Ages ago, during the time when the rule of Princess Celestia and Luna was still young, the greatest evil was imprisoned. It was never supposed to return. It was kept hidden from all of Equestria, and as time passed, the once feared deity became nothing more than a pony myth. But like everything to follow, the imprisonment fell apart, allowing life to the evil once again.
Now it's up to Princess Twilight and her friends to stop this monster from wreaking havoc among the face of Equestria. They've battled an insectoid queen, the very being of Chaos, a power-hungry king, and even the sister of Celestia. But how can they fight what they cannot see?
"It shared the same fate of stone as myself. It was only a matter of time before it broke free." -Discord
(This takes place 15 years after Season 3)
(Thanks to WyvernQueen for helping out with grammar.)
(Tags may be added or removed as the story progresses)
I like the idea, I really do (did you get Kirin from Monster Hunter? If so, this just became 20% cooler)! You have one or two grammatical errors, and I see a couple sentences that could use revising, but other than that this prologue is very well-written. Like this:
Maybe you'd want to change it to something like this:
Just a thought. And maybe a sentence like this:
You might want to consider this:
I'm looking forward to the next chapters!
The explanation is well thought out, and not rushed at all. It's good that Discord's here, to liven the party up, though!
You have a couple sentences that are a little awkward, like this one:
Maybe you should word it a little differently, like this:
I don't mean to be such a critic, but I think the story would flow a bit better with somme changes
3016409 I thank you for your suggestions. And I apologize with my sentence structure. I'm kinda a derp at this
I shall make the necessary edits as soon as possible, and you shall be credited.
(The Kirin idea did come from Monster Hunter. It's one of my favourites.)
3016409
That awkward moment when you commit a typo when pointing out typos...
This story has some promise. Looking forward to see where you'll take us from here.
3016722 Oops. My bad.
Five bucks says the bounty hunters get turned into vegetables.
You nailed Discord and Pinkie! I like the bounty hunters, and the fact that Spike is poisonous. That'll give him a real edge! Goodness, I'm getting nervous for when they face the Kirin...
Wow, so even tough-guy Leviathan is no match for the Phantasm Kirin, huh? This is getting good!