Holiday Cheer
Main Characters: TWP, Trixie, Derpy
Cameos: Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Lucas, Rei, Luna/Selene, Braeburn, Carrot Top, Celestia/Amy, Stormy, Rarity’s parents, Twilight’s parents, Coal, Seth - Trixie’s brother, Mr & Mrs Cake, The Doctor (10)
Original Write Date: 12/4/2011
The Wandering Physicist is depressed. He is currently laying on the main counter of The Power Block watching the near empty store The only other ponies in the store are Rei and Lucas, but they are on their way out.
‘Step out that door, and you are not coming back in,’ The Depressed Physicist moans.
‘Aw, cheer up, Boss,’ Lucas assures. ‘It is just through the holiday.’
‘I’m seeing the princess!’ Rei cheers as she flies around the room.
‘She does know that Luna is mad that she failed Rarity’s class, right?’ Lucas asks.
‘Luna is more upset that I was the one to tell her and not Rei,’ The Upset Physicist sighs. ‘Even more so since Rei was supposed to report to her about the class and never did.’
‘Ouch,’ Lucas winces.
‘Princess!’ Rei cheers as she flies upside down and backwards.
The Wandering Physicist swears and holds out a hoof to Lucas. ‘Just make sure she is going in the right direction when you split, okay?’
Lucas returns the brohoof. ‘You going to be okay without us?’
‘Hell no. I’m going to be miserable. Haven’t you been listening?’
‘We’ll check in every day, won’t we Rei?’
‘P! R! I! Uh... お! 姫! 様! Princess!’
The Wandering Physicist shakes his head. ‘Luna is going to tear her a new one.’
Ponyville library is experiencing a rare event: it is being closed. Twilight and Spike have locked up the library, the last thing to do on Twilight’s ‘Checklist of everything we need to do before going home to visit my parents for the holiday checklist’ and the first thing to do on Twilight’s ‘Checklist of everything we need to do on the trip to Canterlot for the trip home to see my parents for the holiday checklist’. Outside of the library, The Wandering Physicist is seeing Twilight off as Lucas and Spike wait and exchange assistant stories. Rei is still in her own little delusion.
‘Please don’t get too lonely without us,’ Twilight says. ‘I don’t like how you get when you are like that.’
‘You just want another excuse to spend a weekend in my bed with me,’ The Pouting Physicist replies. ‘That is all I am good for to you.’
Twilight sighs. ‘You know that is not true. Besides, you know you are free to come with us.’
‘Yeah. Stuck between having to explain to your parents why somepony the square of their daughter’s age wants to see her and having to explain why Rei is still an uncontrollable hell beast to Luna is really appealing. Although... I would give me a chance to tease Octy again...’
‘Ugh. She is going to beat you to death with her cello one day.’
‘What?’
The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Never mind.’
Twilight sighs again. ‘I think maybe your staying here is a good thing.’
‘Don’t forget to say “hi” to Discord for me.’
‘Nope. Not going to happen,’ Twilight replies without a beat.
The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Fine, but at least check in on Rei when you visit the castle. And bring this.’ He holds up a sack of oranges. Twilight facehoofs. ‘Ah. So you think Luna has some already. I know Celestia has bananas...’
Twilight shakes her head. ‘What are we going to do with you?’
The Wandering Physicist holds up the sack of oranges again. Twilight laughs. He sets down the sack, and they lean in and kiss. Lucas starts timing it on his mobile.
Twilight breaks the kiss. ‘We should be going before it gets too late.’
‘Have a safe journey.’
Twilight gives one last kiss before joining the rest of the party and checking off a few more items from her checklist.
The Downtrodden Physicist is at Sugarcube Corner watching Pinkie packing for her holiday trip to see her family. Gummy sits in the mouth of the party cannon.
‘This sucks! Everypony is going away. I am going to be so bored!’
‘Aww! It is not going to be for that long.’ Pinkie reassures. ‘You can always come with.’
‘To a rock farm?’ The Wandering Technophile groans. ‘I bet they have horrible 3G.’
‘Don’t be such a Grumpy McGrumperson,’ Pinkie teases. ‘I would love you to come.’
‘Eh... That’s okay.’
‘No, no, no. I don’t think you get it. I would love you to come with me.’
The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘I think I get you just fine. I would love you to stay with me. We can have s’mores.’
Pinkie dives across the room and tackles The Wandering Physicist in a large kiss. Gummy just watches and blinks. Pinkie eventually breaks the kiss.
‘So, that is a yes?’
‘No, silly. I just...’ Pinkie blushes. ‘I just wanted to make you feel better about missing us.’
The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘We’ll have to work out a less public system just in case somepony is watching.’
Pinkie giggles. ‘Aw, but okay!’
The Wandering Physicist gets up to leave. ‘Remember, if things get too boring, I am just a TARDIS away.’
Pinkie giggles. ‘Okie doki loki!’
The Wandering Physicist exits the room and heads back downstairs. In the main shop, the Cakes are setting out a fresh batch of baked goods. They wave to The Wandering Physicist over the small crowd. Their children, Pumpkin and Pound, are fascinated by the crowds in the store.
‘Mr Wanderer. Good to see you,’ Carrot Cake greets.
‘Uh, yeah. I was just saying “bye” so...’ The Socially Awkward Physicist says, trying to get out of socializing.
Cup Cake sets a box in front of The Wandering Physicist. ‘Here. Just a little something for taking good care of Pinkie this past month.’
‘Hey, uh, no prob. She is sweet, and we all get down sometimes. Just got to have good friends.’
Carrot Cake laughs. ‘We understand. Enjoy your holiday cake.’
The Wandering Physicist sighs and picks up the box. ‘Yeah. With who?’
‘I don’t follow, sir.’
‘Oh, uh, well, you probably know I am not from around here and pretty much all of my friends are heading out of town.’
‘Hate to hear that. Give us a call sometime and you can come over for dinner,’ Cup Cake offers.
‘Uh, thanks? I’ll keep that in mind.’ The Nervous Physicist gives an awkward smile. ‘Well, uh, see ya ‘round.’
The Wandering Physicist tries to exit as fast as he can without looking too uncomfortable.
‘Are you sure you don’t want any cake?’ The Wandering Physicist offers with a big smile.
‘Oh, no thank you,’ Fluttershy politely declines. ‘It will make me feel heavy, and that is not good for flying.’
‘I’ll TARDIS you there. We take a week or month to hang out, and I’ll have you there in a couple hours. Sound good?’
Fluttershy tries to work out how they can spend a month together but still arrive in a couple hours.
‘Time machine.’
‘Oh! Right! I forgot.’ Fluttershy looks ashamed.
‘It is okay.’
Fluttershy smiles in relief. The Wandering Physicist sighs.
‘I just wish everypony wasn’t all leaving at once. Even all of my friends around my shop have left by now.’
‘I’m sorry. If I had known, I would have stayed longer, but Rainbow wanted to leave today so...’
‘Nah. Don’t worry. Just have a good time with your family back home. Don’t worry about me.’
Fluttershy gives her friend a concerned look, then she looks up in shock.
‘Oh my pizza! I almost forgot!’
Fluttershy dashes into her house and returns with a package.
‘Here. Remember not to open it until the holiday.’ She giggles.
‘Thank you. You are the sweetest.’ The Wandering Physicist puts the package with his cake. Before Fluttershy can ask, he says, ‘Don’t worry. I got you something too. I never reveal my cards early on the holidays.’
‘Oh, you didn’t have to get me any...’ Bonk! A hoof to the head cuts Fluttershy off. ‘I mean, I really look forward to seeing what you got me. Should I take it...’ Bonk.
‘Time machine.’
‘Oh! Right! I forgot.’
The Wandering Physicist laughs and that make Fluttershy laugh. Fluttershy stops laughing. She looks around nervously and starts leaning close...
‘You ready yet, Fluttershy?’ is asked from above.
Fluttershy freezes. She is too far forward to retract, but she has not gotten the kiss she desires.
‘Hey, Dash,’ The Wandering Physicist greets.
‘ ‘Sup, Jim,’ Rainbow Dash replies. ‘Better hurry and kiss her before she gets too embarrassed.’
Fluttershy squeaks nervously. The Wandering Physicist laughs. He leans in and kisses Fluttershy. She feels like she is flying. The kiss is finally broken when Fluttershy flies out of reach.
‘Oops. Sorry,’ Fluttershy says as she returns to ground to get her bags. ‘I’ll see you when I get back.’
‘I’ll expect to hear from both of you,’ The Wandering Physicist replies.
‘No prob, Jimmy. Have a great holiday!’ Rainbow Dash waves while dragging Fluttershy away.
The Wandering Physicist sighs as waves as his friends leave.
At Carousel Boutique, a pair of coaches are being loaded as The Wandering Physicist arrives. He watches the coach drivers for the moment before he is noticed. A magenta unicorn approaches.
‘Mr Wanderer, good to see ya.’ Stormy extends a hoof.
The Wandering Physicist returns the brohoof. ‘Stormy. How’s it going?’
‘Can’t complain.’
‘You’re heading out too?’
‘Hey! Who do we have here! One of your friends, Stormy?’ A white stallion greets. A playful hoof to the back knocks Stormy down as soon as he gets close.
‘I’m The Wandering Physicist, sir.’ The Wandering Physicist greets. ‘I am guessing you are Rarity’s dad.’
‘Oh! So you’re the James that Rarity told us about.’ Rarity’s dad takes The Wandering Physicist’s hoof and gives it a hearty shake. ‘Great to finally meet you.’ He turn back. ‘Hun! It is Rarity’s friend James!’
A pale lavender unicorn comes up. ‘Oh, James! Rarity has told us all about you. You are certainly are as dashing as she said.’
‘I thought you had a beard.’
‘Give me a few days,’ The Wandering Physicist laughs.
‘If you are here to see Rarity, she and Sweetie Belle are bringing her bags down now,’ Rarity’s dad states.
The Wandering Physicist grimaces. ‘I pity the poor soul who has to load it.’
Stormy groans. ‘I should be half as buff as Big Macintosh given all of the work she makes me do.’
Rarity’s dad gives Stormy another slap to the back, sending him to the ground again. ‘It is okay, kid. You’ll grow into your body soon enough. We should get out the pigskin and have a go of it. You like hoofball, James?’
‘I’m a bit of a Galaxy fan, but I usually just cheer for a good game. Pretty awesome that Neighpon won the woman’s cup. They needed something to lift the spirits again.’
‘Galaxy?’ Stormy snorts. ‘Sounders and Arsenal for the win.’
‘Uh, I was talking real hoofball, boys.’
‘So were we.’ The Wandering Physicist and Stormy brohoof.
Before Rarity’s dad can argue, Rarity’s mom butts in. ‘So, James, are you traveling this holiday?’
The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘No. I don’t have anywhere to go. Where are you going? I thought you were Ponyville natives.’
‘Oh, we go out to see the relatives then find somewhere warm and fun to vacation for the rest of the holiday. Rarity always knows the best places to stay. And so fashionable too. She really is the most.’
‘She even did a good job convincing Stormy’s relatives to let him visit, too,’ Rarity’s dad adds.
‘Telling them my dad went through three lawyers before he decided to defend himself and then was convicted and is still facing charges of threatening a judge probably helped, too.’
‘Wait. If your dad is in jail and you are going to see...’
‘They’re my mom’s relatives. I haven’t seen them since I last saw her.’
The Wandering Physicist winces. ‘Sorry for bringing that up.
‘Whatevs.’
There is a loud crash as Rarity and Sweetie Belle deposit a mass of luggage by the coaches.
‘There. That is the last of it,’ Rarity states. ‘And be quick about loading it. I don’t wish to be late for our first appointments.’
‘Yeah!’ Sweetie Belle adds.
Rarity looks over to where everypony has gathered. ‘James! What a delight! Come to see me off?’
The group relocates to Rarity’s location.
‘I seem to be doing that with everypony today.’
‘He really is a mensch,’ Rarity’s mom laughs.
‘Mother!’ Rarity shrieks. ‘Not in front of my friends.’
‘What? Are you still embarrassed about your foreponies? I thought you grew out of that.’
Rarity grimaces and shudders. ‘What my mom meant to say is...’ She notices The Wandering Physicist’s grin. ‘I am not going to live this down, am I?’ Her mobile buzzes. ‘And you texted all of my friends too, didn’t you?’ The mobile buzzes more. ‘Shut up, Rainbow Dash!’
The Giggly Physicist does not speak since he is holding back his laughter.
Rarity sighs. ‘I am so taking back your gift now.’
‘And I have to get you seven more,’ The Laughing Physicist squeaks out, holding back the laugh.
Rarity stamps a hoof and turns her nose up, ‘Good day to you, sir.’
‘Come on. You know I am just foolin’.’
Rarity sighs. ‘Well, it is a season of forgiveness.’
Rarity’s mom leans over to Stormy. ‘Is this a schtick they have?’
Rarity holds back her comments while The Wandering Physicist starts giggling again. The last piece of luggage is placed on the coach, and the driver goes to the group.
‘All set,’ he gasps. ‘Let’s go before I pass out.’
‘Come on, girls! Let’s see the family!’ Rarity’s dad cheers.
Sweetie Belle cheers and climbs onto the coach. Rarity’s parents shake hooves with The Wandering Physicist and follow. Stormy brohoofs one last time and heads to his coach. Rarity gives The Wandering Physicist a small hug.
‘Don’t fret. We’ll be swapping holiday stories in no time.’
Rarity climbs into her coach, and the coaches head off. The Wandering Physicist waves after them.
‘Mazel tov!’
One of the coaches stops. The Wandering Physicist runs for his life as Rarity starts chasing him.
The Battered Physicist is still nursing his wounds from when Rarity caught him in the lobby of the train station. He is waiting to see one last friend off. He checks his mobile while he waits. He looks up and sees a smiling yellow earth pony really close to his personal space.
‘Howdy!’ The earth pony greets.
‘BWAH!’ The Startled Physicist shouts.
‘Is that some alien greetin’ or are ya jus’ bein’ weird again?’ Applejack grumbles.
The Panicked Physicist catches his breath. ‘Sorry. You just took me by surprise. Wassup?’
‘Huh. That sounds more like you,’ Applejack retorts.
‘Did you get Discorded again?’
‘What? No, it has been,’ -- there is a loud crash -- ‘a busy day.’ Applejack sighs.
Behind the group, Big Macintosh is placing bags back on a luggage cart while Apple Bloom tries helping and Granny Smith shouts at him. From the pattern of the bags, a young yellow filly must have either been riding the cart or trying for her luggage handler cutie mark. Both with no or less success.
‘Anyway, Jimmy, this here is mah cousin Braeburn. Braeburn, Jimmy. Braeburn was here visitin’ before we all headed out on our trip.’
‘Hey,’ The Wandering Physicist extends a brohoof.
‘Howdy!’ Braeburn starts shaking the hoof vigorously. ‘Great to meet ya! We don’t get many aliens in AAAAPPLEOOSA! ... Well, except for the little grey ones, but they ain’t that fun.’
The Wandering Physicist turns to Applejack. ‘What part of not telling anypony don’t you get?’
‘Ah ain’t breakin’ the Element of Honesty. Besides, Ah just told him yer from Southern Coltifornia, and he assumed the rest.’
‘Ugh. So I can chalk it up to all of the paint chips he ate as a foal.’ And a bit of stereotyping...
‘I was raised on good old-fashioned Apple Family Apples,’ Braeburn protests.
‘Ooookay. I am never eating apples again. I want my brain to remain intact.’
‘Why you ungrateful little...’
Applejack quickly steps between her cousin and her friend. ‘Whoa! Hold on now. He’s jus’ jokin’. Ain’t ya, Jimmy?’
‘Indeed I am, Mr Purple.’ Applejack growls at the nickname she got stuck with from The Crazy Gamer. ‘Anyway, are you sure you can’t stay? I’ll get Rei and Lucas to help me pitch in during harvest season.’
‘Sorry, Jimmy. It is Apple Family tradition t’ get together fer the holidays, and this year it is with our relatives in...’
‘AAAAPPLEANTA!’ Braeburn finishes for Applejack.
Applejack groans at her growing headache. ‘Thanks, Braeburn.’
‘Happy to help!’
‘Appleanta...’ The Pondering Physicist thinks. ‘Nope. No teams I care to make fun of.’
‘Y’all got a problem with the Braves?’ The cousins glare at the alien.
‘No. I don’t really follow basketball.’
‘Pfft. Nerd.’
‘Mr Purple.’
Braeburn looks back and forth between Applejack and The Wandering Physicist, who is checking his mobile again. ‘Do you two have a thing for each other?’
Applejack blushes. ‘What! Ah never!’
The Laughing Physicist falls off the the bench holding his sides. His laughter fills the train station and can be heard outside as well.
‘He, uh, likes mah friend Pinkie,’ Applejack stutters. ‘He really ain’t int’ good ol’ fashioned country girls like me.’ The Hiccuping Physicist is trying to catch his breath from the laughter. ‘ ‘Sides, Ah perfer a higher class o’ gentleman.’
‘Oh man! That was the best pick-me-up all day.’ The Calming Physicist puts a hoof on Braeburn’s shoulder. ‘You, sir, must be the town comedian since you know how to lift spirits so well.’
‘Actually, I am the ambadastor to the buffalo.’
‘ “Ambadastor!” Ha! He even talks like Caboose.’ The Wandering Physicist turns to Applejack. ‘Can I keep him?’
Applejack gets ready to deliver the lecture of a lifetime to The Obnoxious Physicist.
‘Uh, AJ.’
‘Not now, Big Mac!’
‘But the train’s boardin’ and Granny Smith already went ahead.’
Applejack glares at The Wandering Physicist. ‘Ya got lucky.’
He laughs and goes over to Apple Bloom. ‘Stay out of trouble, kid.’
‘Ah’ll try.’
‘Remember what I taught you.’
‘Don’ trust whitey!’
The Wandering Occupier and Apple Bloom exchange a small brohoof while Applejack silently fumes. He then brohoofs Big Macintosh and gets another overzealous hoofshake from Braeburn. Applejack comes over, still sporting a grumpy look. The Wandering Physicist leans in close with his muzzle by the side of Applejack’s face that her family cannot see.
‘Told you I would get you back for that Rarity joke, Mr Purple,’ The Infuriating Physicist whispers.
Applejack goes from orange to red in a combination of anger and embarrassment. She marches past her family and straight onto the train. The family shrugs and follows.
‘Ah thought he was with Fluttershy,’ Apple Bloom says to Big Macintosh as they board.
‘Well...’
The Wandering Physicist laughs again and starts heading back to his shop.
At The Power Block, The Wandering Physicist is still laughing about the prank he pulled on Applejack and finding out Rarity’s religion. He sets his cake, gift from Fluttershy and sack of oranges on the counter as he resumes his normal station. He looks around the store and sees it emptier than when he left. His content smile is instantly replaced by an intense frown. He checks his mobile for any messages but sees none.
‘I hate the holidays.’
The next day, The Depressed Physicist is still pretty much where he was when he returned from the train station. All of his friends, with Big Macintosh answering for Applejack, have reported that they made it home fine. He also received a report of the return of Nightmare Moon from Rei, followed immediately with offers to make Rei the first non-princess to visit the moon from Luna. Without anypony to talk to, though, he is moping around the shop, hoping that anypony would show up. He is so wrapped in feeling miserable that he does not immediately notice the grey hoof waving in front of his face.
‘Hey, Chief. You there?’ Derpy asks.
‘Wha? Oh. Hey D-Squared.’
‘Are you okay?’ Derpy looks where The Wandering Physicist was staring. ‘Or are you just undressing Shepard?’
‘Sorry. I just haven’t had anyone to talk to in,’ -- checks his mobile -- ‘almost twenty-four hours.’
‘Sheesh! Chief, you’re coming with me right now.’ Derpy grabs The Wandering Physicist’s foreleg and pulls.
‘I’m good. Besides, you’re on duty.’
‘You’re the last stop on my route today. Everypony else is gone for a while.’
‘Dirty traitors.’
‘Come on. We’ll stop by the office so I can check out then you’re coming over for dinner.’
‘Arg! You are sounding like the Cakes.’
‘Oh, are you seeing them instead? I won’t interfere.’
‘No. They just told me to give them a call.’ Pauses. ‘By the way, want some holiday cake?’
The Wandering Physicist slides a half-eaten cake over to Derpy. There are no utensils and his hoofs are clean of chocolate. Derpy frowns at the obvious bite marks.
‘I’m good. Come on. Let’s get going. I am sure Dinky would love to meet you.’
A DS is pulled out. ‘First to eliminate four of...’
Derpy cuts The Pokè Master off with a growl. ‘Fine. But the offer stands. I want to see you for dinner soon.’
The Moping Physicist moans loudly. Derpy growls again and leaves. The Pouting Physicist frowns at the door before resuming his nothing.
In an odd change of pace, The Wandering Physicist is out of the shop the next day. He is out of supplies and needs to go shopping. He would normally be collecting stares from the busy market place for wearing a bathrobe and Panama hat shopping, but most of the stalls are empty. He is currently glaring at the selection of produce at one of the few open shops.
‘Don’t you have anything edible? Like potatoes? Or onions? Or pineapple? Or garlic?’
‘Sorry,’ the shopkeeper, a yellow earth pony with an orange mane, replies. ‘I am in short supply right now. I normally have a limited stock while everypony is out of town, but I assure you that these are of the highest quality. I specially grew all of these vegetables just for this season in my private hothouse.’
The Wandering Physicist moans. This is the only stall with food. The shopkeeper looks her customer over.
‘You’re Derpy’s friend, aren’t you? The Wanderer or something like that?’
‘How did you know?’
‘Well, I think I recognize that doctor she is always running around with. You are the only other pony she ever mentions.’
‘Are you a sister or..?’
‘What? No. Just friends.’
‘Sorry. What with Dinky and all...’
‘Hey! You know what! You should come over for dinner tonight! That would make her happy.’
The Wandering Physicist groans. ‘She put you up to this, didn’t she?’
‘No. Why?’
‘Bah. She came by my shop and asked me yesterday.’
‘Good! Then she is expecting you. If you help me pack everything away, we can go now.’ She starts removing the signs from her stall. ‘Oh! By the way, I am Carrot Top.’
The Eating Physicist swallows. ‘Charmed.’
Carrot Top stares. ‘What did you just do?’
The Digesting Physicist wipes some stems from his goatee. ‘Nothing. Just helping you pack everything away.’
Carrot Top looks at her stall. ‘You ate all of my radishes!’
‘Key to a healthy urethra: radishes.’
Carrot Top does not know whether to be confused or disgusted. ‘Just, just don’t eat anything else until we are at Derpy’s.’
‘Sorry. Here.’ He tosses a bag of bits on the stall. ‘I didn’t see the price, but I assume that is close to double.’
Carrot Top gives The Wandering Physicist a confused look, but she takes the money, and they finish packing up the stall.
The next morning, The Stuffed Physicist is sleeping off the large meal at Derpy’s house. He had no idea that muffins could be made into both casserole and cake forms. Nor did he know that unicorns younger than Sweetie Belle could be as inquisitive and thoughtful as Twilight. All he knows is that sleep is amazing.
There is a loud crash outside followed by swearing. The Drowsy Physicist gets out of bed and looks out a window. Some genius is trying to park a large wagon alongside his building. ... Wait. That is not right.
The Wandering Physicist rushes downstairs, throwing a coat over the bathrobe he is still wearing from the day before. The wagon is alongside the building not facing any major pathways, but it is still being parked for no reason.
‘Hey! You can’t park here!’ He starts running around the side of the wagon. ‘No se puede aparcar aquí! あなたがここに駐車することはできません’
‘The Great and Powerful Trixie can park it wherever she wants,’ is shouted back. Trixie comes around from the front of the wagon. ‘Wait. That didn’t come out right.’
‘Trixie?’ Trixie clears her throat, expecting more. ‘Oh right. ‘Trixie, what the frak are you doing here?’
Trixie scowls. ‘Have you forgotten your manners in the... What in Celestia’s beard? I mean, what in Celestia’s name have you beard? No, I mean,’ -- takes a breath -- ‘Beard! Damn it!’
The Bearded Physicist fluffs his forming beard. ‘It isn’t that big yet.’
‘I can see it growing right now!’ Trixie turns away. ‘Shave it off or I am not coming in.’
‘Okay. See ya.’
The Wandering Beard turns and reenters the shop.
‘Are you going to...’
‘Nope!’
Trixie snorts. ‘Trixie has to do what Trixie has to do...’
The Shaven Physicist is nursing an eye twitch as he drinks a cup of tea. Trixie is busying herself in all of the kitchen cabinets.
‘Don’t you have any breakfast foods? How do you expect me to live like this?’ Trixie complains. ‘You don’t even have coffee.’
‘I don’t drink coffee, nor does Rei. If you want something to eat, Rei should have left some cereal.’
‘Yes, I found a half-eaten box.’
‘There you go.’
Trixie turns and levitates the box to the table. ‘No, it is literally half-eaten.’
‘At least she is getting some fiber...’ The Groggy Physicist mumbles as he examines the box. He groans. ‘I don’t have time for this. I should be in bed.’
‘It is almost ten. We should be out greeting the day. I’ve been pulling a wagon for the last three hours, and I have more energy than you.’
The Grumpy Physicist heads to his room. ‘Why are you even here?’
‘Somepony is snippy.’
‘I haven’t had a good couple of days. You can probably tell by the fact your biggest fan isn’t here kissing your hooves.’
‘Yes, where is my adoring public?’
The Wandering Physicist just groans and closes the door behind him.
Several hours of loud daytime television and obnoxious laughing later, The Extremely Irked Physicist comes out of his room. Trixie is laying on the couch watching television. She does not seem to know or care that she is imposing. She looks up at her host.
‘Care for some cake I found? It is quite divine.’
‘You know I didn’t use any utensils to eat that right.’
Trixie giggles as she takes another bite. ‘So it is like an indirect kiss?’
‘If you put it that way, yes, indirectly.’ Trixie giggles more. ‘With Twilight too if you wish to extrapolate a bit.’
Trixie stops eating. She looks down at the cake. She uses her magic to throw it out the open window. ‘Disgusting bunch of carbs and fat. It is going to go straight to Trixie’s hips.’
‘It looks like it will have friends.’
‘My, my, my. I have not seen attitude like this since the first time I met Rainbow Dash.’
‘Ugh.’ The Annoyed Physicist chugs the rest of the tea he left out. ‘Why are you here?’
‘I am between shows and felt like stopping by to see my friends. You happen to be on the way to my next booking.’
‘Why are you here?’
‘Well, uh, last time I parked in the middle of town, I ended up having to shop for a new wagon. You are enough off the beaten path, I figured it was safe.’
‘Yeah...’ The Wandering Physicist pulls out his sonic and points it at the television. It instantly changes to a game’s loading screen. ‘I am going to play Skyrim for the next few hours. Then after dinner, I am going play Skyward Sword until I go to sleep. If you want to tell me the truth anytime before then, I will find a pause button.’
The Wandering Physicist plops on the couch right in front of Trixie’s nose. She ‘eep’s, growls and settles in to watch him play.
Trixie is actually enjoying watching the game. She has made herself comfortable once more as she snacks on treats she found in Rei’s room. The Wandering Physicist set up Rei’s room for Trixie to use. Somehow, it looks just like the inside of Trixie’s wagon complete with the ‘special reading material’ under the bed. Trixie has a small laugh to herself.
‘I have two questions for you.’
‘Shoot.’
‘Does Twilight have a system that can play this game?’
‘Yeah...’
‘Then do you have a copy of it I can get for her?’
The Wandering Physicist sets down his controller. ‘Are you saying that you want to get a game that features killing dragons for somepony that has a dragon for a close, personal friend?’
Trixie giggles. ‘It would be so wicked.’
‘If you were really serious about getting Twilight or her friends a real gift, get them something from your travels. I am sure they would love it.’
‘Y-you really think so?’
‘Well, the fact that you actually got them something selflessly would be a big surprise, but it would be something nice to do.’
Trixie looks down. ‘I-I never thought of that.’
‘Which part?’
‘Listen! I am known to be a great gift giver! My travels and stature allows me to procure the finest spirits when gifts are required.’
The Wandering Physicist rolls his eyes. ‘The Sloppy and Drunk Trixie.’
‘It is tradition! The kids get our parents liquors while we receive money in return. Usually only eighty proof or above will go over, but sixty gets accepted if the bottle is large enough or it is high enough quality.’
‘Wow. You really have the system worked out. Booze and money and adjectives everywhere.’
‘It is not what you are making it out to be. Sure, we all have grandiose titles, and my two would be considered modest by some of my elders, and the spirits do flow freely, but we are a normal family like every other one you can name.’
‘Yeah. All magicians and poor sports. I’d love to see family game night.’
‘We are performers. Entertainers. Experts of illusion.’
‘Fine. So your imaginary friends are “real”. Still doesn’t change the fact that half of the members of your family I have met would not have even gotten this far with me.’
‘Ugh. Maxie. Forget about him. His whole side of the family are dirty people. Stupid, dirty people. I am getting sick just talking about them.’
‘Ooo. The touchy and painful subject. Wait until Twitter hears your great and powerful dirty secret.’
‘Ha, ha, ha. Every family has its issues. I can’t be the only one in the room with family problems.’
The Wandering Physicist glares and gets up. ‘This is over.’ He heads over to his TARDIS. ‘Sorry for everything I said.’
‘Don’t be a spoilsport. This was just getting fun.’ Trixie laughs smugly as she lays down again. ‘I thought for sure we were building towards,’ -- imitates a male voice -- ‘ “well you have a stallion in every city,” ’ -- back to her normal voice -- ‘and I would reply, “yeah, well, you are trying to nail my rival,” and we’d laugh.’
‘You know what, forget everything. Just do what you want. I had a nice thing going before you showed up.’
Trixie is shocked. ‘When I showed up, you looked miserable, and I have seen ursas with less facial hair. Don’t tell me that was a “nice thing”. I have seen that face before, and it is not a “nice thing!” You should be thanking me for showing up and saving you!’
‘You just randomly come to town and butt into my life and pretend to know what is going on? I have a well thought out system for my depression that works. When somepony interferes, that only makes it worse. Big freaking hero you are.’
‘You have a system for depression? This town is worse than I thought. Everypony here should be quarantined until Celestia can wipe this blight from the planet. The amount of crazy in the world would drop by ninety percent. From just removing this building and the library too!’
The Furious Physicist forces down his anger. ‘Whatever. Just whatever. Do what you want. I’m going to get some dinner then crash. Just try to keep it down when I get back.’
The Wandering Physicist enters the TARDIS and slams the door. Trixie rushes to the doors and opens them to find a closet.
‘Where are you...’
The TARDIS powers up and leaves. All that remain are the closet doors where it normally is parked. Trixie stares in disbelief. She screams as loud as she can and slams the door.
‘Every time, Trixie! Every single time!’
Trixie marches to her guest room, slams the door behind her and screams again.
The Wandering Physicist is trying to sleep off his fight with Trixie. They did not speak when he returned. They have been avoiding each other. The Wandering Physicist is tossing and turning in his sleep. At least he hopes it is sleep.
There is a flash outside of his bedroom door. After a gentle knock, Twilight peeks her head in.
‘Mr Wanderer?’ Twilight asks.
The Startled Physicist awakes with a jolt. ‘What the?’
‘Shh. I just teleported in real quick to see you.’
‘How did you...’
‘Shh. Let’s just let our bodies do the talking...’
Twilight goes over to the bed and climbs in. She locks The Surprised Physicist in a deep kiss and pushes him back. She get him to his back and starts reaching down his... Suddenly, he sits up and shoves Twilight across the room. She slams into the wall hard. The Angry Physicist draws his sonic and aims it at her. Twilight dissolves into Trixie as her illusion is undone.
‘What the serious f...’
Trixie starts crying. ‘How did you know?’ She sobs.
‘How didn’t I know! First, you reek of alcohol. Second, Twilight would never leave her family in the middle of a visit. Finally, she would never, NEVER do what you tried to do!’ He sets down his sonic and tries collecting himself. ‘What made you think this was a good idea? ... Besides the booze!’
‘I’m sorry. I just thought...’
‘No. Never mind.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘Listen. We had a bit of a fight earlier. You just did something utterly retarded. Let’s just try to get some sleep. Cool our heads. We can go somewhere nice and public for breakfast and just work everything out.’
Trixie just nods. ‘Okay.’
Trixie picks herself up and heads to the door.
‘Trixie. Listen, I am sorry about the harsh words earlier... and now... Sorry... Just sorry... I can’t think of anything better.’
Trixie nods and sighs as she leaves the room.
Once more, The Wandering Physicist is woken up by loud sound from his shop. This time it is knocking. He swears loudly at the noise, and that seems to work. Seconds later, a text message reveals that it is Derpy out front. He swears again and gets up.
Outside of the main entrance, Derpy and Carrot Top are carrying a passed out Trixie. Derpy waves as The Wandering Physicist rushes to open the door. The mares carry Trixie into the shop and lay her down.
‘Wh-what happened?’ The Confused Physicist asks.
‘I found her sleeping in my stall this morning,’ Carrot Top explains. ‘I think she was out with Berry Punch last night, given her random mumblings.’
‘You’re going to have to forgive me for not knowing every pony in town.’
‘Berry is a bit of a party animal. Not like Pinkie, but she has a bit of bad reputation since we were in school,’ Carrot Top replies.
‘She knows to stop when buzzed. Trixie here...’ Derpy adds.
‘And why did you bring Trixie back here? Your stall is across town.’
‘It is not that far!’ Carrot Top complains. ‘I was going to take her to Derpy’s, but she kept saying your name along with words I am certain Dinky is too young to hear so I asked Derpy to show me to your place.’
‘She fell asleep along the way here, Chief.’ Derpy adds. ‘She just needs a warm bed and time to rest to work the alcohol out of her system. Protein would be good too if she wakes up.’
‘Fine. Just toss her in her wagon. If it is too cold, push it into the middle of the street and light it up.’
‘Whoa! Chief! Where is that coming from?’
‘Last night, she... Never mind. It is personal.’
‘She... tried doing things. Right?’ Carrot Top blushes.
The Wandering Physicist winces. ‘How did you know?’
Carrot Top looks away. ‘It-it took me several minutes to finally contact Derpy when I found her.’
All the awake ponies awkwardly look away from each other. There is a loud snort, and Trixie looks up.
‘Where am I? Who are all of you? ‘ She focuses on Carrot Top. ‘What is wrong with your hair?’
‘Nothing is wrong with my hair.’
‘No, no. Let me fix it.’
Trixie’s horn glows for a moment and POOF! Carrot Top’s hair is turned bright green. Trixie immediately falls asleep again.
‘I second the wagon idea,’ Carrot Top grumbles.
‘We’ll fix it... again,’ Derpy assures.
The Wandering Physicist winces for several seconds. ‘Frak. Okay. If you help me get her upstairs, I’ll take care of her.’ He turns to Carrot Top. ‘And if you don’t ask how, I will undo that spell.’
‘Will it hurt? I mean, you’re not a unicorn...’
‘Only side effect is temporary deafness at the worst.’
‘Ooo! I know somepony who is getting a special carrot cake for the holiday this year.’
‘Is it me!’ Derpy cheers.
Carrot Top sighs. ‘You always get special carrot cakes.’
‘Woo hoo!’ Derpy does a small flip. ‘Carrot cake and carrot muffins!’
‘Uh... more important problem?’ The Wandering Physicist interrupts.
‘Right! Onward to muffins!’
Derpy lifts Trixie by her forelegs and drags her upstairs.
Trixie wakes to the smell of coffee. She opens her eyes and instantly screams as a smaller version of The Wandering Physicist is the first thing she sees.
The Gaming Physicist pauses his game. ‘About time you woke up, you take up a lot of couch space.’
Trixie tries backing up, but she falls off the couch. Her eyes lock on the cutie mark of her host.
‘Miss Pervert. There is coffee for you.’ The Wandering Physicist motions to the kitchen. ‘Picked it up this morning. Just finished brewing.’
Trixie looks to the kitchen and sees a steaming mug, literally, with her name on it. It also has her face on it, and she recognizes it as her personal mug from her wagon. She gets up and examines drink.
‘What is this?’ Trixie asks after a quick sip.
‘Freshly roasted java cappuccino. The only coffee I’ll allow in my house.’ The Wandering Foodie answers as he downs his cup.
‘How did you get fresh java?’
‘Tell me why you are here and I’ll tell you my secret.’
‘I told you already. I was...’
‘Lying.’
‘Hmpf. Ass.’
‘Oh, and I fixed Carrot Top’s hair for you.’
‘Who?’
‘The pony whose stall you borrowed last night and whose hair you transformed this morning.’
‘Oh! You mean Golden Harvest. Berryshine told me about her last night.’
The Wandering Physicist shakes his head at Trixie. ‘Those are nowhere near right. It would be like calling you The Beautiful and Stunning Lulamoon.’
Trixie thinks for a moment. ‘Do you have a copyright on that name?’
‘Creative Commons.’
‘Yes!’
‘Noncommercial.’
‘You suck.’ Trixie drinks her coffee. ‘Nectar of the gods, rejuvenate me.’
‘Why did you pass out drunk in a stranger’s market stall?’
‘Who are you? My mother?’
‘I have a strand of your hair, a sonic, a mobile and an app for that. I can get her private number on the line in ten seconds flat. Try me.’
Trixie stares into her coffee. ‘After what I did to you that I just wanted to erase all memory of my stupidity. Then you woke me up and reminded me.’ Her frown intensifies. ‘Do you have a setting on that thing that can erase memories?’
‘How far back do you want to go?’
Trixie scowls. ‘Sixteen years. When I got my cutie mark. Just to be a normal young unicorn again back in magic kindergarten.’
‘I’ve heard only bad thi...’
‘Canterlot magic kindergarten are different from Manehattan ones. Especially private schools.’
‘You were rich?’
‘What do you mean “were”?’ Trixie scoffs. ‘We’re the number one illusory entertainment family in the whole world. Five generations, two still active... minus my cousins.’
‘How come illusory entertainment sounds like something involving se...’
‘It is not! Seven major court battles proves it is not!’
‘After last night...’
‘You are never going to let that go, are you?’
‘You disguised yourself as one of my best friends and tried doing things to me! You are lucky I let you back in here after that.’
Trixie forces back tears. ‘I am so sorry about that. Please believe me.’
The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘It was late. You were drunk and lonely. We don’t have to claim it was anything else.’
‘Thank you.’ Trixie takes a long sip of her drink. ‘I don’t have romantic feelings for you. You can be assured of that.’
‘I know.’
Both ponies sit in silence for a moment.
‘I could have been home right now,’ Trixie sighs. ‘I have just spent so much time on the road...’
‘Nope.’
Trixie growls. ‘Fine. I hate them! I hate the Manehattan attitude. I hate the elite behavior. I hate the politics. I hate it all! It is all games to them. ... Especially her... Real life is the illusion in the family of illusions...’
‘Yet you are a great traveler.’
‘We all are, but it is all an act to them. Literally! I can get as many sold-out bookings as they do, but I am also willing to play small venues like Ponyville. The big city and professionally-schooled unicorns don’t come to our shows, but a Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville would. If she saw even ten minutes of the shows my family performs... A rampaging ursa would be a fitting disturbance.’
‘In our first meeting, you summoned an illusory one and last night you assumed the guise of one of my friends. That reeks of powerful magic.’
‘And a real ursa could easily behead a fake Twilight. Even if it is my mom behind the illusion,’ Trixie snorts then sighs. ‘At least my younger brother is spared the illusion of illusions.’
‘Not a performer?’
‘No, he got into music. I have some of his music in my wagon. I’ll get it for you.’
Trixie goes into Rei’s room and returns with a CD. The Wandering Physicist is a little surprised.
‘What? Your little trick? Please,’ Trixie rolls her eyes. ‘I was the one who called my family out for using illusions instead of maintaining simple coat and mane care. Some of them just hired ponies to do it for them.’
‘For one with an elevated opinion of herself, you seem to have a very critical eye towards others.’
‘You have to in that household. Canterlot nobility has nothing on Manehattan elites. The nobility will just look down their nose and tease you until they eventually get bored. The elites are sharks. One drop of blood, and you are destroyed.’
‘That is a myth.’
‘What?’
‘Sharks need more than one drop to go into a frenzy. Myth.’
‘Whatever.’ Trixie finishes her coffee. ‘Well, that is a lot of my baggage. What about you? What are you hiding behind your SoColt surfer attitude?’
The Wandering Physicist shrugs. ‘Well, I did make that deal. Come with me.’
The Wandering Physicist leads Trixie to an unassuming closet.
‘Right. This. I am still baffled how this trick works, especially since it is on the outside wall.’
The Wandering Physicist smirks. ‘You just need the right key.’
The doors are unlocked and pushed open to reveal the TARDIS. Trixie’s jaw hits the floor. She pokes her head in then pulls it out. She takes a couple steps in then backs right out.
‘This, this, this is...’
‘This is why I cannot have too many close friends. Very few ponies know the inner workings of my ship and now you cannot tell anypony what you have seen or else you will end up playing cards with Nightmare Moon a hundred years before your great-grandfather was even a sperm cell. Understand?’
‘So, time and space?’ Trixie stakes the TARDIS in. ‘Can we...’
‘You cannot visit your younger self. Big explosion.’
‘How can you live with such a thing? The potential knowledge would crush even the princesses.’
The Wandering Physicist looks around his ship. ‘And it destroyed my people...’
‘What?’
‘Me and a mate are the last. He fought his way through the war that ended our race. I was in line for a Wii.’
‘But all of your friends...’
‘Were jerks! My mate, he was the only one who was ever nice to me.’
‘But your family...’
‘We’re not big on family where I am from. Well, not all of us. Besides, I have a new family now. One that actually loves me back. Lucas, Rei, Twilight, Pinkie and even Coal a little, even if he is a daft pony from Canida. Whenever I get down, I just think of them and smile.’ The Wandering Physicist lets out a big sigh. ‘I miss them terribly, Trixie. Terribly.’
‘Time and space!’
‘This isn’t a toy.’ The Wandering Physicist scolds. ‘I can’t just fly around willy-nilly. That is how I was able to stay safe all of these years.’
‘If I were you, I would find a red suit by this evening and make a lot of ponies happy.’
The Wandering Physicist presses a button, and the suit Trixie was imagining lowers from the ceiling.
‘That is for later,’ he says with a smirk. ‘Now, we should get ready for dinner. Derpy and Carrot Top are expecting us.’
‘Dinner? How late is it?’
‘Mid-afternoon, but I know how you young fillies like to take your time getting ready.’
‘What does that mean? I am only a couple years older than Twilight. We’re about the same age.’
The Wandering Physicist goes over to Trixie and looks her in the eye. ‘Multiply that by a little over ten.’
Trixie stares into The Wandering Physicist’s eyes. ‘Oh wow. The things you have seen...’
‘Dinner in a few hours. Let’s get ready.’
‘Okay... But I have to get at least one story for my act.’
‘Noncommercial.’
‘Damn you to hell!’
The Wandering Physicist and Trixie are parked on the couch watching a movie after their dinner with their new acquaintances. They are a little tired from some after-dinner errands The Wandering Physicist had to run. Trixie is still wearing her red fur hat from their adventure.
‘Ooooo! Fuuuudge!!’ the movie broadcasts in surround sound.
The two ponies laugh at the scene. Trixie laughs a bit longer and smiles at her host.
‘I had a great time. Thanks for allowing me to join you.’
‘Glad you liked it. Operations like those go better when you have a stooge running interference.’
‘Hmpf. Glad I could be of some use.’
‘Besides, you haven’t asked your question yet.’
‘Oh? I have a question for you? What is it? Was that it?’
‘You know exactly what you want to ask.’
Trixie looks ashamed. ‘Well, you already gave me an idea of something nice to get Twilight and her friends for all of help they gave me last time I was here. I know what you would want the most, but we saw her when we were in Canterlot a bit ago.’
‘Trixie....’
‘Anyway, may I borrow your spaceship to make a delivery?’
The Wandering Physicist feigns surprise. ‘Oh? Where to?’
At a high-rise apartment in Manehattan, a late holiday party is turning into an all-nighter. Off in one of the many guest rooms, a light blue unicorn stallion with a dark silver mane is holding a pillow over his head to try and get some sleep.
‘You know that won’t work. Not when they are on their fifth bottle.’
The stallion bolts up to see Trixie standing at the foot of the bed. She smiles and holds her forelegs up. The stallion crawls across the bed and embraces Trixie.
‘Trix! I haven’t seen you in forever!’ The stallion starts crying. ‘Where have you been?’
Trixie fights back tears of her own. ‘Oh, here and there. I am currently between acts and in Ponyville now.’
‘What are you doing here? When did you get back?’
‘I am not staying long. I just came to see you. Don’t tell the family I was here, okay?’ Trixie pauses for a moment. ‘Unless it is mom alone...’
‘Yeah. Anything for you.’ He squeezes his sister tight. ‘It is just so good seeing you.’
‘Anything for my favorite brother.’
There is a bit of a crash, and The Wandering Physicist falls out of a wardrobe.
‘Sorry about that.’ He says as he picks himself up. ‘Just got a little worked up myself.’
‘Who is...’
‘You know the song Pull My Cart?’ Trixie gets a nod in return. ‘Well, I am great and powerful, you know.’
‘Um, hey. I listened to some of your stuff. Really good.’ The Wandering Physicist mumbles.
‘Thanks, man.’
‘Yeah, so I passed it along to some of my friends, and they’ll help you get published and get you out of some of the bum contracts you’re in.’
‘What? Who..?’
‘Shh.’
‘Also, while you are in town, I know some devs who would like your sound too. Stop by...’ -- tosses some business cards on the bed -- ‘Atari, Rockstar or Take Two and just mention The Wandering Physicist, and they should be cool.’
‘Yeah. Thanks, man. Who...’
The Wandering Physicist winks. ‘Just a friend.’ He turns to Trixie. ‘Take as long as you need.’ He goes back to the wardrobe. ‘And don’t think this is your gift. I have something special for you.’
The wardrobe closes. Trixie laughs at her friend.
‘Who is he and what is he doing to my wardrobe?’ Trixie’s brother asks.
The Wandering Physicist pops out again. ‘Did I mention: time machine?’
The Wandering Physicist is curled up in bed. He is finally getting a chance to...
‘Chief! Wake up! The Dal... ACK!’
Derpy starts coughing up the pillow that was shoved down her throat. The Wandering Physicist rolls over to try and go back to sleep.
‘Told you that wouldn’.... ACK!’
Trixie starts coughing up the pillow that was thrown with precision aim down her throat.
‘Well, happy holidays to you too!’
‘I’ll celebrate later. Just give me some time to sleep. ... and my pillows back.’
Trixie rolls her eyes. ‘Oh for the love of... There is only one pony that can get him out of bed.’
Trixie picks up The Wandering Physicist’s mobile, finds the number she is looking for, and dials.
Twilight is bouncing around her parent’s house in a state of pure glee. She does not even notice that her mobile is ringing. It appears she and her family were in the middle of opening their gifts.
‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’
‘I thought she got over doing that?’ Night Light says as he covers his ears.
‘Hey. Don’t look at me,’ Spike responds while covering his ears.
‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’
‘Dear, calm down!’ Twilight Velvet looks over the gifts. ‘What did she get to excite her so much?’
Spike starts digging through the gifts. ‘I have no id...’ He stops as he sees a large basket of gems. The card on the basket reads: ‘To: Spike. From: TWP’.
‘Great. I think we lost him too,’ Mr. Sparkle muses.
‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’
‘And somepony find a volume control for her!’
Twilight’s parents continue to try to calm their daughter down. They fail to notice a small box with an open locket inside. The locket is heart-shaped. On one side, there is a picture of Twilight and The Wandering Physicist together. The other side has an etching: ‘To Twilight Sparkle, The real Want-It, Need-It Spell’.
‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’
In another part of Canterlot, the princesses are having a much smaller gift exchange since it is just the two of them... and a hyperactive pegasus guest of Princess Luna. Having successfully distracted Rei with faux royal regalia from the princesses and a new (and unreleased) Vita from The Wandering Physicist, the princesses can finally exchange gifts with each other. Luna eyes the banana print-wrapped gift with some trepidation. Celestia watches while wearing her new hoof-stitched starry cloak and giggles at her sister’s reaction.
‘What is the matter, little sister? Don’t you like bananas?’ Celestia giggles.
Luna groans and starts opening the gift. ‘Must everything be a joke with you, sister?’
The younger princess opens the gift and reveals a simple phoenix doll. Her eyes go wide, and she starts tearing up. Celestia gives her sister a gentle nuzzle.
‘I remembered how much you loved the one from our foalhood. I would have fixed up the original, but I don’t remember where it disappeared to.’
‘Do... do you think Philomena would mind a visitor later?’
Celestia’s eye instantly twitches. ‘Now I remember what happened to that doll.’
Outside of a window, Discord and Philomena fly past, chased by royal guards.
‘Oh! Oh!’ Rei drops from above. ‘That reminds me! Wanderer-san asked me to say “hi!” to the him for him!’
Celestia imagines how Discord and the hyperactive filly before her would behave together. She instantly looms over Rei in the guise of Solar Flare, sun goddess of destruction.
‘You are never going near that fiend! Ever!’
Rei learns true fear for the first time in her life. She also remembers something that could easily diffuse the situation.
‘Be-arr-b!’
Rei zooms off to get something from her room. Celestia snorts at the thought of Discord. Luna plays with her doll gleefully.
‘I wonder why he didn’t come to see me when he was free again,’ Luna ponders.
‘Because Twilight Sparkle is still alive in this universe,’ Rei replies as she happily trots into the room.
Rei instantly freezes where she is with her wings and tail sticking straight out. Celestia and Luna stare at her in shock.
‘Uh... I mean... BEHOLD!’ Rei shouts in her best Royal Canterlot Voice and holds up a small package.
Both princesses are shocked at the large voice from the small filly.
‘I never knew we sounded like that.’ Luna readjusts her tiara and necklace back into position.
‘What!’ Celestia yells.
Rei sets the gift in front of Luna. ‘Wanderer-san told me to give it to you when your sister was around.’
Luna gets the eye twitch now. ‘How thoughtful of him...’
‘So he’s her secret boyfriend she has been sneaking off to see without me knowing!’ Luna scowls at her sister. Celestia smiles back. ‘What did he get her?’
Rei beams while Luna scowls. ‘Well, it is really from both of us. We had it custom made just for Luna.’ Luna opens the box. ‘It is a broach with the seal of The New Lunar Republic of my world. I made sure the design was perfect, and he had it custom forged for you.’
‘How... thoughtful of him,’ Luna smiles as she levitates the broach out of the box to examine it.
‘That was very sweet of him.’ Celestia nudges her sister. ‘Remember to thank him properly when you sneak out again.’
‘What? Yes! I will.’ Luna puts the broach with her phoenix doll. She smiles at both gifts.
There is a knock on the door and one of the unicorn attendants steps in.
‘Princess Twilight Sparkle, is here to see you.’
‘Send her in.’ Celestia replies.
Twilight bounces in after being pushed in the right direction by Spike.
‘Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!’
In rural Canida near the Equestrian border, Coal Tale is enjoying his holiday by reading all the new books he received. The day is also a lot quieter than he hoped.
‘Coal!’ a voice calls from another room in the house. ‘Get your brother and come down here for some brunch.’
Coal grumbles and gets up. He leaves his room and knocks on Droll’s door.
‘Idiot. Time for brunch.’
There is no answer. Coal opens the door and looks in. The general disarray is normal for Droll, but the one clean spot with a small note is very conspicuous. Coal reads the note and gets a large grin. He picks it up to show his family. The note reads: ‘He won’t bother you for 24hr. You’re welcome. TWP.’
Pinkie is sleeping late after staying up finishing preparations for the holiday party later that day. Everything is peaceful until Pinkie wakes up right on cue to begin the party. Only one problem.
The holiday card drops from her face and lands in her lap. She giggles at her silliness and picks up the card.
‘First, I added a few more settings to your cannon and upgraded your artillery with some more special effects.’
Pinkie checks out her party cannon. She notices new settings. One has a fir tree and lights on it. The other has a heart on it. She can barely contain a giddy squeal when she notices the heart has ‘PP + TWP’ inside it.
‘Second, I got you some special fireworks.’
Pinkie looks around and notice a small pile of a dozen bottle rockets. All of them have interesting names. On top is another note: ‘Try one out.’ There is a string going to a rocket aimed out the window. It is labeled: ‘How Equestria was Made’. Pinkie giggles and sets it off. The rocket shoots into the sky and explodes. A beautiful rainbow spreads over the Pie family farm. Pinkie gets the most joyful grin on her face as she quickly turns back to the card to see what else she is getting.
‘Last, you were too distracted by the rainbow to take in the whole field, weren’t you?’
Pinkie rushes back to the window and shoves her head out. The rest of her family is outside trying to figure out what happened.
‘Pinkamena Diane Pie! What’s goin’ on!’ Pinkie’s father shouts.
Pinkie scans the field. All of the rocks have been rearranged to look like her. The image is positioned such that it looks like the ends of the rainbow are coming from Pinkie’s hooves. Pinkie starts jumping up and down in the window.
‘Look at the field! Look at the field!’ Pinkie points as she almost falls out of the window.
The family looks where Pinkie is pointing and all laugh or smile at what they see. Pinkie makes a mad dash outside to join her family.
‘I knew you would like it. XOXO. TWP.’
Rarity’s family is enjoying a nice, warm, sunny day on a Floridoe beach. Rarity’s mom takes a large, fruity drink from a waiter and goes back to watching her husband and youngest daughter playing. Rarity takes an equally fancy drink and goes back to watching the waiter.
‘Those Gentiles can make great drinks, even if they charge a bit much.’
‘Yes. Drinks. Very tasty. Very. Tasty.’
Rarity’s mom smacks her daughter in the back of the head. ‘You already have two great men in your life, and you act like they are a couple of schlubs.’
‘Mother!’
‘Sure, that Stormy is still a boychick, but you could do worse.’
‘How I conduct my romantic affairs is none of your business.’
‘What, you’re still holding out for a prince or something? Believe you me, princes are more trouble than they’re worth. Your father there has more chutzpah than all of them put together.’ She starts sipping her drink. ‘Not to mention he’s bigger... you know.’
‘MOTHER!’ Rarity stands so quickly she spills her drink.
‘Rarity, calm down before everypony thinks you’re meshuggeneh.’
‘I will not sit here and be talked to like this, mother. I am going back to my room.’
Rarity starts marching away.
‘Oy! Again with the “own room” deal. You do plan on seeing your family sometime, right?’
‘I will join you for dinner, if that is what you are asking.’
‘Great! We know this amazing Panda restaurant you just have to try.’
Rarity stops and shudders. Can’t you stop being a walking stereotype for one moment! she shouts in her head before turning back and smiling. ‘Sounds nice.’
Rarity marches into the hotel and goes straight for the elevator. Once she reaches her floor, she heads right to her room and prepares to let out the scream of a lifetime (or afternoon for those that know her personally). She opens the door and is crushed by a roll of fabric. Before she can complain, she looks around the room and sees it filled with the finest fabrics she knows as well as some that are completely alien to her. That is when she notices a note taped to the door.
‘Hope this makes up for the days I missed. TWP. PS: Don’t go near the green with red lining if you have a benzene allergy.’
Rarity squeals with delight and starts rubbing herself on all of the fabrics, avoiding the green with red lining.
Stormy is with his family for the first time in years. He is using boredom to hide his nervousness. All of the attention being paid to him is a little unnerving. Since he has been absent for so many years, his gift haul is relatively small compared to his cousins. Towards the end of the gift exchange, Stormy’s grandmother and aunt approach him with a small stack of old books.
‘Uh, Stormy. We have something, um, special for you,’ his grandmother says.
‘We know your special talent is baking, just like your mothers. We have been saving these since...’ His aunt starts to explain.
‘These are your mother’s notebooks and all of her recipes.’
Stormy takes the notebooks and starts flipping through them. ‘My mother’s...’
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Ponyville Medical, a dark purple unicorn is resting in her bed. There is a brief flash of light in the room, and Stormy steps into the room. The resting mare stirs in her bed.
‘Who is there?’ the unicorn, Raspberry Soufflé, asks as she sits up.
‘Uh.... hey?’ Stormy replies.
There are a pair of thuds from behind Stormy coming from obvious facehooves.
‘Strawberry?’ Raspberry spots Stormy. ‘Oh! It is you Strawberry!’ She waves Stormy over. ‘Come here! I am so glad to see you!’
‘It is good to see you, too, mom.’
‘Look at you. All grown up.’ Raspberry takes in her son. ‘My boy grows up to be such a handsome young stallion.’ She eyes him. ‘That beard is a bit ridiculous though. Don’t tell me you are growing it to impress some mare.’
‘She is my boss...’
‘Oh no. No, no, no. When you get back to your time or whatever, you tell her that your mom won’t let you grow another beard for a few more years. Not until you are old enough.’
Stormy is confused. ‘Okay. How did you know I am from another time?’ A swear is heard in the darkness behind him. ‘Aren’t you the least bit curious how I got here?’
‘Strawberry, if you are here, now, like this, I know with even more certainty what I have known for a while now. Something I have known since long before I met your father. I am just glad to see my beautiful boy one last time before I leave you.’
Stormy cannot force back tears.
Raspberry sighs, ‘Strawberry. Sit with me for a moment.’
Stormy goes over and does what he is told.
‘Strawberry. I don’t know what he told you after I saw you last. I don’t know what he will tell you after I go. I don’t want to know so don’t bother opening your mouth. I have known what has been happening to me for a long time now. I really wanted to tell you not to worry and just be honest with you, but I was afraid you wouldn’t understand. Whatever miracle or spell or scientific advance that allows you to be here gives me that chance. I can see you become a fine young stallion. You are probably real upset that I had to leave you, especially with how he is, but know that all of our time together have been the best years of my life. And, when I pass, I will be happy because of seeing my most favorite pony in the whole world one last time.’
Stormy cannot fight it any longer. He breaks down crying where he sits. Raspberry motions him to her, and she holds him while they cry together.
‘Strawberry, I love you so much.’
‘I love you too, mommy.’
They continue hugging for several more moments.
‘You are the greatest son ever.’
‘I guess...’
‘It is true. Don’t let anypony tell you different.‘ Raspberry lets him go a second. ‘He did that to you.’ She eyes the cast on his horn and growls. ‘Don’t feel bad. A crack or two just makes magic more fun. Makes baking exciting.’ She points out some small, healed-over cracks on her horn.
‘Mom...’
‘What? You came all this way to worry about me. Why can’t I take ten seconds to worry about you?’
‘Mom...’
‘Uh... Stormy? We should get going.’
Stormy and Raspberry look to see Trixie standing in the room.
‘Is this the mare?’ Raspberry asks. ‘She is cu~ute.’ Trixie blushes. ‘Ditch the beard.’
‘Mom!’
‘She’s right.’
‘Trixie!’
Stormy growls. Trixie and Raspberry laugh at the young stallion.
‘Strawberry.’ Raspberry motions him in again. They hug again. ‘I love my little colt so much. You made me so happy.’
‘I love you too, mom. Forever. ... Happy holidays.’
‘Happy holidays, Strawberry.’ Raspberry looks up, past Trixie and right to the TARDIS. ‘Thank you for this special moment.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stormy is clutching the notebooks tight and crying. His grandmother and aunt are comforting him.
‘Best gift ever.’ He mumbles. ‘Thank you, Wanderer. Thank you mom.’
Octavia is experiencing what can only be described as pure bliss. She is getting a chance to catch up on her sleep before a very high-paying royal holiday concert. The night before, she and Vinyl had an early gift exchange where she got several very nice albums for her collection. Best of all, Vinyl has a booking out of Canterlot so she is several kilometers away and thus unable to bother Octavia for at least a day. Octavia smiles to herself as she rolls over in her Coltifornia King sized bed. Her muzzle slams right into something hard.
Octavia opens her eyes and growls at whatever potential prank Vinyl left for her to find. She instead finds an instrument case approximately the size of a cello. Further investigation proves that it does indeed contain a cello. There is a simple card in the case with the instrument.
‘Happy holidays, Octy. Hope you like your specially commissioned Stradivarius. It will authenticate if you have it checked. Peace, TWP.’
Octavia laughs and starts looking over her new instrument. Then she notices writing on the back of the card.
‘PS: What does such a small filly like you need with such a large bed?’
Octavia sighs and resolves to find The Wandering Physicist an expert and discreet proctologist to help her remove this fine instrument when she shares it with him.
Holidays with the Apple family are crazy disorganized and guaranteed to be messy. Something Applejack’s unicorn friends would have nightmares about for years to come. Still, the Apple family found a way to make it work with the minimum of injuries and calling the local fire department once in the last five years. This year is going like clockwork with all of the eager young foals like Apple Bloom doing all of the legwork while the older ponies handle the cooking and festivities. Applejack is currently helping one of her cousins slice apples for one of the countless apple dishes being made for the big dinner. Apple Bloom enters the kitchen with a small box on her head.
‘Applejack! Ah found another gift fer you!’
‘That’s all good, but Ah’m kinda busy right now.’
‘But Applejack, Ah found it in our room, and it wasn’ there earlier.’
‘Apple Bloom, are ya sure it wasn’t there befer and ya jus’ fergot t’ bring it out earlier?’
‘No! It jus’ appeared all magical like! Ah’d know if Ah saw it befer since it has such perdy purple wrappin’.’
Applejack is shocked. She misses an apple with her apple slicer and leaves a small dent on the cutting board. She quickly finds the nearest idle cousin.
‘Golden Delicious. Take over fer me fer a sec.’
Applejack and her sister step out of the room for a moment to find a quiet spot. Then Applejack takes a moment to examine the package more carefully.
‘What do ya think it is?’ Apple Bloom asks.
‘Ah don’ know. It could be anything.’
Applejack unwraps the package to reveal a box with a card taped to it: ‘For those long days in the field. I know it is not an Apple but trust me, this is better.’ Applejack lifts the card to reveal the words Galaxy Player. She shrugs and opens the box. Inside, she finds a device that looks like a mobile, but she can tell it is not.
‘What is it? Turn it on!’ Apple Bloom cheers excitedly.
‘Hold yer horses. Ah still figurin’ this thin’ out.’
‘What is t’ figure out? Jus’ turn it on.’
Apple Bloom presses a button on the side and the device springs to life. Applejack is a little surprised at the startup sequence. After startup is complete, a video starts playing. The back of a chair is seen. It turns to reveal The Wandering Physicist.
‘Oh brother.’
` “Oh brother,” indeed, Mr Purple.`
‘How’d ya do that? Are ya spyin’ on me?’
`No, I am not spying on you. This is an automated message. I assume you have not used a device like this, as evidenced by your archaic mobile.`
‘What is wrong with mah mobile?’
`That is not important right now. Anyway, I made and installed this tutorial program to teach you how to use the various features of your new Galaxy Player. It is predominantly a music and video player, but it has so many other uses if you delve into it. I really hope you like it.`
‘Cool! Ya finally got a music player!’ Apple Bloom cheers. ‘Too bad all o’ yer music is on cassette still...’
‘Hey! Those are classic mixes made by yours truly!’ Applejack looks at the music player. ‘Although, Ah have had mah eye on one o’ these...’
`Very good, Mr Purple! I am glad you like this. I also included a memory card full of music you may enjoy. ... Don’t ask how I got it, Element of Honesty. Just know that it was all legal. Trust me.` The Wandering Physicist grins and his eyes dart for a moment. `Stop recording, Lucas.`
The video stops, and the normal screen is shown. Applejack stares at the device, not knowing what to do next.
‘Come on, big sis! Ya have t’ show it t’ everypony!’
‘Yeah... Comin’.’
Applejack gets up and follows her sister out as Apple Bloom starts telling everypony she sees about Applejack’s new device.
Ness Grainsborough is getting ready to head out to his family’s holiday party. He is finding the red ball cap that looks best on him. His wife, Paula, enters their bedroom to check up on him.
‘We have to leave in a few minutes. Hurry up.’ Paula nags.
‘I’ll be ready. I’ll be ready.’
Paula moans and goes out to their living room. Her daughter is busy fussing over a flower arrangement.
‘Earth. Stop that. Go get your brother,’ Paula says as she levitates the flowers away from her kid.
‘But you need more baby’s-breath for balance! Balance!’
‘Earth! It is perfect. Get your brother.’
The younger pink unicorn frowns and gets up. She heads down the hall and goes right into a room. Neighponese pop music is playing.
‘Lucas, time to go... What are you doing!’
Lucas turns to his sister. His horn is glowing, and he has his back to the door. He looks very embarrassed.
Earth grimaces. ‘Geez! I knew you liked that group, but not that much!’
‘It is not what you think!’ Lucas quickly stands up. ‘I was just reading the book boss got me. He got them all to sign it since there are too many to sign the CD.’
‘Whatever, lover boy,’ Earth laughs. ‘Does this mean you are no longer interested in that pegasus you keep emailing me about?’
‘... Shut up, sis.’
Earth laughs again. ‘Just hurry up. Oh! And rip me a copy of the CD. I want to show off a prerelease album to my friends.’
Fluttershy is taking a break from the family tradition of singing songs all holiday to rest her voice a little. She is finally returning some of her gifts to her room, cherishing them because of who they are from. With her new Draconic phrasebook and fancy new Dovahkiin helmet, she is happily trotting to her room in Cloudsdale. She is humming one of the songs she found in the book. At her room, she sees a small note attached to the door.
‘To the Dovahkiin.’ Fluttershy giggles. ‘Do you know how hard it is to tape a note to a cloud? Answer: Not as hard as filling a room with flowers while distracted by your beautiful singing.’
Fluttershy pushes the door open to find her room filled with flowers, complete with a familiar yellow and pink mosaic. She calmly sets down her book, closes the door and trots in the other direction.
‘Fluttershy? Where are you going?’ is asked as she passes the family room. A white pegasus with a blonde mane looks out at Fluttershy.
‘Oh. I’m just going out for a moment. I’ll be right back. Please don’t go in my room.’
Fluttershy silently leaves and closes door behind her. She waves politely at the passing neighbors. After a few deep breaths, she lets out an excited squeal and shoots off into the air. She starts doing complex aerial tricks while laughing and cheering happily. All of the pegasi in the city stop and watch what they think is a yellow and pink application for the Wonderbolts. All of the pegasi except one.
…
Rainbow Dash is passed out in her home, something her parents are used to given her sleep habits. This time she is not asleep. She has fainted. In her hooves is an autographed photo. It is of herself, albeit a bit older version of herself, dressed as a Wonderbolt. The autographed reads: ‘To Rainbow Dash. Hang in there and keep training. Rainbow Dash. PS: Time travel is SO AWESOME!’ Rainbow Dash’s leg twitches as Fluttershy does a series of complex loops outside her window.
The Wandering Physicist, Trixie, Derpy and Dinky are sitting around his living room. Derpy is opening her gift. Trixie is on her third cup of coffee. The Wandering Physicist is busy playing with the very long scarf Fluttershy made for him. Sitting across the room from him, Dinky is playing with the other end of the scarf.
‘I can’t believe she made you something that long,’ Trixie comments. ‘Doesn’t she know how big an average pony is?’
‘I think it is cool. Four meters of fun!’
‘Aha!’ Derpy cheers as she holds up her gift. ‘Finally got through all of that.’
There is a large pile of wrapping paper around Derpy.
‘Don’t forget to clean up after you’re done,’ The Wandering Physicist teases.
‘You’re the one who had to hide simple DVDs so well.’
‘What did you get, mommy?’
‘Yet’s see.’ Derpy looks over the DVD box. ‘Inspector Spacetime. What is this?’
The Wandering Physicist smiles. ‘It is a fun little show from Trottingham. It is about a time-traveling detective and his partner and their crazy adventures fighting monsters from another planet.’
‘Why does that sound so familiar?’
‘Hello!’ The Doctor greets as he stumbles in. ‘Sorry I am late. I had some trouble parking. First I found some nutter parked in my spot already.’ Trixie glares. ‘Then I couldn’t get the right time thanks to some chronometric distortions in the area and... You were out all night delivering gifts to all of your fillyfriends, weren’t you? Love the scarf, by the way.’
‘Great of you to come, Theta.’ The Wandering Physicist laughs as he tosses a package to The Doctor.
‘What is this?’
‘Three times my age, and he doesn’t get it.’ The Wandering Physicist throws his forelegs up, tugging the scarf and pulling Dinky off her seat. ‘Seriously, D-Squared, why do you hang out with him?’
‘That was fun!’ Dinky cheers.
The Doctor examines the package. ‘Doesn’t seem to be volatile. A clue to disappearing homeless ponies in the area leading to a secret underground Cyber facility?’
The Wandering Physicist facehoofs.
‘You open it, genius,’ Trixie groans.
‘Right. You don’t have to be great and powerful to know that.’
The Doctor sits to open his gift just as a bolt of magic misses his head. He removes the wrapping and opens the box. He holds the contents up.
‘A fez and a bow tie. ... James, you shouldn’t have.’
‘It was no big deal.’
‘No, I really mean it.’
‘I think they look cool,’ Derpy comments.
‘That makes one of us,’ Trixie rolls her eyes. ‘Him wearing those would be like Wanderer wearing a beard.’
‘I like Chief in a beard.’ ‘HA!’ ‘Makes him look rugged.’
‘Ugh. I think we should agree to disagree.’
The Doctor is checking out his new clothing in the nearest reflective surface. ‘Was this all you called me for? Not that I am complaining. Fun little diversion.’
The Wandering Physicist and Derpy exchange looks. ‘Plan 3-α?’
‘Nah. Θ-10.’
‘What are you...’
Before The Doctor can react, Derpy has him in the air. The Wandering Physicist whips his scarf off and wraps The Doctor’s legs. Trixie uses her magic to snatch The Doctor’s sonic. Adding insult to injury, Dinky comes over and sticks a bow on the hogtied Time Lord’s head.
‘What is the meaning of this? Did The Master get to you?’
‘Sorry, Theta. This is for your own good.’
‘We’re taking you to a holiday party!’ Derpy smiles. ‘The Cakes are willing to host all of my friends who have stayed behind. There is going to be Carrot Top and Berry and Cheerilee and Rose and Junebug and...’
‘That is enough, D-Squared.’ The Wandering Physicist looks around. ‘Everypony ready? Nopony has to make before we go?’
‘You’ll never get me to talk! The TARDIS is safe! You’ll never get your hooves on her.’
The Wandering Physicist checks his mobile. ‘According to mine, yours is just three blocks away. Come on. You’ll have fun.’
‘You can’t do this to me! I have rig...’
Trixie puts the fez over The Doctor’s muzzle as she starts heading out. The Wandering Physicist and Derpy lift The Doctor up and carry him out while Dinky follows her mom.
Back after the party, The Wandering Physicist is gaming the rest of the holiday away while Trixie watches. She is on her seventh coffee.
‘Trixie.’
‘Yes?’
‘You were with me all night, and you saw me all day, right?’
‘Yeah? Why?’
‘Then how did that gift get on your bed?’
Trixie sits up with some surprise. She quickly runs to her room and returns with a small box.
‘Now, you’re just being cocky.’
‘I thought you weren’t interested in me that way.’
‘Funny.’ Trixie looks over the box. ‘Given what I have seen, this is going to be very touching to me or give you lots of laughs.’ The Wandering Physicist grins. ‘But it is guaranteed to outclass anything I could give you.’
Trixie opens the box and levitates out a set of keys. She looks from the keys to The Wandering Physicist and back a couple times.
‘Miss Sparkle is going to be very jealous of me.’
‘Funny. Check the note below the keys.’
‘It appears to be an address.’
‘That is your new apartment here in Ponyville. You have a place to stay whenever you’re in the area. Someplace where you can park your wagon.’
‘Is it furnished?’
‘I am not made of money.’
‘I have estimated that you spent at least three hundred bits on all of your gifts so far, so either the used game business is booming or you are dealing in goods other than what you advertise.’
‘Or we can check it out tomorrow and let you judge it for yourself. ... How long are you planning on staying, anyway?’
‘I should be on the road the day after tomorrow to make sure I have plenty of time to set up for my next show.’
‘Well, it has been... fun. Too bad you won’t see the others before you leave.’
‘Thank you.’ Trixie stares at The Wandering Physicist for a moment. ‘That face you had. That is why.’
‘My face? I thought you said...’
‘No. That miserable face you had. I said I saw it before.’
‘I remember. Where was that?’
‘In my mirror. A week ago. And everyday until the day I arrived at your shop. I just felt so lonely from being on the road for so long. I just wanted a friendly face who knows the pain of traveling on your own for long periods. I was so excited to see everypony again. But when I saw you...’
‘You were shocked by my miserable mood too.’
‘Right. I was happy to see a friend, but I could not bear seeing you like that. When you resisted my efforts to cheer you up, I just got really frustrated. I am glad to see you are feeling better now.’
‘You have been fun. You had boundary issues for a bit but once you started relaxing, I had a blast. And now you have a place to stay next time you’re in town. Some place to park your wagon.’
‘I still owe you a gift for at least letting me stay here.’
‘Nah. We’re good.’
‘The Great and Powerful Trixie pays all of her debts in full.’
Trixie creeps over to The Wandering Physicist. Before he can react, she uses her magic to pin him down. She leans in and whispers something into his ear.
‘And that would work?’
‘If she is anything like me, yes.’
‘So... follow the opposite of you advise then?’
‘Watch it there, smarty pants.’
Trixie lets The Wandering Physicist up, and they return to gaming the night away.
The Mostly Asleep Physicist just stands in the doorway to his bedroom and stares at his friends. Stares as well as he can through closed eyes. He is in his bathrobe and scarf, which trails back to the bed. All the friends in attendance are in good spirits and smiling at their friend. There is a noticeable space around Pinkie since she is wearing a sprig of mistletoe over her head. Fluttershy smiles a extra bit at the sight of the scarf.
‘Can I have ONE day this week where I can sleep to a sensible hour? Like noon!’
Twilight steps forward. ‘Mr Wanderer, we just wanted to thank you for...’
‘Twilight, Imma let you finish, but...’
The Wandering Physicist stops mid-sentence while pointing a hoof at Twilight. Everypony just stares at him.
‘I think he fell asleep again,’ Rainbow Dash comments.
‘Wanderer!’ Twilight shouts.
‘Waffles!’ is shouted back. He shakes off the sleep and ‘looks’ at Twilight. ‘Wassup?’
Twilight facehoofs and shakes her head.
...
The Wandering Physicist is making the rounds catching up with his friends by sitting on his couch and drinking a combination of Mountain Dew and jasmine tea to aid in the awakening process. He is currently chatting with Lucas.
‘...so that is why I had to encode a temporal lock on the CD.’
‘Thanks. Now my sister thinks her little brother is a pervert and incompetent,’ Lucas sighs.
‘I can fire you if that helps.’
‘How will that hel... It would help her... Thanks, boss.’
‘I’ll call her tomorrow and explain it. ... At a sensible hour.’
‘I’ll warn her to expect a call in the afternoon sometime.’
Applejack steps up to the conversation.
‘Howdy, y’all. Did y’all have a good holiday?’
‘It was pretty good. Got to catch up with the family,’ Lucas answers. ‘Catch you around.’ He leaves to join the party.
‘That’s super.’ Applejack changes her focus. ‘And ya?’ A beep comes from under her hat. She takes her hat off and looks at her mobile device. ‘Did y‘all jus’ email me yer answer?’
‘A lot happened. That was the easiest way to tell everypony.’
Applejack studies her device. ‘So y’all had another Trixie encounter, eh? T’ bad she had t’ leave.’
‘She’ll be back.’
‘Ah can tell.’ She looks up from her device. ‘Ah like this here device, jus’ so ya know.’
The Wandering Physicist checks his mobile. ‘You needed to access the camera tutorial three times. Really?’
‘How’d ya know that! Ah mean, no, Ah didn’t’ Applejack purses her lips and her eyes dart.
The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘It is okay. I am glad you like it.’
‘Thank ya kindly. Oh! Ah made a video fer ya. Now, how do Ah send it?’
‘Tutorial seven for attaching a file to an email or nine for bluetooth basics.’
Applejack just stares at the device. ‘How ‘bout if Ah just play it fer ya?’
She gives The Wandering Physicist the device, and he calls up the video.
` “How do ya tell if this thin’s recordin’?” Applejack asks.`
` “Here. Let me do it.” Apple Bloom says as she takes the device.`
` Applejack sits in front of the camera. “Howdy, uh, James. Ah, uh, just wanted t’ make a video t’ thank ya for this, er, device and, uh, show ya Ah could use it proper like. Ah really appreciate it. Yer a good friend.” Applejack blushes a bit from nerves.`
` “Awww! Now say how much ya like him!” `
` “Apple Bloom turn it off now! Yer embarrassing me.” `
` “Did Ah get mah cinom-, cinea-, cinnamon, camera-usin’ cutie mark fer helpin’ ya!” `
The video stops. The Wandering Physicist is trying not to laugh, but he is impressed. Applejack is embarrassed from the video.
‘Don’ say nothin’,’ She threatens. She gets out a hat like hers and shoves it on The Wandering Physicist’s head. ‘Here’ Got ya a Apple family hat as thanks. … Not that Ah think yer one o’ us or... Shoot. Ah think Ah hear Twi callin’ me.’
Applejack hurries off before she gets even more embarrassed.
…
Rarity and Stormy are chatting with The Wandering Physicist. He is enjoying a fresh cupcake.
‘This is so good!’ The Wandering Physicist moans. ‘Don’t tell Pinkie, but these are the best cupcakes in the world.’
Stormy laughs. ‘That is just what she said. Thank you.’
‘No prob.’
‘No. I really mean it. Thank you for everything.’
‘Anything for a friend.’
The Wandering Physicist and Stormy shake hooves. The Wandering Physicist smiles at Rarity.
‘Did you have a nice holiday? How was the mishpocha?’
Rarity growls. ‘You make me kvetch.’
The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Day eight, right? Aren’t you not allowed to travel?’
Rarity opens her mouth to start shouting, but Stormy stops her.
‘Very well. I can be the better pony.’ Rarity levitates a box over. ‘I assume your measurements are still the same.’
‘I have a bit longer neck. Needed a bigger scarf just to cover it.’
Rarity growls again. ‘It is just something nice for you to wear around work. Bring your shop a little class.’
‘This is great. I’m getting verkle...’
Rarity shoves another cupcake in The Wandering Physicist’s mouth before storming off.
...
Pinkie breaks an extended kiss with The Wandering Physicist.
‘Yeah. Very subtle.’
‘What? This isn’t just for show.’
Applejack walks past with a cup of punch. She strays a little too close to Pinkie. Pinkie instantly spins around and traps Applejack in a lip lock, and the punch is spilled over the floor. When Applejack is finally released, she stares at Pinkie in shock for a moment before running off in embarrassment. Pinkie turns back to The Wandering Physicist and smiles.
‘You’re cleaning that up.’
Pinkie frowns. She turns to get a rag and gets a face full of Rei.
‘Me next!’ Rei grins.
...
‘James, I would like you to meet my friend Amy.’ Selene introduces a white unicorn standing with her. ‘She was heading this way, and I invited her to come with me.’
‘Hi! So nice to meet you.’ Amy greets.
The Wandering Physicist rubs his head. ‘Really? You went this route? How did I know the big reveal wouldn’t go the way I wanted?’
‘James. Not so loud,’ Selene hisses.
‘Oh. He is perfectly justified,’ Amy states. ‘Besides, he knows I won’t visit as often as his good friend Selene.’
‘I guess you are right.’ Selene smiles at The Wandering Physicist. ‘I really liked the broach. I... would have gone with a less sensitive subject matter, but I have to give it to myself for coming up with such an inspiring design.’
‘Don’t get that big of an ego. It is not that impressive.’ Amy rolls her eyes.
‘It represents all free ponies. Not some constant reminder of who is in charge.’
‘Then why don’t we change the crest to something we all can agree on? Something we all like. Like a banana. You like bananas, don’t you Selene?’
Selene stands by The Facehoofing Physicist. ‘I prefer oranges, right James?’
‘You know. I just thought you would enjoy your gift like a normal pony. Hold it up to the moonlight some night and catch the right angle in the crystal. That was the message I was trying to send.’
Both of the disguised princesses stare at The Wandering Cryptographer in surprise.
‘Are you saying you...’ Selene starts to ask.
‘Yes.’
‘Then do you know about...’ Amy tries asking.
‘And more.’
‘Oh.’ ‘My.’ The sisters say together.
...
‘I’m sorry the scarf is so long.’ Fluttershy apologizes.
‘Nah. I think it is cool.’
‘I just started making it and got distracted thinking about who it was for...’ Fluttershy blushes.
The Wandering Physicist smiles back. ‘It is a very happy mistake. I love it. Goes with the look I am going for.’
‘He he. I am glad you like it.’
‘And I can see you like your gift, Dovahshy.’
Fluttershy blushes again and adjusts her helmet. ‘I-I am just wearing it to show how much I appreciate it.’
‘Yet’s hear it. Your best battle cry.’
Fluttershy smiles. She rears back as she takes a deep breath. She plants herself and shouts. ‘Fus ro dah~~~~.’ The Wandering Physicist’s bangs barely flutter. ‘Too loud?’
The Wandering Physicist grabs Fluttershy in a hug. ‘That was the cutest thing ever! I think I am going to die of diabetes now.’
A carrot is shoved in his face. ‘Here!’ Pinkie offers. ‘That is what saved me.’
‘Uh... Thanks?’
‘Oh! Almost forgot!’
Pinkie catches Fluttershy in a passionate kiss. Once free, Fluttershy stares at Pinkie for a moment before flying straight through the nearest window to find a faraway place to hide.
‘Huh. I would have thought the Dovahkiin to be able to handle something like that.’ Pinkie muses.
…
Rainbow Dash puts a foreleg around The Wandering Physicist and escorts him to a quiet corner. Behind them, Lucas has returned from the hardware store with a new window.
‘All right, Jimmy. Tell me about the future.’
‘Well, “it is going to be the future soon. I won’t always be this way. When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away”.’
‘No, tell me about me in the future.’
‘Well, you will be older. That is for sure.’
‘No! Tell me about me as a Wonderbolt.’
‘Well, you are going to need to practice more, but given that you saved them a half dozen times by now...’
‘Tell me how I join.’
‘I think there is an application process... And a boot camp.’
‘No! Tell me about the photo from the future!’
‘Silly, Rainbow Dash. You can’t photograph the future. Photos are light-based, and light has a set speed limit.’
Rainbow Dash does the first shout of the day worthy of a Dovahkiin and storms away.
‘You’re going to drive her insane with that photo, aren’t you boss?’
‘What CD from the future?’
…
Twilight comes over to the new window The Wandering Physicist is sonicing to attain the properties he desires. She is levitating two drinks.
‘Here. I got you more soda,’ Twilight offers.
‘Five nights ago, Trixie tried seducing me using an illusion to look like you.’
‘WHAT!’ Twilight drops both drinks.
‘First, you’re cleaning that up. Second, I rejected her immediately since it was a petty illusion, and she was drunk. Third, I know you would have done a better job if it were real.’
Twilight blushes and averts her eyes as she magically scrubs the floor. She giggles a bit to herself. Suddenly, a glob of wax lands where she is cleaning. She looks up.
‘Oh. Uh, I thought you were buffing the floor since you finished wiping up the drinks.’
Twilight smiles. She covertly levitates Pinkie’s headgear to herself.
‘Mr Wanderer... You know what this means, right?’
‘Like I said. Much better.’
The Wandering Physicist leans in and kisses Twilight.
‘D’awwww!’
Both break the kiss and turn to see Rei flying next to them.
‘My turn!’
Rei forces herself on Twilight for the kiss. Twilight is shocked to say the least.
‘Ahem!’
Rei backs off. Twilight collapses to the ground in shock.
‘I found a letter in the TARDIS this morning. It was addressed to you, Rei.’
‘For me!’
‘I left it in your ro...’
Rei darts to her room to find the letter. She sees it on her bed. She closes and locks her door as covertly as possible before inspecting the letter. It is relatively nondescript. She carefully opens it and slides the message out. It is typed on a nondescript paper, but the texture feels like the stationary Queen Luna used back home.
‘Dear Full Moon. We hope this finds you at the appropriate time of year. Wherever you are, we hope you are happy and your holidays have been full of cheer. Love, your parents.’
Rei stares at the letter in disbelief. Suddenly, a drop of water falls on it, followed by another. Somepony is cry on on her letter! She does her best to wipe her tears away and holds the letter close. She puts the letter back in the envelope and places it on her dresser with her locket.
‘I’ll figure you out one day. I promise.’
Rei wipes the rest of her tears away, puts on a happy face and rejoins the party.
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I think this may be relevant!
But, but y u no get Christmas presents?
2441500
Bit of a delayed reply (7w according to the counter, but I'm bored and have a bit of writers block [you know where too
]), but the reason usually is because I was getting stuff for my friends and they don't normally have money to spend on gifts for themselves. Then, of course, there were my siblings... I feel lucky if they remember my birthday. My brother emailing last year was more than most years combined... 
remember that origins theory i just posted? i just found something that kinda troubles it.
, implying that discord had a thing with luna when my theory suggests that he was more cannonised.
4255860
We don't know his relationship with the princesses before they sealed as revealed in Princess Twilight Sparkle. I chose to keep lines relating to a past relationship in since we don't really know. Though, according to the Writer's Panel at BABScon, the Journal of the Two Sisters books will discuss the sisters' pasts.
4255966
Did I miss something, im confused. Please explain
4413286
Holy hell. That was a tough one to figure out. I was as lost as you, but then it lucked out that this chapter was from when I was still leaving notes on my original documents. (This is definitely going in the FAQ.)
Answer:
The necklace contains a holographic message for the princesses explaining pieces of Rei's and the RoH universe's backstory that they were not informed about during Rei's debriefing. That includes things like Celestia's demise, the fate of Twilight and the other Elements of Harmony and Rei's lineage. Things Rei would have been too scared to share on her own. At least, that is what my notes say.
and the first time Jewish Rarity is shown. And This is amazing as I remember.