Desirable and Undesirable Factors

by Shadikal12345

Here To Stay

Here To Stay:

Roaming aimlessly, I happen upon a little duckling stranded and alone in the middle of the park. Crouching down I reach out, calmly talking to it, luring it in when a stone suddenly pelts the back of my head.

"Ow, what the-?!" I grab myself, pulling the hood down over my face I duck and run.

I hear laughing as I run, then: "That's right, you better run! We won't let you hurt that duckling like you did..." I can't hear them anymore, but now I've been driven further into the park, further into isolation.

I manage to cross a puddle along my path and take a long hard look at myself. The concrete grey hoodie is filthy and my jeans - well they were blue when I bought 'em - are somewhat faded, mud stained and smell of trash. Homelessness is a pretty hard lifestyle, but then again, beggars can't be choosers. Apparently. There's a little story about me that circulates through Ponyville, and though I disapprove it doesn't stop the whispers. They even made it into a limerick of sorts.

"One girl and many pets,
In one day, a lifetimes debts
A crime committed by one insane,
One is never the same again,
One girl and no pets."

It's popular but also banned because of its vulgarity thanks to the mayor. I'm grateful that at the very least, even if I can't be trusted that what little integrity I have left, can be respected. I hear the cawing of birds echo through the trees, the breeze whispering as it does. A sunny day to contrast against my feeling, warmth against lonliness and soft blues against earthy greys. Though, I'm used to being alone, used to not being in everyones way but today it seems like most other days that lonliness is just going to get the better of me.

Pushing my feelings aside for a bit, I lay down on the grass and get myself a good view of the sky, unobscured by the trees that hum and groan as they sway from side to side. A few leaves tumble over me as a chill comes across, shoots straight through me like a million tiny ice like claws. Shivering, I lean up for a bit, locate the nearest tree and scuffle towards it.

Tired, hungry and alone. Afraid, sad and angry. Emotion, thought and action. I wish I had only fought harder for myself, or that my friends- No, they're not my real friends. They didn't stick up for me when I needed them, talk to me when I was alone. They are not my friends.

Reaching into my pocket, I pull a crumpled piece of paper from the folds and unravel it slowly, fingers fumbling as the cold renders my exposed muscles useless. Finally, after a few moments of pathetic struggle I manage to completely reveal the contents inside. A photo, burnt slightly around the left side. It was the only thing I managed to salvage what wasn't already on my own back. Looking at the picture brings back memories of us a friends, when Twilight was just a crazy book worm and Rarity a vain little princess. Pinkie was a crazy party girl and Applejack was rather settled, working hard on the orchard. But Dash, she was the one I focussed on the most, thought she'd stick up for me, hoped that she'd be there for me. She was afterall, the one who looked after me when I was young.

I stroke the photo with upmost care, dragging my fingers across each of their faces, each but my own. A scorch mark runs through me and an empty hole where my face once was, had melted away. Rays break through the leaves, beam down on the photo and bring a strange warmth to the atmosphere.

"Fluttershy," I hear someone call over my shoulder, the voice comes from behind the tree. "It's been a while, little butterfly."
A deep and heavy accent, foreign but feminine.

"Ze-Zecora?" I ask, peeping out behind me.

"Take off that hood my dear, for me there is no reason to fear," Approaching me, she sits down next to me, takes interest in the photo as she leans in to closely examine it. "Such a time when you had these friends, too bad it all came to an end."

"You're rhyme scheme is pretty bad, I think you're getting a little lazy," The insult comes so casually to me, from me and off me. A few years ago, I never thought such words would've come from my mouth but now they flow like water.

Zecora appears a little offended, puffing her cheeks she lets out one long huff before: "Well why don't you try living in a forest by yourself then, I'm sure you'll find it easy."

"Is that an invitation?" I ask, looking her in the eyes. A cool breeze brisks past us once again, my fringe falls apart and seperates into threads slightly covering my left eye.

"Now don't get your hopes up," She begins, staring outward into the park. "I doubt I'll be allowed to under the current circumstances. Social outcasts should not band together, it only worsens our position."

"Oh," I sigh, scrunching the photo back into a ball, stuff it into my pocket as a chill runs down me.

"I'm sorry Fluttershy, really... But I can't provide you with the help you need right now. I can try discussing it with the Mayor, but I doubt-..."

I stop her where she is, trying not to rise my hopes again. "It's okay, really. I've been living like this for a year now, I'm starting to get used to it."

I admire the bangs around her neck, just two gold rings lathered in a long white sheet of hair which covers the slightly exposed shoulders, curves over her breast.

"I like your clothes," I say, tone sheepish. "They look really nice."

She reveals a khaki satchel from behind her, lies it down in front of me. "I was looking for you these last few days, this at the very least is what I can do," pushing the bag toward me I openly accept it.

Undoing the few buckles to find a fresh set of clothes, a small loaf of bread and a flask. My eyes widen with hunger, gratitude, joy and saddness as I'm left absolutely speechless.

"It's not-... No, don't cry," Reaching out she wipes my cheeks.

When did I start crying?!

"I'm not crying," I lie pathetically, sniveling a little. "See? Happy face," The smile feels weak, probably looks just as bad.

"Yeah, not working sorry," Zecora replies, completely unconvinced. No surprises there. "I want you to get changed into these," Literally throwing the bag at me this time, I almost stagger back as I barely catch it. "Hand me those other clothes when you're done, okay?"

I quickly lurch upright, bounce to my feet and find the nearest place to change in discretion. A few bushes stand out to me, but I realize that the surrounding area is far too open for my liking and the branches too spaced out. I then notice a stream of water passing through not too far from those bushes and a conveniently placed bridge, but I'd be standing in water so that won't work either.

"Just go over there," I hear Zecora say, pointing out a nice outcrop of land surrounded by several well placed trees, oak by the look of it. "You'll be fine, people don't usually come this far into the park, that's to say it's too time consuming."

Her tone is scary but I love it, such an exotic voice but it all sounds too good to be true; clothes, food and sympathy. There must be a catch. That's something about me I've realised. Trust doesn't come so easily anymore, but I'm becoming more and more attached to this generosity.

"Thank you again."

"Don't mention it."

I make a quick break for it, running as fast as I can in fear of being seen. My heart pounds as adrenaline rushes through me, like old times. Times when I'd get scared of something like my own shadow, then dash to the nearest bush to get away or loud noises like thunder during storms. Everything scared me, but it helped that there was always something to hold onto during hard times. I manage to cross the field with a little breath left in me, panting I drop to my knees suddenly, sweat breaks out over me.

I should really clean myself before getting into these clothes, damn it, what's wrong with me?

"Damn it, what do I do now?!" I curse, see Zecora walking towards me. She's smiling, that grim but charming smile; it hasn't changed. I edge the lip of the bushes, poke my head out, "I need to wash myself down," I call out but my predicament goes unanswered till she arrives.

"I'm not sure why I didn't think of this before, but what about the public bath house?"
The idea shocks me, there's no way anyone would let me in there. Not after all the distrust the town holds towards me, but not only that; the absolute disgrace I'd have to face as I'm stormed with insults.

"Don't worry, it's a public holiday today remember?"

"Oh... Right, I knew that; yeah."

Grabbing me by the arm she gently pulls me from the bushes, they rustle and snap as I trod clumsily through them. "Everyone should be here at the park by eve, that's when I'll take you in. Actually, there's someone there who has been wanting to see you, but too afraid to compromise her position if caught."

"Who?" I ask, gripping the satchel.

"Lotus, she's been waiting patiently for you to come on by."

I give Zecora a curious look, "How do you know?"

"I'm still welcome there of course, but I'm not appreciated by everyone who's still a little sceptical of me and my methods."

Sighing, I sit myself down on the grass. "Will you stay with me for a bit?"

She almost looks surprised, her expression quickly changing to a softer tone however. "Of course, it must be lonely wandering the streets," sitting down she wraps an arm around me, brings me in. "I wonder though, even after all of this, your teeth are still so pearly white."

I find this a strange statement, something very odd to point out but comfortably reply: "Some people take pity on me, others mock me but they still leave me with atleast a little dignity. Though I don't know who, a toothbrush and a little tube of paste was left outside the bus shelter."

"And you didn't find that suspicious?"

I shrug, "Back then I was desperate, I threw myself on the ground and begged for someone, anyone to let me in."

"You have been through some tough times," she pets my head and I lean in on her shoulders, nuzzle in.

"I don't know why I didn't turn to my friends when I had the chance, I really don't..."

Things happened like some sort of decline, like they just started rolling down one massive hill; endlessly. Into the pits of eternity, they all fell away and I felt nothingness fill me like a massive black ocean, it crashed and curled, drowning out everything I held close to me once, a long time ago. That's how I felt when they left me, when things changed so suddenly. My friends...

"You didn't do it for them?"

The question rocks me, my eyes shoot open as I break my lulled senses. For them? "I don't think that once, in that state did I ever think about their intentions."

"What about Rarity, I know for certain that she still lives here."

I shake my head, my hoodie scuffles a little. "Yes, she does still live here, but she cut our connection long before any of that. Have you-..."

I feel Zecora nod, a quiet hum of affirmation confirms the answer before the question.

"I've heard the stories; I shouldn't have asked."

"No, you shouldn't have..."

"It's tragic, really-"

"I don't want to talk about it," Biting my lip, I restrain my next few words, revise and reconsider, then: "She might not be my friend, but I still respect her; Rarity that is."

"Should I tell her that the next time I'm in?"

I think it over, shake my head, "No, neither of us would profit from something like that."

"You're still concerned about the outcome of others?"

A leaf floats down in the wind, twirls gracefully before landing down by my feet. I stare blankly, but thoughts cross my mind, some trivial and others... These shoes, they're starting to hurt me, maybe I should check out the dump later on or something... Yes, I had delved as far as the dumps to get what I needed, a cesspool of waste becomes a wide open store for me to observe, take what I wish. What's that saying, One mans trash is another mans treasure? Whatever it is, I held to its letter. It isn't theft either since the dump is literally one huge heap of trash and it isn't owned by anyone, even the people who manage it. They just take note of the mess, make sure it isn't crowded and keep check of whether any vandals might come in and try something brash. What a wonderful green, the leaf, so green...

"You're not hungry? You haven't touched your food yet," with her free hand, Zecora reaches around my front and I quickly pull her in, bury my face into her shoulder.

"Please, please don't go!" My fingers grip the dress tightly, desperately. I want to hold onto her forever, the first known person to be compassionate to me and I don't ever want to let her go. It might've been unwise, it might've been sudden but my outburst had a reason behind it, pent up feelings.

Gently but surely she pushes me away, lifts my face and stares deeply, sympathetically into my eyes. "You aren't alone," she pecks me on the forehead, brushes me down. The feeling of hands being where they are, where they were and where they're going feels all too familiar; a sign of comfort. "You really should eat though, at the very least."

I oblige, wiping the tears away I fumble around for the satchel behind me and lift it around. Opening the lip I pull out the bread, find it's wrapped in a dry green leaf much like lettuce except it isn't crunchy. Snapping the cake in half I offer one half to Zecora who politely presses it back.

"It's yours, you eat it."

"Thanks again, really." I take a small bite and return my view to the leaf. It's crumbly, falls apart in my mouth... It's good! The sweetness runs through my mouth like a rush of sugar bursting from a sweet.

"This is amazing," I gasp, gripping the bread in an attempt that I hope it never ends, this euphoria. I recognize something though, a familiar taste almost like I should know it. I take another bite, this time a little bigger.

"Do you recognize it, the taste? A signature of someone you used to know."

Swallowing the lump I reach into the bag and pull out the flask, quickly unscrew the cap and pour its contents into the lid. It steams, the liquid does and the smell of spice rings throughout. I throw it all down, ignore the heat of the broth as I make another move to the bread.

"It's Pinkies' bread and I'll have you know that she's living in Manehattan. Apparently she owns a bakery there, sells goods every now and again."

I stop eating, look up and ask: "Why are you telling me this?"

She almost sounds surprised, replies: "Well, wouldn't you like to know how your friends are doing?" With the arm she had wrapped around me, she manoeuvres it down my body and places her hand against mine. "At the very least, know that they're happy. Whether it's because you didn't interfere or because they grew that way; they're happy."

"They're happy, but I'm not..."

"It's only natural, you're homeless after all. Homeless people generally aren't happy because they hold onto the things that made them suffer, can't get past them. If they could move on, don't you think that they could turn their lives around?"

"I stink," Changing the subject, I quickly place the flask, sealed up in the satchel. "It's getting dark, I think I should leave now."

"We should leave now, a great suggestion." Picking up the satchel she grabs my hand and pulls me up. "I don't know how you've managed to survive this long alone, kept yourself in shape but it's impressive; you must have quite the story to tell."

"Maybe later," I swat it away.

---

Comments

[SentinalEmpire]

What happened to fluttershy?

[Shadikal12345]

6949292 Sorry this is so late, but since I'll never get back to this story, what I had planned years ago was that Fluttershy was accused of burning down her own house with her animals still inside. I don't recall how far deep this was all supposed to go though.