• Member Since 1st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen May 22nd, 2020

Magicolt808


T

Is flight possible without wings? Rainbow Dash learns this the hard way.

Wallpaper/cover art made by murknl on DA

Link--->http://murknl.deviantart.com/art/Rainbow-Dash-Wings-Wallpaper-284533803

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 19 )

That was the so touching, and that ending speech was the most inspiring thing I've ever heard! 5 stars THUMBS UP, KEEP ON GOING! SO AWE:rainbowkiss:SOME!!

That was really nice. Some parts didn't make sense, like "She was happy to see how peaceful she was and realized that her loss of flight was necessary to keep their friendship from crashing out of the sky." But it was still very nice. :twilightsmile: Good job!

259564 It means that if Rainbow died, Fluttershy would be devastated and would blame herself. this would rip the friendship apart in my opinion. It means that their friendship was able to live while Dash's ability to fly was lost. Thanks for liking the story.:twilightsmile:

1337 words. WIN

259688 WOW I never noticed that. :rainbowlaugh: But besides that what do you think of the story?

259704 It was great!

Don't be a Icarus, be a Rainbow Dash. That way instead of flying to the sun*Cough*Icarus*Cough* You can fly and make a rainbow. Five stars sir.:rainbowdetermined2:

259732 nice to know you like another one of my stories Timefather!

259741 no problem now I must barrel roll away into the sunset and luckly won't get burn:rainbowlaugh:

Good story again:pinkiehappy:

Exactly 1337 words :pinkiehappy:

You now have a watcher. because of an awesome story.

this is just.................beautiful :fluttercry: i liked it! so short, but it said so many things!:pinkiesad2: BRAVO! :pinkiehappy::yay::derpytongue2::fluttercry::yay::fluttercry::yay:

Truly touching:fluttershysad: It may not be a "new" premise, but i feel you embody this situation very well, and keep its purpose at the forefront.

I especially enjoy the way you write, You have a very...Poetic, nature to the way you describe things and feelings, and it adds emotion in a way that is hard to capture.:pinkiesmile:

I do feel though, that Dash's reaction felt a bit...rushed:applejackunsure: I would have thought she would have reacted to the situation much more drastically, and there is a lot of room for her reaction and personal feelings, at least that's what I think:pinkiesmile:

Hopefully Twliight will be able to invent something to get her up in the air again:twilightsheepish:. It would certainly make me feel better:pinkiesmile:
Looking forward to more from you:raritywink:

Your faithful new follower,
TheMareInTheMoon

270515 Yeah, I do believe that I rushed Dash's feelings as well. I just felt that at that moment, Dash's concern towards Fluttershy would make everything around her disappear, such as the machines that kept her alive and the fact that her wing was missing. I do look back at it now and believe I could have done more. I regret not doing more but i am still pleased with the outcome and am glad you still enjoyed it.

Now, when you say poetic... I never thought I'd hear someone say that about my writing. I like to fill my stories with emotion but I never really knew it was poetic to the readers!:pinkiehappy: Thanks for the good feedback as well as the criticism. I will definatley take that consideration into future stories.

Lets start with your plot. It starts off in a dream foreshadowing something bad is going to happen. Freak tornado comes out threatening to hurt/kill Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash spots it and in the hopes of saving her friend she goes off alone to counter the tornado. Upon reaching the tornado she gets hurt very badly resulting with her losing both wings. She wakes up in a hospital with Fluttershy next to her and she has a revelation that flying is not the only source of happiness.

Now at the start you could have done something very clever. Here you wrote...

"That’s when she realized it; she was no longer flapping her wings. She hovered in shock and stood still mid-air before coming to her senses."

Instead of saying she was not flapping her wings anymore you could have said she had no wings at all. That is a very discreet but very powerful foreshadowing. At first glance sure its odd when a reader reads that part but when they finally finish the story they realize that they have known all along she was going to lose her wings.

Next is the tornado scene. I cringed, a lot. Now you did a very good job with describing the wings being torn off but you left out a key part in that scene. The dramatic scream. The way you wrote your story it sounded like Rainbow Dash just lost her wing and she shook it off. When her right wings get ripped off you should have had her start screaming, describing the blinding pain, her losing control and have her life flashing before her eyes. You could have had a whole paragraph with her just accepting her death knowing she saved Fluttershy.

This one is short since its already been pointed out. I agree with TheMareinTheMoon when she pointed out that Dash's reaction to losing her wings was a bit rushed.

Lastly (but most certainly not least) this. This is what makes me love your stories...

"Her strength became her wings.
Her loyalty was the high-pressure lift.
Her friends… Her sky.
Together she can feel free."

I love how you put whatever this is at the end of your stories. I don't know what its called but i like it. Keep doing it.
Bravo and encore! Perhaps your next story can be about Apple Jack?

Love it! The story line is really good and I love the ending :pinkiehappy: Pour Dashie :fluttercry:

577746 Thanks for liking it. I have written a sequel to that as well so I hope you go and read that too. I'm sure it will be to your liking.

This was really well written, and an interesting take on the whole Dash loses her wings/ability to fly sub-genre fimfiction has going on. Part of its poignancy comes from how short it is, but I might also recommend adding a bit more descriptive imagery to the story to draw out the emotion a bit more. Possibly by having parts be from Rainbow or Fluttershy's point of view, like when Rainbow's battling the storm. You could explore her feelings deeper that way, the determination, fear, heart pounding adrenaline et cetera that she's going through, and have a bit from Flutterhsy's side while she's waiting by Rainbow's bed to get across just how desperate she is for her friend to wake up. Just a random suggestion - I like your style the way it is, too. I also really liked the last little bit about Rainbow's friends being so important to her. I D'awwed :twilightsmile: Keep up the wonderful work :pinkiehappy:

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