Part.
In a world...
...Where might makes right...
...And cash is king...
The casino air was thick with smoke from the gamblers. But the one spot in all of Canterlot Casino -And water-park- that had the most smog filled air was the chief dealer's table. The table where all the big wigs and high rollers threw their cards down. Seated there now, with a crowd of onlooking mares and stallions was a little purple dragon; cigar loosely tucked between his lips and a hand of cards shuffling against his claws. Across from him, Celestia smirked and licked at her lips once. "What's it going to be, Spike?"
One dragon...
...Will play his cards...
...And walk away with the pot...
Spike spat his cigar out from his mouth, making it smack a nearby mare in the face who subsequently fainted. "Heh.. Does this answer your question..." Spike's cards fell to the table right-side-up and revealed what kind of hand he had.
Every mare in the casino fainted out of their swooning of this master of manliness, soon followed by the stallions knowing they couldn't compete. The only two left up were Spike, a look of smug victory on him, and Celestia with clenched teeth and a dribble of blood coming from the corner of her lip. On the table, the cards spelled out the fate of the game... Yahtzee.
Ponyville crackled with the splitting of trees and the incoming fire that threatened to encompass the entire village. What ponies remained in the doomed village screamed and tried to run from their coming demise. All in vain though. Those that ran just caught on fire the second they were spotted by the enemy. It was only Twilight Sparkle and those she saved fast enough to get into her library that now stood a chance. From one of the windows, Twilight looked out at the blazing village with horror. The carnage, the violence... Only a few small, bitter words could describe for Twilight the inhumanity she saw before her. "Damn you, Care Bears..."
In a time...
...Where humanity itself is threatened by beings of uncontrollable chaos...
...Two sisters...
...Will fight back...
CLANG! SHING! Celestia, ruler of Equestria and sole protector of the Light, parried the swift rapier jabs of her challenger. Her breast heaved and blood salted sweat dripped down her labored body as she staggered from the tireless advances of this beast of a man. Her fingers tensed around the handle of her blade before she returned a strike towards the man, only managing to drive a momentary wedge between them and labor her all the more. The man, a crooked yellow tooth grin on his face, pointed the point of his rapier upon Celestia's blood soaked cheek. "Celestia... At last... You will fall at my hands..."
SHING! Discord was caught by surprise as a new blade clashed against his own and repelled him away from Celestia's weakened form. Following the assault's origin, he came to see Luna, protector of the Night and ruler of Equestria brandishing her blade in his direction. "Before thee speaks another word, dastard, allow me the pleasure of carving thee a new hole from which to defecate from!" Again, Discord fell under assault with Luna now upon him, clashing blades and twirling slices in his direction.
This Summer...
...You must fight to survive...
...She was just an innocent mare looking for a way home...
"I'm looking for a way home," Twilight Sparkle said while standing in the middle of a desert.
...But the rebellion wasn't having it...
"I don't know about the rest of you's..." the young Babs Seed shifted in her chair, looking at a picture of Twilight Sparkle along with a group of other shady ponies standing around her, "But I want this Twilight Sparkle...? I want her... DEAD!" She threw the table up into the air, breaking all the cups on top of it as it crashed to the floor.
She tried to run...
Twilight darted through the darkness of the night desert, huffing and puffing.
But she wasn't fast enough...
While running, from around her, a pack of cars drove up around her at speeds easily beating her out. When they got close enough, the windows rolled down and signaled for gun fire to rain out on the mare. Once Twilight fell to the floor, bullets covering the sand around her, the cars drove off... How ponies drove them, she would never know.
They left her for dead...
"T-They left me... For dead..." Twilight coughed out.
But she swore she'd have revenge...
"I'm going to get revenge..." She managed to wheeze out.
But she'd need help...
Lyra Heartstrings as "The Doctor"...
"And we'll put the ion cannon HERE!"
"How's that going to make me better?"
"Do you have an ion cannon now?"
"No."
"Well there you go..."
Flutter "P." Shy as "Homeless Love"...
"Twilight, you can't go out there!"
"Try and stop me..." Twilight swung the door open and took a step forward, immediately falling off into a ravine.
"No! I mean that door goes nowhere!" Fluttershy yelled after her.
Action...!
"HOLY BUCK!" Babs Seed screamed while looking down the barrel of a twelve foot ion cannon.
Suspense...!
"WHEN ARE THOSE DAMN TACOS GETTING HERE!?" Twilight cried, bullets sounding off against the wall she and Fluttershy were using as cover in the abandoned shelter. Twilight swung her front hoof up and aimed a gun out the window, firing a few round off towards the attackers. "The tacos were supposed to be here!"
Romance...
"Fluttershy, wait...!" Fluttershy turned to look at Twilight, tears welling in her eyes, "This..." Twilight allowed a plate on her body fall, revealing something that made Fluttershy's eyes widen a great deal, "Is my 'Ion Cannon'..."
Come see this Summer's Greatest Blockbuster...
Twi-Knight Spar-Kill...
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I love you.
Uhh...umm... does it count that by one look, I say no, it doesn't look good?
..........I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID AND SUBSTITUTE FOR SOMETHING ELSE!!!
This is the greatest fic ever. Nothing has or ever will come close to the heart, action, moral struggle, characters, and literary perfection that is this story.
I love the Pablo Fransico homage. This is great!
Yes. So much yes!
That is all.
I have no idea what I just read, but I enjoyed it.
you have my applause
I suddenly find myself missing Don LaFontaine...
Ok, this was a fun, bizarre read.
I fucking loved it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Sweet Celestia, it is perfect in every way!
Um...Flinx...remember when you said you wanted this to be some silly stupid shit that nobody would like...too many people like it
And I also like it
It's like a beautiful portrait of madness.
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I can't even put into words how amazing this is. Good show.
I... I had to favorite it... This is one of those stories where random is funny... I've sent some of these to some people on Skype and I already broke one of their brains... I love it.
"Can you hope to handle the levels of raw stupidity?" I tried... I failed... I Favorited.
By the way, can we hope to find more in the near future?
Ok, I may or may not have just pissed everyone off in my house from how hard I'm laughing.
2993089 I can only promise to try.
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