like android, Robocop, or a man made out of dead body parts like Frankenstein. It should also be said that any resemblance between the characters and the actors who play them is purely accidental, as those actors are only as God made them, and neither they or the producers had any say in the outcome. Were we at the point where actors were farmed, rather than bred in the wild, it might be a different story, but that is simply not the case. Moving on, any resemblance to any real event, situation, circumstance, contingency, notion, or similarity is coincidental, as is any resemblance to any recognizable bodily function or action. Also, no resemblance to any religion is intended, especially Scientology. Any resemblance to any nation, region or state is also unintentional, as is any similarity to any of said nation, region, or state’s flags, uniforms, anthems, geography, ideology or pastimes. Needless to say, this is true not only for any nation, region, or state on this Earth, but also for those on any other planet anywhere in the galaxy or universe, and also in any possible alternative or “mirror” dimension like on Fringe. Also, if we’ve forgotten anything, please don’t sue us.
Just a reminder: Admiral Laharl the Demon-eyed did remind us on Skype that ponies can and do change their names, like Rarity in G4M. Not a big deal, but I am carrying scissors.
If any of this actually was real, trust me, there would be no shortage of volunteers. I don't say that as a brony, I say that as a man. This is what I actually believe.
Thestrals eh?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/4/21/879815__solo_oc_monochrome_oc+only_questionable_sketch_bat+pony_sign_artist-colon-stoic5_oc-colon-au+hasard.png
Right off the bat, we get a major insight into the world of G4M. This one paragraph tells us almost everything we need to know about the dysfunctional sexual dynamics of this universe and introduces new readers to the Xeno/G4M mechanic quickly and efficiently without sounding perfunctory. Absolutely golden. How do you do it?
You have pretty eyes and a neutral coat. You even manage to pull off a green mane! Don't sell yourself short, based OC.
Industrialization has had a similar effect on the destruction of the western family by making the woman feel it just isn't worth it to depend on the man anymore. I wonder if ponies had a similar situation arise where resources outstripped the need for the traditional family unit? I ask because it's clear from what I'll read later that mares are really put off in general about herds, for the most part. Outside of Betashade and after that Yours Truly came along, herds were well and truly rubbished 24/7. They must have worked at one time, otherwise ponies wouldn't arrange themselves in such a way.
It could just be bias too. You don't go to me to hear about how wonderful marriage is for men!
Some judge at Twilight's Library took a point off for breaking the EZN rule about using "Celestia's Sun." Now I think about it... I wonder if that rule even existed in 2012?
Ahh, so he's a Burning Heart in the sense of... heartburn. Well played.
I love that old bit of Xeno lore! It's so sweet! Oh wait, it's actually really new, isn't it? Oh 2012... I wish I was a brony back then. All the good stuff happened in 2012.
You, Five Stars, are not an orc.
Small matter for you, but our heroines had to negotiate their way through an obstacle course!
(Blinks) He's the pegasus who runs the Pegasi Enclave in Fallout Equestria. Think pegasi Nazis; they're even worse than Illinois Nazis! Not the only accidental FoE reference in here: Five Stars in the name of a company that provides mass-transit within Manehatten before it's destruction to the their treachery, allowing a nuke to be smuggled into the city and killing millions. Needless to say, our heroine in this fic has much to live up to.
Roseluck can take it from here:
I know, right? You take one for the herd helping out a friend and all the humans are like 'oh my gawd'! And I tell 'em... "Listen... sweetie... my stable door does not swing that way! So keep on dreaming about it because it will not happen! Well maybe Blossomforth back in the day, but today, never!
... Okay maybe for Lily, but I'm being serious here: I. Am. Not. A. Fooler!
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I hate coolers anyway! Okay, let's see that's straight sex scene. Straight! Not the other thing...
Now, I don't want to sound judgemental, but for your own sake girl, you gotta have a few rounds when you're young. I know, I know, stallions got an awful technique at first, but they get better faster than you do. Especially the pegasi! I love 'em! Make love and make weather, everyday!
Now that there is a good stallion! Can hardly find one in fifty that will give you a good tasting! Just of the thought of a tongue down there... whew! I wonder what Lily is up to, she needs to be reading about this!
She has to. All those guards can't just be for show!
You know that technique must be good if it's killing you... or really bad!
You said it, sister!
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*snort* Self-respecting... ha! They say "self respecting", I say "colder than a Caleponian's clitoris". Giving a stallion oral is the single best trick a mare can learn to keep the stallions around.
For anyone new to this, the above was how Roseluck is portrayed in my works. And on that note, great chapter! My previous two readthroughs, I kinda skimmed that part because straight sex just doesn't have the hard-hitting power as F/F does for me. Regardless, it's very well played sir. Great detail and Heartburn proved to be quite the gentleman!
OK yeah, I'm in. This is really well written. May skip the clop, but eh, this is a fic I want to enjoy for the story. Can't guarantee I'll do my usual running commentaries, but if I find a particular bit I want to rant about, snark on, or generally just comment on for better or worse, I will.
8355784
Glad to hear it! Welcome and enjoy. Trust me, it's not wall-to-wall clop; there's plenty of worldbuilding and side plots as the story goes along and it even gets rather topical later. Longposts or no, I look forward to hearing what you think!