The Wonder Years
Chapter 2: Cadet Scootaloo Reporting For Duty Part One
Manehattan
45 Bridleway, Apartment #121 aka Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse MK. II
Scootaloo tossed her saddlebags onto the secondhand couch, one of the few pieces of furniture in the run-down, one-bedroom apartment.
Letting out a tired yawn, she flexed and rotated her stiff joints, loosening her tight wings in a flutter. Another day at Speedy Wing Couriers was complete, but left her wings feeling like lead weights.
Much like the rest of her, the young flyer’s wings had grown large to match her body. No longer a little chicken, Scootaloo had sprouted up to become the tallest Crusader. Applebloom had switched to affectionately calling her a ‘giraffe’ on account of how long in the neck she’d gotten.
Throwing aside the soiled grey uniform, Scootaloo couldn’t wait to jump in the shower and rinse off the layers of sweat and grime she’d picked up from flying from one end of the industrial city to the other. Even the lighting bolt crossed tire that made up her cutie mark looked like it had been driven through the mud.
Not the first time it had been soiled. She’d earned, what she termed ‘the most radical cutie mark since Rainbow Dash’s’ during a part time stint at Ponyville’s postal office one summer.
A bad strain of the feather flu had knocked out half the delivery ponies. Everypony else saw it as bad luck. Scootaloo saw it as a challenge. The speedster had hitched a wagon loaded with half the day’s mail to her trusty scooter and burnt a trail clear across town. In a thunderstorm. Every piece delivered to the correct address. All in under an hour.
She’d been fired immediately for misappropriating equipment without consent, but who cared? Cutie mark earned, and it was ever so sweet.
Made sense she’d fall into a similar job in Manehattan. It was a cruddy job in many respects: the hours were long and her bosses were jerks, but as one of the quicker couriers in the company—the fastest in her opinion—she got some of the most lucrative assignments, so the money was great.
Or great for Ponyville, at least. Scootaloo sniffed, looking at the bits of paint peeling off the walls as she walked across the worn carpet. She winced as her hoof touched a stiff dried-on stain, not even wanting to guess what it had been.
It took all three Crusaders working to afford living in Manehattan. She loved the girls, and had fond memories of sleepovers when they were fillies, but three adult mares sharing one princess-size mattress got real old, real fast.
After a long luxurious shower, Scootaloo raided the kitchen. Following a nutritious snack of sliced apples covered in peanut butter, washed down by a protein shake, Scootaloo crashed onto the couch with a loud belch. Her eyes wandered over nothing in particular. She felt like vegetating.
This being a weekday, Sweetie Belle would be back from her shift at the jazz club soon enough and she could hear Applebloom’s snores coming from the bedroom. She was probably exhausted after a full day of classes at the Manehattan School for Architecture, plus a shift at the construction site.
The earth pony’s drive always amazed Scootaloo. She didn’t think she could manage studying and working at the same time. Of the three Crusaders, Apple Bloom turned out to be only one destined for higher education. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle had followed their fellow crusader to Manehatten for their own reasons; Sweetie Belle to start her singing career.
If she was honest with herself, Scootaloo had only come along to not be left behind. She felt a little jealous of her friends. They at least pursued real careers, while she was stuck in a dead end job.
With nothing better to do, Scootaloo took to sorting the day’s mail. Electric bill, water bill... To her frustration the water bill had gone up.
Again.
Feathering utilities. What a bunch of robbers. This was the third rate increase this year.
The girls would have to switch to shorter showers if they wanted to stay in budget. Just great. One of the few luxuries Scootaloo actually enjoyed, gone. There was nothing like a nice hot shower to relax tight muscles after a long day. Sweetie, especially, was going to just ‘love’ the news she couldn’t take bubble baths anymore.
Oh well, back to the mail. ‘You may have already won a million bits’, Musicians Monthly for Sweetie, a letter from the Wonderbolts, another bill…
Eyes widening, in her scramble, Scootaloo scattered the other suddenly inconsequential pieces of mail to the four corners of the room. Her hooves shook as she beheld envelope. Stamped with the Wonderbolts’ insignia, in her mind at least, it contained the single most important, life-changing piece of paper she’d ever received.
“Hey, Scoots! What you got there?”
Startled, the young pegasus squeaked in surprise. The letter was thrown into the air to be caught in a green aura. Scootaloo hadn’t even heard Sweetie Belle enter.
“Geez, Sweetie! You scared the horsefeathers outta me,” heaved Scootaloo.
Sweetie Belle giggled. “Sorry, but you were kinda zoned out. What’s got you so distracted? Usually you come home and pass out on the couch.” Scootaloo pointed to the letter by way of answering. The unicorn’s eyes grew large when she got a closer look. “The Wonderbolts?” It came out as a whisper then grew into a cry. “The Wonderbolts, Scoots!” She wrapped her friend in a hug, hopping up and down in joy. “You made it into the Wonderbolts!”
A raised orange hoof halted her celebration. “That’s a ways off, Sweetie. The letter’s just from the academy. I haven’t even opened it yet.”
“Well what are you waiting for?” Sweetie asked in growing impatience. The pegasus rolled her eyes. Sweetie acted like her future hung in the balance.
“Well somepony interrupted me.”
“Open it then.”
Scootaloo held a hoof up for patience. “I want to open it carefully. Savor the moment, you know? I don’t want any rips on the envelope when I get it framed.”
“Hmm… Nah.” Before her friend could react, Sweetie ripped open the envelope with her magic. “Let’s see here.” She kept the angry pegasus at bay with a light repulsion spell while reading aloud.
“Dear Scootaloo: Thank you for your application to Wonderbolt Academy. Blah, blah… the application process is rigorous… Wow, they sure like to draw things out.” She skipped to the important part. “Here we go.” She cleared her throat and continued, “We are happy to inform you that we are prepared to accept you—”
Scootaloo jumped into the air and freaked out, screaming,“Yes! Yes!” pumping her hooves while spinning wildly around the room. She was in! She was bucking in. A lifetime of work paying—
“—as our new waterpony.”
Scootaloo blinked. “Wait, what?” Her mind froze, and lost any remaining control over her wings, sending her crashing to the floor in a confused pile. Peals of laughter burst from Sweetie Belle as she hopped away. “No way it says that! Gimme!”
Holding the letter just out of reach with her magic, A giggling Sweetie Belle led the wannabe Wonderbolt on a merry chase around the living room. Scootaloo growled with every missed pounced, the unicorn weaving the piece paper erratically as she ran. Finally. Sweetie made the mistake of trying to leap over the couch, on which Scootaloo had been heaped only moments before. Her hind leg caught on the backrest, earning her a face-full of cushions.
Not missing the opportunity, Scootaloo dived bombed her prone friend and flipped her over. “Revenge!” she shouted, then commenced the tickle torture, rubbing her feathers up and down the white unicorn’s now vulnerable cutie marks. She gave Sweetie’s music-note-embossed hearts no mercy, the tickling making her victim squeal. “Say uncle.”
“Uncle! Uncle!” Sweetie cried, causing her torturer to roll off. “No fair, using your wings, you featherhead. I almost peed myself,” she panted out, catching her breath as Scootaloo retrieved the discarded letter.
“Well, that’s what you get for messing with the fastest pegasus in Manehattan,” Scootaloo bragged, puffing up her chest.
“Maybe the biggest ego in Manhattan,” said Sweetie Belle, earning a playful punch. “Ow, not so hard.” She rubbed her shoulder with a pout only for Scootaloo to shake her head.
“That wasn’t hard. You need to start working out more,” she said, giving Sweetie’s soft flank a poke. “Got to get some muscles on you like me,” she added, flexing the muscles around her open wings for emphasis.
The petite unicorn turned up her nose and affected a prim and prissy huff which would’ve made her sister proud. “I’m a singer. As such, I need to stay slim, soft, and sexy.” She got up to give a twirl and finished with a sultry wink. Scootaloo giggled as Sweetie Belle spoke, sounding more and more like her prim elder sister. “I’ll leave the muscles to uncouth ruffians such as yourself, if you please. Now fetch me some refreshment, waterpony. I am positively parched.”
“Oh, ha ha.” Scootaloo flapped to the kitchenette, returning with a full glass which became enveloped in Sweetie’s green aura. “Okay, so you had me going for, like, a second,” she admitted as Sweetie sipped.
“Yeah, well, I needed to pay you back for dumping rainbow dye in my shampoo last month.” Sweetie gave her pink and purple toned mane a loving toss. “Nopony messes with my hair and gets away with it.”
“I told you it was an accident. I wanted to try the rainbow look. I just got the bottles mixed up, is all.”
The unicorn raised a well-groomed eyebrow. “And the glue on the toilet?”
“That was me trying to fix the crack in the seat,” Scootaloo admitted sheepishly while scratching the back of her neck. “But I swear, if I’d known we’d end up having to shave your butt, I would have waited for Apple Bloom to fix it.”
“What’s all the ruckus?”
Stopping their argument for a minute, the pair watched Apple Bloom stumble into the living room. Still dressed in her apple-dotted pajamas, she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before letting out a wide-mouthed yawn. “Some of us are tryin’ ta sleep, ya know.”
There would be no more sleep, however; Sweetie emitting a high pitched squeal put paid to the notion of going back to bed.
The others protected their ears, lest they go deaf. They’d seen the amateur singer shatter crystal champagne flutes once, such was her pitch. Needless to say, her elder sister had been less than thrilled by the loss of her very expensive glassware. Words had been exchanged, some of the sort normally found on the back of dumpsters. Words the Crusaders never expected to spew forth from the mouth of a prim and proper lady such as Rarity.
“Lan’ sakes! What’s got Sweetie more excited than jackrabbit on a—”
“Oh nothing,” interrupted Scootaloo, cutting off another Apple family countryism before it got rolling. She buffed a hoof against her chest. “Just got accepted into Wonderbolt Academy. No biggie.”
She was instantly tackled to the ground. The orange pegasus gasped for air as the much stronger earth pony wrapped her hooves around her midsection in a crushing hug. It got worse when Sweetie Belle jumped onto the pony pile.
“Girls, can’t breathe.”
“Oops, sorry there. Sometimes Ah forget mah own strength.”
“Yeah, sorry. Anyway, we just have to celebrate!” Sweetie Belle cheered. “Let’s go to the new wine bar that opened across town.”
“Nah, this ain’t time for yer frou-frou wines and the like.“ Apple Bloom waved her off. “This calls for real drinkin’. Ah got just the thing.” Apple Bloom soon returned from the bedroom with a box of bottles. Scootaloo’s eyes brightened on sight of the label.
“Is this Sweet Apple Acres hard cider?” Sweetie Belle asked, cradling a bottle like it contained the rarest ambrosia.
The earth pony nodded. “Eeyup. Mah sister’s own special recipe. Ah’ve been savin’ it for a special occasion. Ah’d say y’all joinin’ the Wonderbolts sure ‘nuff qualifies.”
“Well, I’m not a Wonderbolt yet,” Scootaloo said with hint of modesty. She used a wing to twist open the cap of the bottle offered to her by Apple Bloom before taking a draft, while Sweetie used magic to open hers, and the earth pony only needed the strength of her bare hoof.
“Phff… Like ya won’t make it. That’s silly talk. Didn’t ya hear? Rainbow Dash is in charge now. No way ya can fail with her there.”
“I wouldn’t count on Dash giving me any special treatment, guys. Remember when she taught me to fly that one summer?”
Just recalling ‘Coach Dash’ made Scootaloo’s wings shudder. During training, Dash had been like a whole other pony. Gone was her supportive honorary sister. In her stead, a loud, foul mouthed monster demanding one more wingup, one more lap around the park, always one more of everything.
“She was brutal. Muscles I didn’t even know I had still get sore just thinking about it.”
“She warned ya ‘fore ya started. She wasn’t gonna let ya quit.”
“I don’t know,” said Sweetie Belle, taking another sip of cider. “Sometimes I thought Rainbow’s training methods were a bit unorthodox. Didn’t she chase you around a track with poo on a stick one time?”
Scootaloo shivered at the memory. “Yeah that was...” she reclined on the couch, “pretty gross. One morning she ordered me to do one hundred jumping jacks under two minutes. If I failed she said she was gonna shave my mane, and if I gave up I’d lose my tail too. I thought she was joking till she showed me the clippers. I never thought I’d ever hate Rainbow Dash.”
“Can’t argue with the results,” said Apple Bloom. “She got ya in the air just like she promised.”
“Yeah, and she treated you to ice cream every Friday.” The unicorn popped open another bottle and lay on her stomach. Scootaloo rolled over to face her friends.
“That was the weird part. It was like...” she searched for the correct word, “...like there were two Rainbows and they didn’t know each other. When we weren’t training, she acted like she wasn’t putting me through Tartarus. Never talked about it. Just did sister stuff.”
“I wouldn’t count out special treatment just yet, guys,” Sweetie chimed in, holding up the letter. “Looks like Dash left a note for you, Scoots.”
Dear ScootalooHey Squirt,
Bet you’re super stoked right now. Wish I could have been there, just to see your face when you read the letter. I remember when I got mine. I tried to play it all cool, you know, for the girls and stuff. I got a reputation to maintain.
Between you and me, (and probably Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Hi girls!) I was flipping out. At least you’re getting one week’s notice (I’m crossing my hooves the postal service delivers this on time). Me, I got a whole twenty-four hours. Good thing Cloudsdale is only a short flight from Ponyville.
Anyway, I know you and the girls will want to celebrate so I’ll wrap this up. I can’t wait to see your smooth moves, kid. I’m not going to lie, this is going to be the toughest challenge of your life, but I know you’ve got the right stuff.
You learnt under the wing of the Best Flyer in Equestria, after all.
Can’t wait to see you try to break my academy records.Can’t wait to watch you break my academy records.
Anyway, got other letters to send out so I’ll wrap this up.
Drink a cider for me.
Yours truly,
LoveMeh, screw it
Love (Show this to no one on pain of plucking)
CaptainYour Honorary Big Sis Rainbow Dash
Putting down the letter, Scootaloo knew that for the next few days sleep would be near impossible. Wonderbolt Academy was going to be the most exciting experience of her life. Ever.
I've been looking forward to seeing this published
Oh, this one. I look forward to re-reading it tomorrow.
3253756
I'm happy to see your masterpiece out, even though you call it a more leisurely story. I consider it to be a far more serious piece that you are doing a marvelous job with. I can't wait to re-read it and see more of it come out.
~SolidFire
Why isn't this amazing story in the feature box already
When you're done with this story, I will eagerly read that one.
Anyway, I'm definitely looking forward to more. This is a hilarious read thus far, and I'm sure it'll only get better from here,
3253886 now it is
3254044
You know it seems like you had a lot to say about things not really relating to this story, which makes it odd that you would say them here rather than say a blog post. Given this comment at the end of your post:
On to reading! You're a damn fine author, so maybe you can suceed where all others failed
It would appear you made this screed without even reading the story at all. Which makes it all rather pointless and wasteful, don't you think?
3254189
It IS related, since the author—who, by the way, is a friend of mine, so don't you dare accuse me of being mean or hating—is using characters and scenarios from a series of stories that I loathe, for the reasons listed, as well as numerous other reasons. And, as I said, that little rant had, yes, little to do with the story at hand. I just felt like venting, and since the mention of the character set me off, and I figured that my buddy Seether wouldn't mind me doing it here, I did. Hell, he may even find it funny.
3254219>>3254044>>3254189
Okay, wait! Stop!
I am nipping this thread in the proverbial 'bud light with lime' right now.
Jake, man. Chill. I am cool with your opinion it's fine. I usually am in agreement with you. Cloud Kicker has a use here, so don't worry. No offense taken.
sochoppy, don't worry, dude. It's all chill here. Thanks for rushing to the defense. I appreciate it.
I just don't want to see a flame war here. It's just ponies. Colorful ponies.
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*rocks back and forth
ponies...ponies...ponies...ponies...ponies...ponies...ponies...ponies...ponies
3254189 I apologize if I came across as rude.
3254258>>3254189
Matter of fact, you're right, Schoopy. This is neither the time nor place. Comment deleted.
This is looking good! Nice setup, well-written characters, and I like how you aged-up/ matured Dash into somepony who could actually lead a military unit. I especially liked how well you handled
PinkieSurprise, as I find her to be one of the characters I have the hardest time writing well. The CMC work pretty well too; you're right when you think you could write a whole story with just the CMC in Manehatten.I did find a couple of flaws, both variations on the same theme: Cloudkicker, thus far, is a pretty shallow troperiffic slut; you have really only show a couple hints of anything else. It's early in the story yet, and you seem aware of the issue, but it is there. The other point is Surprise. I can see why you'd want to have Pinkie Pie in the story as a Wonderbolt, but obviously she's not a good enough flyer. Surprise seems like an easy out, but please don't make her 'Pinkie Pie with wings,' for the love of Celestia make her a unique character who could actually fit into a quasi-military organization. Speaking of which, the other critique: the Wonderbolts come across as severely unprofessional. If discipline broke down that fast, it's a poor reflection on Spitfire. MIght want to address that.
Overall, this is a highly entertaining tale, and you had me laughing out loud many times. I'm really looking forward to more!
this is actually good keep up the good work.
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Have to agree on this point. When it comes to Cloud's innuendo and banging obsession, it's better to use it sparingly, but with higher impact when it does show up. One very well-timed innuendo is a lot more effective than just sprinkling them all over the place. It's funnier, has more impact, and leaves more room for the rest of her character.
That issue aside, it's a very solid start and an intriguing premise. Curious to see where it goes from here.
Ya know what could make this story sound better? Some romance, not like clop, just some dates or something, you don't have to, I'm just suggesting. (I'm obsessed with romance fics, and this looks like a good plot for it)
I love this fic. The dialogue is great, the story is great, I like how you've done the background ponies' characters, and I like how you've aged everyone up. I can not wait to read more of this, and I can't recommend it strongly enough to everyone I know. (I had to blog about it, so there's more about how much I love it there.)
Amazing job, I'm glad I read this.
Fine. I'll post it.
3254376 Um, have you met military people before? once they are off duty it seems like they have to make up for the professionalism. In fact, humor such as was included is actually fairly spot on from what I've seen growing up in a military family.
Keep up the good work, Seether!
P.S. -I'm glad you included CK,but you may want to tone down the innuendos, it gets old fast and can be off-putting
GAAAAHHHH!!! The feels of the friendship between our three grown up CMC, just too much and the letter...its deadly! Oh sweet Celestia I need a moment.
Ok, I'm done. I love these two opening chapters. I like how you have Dash handle becoming a captain and a very calm look at how Twilight handles her princess situation i.e Still close to her friends but has some other responsibilities. I also love the fact that you had Dash make up with Dust later on and now have her as an awesome rival. This story so far has a nice blend of comedy, friendship moments, and caring that I can see this becoming a fun ride.
Well, what's stopping you?
Freakin' glorious. Can't wait to read more!
This is looking to be pretty interesting, you have my interest, good sir. Hopefully you can gain my attention.
Giving this a favorite because I wanna see where this goes.
A favorite for you just for the premise. I was wondering when someone would do one like this, and I'm glad its you doing it, Seether. I'm also glad its an idea I can scratch off my near infinite list of ideas for fictions. I'll comment further once I've read.
This has been every bit as awesome as I was hoping it would be. Well done, and I hope to see more of this soon.
How to swear like a sailor in 10 easy ways
I have to get that book
I saw the cover art! It's on the rolling banner of the FiMFiction! Good choice!
Aaaand you made it to the top of the feature box!!!
Congratulations!!!
"You know how to fly this routine, Cadet?
"CK, I tell you that this filly is the second best bush flyer in the South Territories!"
"Second best, Cap?"
"After me, of course."
I loved your portrayal of the adult CMCs; I'm also really looking forward to how Scootaloo adjusts to military life. That training session from Rainbow sounded pretty brutal but, maybe, Rainbow was right that the only way to force through Scoot's self-doubt was to drive her as hard as possible, harder than the younger pegasi could even believe she could endure.
You automatically get a favorite for your chapter one title. And because I know four of the commenters in this story.
You start learning peoples names.
Wow, no new fic I have read recently has immediantly gotten my attention like yours,
I'm putting it on the list of things that can go inside my brain, just tell the bouncer the story is "coach dash", he'll let you in
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also ^^ this guy. amirite?
3254916 I have met military people.... but the characters weren't off-duty. They were in the commander's office, relaying command information.
Just my two cents, though.
3256186 Provided you know your commander and they aren't a stick-in-the-rear its not uncommon to be a bit more lax in private. I would assume that once others (especially non-officers/friends) are on the scene they will follow protocol and and not be not so 'at ease'.
The Spitfire change from the gala/tornado day to the academy is a perfect example of this; she knew RD from after the BYF competition, so she knew she could be more open and friendly when outside of a proper military function.
3256129 This is in the 'Other Fics With The Winning Pony' category, its not cannon to the winningverse
3256204 Fair enough. It's a minor critique anyway; I'd be more concerned about getting CK and Surprise down pat anyways. Since I'm not a Winningverse reader already, they're new characters to me.
But I will be eagerly awaiting updates!
3256207 Aah, right, I missed that bit. In that case, ignore my concerns, and carry on!
You know what's keeping me from getting into this story?
This:
i.imgur.com/revEvvO.gif
I'm just getting tired of this cliché that the Winningverse started that makes Cloud Kicker out to be some kind of sex-addicted/sex-obsessed nymphomaniac for the sake of a laugh....hypersexuality isn't funny....it's a mental illness that should be taken seriously. It's become a crutch for writers to just get a quick laugh. I mean, did we even HAVE Cloud Kicker fics before Winningverse? No. But now we're drowning in dozens (if not hundreds) of Winningverse spin-offs and parodies, and poor Cloud Kicker is now comomly thought of as a sex-obsessed pervert whose only life goal is to fuck (I'm sorry, 'bang') everything that moves in Equestria for no other reason then because it's what ONE GUY thought would be funny. Same with Molestia (but that's another rant for another time)
I'll stop myself now since this is quickly becoming an anti-Winningverse rant, which I'm pretty sure no one (including myself) would enjoy me bogging down the comment box so I'll just show myself out.
Sorry I just had to get this off my chest....
3256436
I find myself agreeing with you. I know two people who are nymphomaniacs and I can say right now, it's not a laughing matter. It makes me a little sad that a character's main selling point is 'I'm a sex crazed machine.'
The story though! The dialogue is snappy and flows, the characterisation is solid and... some, of the humour is great. The fact that it caught my attention enough to actually read it is impressive in of itself as I barely read stories on this site, I just find it sad that characters (Cloud Kicker in this case) get these 'stigmas', almost, attached to them.and it's just generally accepted. We don't challenge them for fear of rejection because we certainly don't want to go against the crowd now, do we? I could go into a whole rant about how 'follow-the-leader' trends turn me off so many things but I'll really can not be bothered.
I mean, sure it's all well and good to base your characters personality/story elements around what someone else has crafted, that's fine! You're writing a spinoff so if you didn't it'd be a bit odd, wouldn't it? But when it's the only bloody thing you ever see that character with it just gets (in more opinion at least) plain annoying and in this case (as I pointed out above) a bit sad. It becomes a cliche that people expect and if it's not there, they won't bother with it or they immediately question it.*
It's like Soarin being absolutely obsessed with pies in almost every single story
Or Lyra being absolutely obsessed with humans and hands in most stories.
Or as one author put it "I see Rainbow Dash being a lesbian as an integral part of her character."
...Right.
Well, I'll leave that can of worms alone and get back on some semblance of understandability, (Hopefully)
Besides that gripe, I found the story fantastic. Not one I can follow due to the reasons Avenging Hobbits pointed out much, much more eloquently than I did... but still, a very good story none the less. You've earned a thumbs up but this story isn't a train I'll be leaving the station on.
Apologies if this comment causes you confusion, I've written it at 0240 and I'm tired. If you get some meaning out of this you've probably got more than I got when I wrote it.
*Yes I know this an overstatement and I'm generalising, sue me.
I saw a possible Beano reference here with "Roger Dodger" and a Scanners reference.
Thank the Sky noponies head exploded.
Anyway, good story, I'm liking it so far. Keep it up!
3256749
weknowgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/let-me-love-you-giraffe.gif
I can so imagine the CMC sharing an apartment as teenagers-young adults. Like some kinda odd couple...err, trio? I don't even know.
Me again ^^ ...also. ..um... did you mean vegetating ?.....as in...vegging out....relaxing...etc? ^^; sorry.....
These come by quick..eh heh....eh... I think the second 'of' should be removed. "of the three Crusaders" sounds better yes? ^^
OK where do I even start with this paragraph....blah, I'm too frazzled on it and too happy to be reading about the CMC in teen form ^^
Ok but seriously, some of 'which' not some of where ^^; ....sorry.
down 'the' letter... ^^; sorry....
Okays, now that the chapter's down and my inner editor is sated, I'd like to say....wow, that was truly short. I mean okay it was obviously a Part One. But still...
Ah what the hay, it was FANTASTIC <3 I loved it, I loved reading it, I love how you are keeping the characters IN CHARACTER, you have NO idea how hard that is to do with 'already established' personalities like from this show ^v^
I am so so so so awesomely excited to see more and read more about teenage CMC <3 Also nice touch with the backstory to those cutie marks, love it. hehe...here's hoping the writing process is going well for you, OOH I can't wait for more ^v^!!!!
3256436
:< .....I liked her oversexualization and tons of innuendos because of how if I could let my real psyche -buried deep under worries and consequences- out to play, it'd be much the same. I love the idea of the hip shake, flank bump, casual flirting....all that. It'd be totally me if 'real life' hadn't battered me into...what I am. .... sigh.
I love CK in this form because it lets me be the character for just a second and smile wide, not because I think it'd be "Funny" to flirt with someone who obviously doesn't want it, but because I think it'd be "Fun" to be able to do that since we're friends, while also 'Genuinely' wanting to get down and dirty and have at some tail......
Sigh...I like the freedom it brings, okay? It'd be awesome if we could live in a more free world like that.
Also...if you actually read the story, you'd see how responsible she is, while also almost subconsciously using any of the quips and openings she can for a fun one liner.
And, Sorry. Hope this doesn't come off as flame-y.....
3256749
....interesting. I actually have never seen a Cloud Kicker fic....I've seen 'human obsessed lyra' stuff, but only in passing, my main -and I think best- fic to do with Lyra would be Dawn's University Days. Where she is not obsessed with humans as far as I know, just Bon Bon, or magic, or being superior ^^
As for Rainbow being a lesbian...er, that's a generally 'non brony' opinion, first raised by Fox News, and many other evil trolls and jerks, that honestly have no idea of the personalities of the characters or the show's trend in it's witty humor.
There are a ton of Rainbow Soarin fics as far as I know, an equal amount go to SpitFire or (my favorite) Fluttershy. Why?...because the majority of characters she interacts with are female, so it's just 'easier' to make the fic that way instead of doing something radical like what was done in Evening Flames and make an entirely new character, hell, an entire City and a half's worth of new characters, and flesh it all out...
But, it's been done ^^ such is the awesome diversity of the net. ....sigh.....I really wish I could make an inappropriate joke but I can't think of any......
Also, I don't really know any nymphomaniacs in that true sense of the word, my heart goes out if it's an actual condition where you're like with an actual need and...yeah. I can see that being horrible IRL....thank goodness we're talking about Fiction and online IC goodness ^^ .....we are talking about that....right?.....
Well anyways, yeah, again, I hope this doesn't come across as flame-y, I really just wanna get my opinion out in as clear and concise a way as I can....but I don't wanna be mean about it...oh hay, I hope I wasn't sarcastic in the above paragraphs....if I was, I swear it's subconscious and I didn't mean to be rude or anything >< ....also, thanks for reading if you got this far...
3257046 Wow dude you seem to have some issues....
Might I suggest a psychologist? (And I mean that in the best possible way)
And I really don't like vicariously living through fictional characters (mostly because most of the people I write about are rather....bad people)
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3257680>>3257045
God, no!
We have enough with one, and you want to have TWO MORE!?
The sanity of Equestria couldn't wistand such crazyness.
3257680
I actually an image of one I made on my computer, I call her Delight. I'd show you, but I don't know how to post pictures. She's this color with this color hair and the three balloons are the primary colors with black strings. The yellow one is the high one, the red is on it's left and the blue on it's right.
If someone tells me how to post in on here, I'll show you her.
this has a very interesting and new plot (no need to mention cloud kicker here), cant wait to see how it develops (im bad at not thinking what im typing....)
FOR THE LULZ! As a wise man once said:
Watching this and adding a like WITH A VENGEANCE!