Becoming a Monster

by Telgin

Chapter 5: Life Goes On

The day following our very forceful eviction from our home was shaping up to be the most miserable experience in my life. We spent what felt like hours huddled in the tiny outcropping, crying, shuddering, swearing and trying to come to terms with what had just happened, but I knew in reality it couldn't have been more than a few minutes. Zeal was constantly watching and trying to prod us to move before it was too late, and by the time he'd gotten through to me I had only recovered enough strength to stand properly. The irrational part of me just wanted to sit there and let the ponies come kill me too, but Zeal's pleading and threats to physically carry me finally broke through to the rational side.

Where would we go now? I had no idea. I really wasn't thinking very much at all as we wandered off. Zeal was the only one who seemed to have any purpose left anymore, so I just fell in line next to him, shambling along and scuffing my hooves weakly against the gritty stone and all but forcing him to make good on his promise to haul me around if he had to. Antic was behind us with Revelry. I assumed. I couldn't care less at that point. I couldn't care less about anything.

It was only after the stony trail began to give way to more and more scrubs and yellowing grasses that I even noticed we were going anywhere. It was also the moment that my taxed stamina gave out on me again. My next step sent my hoof skidding out from under me when it hit a patch of something mossy and in turn dumping me hard onto the rough stone.

“Cantrip!” Zeal threw an arm out to catch me but missed by a hair. He crouched at my side and offered a hand to help me up. “Are you alright?”

Had he been there a couple of hours ago!? Of course I wasn't alright! My attempts to shout that at him ended in splutters and gagged whimpers, and I pushed myself into a sitting position against the mountainside before lowering my head. Between the rasps for air and shuddering, I could do nothing but just look down and avoid their eyes. I knew they were all staring at me. Why couldn't I just have some privacy to mourn!?

“We can rest for a minute,” Zeal said, sounding weary himself. He slumped down uncomfortably close, clattering noisily as the scraps of looted armor touched rock.

I heard Antic and Revelry lower themselves to the ground too, but kept my eyes glued at my lap as I continued to fight to catch my breath. Time passed with nothing but my ragged breathing to break the silence, but Revelry broke the awkwardness by asking, “Where are we going?”

“I don't know,” Zeal said. “Down into the forest somewhere. It's the only safe place now.”

“What? But, that's where the ponies are!”

He sighed. “I know. They know we are in the mountains, and they're going to keep looking for us there. We have to be somewhere else when they do start looking. Heading the other way just takes us too close to the griffons. It's the only option, and there are places to hide.”

Revelry sputtered something unintelligible in protest, but Antic and I remained silent. Whatever. Zeal could lead us right into the pony town now and I wouldn't care. If I managed to recover any of my magic by that point I might even take a few of them down with me. Alright, I wasn't completely silent. I growled under my breath, just frustrated beyond words at everything. Nothing was certain now. We were headed into an unknown because the ponies would be searching high and low all through the mountains. Just because we walked into their town and I took one of their books! They were going to keep looking until they killed us because of a book! They found the cave. They could have it back! They could take everything-

“Fealty...” I muttered when a new horrible realization dawned on me.

Zeal appraised my new worried expression. “What about him?”

“The ponies. They'll find him! We-we have to go warn him!”

He swore and punched the ground. “He's in the complete opposite direction. It's too risky right now.”

I was having none of it, and eased up to my hooves. The motion was still distressingly difficult, and in the end I found myself spilling into Zeal's grasp. He placed me back against the mountainside and shook his head. “No, we can't. He's not stupid, he'll be safe. We can come back and warn him later.”

“Are you listening to yourself?” I demanded, squirming against his grip. “You just said they'll be combing everywhere! He doesn't know!”

“I know! I know. Cantrip, please, just listen to me!” Zeal was all but pleading with me at this point, holding my shoulders and leaning close. “In our state, if we go sneaking around again we're going to get caught, and you're in no shape to get our sorry hides out of trouble this time. I can't carry all three of you at once!”

Antic raised his hand meekly. “I'll go. Please...”

“No!” Zeal shouted, causing Antic to recoil visibly. He took a deep breath and shook his head again. “No. No, no, no. None of us are splitting up, and none of us are going back right now. I am not going to let any of you get hurt anymore.” He released me and spun to face away from all of us.

Antic locked eyes with me for a fleeting moment before slumping and placing his face in his hands. Revelry looked lost, which probably wasn't far from the truth. I didn't care what any of them did at that point. If I had any strength in me right then I'd have thrown it in Zeal's face to go rescue Fealty, but I didn't. I just had to sit there, wheezing still, and recover my strength so I could.

A thunderous crack sounded above us and I almost jumped out of my scales when something exploded next to me. I scrabbled away, bounding over a small boulder and finding I wasn't nearly as tired as I thought I was. Revelry squeaked and dove into a crouch next to Antic, and Zeal danced away before whipping his sword up.

It was a rock. A rock that had broken away and fallen from a ledge above. A surge of panic rushed through me when I saw something carried aloft by wings fluttering away, but instead of a pegasus or griffon it turned out to be just a buzzard. Stupid birds. I hated them.

“We should get moving,” Zeal said, relaxing out of the combat stance he'd assumed against the invading boulder. “That might have alerted anything nearby.”

Being scared out of your mind has a tendency to give you energy you didn't realize you had, so I groaned, dragged myself up to my hooves again and set off after Zeal to wherever we were headed. The sky was starting to darken from the cloud cover that always hung over this side of the mountains. At least we were headed where we would get a little shade from any downpours.

---

The day stretched on for an eternity. It was already mid afternoon by the time we left the mountains, but it felt like night would never come, even with the perpetual cloud cover overhead. The weather decided to avoid drenching us in rain for some reason, but given how I felt it almost annoyed me more that the world was denying that everything was just dreadful. Not that it stopped the temperature from plummeting down to levels that were just cool enough to be annoying, nor did it stop a slight breeze from winding through the trees all about us to periodically chill my wings to the bone. Even tucking them as close as I could couldn't keep the away all of the bite against the thin skin.

We'd settled down for the night after it got too dark to continue on. As usual my siblings didn't seem to have a problem navigating the forest in the dead of night, but I was stumbling along, and after the third branch slapped my arm and wing I'd had enough. The others didn't take much convincing. It was cold, dark, clammy and we hadn't eaten anything in forever. I hadn't developed much of an appetite, but even I felt a hollow gnawing in my stomach that was getting hard to ignore completely.

Scavenging was out of the question though. The only source of light we had was the small fire we were huddled around, and it didn't extend very far at all with so many trees around. None of the plants around us were edible, so that was that. I'd half expected Zeal to protest when I set a section of an old fallen tree alight with my magic, but he seemed to agree that warmth was more important than avoiding the nigh insignificant chance of a random pony or griffon blundering across us there and then. At least my magic was recovering well. By morning I would probably be mostly fine, as little good as that would do us. I still couldn't conjure food, or poof my eggs back to life, or make everything happy and fantastic again.

All I could do was start a fire, and that was all the company we had. The faint crackle breaking the monotony of insect chirping was almost as welcome as the warmth, since we weren't doing anything but silently avoiding each others' gazes. I've heard someone say before that 'the tension could be cut with a knife', but right then, I wasn't sure a dragon's claws could cut through it.

We must have sat there saying not a word for half an hour before Zeal broke the silence. “You three should get some sleep. We'll need to get going as soon as the sun is up.”

Across from the two of us, Revelry broke away from staring at the fire and asked, “What about you?”

“I'll keep watch.”

She frowned. “We can take shifts. You don't have to do this alone.”

“I'll be fine,” he insisted, standing to punctuate the statement. “Now, go on and rest while you can.” His sword floated up to rest in his hand, and he stepped off amidst the rustle of once dry leaves dampened by dew.

The rest of us went back to not looking at or talking to each other, which didn't seem like it was going to end anytime soon. Then Revelry proved me wrong by slumping to the ground on a patch of soil in the sea of wet leaves. She made a small noise as she curled up into the tightest ball she could manage, facing the fire.

That just left Antic and me, and under those circumstances the inevitable happened. We were looking at each other. Eyes locked, unblinking. “Cantrip-”

“Save it,” I hissed. For a moment I felt a twinge of vindication at the hurt look that flashed over his face, but I didn't dwell on it. I just followed Revelry's example by lowering myself to the messy ground and turning away from him and the fire.

Let him wallow in a fraction of the sorrow I was. I wasn't ready to forgive anyone of anything.

---

I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep when Zeal's frantic shout jostled me awake from a dreamless sleep. I groaned and rolled over, finding that my left wing was tingly and half asleep while my shoulder and hip ached from resting against the bare ground. My joints popped and little twinges of pain fluttered down my side, causing me to catch half way. A thin fog hung in the air, muting the already gray and dull early morning light. It couldn't have been long past dawn, and my body was still gripped with fatigue that told me I hadn't gotten nearly as much sleep as it wanted.

“Revelry!” Zeal shouted again, wobbling uncertainly as he lurched up from his prior spot next to a tree. “Revelry, answer me!”

“She's gone?” Antic asked from outside my field of view.

Zeal growled and swore. “Yes!”

“Weren't you watching us?” Antic trotted over, panning his ears around as he scanned the woods.

“I fell asleep.” Zeal snorted and growled again. “Why? Why would she do this!?”

“Maybe she went looking for food?”

“It doesn't matter.” Zeal ran his claws through his hair and twitched his tail. “She knows better than to wander off alone. She knows the ponies are out here. If she went near that pony town I'm going to throttle her when we find her.”

I rose to my hooves and immediately regretted the motion. “She wouldn't do that,” I said, rubbing my sore shoulder and meeting tired eyes with Antic for a moment. She couldn't possibly be that stupid.

“Well, she went somewhere,” Zeal said, sweeping his arm around. “And we can't go looking for her, because she'll probably come back here looking for us.”

Really, I was hoping she was out looking for food. The hunger wasn't too strong to ignore the night before, but I was starving now. My tongue and lips were all but screaming for something to drink too. Had we really drank nothing since we left? “Is there any water nearby?”

Zeal snorted again. “I don't know. Maybe.” His tail twitched again and he stretched his wings. “Maybe she went looking for that. Doesn't change anything though, we're stuck waiting for her.”

That didn't improve any of our moods. Zeal looked several times like he was going to change his mind and rush off to locate her, but common sense reasserted itself and he sank back against his tree with yet another snort. Antic just paced around the smoldering remains of the fire from the night before. Fortunately, Zeal insisted that he knock it off before I did it in a less pleasant manner, and so we settled back into an eerily similar routine to the night before. I was strongly considering flopping back down onto the ground to get some relief from the tension and all consuming exhaustion.

Just as that temptation was winning me over, the waiting ceased. All of our ears perked up at the almost inaudible flap of wings and rustling of leaves, and Zeal curled his hand around the hilt of his sword, anticipating a pegasus or griffon at any moment. Instead, the charcoal scales of my sister shifted through an opening in the tree canopy and she floated down into the opening. “Hey, you're all awake.”

“Where have you been?” Zeal demanded, releasing his death grip on the weapon. “You know how dangerous it is out here.”

She rolled her eyes and inverted in the air to face him. “I do, but I also know a few tricks to get out of trouble. You looked so tired and all, so, you know, I thought I'd take over watching for you.” Zeal didn't look convinced, but said nothing. Revelry clasped her hands together and said, “Oh, but I've got some good news! I found a stream back that way. The water is a bit grimy but it tastes okay after you purify it. Better though, is that I found some berries growing near it. I don't know about you three, but I'm starving.”

I didn't need to hear another word, but had to ask, “What kind of berries?”

She shrugged. “A few kinds. Mostly blueberries I think. I ate some and feel fine, so I don't think they're poisonous.”

I was too tired to groan at the reckless behavior, but Zeal did a good enough job of it. He snatched up his chanfron and donned it before stretching every limb. “Right, let's go get something to eat and drink and get moving as soon as we can.”

Revelry took the lead, hovering just above the ground and winding her way between the trees in what looked nothing like a planned path. Antic trailed behind her on hoof, dragging his tail and hooves and slouching. I let out a frustrated sigh and fell into line beside Zeal, trying to avoid watching my miserable brother in front of me.

---

The trip to the stream was shorter than I expected, and after a couple of minutes the sound of running water was loud enough to overcome our shuffling through the soft leaves and shrubbery. Those annoying thorny vines were growing thicker and thicker as we got close, and I was quickly starting to understand why Revelry chose to fly. Rather than waste my still depleted mana or stamina I just dealt with it. Our scales were thick enough to ward them off for the most part, but the burning sensation in my wing told me I'd gained another small scar or two in the membrane. Yet another thing too minor to worry about. Right then, all I cared about was getting something wet in my mouth.

Much to my relief, the vegetation ceased near the banks of the stream, leaving us a little room to spread out without bumbling into a branch or vine. Revelry was right about the stream: the water wasn't moving fast and was cloudy with fine silt. Definitely something I wasn't thirsty enough to drink like it was. Fortunately, this was a problem all four of us had the magical knowledge to fix. I was the first to reach out and scoop up a bowl of the murky water in my magic before waving my fingers over it. A deep blue aura enshrouded it for an instant, and the imperfections floated to the surface and fell back into the stream. That looked much more inviting, and awkward as it was to drink a floating ball of water, I downed it as fast as I could get it in my mouth. The cool water tasted amazing, and I repeated the process again and again until my stomach refused to hold any more.

“Oh, that's better...” Revelry said, drifting down to the bank next to me and wiping a trickle from the corner of her mouth. Of the four of us she was the only to show anything approaching manners while sipping at her globe of purified water. She must have drank plenty when she first found the stream.

“Much,” Zeal agreed. He wiped his mouth with his forearm and strode out into the stream, watching the flowing water intently.

Antic glanced up, and his ears rose from hanging at the sides of his head. “What are you doing?”

Zeal grumbled and stamped a hoof. “Making sure there aren't any fish. Which there aren't.”

“It's too shallow,” I said. Oh, if I had anything left to give I'd probably have given it all for another smoked fish at that point, but even I knew we weren't going to find any. If we were lucky we'd find a crayfish or something, but I wasn't betting on that. Probably just a little frog or a slug or something at most.

“I know,” he grumbled again. “Where are the berries?”

Revelry gestured a claw down the stream. “A few bushes down there.” She squinted up at the tree canopy. “I think there might be some nuts up there too. A bit more filling maybe.” She hopped up and drifted upward without beating her wings. “I'm going to go take a look.”

Zeal nodded and sloshed off down the stream, thoroughly frightening away any unseen wildlife. ...and leaving me alone with Antic. I groaned inside my head and tried to find something to occupy my mind. Oh, look. Trees. Yes, lots of trees. And a bird. I hated birds. Water... water... wonder where it came from and flowed to? Yes. We should follow it. It would lead somewhere interesting. And ponies, probably. Argh.

Antic was busy contemplating the dirt in front of him. His wings and ears hung limply at his sides as he scratched at a patch of leaf-free soil with a claw. He paused the scrawling twice and his jaw muscles worked almost imperceptibly, and I prepared myself for whatever he was planning on saying. If he was planning on apologizing again he was just wasting his breath, but no words ever came out. Instead, he whimpered. Whimpered and scrunched up his face. What followed was inevitable and I tried my best to ignore it, but once he looked back to lock teary eyes with me that became impossible. An instant later he was looking away and covering his face with a hand. Good, at least he understood just how much he screwed up.

Amidst a few choked heaves he stood and trudged off in Zeal's direction, head low. That left me alone at the stream bank, which was just what I'd been wanting for half a day now. I crawled closer to the water and stared into the ebbs of swirling silt, which for some reason reminded me of the dripping egg yolks that not long ago were smeared all over my belly. That drew a tiny whimper from me too, and I reached down to scoop a bit of water up to rub the last traces of the slime away. Too bad I couldn't wipe the image from my head.

“Hey, Cantrip?”

If Revelry thought she was going to startle me, she was right, but I didn't show it as I looked up to find her floating just above head level. Maybe she found some food. “What?”

“I, uh, have something that might help you feel better. If you want.” She flicked her wrist and a ball of off colored blueish water drifted down to my face. I studied it for a while, unsure if I was believing what I was looking at. Where would she have even found it?

I sniffed it. “Is this... wine?”

She nodded. “Yeah, it's not very strong though. I just made it. It might help, you know, take some of the edge off.”

My siblings were insane. Clearly and utterly insane. I shot her a disbelieving glare and stood. I knew how those spells worked. You had to have fruit or something first. “You mean... you found some food, and you wasted it?”

She recoiled and floated back out of reach, nearly dropping the wine in her magical grasp as she did so. “I-I-I just thought-I mean, there were a lot, so...”

Oh, this was just perfect. On top of everything that had just happened, Revelry just let me know that from now on she was going to be drunk out of her mind. At least before she was limited by how much she could find or steal, but now she could make it in an instant. She drifted back further with a worried look as I scowled at her. “No. Keep it and do whatever you want with it,” I said, spinning around and storming away.

Behind me, I heard something splash into the water, followed by small hooves sloshing away.

---

Revelry had been right about one thing at least: there were an almost absurd number of berries scattered throughout the bushes lining the stream. After drinking so much I couldn't eat many, even ignoring the fact that I was still worried that some might be poisonous, but having actual food in my stomach did a lot more to take the edge off than any of Revelry's wine could have.

Speaking of which, I was beginning to feel a twinge of guilt for snapping at her. There was more than we could eat, so it didn't really matter if she made some into wine. I kept reminding myself that that wasn't the point. Getting drunk or even a little buzzed out here right now could be outright deadly, and she didn't need to be getting it in her head that were somehow safe just because a griffon hadn't rammed an arrow into one of us or a pony's axe hadn't cut one of our heads off yet.

Besides, she seemed fine. She was floating up ahead next to Antic, mumbling something to him from time to time and generally keeping an eye out. Zeal had agreed to the idea of just following the stream for a while, and left the other two to head the journey for now. Based on the bags under his eyes and the hint of slurring in his speech, he was just too tired to protest or suggest an alternative. Under the circumstances I would have probably voiced my concerns about running into ponies living near the water source, but I felt just as tired as he looked. It would give Antic and Revelry something to do too, which might prevent any more disasters or upsets.

On the other hand, following others around was giving me little to do but dwell on the hopelessness of our current situation. What were we expecting to find? Could we hope to set up somewhere permanent to live up on the surface? Even if the woods would provide some cover and probably plenty of warning if a pony was wandering nearby, I don't think I could ever truly feel safe like that. There were reasonable choke points and other natural points to set up traps or early warning spells, but there were twice as many spots we couldn't protect. Add on top of that that we probably couldn't keep food from spoiling or being eaten by insects or vermin and I was doubting that we were going to find anywhere to settle down for a long time.

The sun rays streaming through the tree tops and the faint trickle of the stream were bringing back a few memories though. They were all fragmentary and fleeting, but this definitely felt familiar. It had to have been more than a decade ago by then, but we had spent years living in the forest when we were just whelps. Things were so much simpler and more innocent then. Mom would always find food for us, and lead us around the safe paths during the day before finding a secluded and safe spot to nestle down for the night. Thinking about her was quickly suffocating any nostalgia at the thought of living a nomadic lifestyle again. It really scared me sometimes when I realized that days went by that I didn't even think about her anymore, or that I could only just remember what she looked like or what her voice was like. If I had anything left to give, I'd have happily done so to have her with us right then. She would know what to do.

Zeal didn't notice the involuntary sigh that passed my lips, clearly too tired or jaded by the thousand others I'd blown out in the last day. That little irrational part of my brain was trying to get annoyed that nobody noticed or cared that I was upset all over again, but I buried it when I saw the confused look on his face. He picked up his pace and lazily hopped a mossy fallen tree to catch up with the two ahead of us, which I then noted were cautiously approaching something I couldn't see. “What is it?” I asked. Nobody answered me, so I doubled up my pace to not lag behind.

Antic stopped and peered down at the ground. “How far down do you think it goes?” He crouched and extended a hoof down... something. Revelry reached out to take his hand, but he vanished in an instant with a startled yelp.

Revelry bounded into the air and circled around. “Antic!”

Zeal and I darted forward. My heart was skipping in my chest and my mind was racing, trying to figure out what I'd just seen. We just reached Revelry when Antic burst from the ground and soared into the air with a mighty beat of his wings. “Wow, that's deep.”

It was then that I noticed the giant hole in the ground. The soil had eroded in a roughly circular patch to expose stone below, which had also been worn away in an irregular pattern down to a depth I couldn't see the extent of. Alright, maybe we wouldn't have to be nomads. Maybe we'd stumble across a new cave.

Zeal placed a hand over a patch grass clinging to the edge of the hole and peeked inside. “It's too dark to see down.”

“It goes a long way down,” Antic reiterated as he descended. “If we had a light we could check it out...” he muttered, looking in my direction out of the corner of his eye.

I took the hint and wove my hand through the air, and a moment later all four of us were cloaked in a dull glow. Maybe not the most subtle way to go poking around in a deep, dark cave, but that way I wouldn't have to try to concentrate on moving a ball of light around or keeping up with whoever needed me to flash a light down a dark corridor.

Zeal stood and flapped his wings to get into the air. “Alright, let's take a look. Everyone stay together, got it?”

We all confirmed our assent, and one-by-one fluttered down into the darkness.

---

Antic wasn't kidding about the cave being deep. We descended for a full thirty seconds before we finally found the bottom, although we were moving at a careful pace to avoid any unseen lingering hazards. The magical light cast off thousands of tiny ripples in the stone shaft surrounding us, and at the bottom the dark blobs of side passages were evident. At first glance, it looked like the cave might turn out to be an entire network below the surface. That had the potential to be a very bad thing; the last thing we wanted to do was blunder into a large creature of some sort in its home.

Water dripped down one of the side paths, echoing a hundred times and making the cave seem all that much larger. Even before I heard it or touched the clammy damp stone of the floor, the moldy wetness had lodged itself firmly in my nostrils. That meant one thing for sure: there was a water source down here, and the flowing water had probably carved the cave ages ago.

“This way,” Zeal said as he crept along one of the flat paths of the floor toward leftmost passage way. His hooves made a deafening racket in the near silence, and for a moment I considered suggesting we fly. I then realized that we might not have enough room to do that in the tunnels, and anything that wasn't dead down here probably knew we were here now anyway.

Antic halted atop a small mound and prodded at something with his hand. “There's a puddle of water here. We wouldn't have to go looking for that at least.”

“Mmhmm,” Zeal agreed. I imagined his tone carried an implied, “Please don't talk too much and alert the monsters, okay?”

The tunnel was short and terminated in another spacious cavernous room. Magical light reflected off of glistening stone dampened by the humid air, highlighting a trickle of water from a hole in the ceiling that poured into a basin. The liquid spilled from its sides into channels in the floors that disappeared down tiny streams pockmarked by rocky spikes jutting from the floor and ceiling. It was a truly awe inspiring sight, and for a moment I was already picturing how we could put it to use.

Revelry was the first to take a closer look by soaring into the air and over the pool of water. “Huh, that's odd...” she trailed off. I was preparing to ask the obvious question when she made a string of choking noises and placed both hands against her forehead. The golden aura that enshrouded her grew in intensity to the point my eyes ached just looking at it. She let out a low moan. “Oww...”

“What is it?” Antic asked with a twinge of panic in his voice. When she answered with more moaning and a drunken flap of her wings, he leaped into the air and joined her. “Revelry, what...” A moment later he was reaching for his forehead too, and panic began to overtake me. What was happening!? I was about to jump up after them, but Antic had the presence of mind to grab Revelry and yank her back down to the ground, ending up in a knotted pile with her next to Zeal and me.

Revelry dug herself out of the mess and clasped a hand back to her head. “Oww... that... that's a lot of mana... Too much...”

“Huh? Mana?” I cast a glance back to the pool and shut my eyes, trying to feel any ambient energy flowing around us. I felt nothing.

“It's the water,” Antic explained, rubbing his temples.

They seemed to be recovering, so my curiosity got the better of me and I stepped toward the basin. Sure enough, the closer I got the stronger the background mana felt. By the time I was close enough to place a hand against the rocky structure it was almost painful to be near it, but all of the magical fatigue I'd accrued over the last two days vanished.

“Cantrip?” Zeal nervously. “Are you alright?”

I didn't even notice that I was grinning and stifling a giddy chuckle. “I'm fine.” I turned to my siblings and shook off the goofy grin. I was supposed to be upset, and I needed to show it. “It's a natural magical spring,” I explained, walking away before I doubled over from the headache. “There's no way to know how much mana it holds... but it could be enormous. Just imagine what we could do with it...”

“Do you think you could use it to keep the cave safe?” Zeal asked as he stood from crouching next to Antic and Revelry.

I chuckled. “With that much? I could incinerate a dragon.”

He grinned and nodded. “Perfect. Let's go check out the other paths, because I think we just found our new home.”

---

The remaining side passages turned out to be pretty mundane. Well, the first led to another branch and a smattering of small chambers holding nothing of interest. The second was a bit more interesting and led to an underground stream that had carved a channel large enough to walk down and extended for further than any of us could see or dare to explore. That made me a bit nervous, since something or someone could possibly come sloshing or swimming up the stream from a direction we didn't expect, but at least I had proven that the sentry spell could protect us from that. If it was set off by something inoffensive like a fish, that would only be a bonus since we would also have a supply of food down here. I wasn't really expecting that, but so far the cave had been nothing but pleasant surprises.

That process had taken an hour or so, and by now we had settled in to relax for a little while before we went looking for something to eat above ground. The others were all in the main chamber, last I saw. Zeal had collapsed in an empty spot to get some sleep he desperately needed, while Antic and Revelry were sitting at the edge of another small pool, dangling their hooves in the cloudy water and talking about something I hadn't gathered a word of. I was off in one of the smaller side rooms, trying to get a moment of peace and privacy to collect my thoughts. My mood had not improved.

“Cantrip?” The solitude didn't last long... and much to my distress, it was Antic's voice.

“What?”

He peeked his head around the corner. “You, um, got a minute?” Yes, but I really didn't want to do this. I just kept my mouth shut, so he crept around the corner. “We... I-I just need to talk to you. Please?”

I took a deep breath and locked eyes with him, but again said nothing. This had to happen eventually. Did it have to be now?

He wrung his hands and avoided my gaze. “L-look, I, um. I wanted to say again h-how sorry I am. Really. I'm really, really sorry.”

What was I supposed to say to that? That everything was just okay? It wasn't.

The silence wasn't quite what he was expecting, if his reaction was any indication. He frowned harder and came closer. Each step made the tension in the room grow and grow, but I held my tongue. “You-you were right. I should have listened to you. I-I could have gotten us all killed.”

I locked my jaw to avoid gritting my teeth and nodded. That was an understatement.

He was right next to me by that point, and much to my unease he sat next to me. “I'm so, so sorry, but... you have to believe me... I was trying to m-make sure that this never happened.”

“But it did.” It was my turn to look away this time, rather than stare death at him. That took considerable willpower.

He placed a hand atop mine, and I snatched it away. “Cantrip...” His voice was unsteady, on the verge of cracking. “Cantrip... please forgive me.” Curiosity got the best of me, and I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He blinked and tears broke free of his eyelids to run down his cheeks. “Please?”

I looked him dead on and narrowed my eyes. “Antic, if there's anything that you should learn from this, it's that there are things that 'sorry' does not fix.”

He looked crushed, which admittedly didn't have the satisfying effect I thought it would. His mouth worked silently and he fell backward onto one of his palms. “Wh-wh-” A choking noise rose from his throat instead of words as he blinked more tears out of his eyes.

That was all I wanted to see, so I leaned against the wall away from him and buried my face in it. Time dragged on forever as he gagged and fought the crying, but finally he gave in. I kept staring at the slab of cratered gray in front of me as he climbed up and trudged off. The scuffs of his hooves just barely failed to mask the quiet sobs in the room.

Not all of them were his.

A better person would have at least told him he was forgiven, even if he wasn't really.

Why couldn't I have been a better person?

Comments

[Veprem]

It's a shame the draconequus didn't/couldn't ally with the thestrals. Outcasts together strong.

I assume this story takes place at some point long before the events of FiM, possibly during Nightmare Moon's banishment.

[Telgin]

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If I had to pick a time in the canon FiM setting, that's probably where I'd put it, yes. When I wrote it, I think the cartoon was only up to season 2 or 3, so there was quite little information to work with, even though as far as I remember we never learned anything else canonical about draconequuses from the cartoon. I think the comics had something, but I didn't read those issues.

Anyway, out of necessity I wrote this as an alternate canon, even though it mostly fits in the gaps of the FiM canon. I envisioned that Discord was something like the equivalent of an alicorn among the draconequuses, and that the ordinary ones were like Cantrip and her siblings here. Magical and chimeric creatures, but with power only roughly equal to a unicorns, and that unlike Discord they had the same body parts: a serpentine draconic body, bat-like wings, hooves, and maned tails.

I found the author's notes I had at the very end of the epilogue, which I don't suggest jumping to without massive spoilers due to an image, but to summarize it, this was written as a prequel to a different RP-like setting I hosted once. That again mostly fit into the FiM canon, but took some liberties and the fact that this story had to line up with it causes some odd story twists and beats that may not make the most sense at first.

After skimming the chapters ahead, I'm reminded that this was written during a similar time to the early parts of Longtalons and I can see the similarities in hindsight. I was still hammering the "make characters sad" button as a cheap way to get drama, though this is worse than Longtalons, so as I said, no hard feelings if you don't make it through it.