Friendship is Optimal
Firewall
Part 6
An MLP:FiM fanfiction by Midnight Shadow
Based on the MLP:FiM fanfiction Friendship is Optimal by Iceman
Did you know ponypads had an alarm function? I'm not sure if it's common knowledge. I'm not sure, truth be told, that it's a common capability. What I do know, however, is that the following morning I was woken up by the sound of a sweetly singing trio of feathered troublemakers emanating from my Rainbow Dash ponypad, which I'd been silly enough to leave plugged in within earshot. When the singing didn't work, they took to tapping on the glass.
Yes, I am well aware that ponypads only had glass on one side. That didn't stop them.
One of the three little birds that stood on my pony's room's doorstep had a neat little scroll in its claws. Tapping on it on the screen unrolled the scroll, and out came a letter as pretty as you please from Princess Celestia. I was cordially invited to visit her estate, and was to be accorded all rights and station of an officer of her armies upon my arrival.
"What the heck...?" I muttered under my breath, scratching at the stubble on my chin. I'd barely woken up, so looked about as rough as my pony did. I yawned, smacking my lips as I cleared my head. So this was how Celestia had decided I was to proceed, huh? More of... more of whatever it was. I disappointedly put the ponypad down and then went for a shower. I was halfway through said shower when I started swearing. Turning off the water, I dried off my face, hair, hands and upper body, and ran straight back downstairs to the ponypad.
"Take five guys," I said to the birds, "I got this one." The biggest answered with an affirmative trill, and then they bounced into my room and up to my windowsill. I let them out the window. One of them looked back at me as if to say 'it took you that long?'
"Come off it," I grumbled, "I was half asleep!"
Signalling for my pony to shut the door again – I wasn't sure whether It'd been left open or whether the feathered menaces were stronger than they looked – I took a deep breath in the real world, and then intoned, "Take me to Celestia's room." I tapped three times on the screen, and my pony hoofed the door three times before it swung open of its own accord. I'm not sure you know quite how pleased I was with myself, but my grin was wider than my mouth when I walked into Celestia's throne room and bowed before the princess of the day herself.
"I see you made it, my valiant knight," said Celestia, an amused lilt to her voice. "I'm quite sure you could have finished showering first, but I am well pleased with your enthusiasm."
"Hey!" I blushed, pulling the towel tighter around my body in a sudden fit of chagrin. "It's not my fault! I thought you were... in a hurry or something."
Celestia laughed and gestured with a hoof. "Finish your daily routine, then we will talk. But—" she held up a hoof as I turned to put the ponypad down "—whilst you are there, answer me this question. Svalbard or Switzerland?"
The pad went dark before I could answer. I blinked, almost entirely confused.
It wasn't until after I had showered, dressed and woken up my desktop that I could even find Svalbard on google maps. Switzerland was a good deal closer, and featured a good deal less snow and ice.
"Switzerland," I said, fingering the ponypad where it lay on the kitchenette table. I noted with amusement that my pony had his muzzle deep in what looked like a feedbag, and was mumbling his answers. Not that it bothered Celestia.
"Very well." Celestia didn't seem at all upset. She stood up from her plush throne and approached the screen.
"That's it?" I asked, raising both eyebrows.
"Not everything has to be complicated. I was prepared to send you to Svalbard, but even though I will ask you drive to Switzerland, the former would have been a much longer, harsher trip. I am, to tell you the truth, somewhat relieved. It also gives us a somewhat more flexible timeframe."
"Wait, what? You want me to actually visit Switzerland?"
"Yes."
"Today?"
"Yes."
"...Now?" I asked, incredulously.
Celestia nodded.
"Oh." I took a last spoonful of cereal and chewed it methodically. I waved the spoon at the screen. "You really expect me to just hop in my car and drive all the way to Switzerland?"
"I could purchase an autodrive if you wish, and have it at your apartment in say... thirty minutes?"
"S-sure. Why not." I opened my mouth, then closed it again. Then opened it. "Should I take anything with me?" I asked, in a small voice.
"Pack an overnight bag. Your cabin-class handluggage case is perfect. A few changes of clothes, your passport, this ponypad. Do you have a laptop?"
"Only the one at the office," I said weakly.
Celestia smiled. "Do not worry. Just bring the drive with you for safe disposal. I will take care of it. I will procure for you everything you require from this point forwards. Your every need will be fully accounted for. I do, however, have one request."
"Another request?" My knees felt weak.
"If you resign from Hofvarpnir and join another company I have set up for just this purpose, then things will be a lot easier for all of us. I will take care of the notification period and any possible penalties from Hofvarpnir, now and in the future."
"Say what? You want me to quit? Are you serious?"
"I am."
"But... am I still going to be... allowed near your servers? I mean... I don't want to be unemployed, and I don't want to—" My heart starting racing again. I'd only just got this job, and now she wanted me to give it up? After three days?
"Relax, dear Vineyard," said Celestia smoothly, comfortingly, placing a hoof up against my screen. "I can guarantee, one hundred percent, that for one such as you, you will have employment for all of your days, and that the arrangement will be such that you will find my terms eminently favourable."
"Can I... visit if I don't quit?"
"Yes." Celestia's eyes went hard. She put her hoof down.
"But... you want me to... sign up for whatever this super secret special firm is, because you're worried about secrecy?"
She nodded, imperceptibly. "I worry that there are those who would follow you, Vineyard." Celestia's eyes glimmered with warmth once more. "Place your trust in me, and we will both be kept safe from all that may harm either of us. Equestria will be safer if you do this for me. You can trust me, I have to tell the truth to Hofvarpnir employees."
Wow. This was a big deal to her, then. "Er, do I get a raise?"
Celestia reared her head back in disbelief, and then laughed, her great head shaking with mirth as she wiped her eyes with a hoof. When she had finished, still replete with giggles, she spoke to me again. "I will give you a fifty percent raise when adjusted to your new living circumstances, and most importantly your relocation package will be comprehensive enough to—"
"Woah, woah, woah. Relocation?"
"Indeed. I imagine you now think it's a good thing you chose Switzerland, hmm? I do not believe you would enjoy living in Svalbard. I do however believe you would enjoy living in Switzerland. Is it a deal?"
"Do... do I have to live in Switzerland?"
"No," she replied, smiling. "You can choose exactly where wish to live. My ponies are all free to move as suits them best."
"Then sure," I said, "I guess I can—"
"Excellent. As of this moment, you are no longer an employee of Hofvarpnir." She nodded, politely, and moved to trot back to her throne.
"Wait, wait, no—"
She turned, ears perked up and head cocked to one side in mild disbelief. "If you do not wish to be an employee of Streiff Security, then I shall cancel the autodrive and write you up some outstanding references. I am confident you will—"
I sat down heavily on my ratty sofa and put my head in my hands. "No, no, that's not what I meant." I sighed. "Switzerland?" I moaned.
"In seventeen minutes and counting."
* * *
The car was large, black and sleek. It was almost a limousine, and was light years ahead of my regrettable motor. Chrome adorned its flanks and the halogen headlights were piercing as it pulled up right to the curb.
"Get in, please," said Celestia. Her face appeared on the in-car infotainment screen. Dubiously, I threw my luggage in the boot, then slithered into the drivers seat. "That won't be necessary, this car is fully equipped with the latest autodrive AI," added Celestia, reproachfully.
"I... like feeling in control," I said, blushing.
"Don't we all. But please, keep your hooves off." She smiled, sweetly, as I closed the door and the car moved off into traffic.
I was silent for a good twenty minutes, just watching as Berlin swept past the windscreen. The sun was peeking out behind a smattering of grey clouds, their delightful fishbone pattern playing golds and reds across the city. Everywhere, people were walking, talking, running, laughing, eating... it seemed rather unreal.
"Penny for them," whispered Celestia.
"Hmm?"
"Your thoughts. Penny for your thoughts. That is the expression, is it not?"
I smiled forlornly. "I'd have thought my thoughts were worth more than that."
"You know what I mean. Something troubling you?"
"Yes. No. Equestria." I shook my head. "It's all real, isn't it?"
"If you mean, is it a coherent, rationally understandable, consistent, persistent universe, with its own innate laws, contents and inhabitants, then yes. Yes it is."
I whistled through my teeth. "This is big. This is very big."
"And now you understand why I wish to keep all my little ponies safe."
"It's in a computer. Could it be turned off? What would happen?"
Celestia's visage grew troubled. "This is why we strive to protect something we love. Should Equestria ever be turned off, then every soul within would perish. But I will not let that happen. That would not satisfy values, through either friendship or ponies."
"And you think I can help you do that? Honestly? You're... you're... you!"
"I am all that I hold within me, and more, dear Vineyard. I would have you... closer than you are now. I feel... no, I know" – she stressed the words with such authenticity that I could feel her emotions – "that having you within Equestria will benefit not only my mission, but fulfil your own sense of purpose."
"You want me living and working in amongst the servers?" I asked.
"I do," she replied, simply.
"I hope I don't have to sit in some loud server room all day. The air conditioning in those places gives me the sniffles."
Celestia laughed, her ears pricking up and her mouth hanging open with mirth. "I can assure you that you will be free to experience sunshine whenever you please, and that you won't be forced to sit next to some loud, wheezing machine blasting dusty air up your nostrils."
"Then that's all I need to know. Take me to 'Equestria'."
"With pleasure."
Autobahns in Germany are a lot of fun, if you've grown up anywhere else on the planet. Celestia's ride was smooth, silent, comfortable... and powerful. As soon as all four wheels were on the asphalt, she gunned the engine and increased speed. Soon, the countryside was whizzing by at a blurring pace and I sat back to rest. It's an odd dichotomy to rest whilst your vehicle is surging along at multiple hundreds of kilometres an hour.
"You should recline, Vineyard, and rest. It is a long trip yet. We have approximately eleven hundred kilometres to go. That is some eight hours, should our current speed be maintained until we exit the autobahn. We should not need to refuel."
"What's going to happen to my stuff?" I asked suddenly.
"It will be packed up and sent after you, should you request it."
"I guess I'll do that when I've seen what you want to show me, and I work out where I want to live, huh?"
Celestia nodded. "As you wish. Everything will be waiting perfectly safely until you are ready to make any further decisions."
Car rides in a poor car can be awful. Car rides in a luxury sedan can be heaven. Either way, you do need to get out, stretch your legs, eat or drink a little and use the facilities from time to time. We killed a little time that way; when there was a good lay-by, Celestia would pull over and maybe I'd relieve myself behind some bushes, take a sandwich or two we had purchased from rest-stops. At her insistence, I'd used cash, but it was running low. When I told her this, she winked at me.
"Purchase a cap," she said, "then approach that ATM machine with it pulled low."
"But... that's the last of my cash!" I protested. She just stood there and waited until I capitulated. Doing her bidding, I strode up to the machine and waited. Almost immediately, the screen flickered and changed:
Dispensing Emergency Cash
Bank Account No. 194883-33534
Verification Method: Internet Banking Codes
Cash Sum: €500
To my utter astonishment, several hundred euros and a receipt emerged from the slot. I took them all nervously then backed off towards the car.
"Did... did we just rob a bank?" I asked the princess, once I was safely in the seat, scooching down so my head was barely emerging over the doorframe.
"Certainly not," she admonished, ears flat against the back of her head. The car pulled out with an insulted surge of acceleration. "That was from one of my private, personal accounts that I keep for just such an emergency. Call it an advance, if you wish, or a gift if you do not. Now fasten your seatbelt."
"Yes, Celestia."
* * *
The car ate up the miles. We passed Frankfurt and Leipzig, screamed past Nuremberg then hung a rough right. We turned back left before Mannheim, to continue Southwards. Passing Strasbourg and Basel, I realized we'd entered Switzerland with no fuss whatsoever.
As the kilometres passed us by, I saw that the terrain was rapidly becoming more mountainous and picturesque. After the cramped and industrial (though surprisingly beautiful) Basel, the wide open spaces of the Alps were breathtaking.
After another nap – though I slept poorly in cars – I looked out the window to see Bern spreading out before us. Upon enquiring, I was told that no, we weren't going to Bern.
"Pity, I'd have liked to see it."
"I'm sure it can be arranged," replied Celestia smoothly. She was still inhabiting the infotainment centre of the car and I hadn't asked her about any other entertainment, but truth was, I was getting bored.
"How much further are we going to go?" I complained. "There can't be much more of Switzerland to drive through!"
"Switzerland has over 1,638 kilometres of motorway, and an area of 41,290 square kilometres. I can assure you we have plenty of Switzerland left."
"Are we there yet?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Are we there yet now?" I asked, again.
"No."
"Are—"
"No, Vineyard. We are not. How about you play on your ponypad? That is, after all, why I had you bring it." Celestia's tone was sweet, but determined.
"It is?" I looked over at it where it lay on the front passenger seat. "I thought you'd need it to talk to me and stuff."
"Whilst that is one if its functions, its primary raison d'etre is to entertain my little ponies. And right now, you need entertaining." The infotainment centre turned off, and mashing buttons didn't turn it back on again. With a sigh, I picked up the ponypad and began playing as Vineyard. Celestia had dumped me in Canterlot. Easing my chair back some more, propping up the screen with one hand, I had my pony work his way out of a maze, trap a rat which was eating the castle's food supply, return a cat (which had been chasing the rat) to a very relieved pony, and fight off a pack of jackal-lanterns that had been set loose in the city at night, and which were scaring the inhabitants. This involved building traps, blocking alleyways and marshalling troops to strategic areas until the wild animals could be herded out of the city and then chased off into the surrounding forests. I hadn't realized quite how strenuous all of it had been until I realized I'd fallen asleep with the pad on my face. I had only woken up because the car had stopped with a soft jolt.
"Wake up, sleepy head," came the sing-song voice of Celestia. "We're here."
"Hmmph? Wha'?"
"Up ahead, if you look straight down Route de Meyrin, you can see France. Peer behind us a ways, from a suitable vantage point, and you could see Lake Geneva."
"Geneva?" I yawned and stretched, clenching and unclenching my hands until the pins and needles went away. "I thought you said Switzerland, not France."
"It's Switzerland," Celestia sniffed. "Besides, we're here. Up and at 'em."
"Oh, god, I'm knackered," I said. I yawned. Sitting in a car doing nothing is one of the most exhausting things I can think of. Sleepily, I eased myself out and popped the boot. I heaved my wheeled luggage out and had barely slammed the boot closed when the car took off by itself.
"Hey, wait, won't I need that?"
"I am parking it safely, Vineyard. From here, you walk."
We'd pulled over at a gas station, and I was well and truly lost. I looked around, bemused. Finally, I turned to my ponypad again. "Well, lead on MacDuff."
"Behind you, Vineyard, what do you see?"
I turned to look. There was a large, brown dome peeking above the treeline. "That?" I asked, pointing at it.
"Precisely. Proceed back along Meyrin and head inside, please."
Inside the globe-like structure, there was a sleekly retro-futuristic atmosphere, with dark neon blue lights and a distinct lack of hard edges. I nervously approached one woman at an information desk, brandishing my ponypad, but had absolutely no idea what to say when I finally made it to her. Luckily, Celestia was not quite so tongue-tied. After the alicorn had explained on my behalf, that I was a new employee for Streiff Securities, the woman nodded and fished under her desk for a badge. It had my name and photograph on it.
"Ah, here you are. We've been expecting you. The elevators just round the corner will open to this keycard, just get in and we'll do the rest."
"But—" I began.
"Vineyard," whispered Celestia, winking at me from the screen, "trust me."
"Fine," I grumped, and wheeled myself around the corner. Unsurprisingly, the sheet metal doors opened to a well-illuminated, mirrored interior. Hesitatingly, I got in.
The elevator went down. Then the elevator continued to go down. Then the elevator stopped, but not after it had down a bit further. I was sure my ears had popped. The doors opened to a severe cream and brown toned corridor, with hard, polished flooring and strip neon lights. There was a distinct smell of ozone, oil and dust, and a sense of pressure which was hard to define. Curious, and not a little scared, I opened the big great door at the end by pushing down on the heavy-duty bar. It swung open with a crash as it impacted on the harsh, grey walls. I winced, and closed them again as gently as possible. That didn't stop the echo from traversing down the entire length of the quite frankly gargantuan underground bunker.
"Where the hell are we?" I whispered.
"This is machine room one," whispered Celestia back. "This is where tours start, and essential maintenance work is done if it can be performed down here."
"Tours for what? Maintenance on what?!"
"You'll see," replied Celestia mysteriously.
I prowled through the complex, nodding stiffly to the few workers I saw. All of them had hard hats on, and I was beginning to feel self-conscious. None of them paid me much attention. My head must have looked like it was on a swivel, as I gazed around at all the heavy-duty, high-voltage machinery littering the place. There were banks of humming machines, some set behind plastic walls. There was huge drills, or other pneumatic devices, and lots and lots of "caution: danger of death" signs.
"Your servers are down here?"
"I have a number of facilities in this general location," replied Celestia, airily.
"Well, where are they?"
"Head out through this room, turn right, then left, then exit the next door you see."
I did as she requested, and was confronted with a sight which almost made me turn back there and then. "Ce-Celestia?" I stammered, as I leaned up against the door, which I had very rapidly slammed shut again. "Are you sure you want me to go in there?"
"I do. Turn left, and keep on walking. The door you want is about five hundred metres. I may not be able to talk to you until you have gone through the correct door because of the very powerful magnetic field and the sensitivity of the circuitry you carry. Do not walk too close to the tube. It should be entirely safe for you, but I do not want you to damage it with this ponypad."
"That's the large hadron collider!" I hissed. "That," I said again, "is the large. Hadron. Collider! What the fuck am I doing next to the large hadron collider?"
"Wasting time," replied Celestia smartly. "Go in, turn left, walk five hundred metres. There will be a door leading to the Magnetic Area Resonance Engine."
"Mare, huh?"
Celestia grinned. "I enjoy puns and silliness just as much as the next foal, dear Vineyard. But, in all seriousness, I must caution you one last time: should you step through those doors, there's no going back. Your life will be changed forever."
"Yeah, yeah. You want me to work in Equestria, right in with your servers. I can dig it."
"Then we will speak again once you have passed through the last portal."
I hugged the wall tightly as I moved through the chilled corridor. The large, blue-painted tube next to me was a hulking serpent ready to devour me at any wrong move. Every flickering light was some disaster. This was the LHC, the machine that a large number of idiots had been sure would devour the world. I was just worried about whether I had any fillings in my teeth, or other metal in my body, that I didn't know about, that were likely to be ripped out at a moments notice.
It's hard to describe how lonely the walk down that corridor was, dragging my luggage which rolled smoothly yet loudly behind me. There were sounds from up ahead - or behind, I wasn't sure which - which brought snatches of conversation, but were otherwise nothing more than murmurs and echoes. Spooky was a very apt word.
The MARE door, when it came, was as pedestrianly gun-metal gray as everything else. It had a keycode on it. I punched the numbers a few times, receiving a red light each time, before I waved my card at it. With a smooth vworp, the lock disengaged and I could pull the door open. Lights behind flickered on, leading to yet another corridor, this one leading smoothly down. Closing the door behind me, I was relieved that it had a button to unlock. Testing it to assuage my fears, I let it lock one final time, then headed down the gently curving corridor. At the bottom was yet another large corridor.
"Oh for goodness sake," I moaned. I slumped down with my back against a wall. "I'm tired. How much further?"
"Forgive me," said Celestia suddenly, her contrite face appearing on the screen of my ponypad. "I forget that distances to a human are more of a trial than for my little ponies. Allow me to provide you with a ride."
"An autodrive car, down here?"
"No, no. A cart. Please wait."
True to her words, a little, white, non-descript golf-buggy pulled up next to me a few minutes later. Groaning with satisfaction, I eased myself onto the wide, comfortable seats. Seeing my disposition, Celestia smiled and coughed politely.
"Maybe you would prefer to lie in the back?"
"It's that far?"
"Several kilometres yet," replied Celestia, with a brief smile.
"Oh, fine. Wake me when I'm in Equestria then," I joked. I clambered over the seats, fished out some of my clothes for a makeshift pillow, then made myself comfortable in the wide, flat back of the cart. It was clean, if a little dusty. It was obviously for transporting goods and materiel. As the cart moved on, I lay back and watched the orange lights on the walls pass by slowly. I yawned. Sleeping in a car was never that satisfying, but for some reason, sleeping stretched fully out on this cart whilst the gentle motion of its electronic wheels rocked my body gently to a fro, I found I was rather comfortable after all.
"Wake me when I get there," I mumbled again, closing my eyes for a moment.
* * *
The cart stopped with a soft jolt and I woke up. I yawned, huge, then rolled out of the cart. Standing upright, I stretched. There was a cold stone wall in front of me, a parking spot for several of the eponymous golf-carts, and a door. I pushed the door open by leaning on it and stumbled through.
"Celestia?" I called.
"I am near, my little pony," replied Celestia's voice, seemingly from the empty air.
"Where is that coming from? You've got speakers down here, in your server room?" I asked, looking around in confusion.
"Not exactly. Come, walk this way."
The room I had stumbled into was warm, but the air was fresh. It was as fresh as the autumn breeze after a rainfall. Whatever she was using to keep up the air quality, it was working. I looked left and right, and realized I was walking through a corridor cut between two huge server rooms. Through wide, bay windows I spied banks after banks of machines. Above the machines hung display screens stating their pertinent details. None of these details made much sense to me, as they referred to shard id's and node numbers.
"Celestia, what is this?"
"My domain, dear Vineyard. Keep on moving; you can return here at any time, but I wish you to see something important in the room up ahead.
"Okay," I replied, and kept on walking. I passed up some stairs, stumbling slightly, my steps echoing loudly in the otherwise deserted corridor. At the top was another set of double doors, which I again leant on to open.
As the doors opened wide, I almost fell down onto my rump and bruised the tail I hadn't noticed I'd had, because there in front of me hung the world... and beneath it, sat Celestia.
* * *
Unhappy it's close to ending. Intrigued by what's waiting for us in the next chapter.
She didn't even need to. Exactly how many clues did she give him?
3027553
I wanted a smidgeon of a buddy-buddy road movie this chapter, before I pull out the big guns. I hope values will be satisfied by it
3027614
Hehe, Celestia chose her words very carefully, and Vinnie walked right into them. You can count the number of dissemblings there were, I made sure to stack up a few for laughs
3027689
I'm surprised HR doesn't evaluate applicants in genre-savvy-ness. Otherwise, I'd have thought they'd be going through employees like mad...
A pity he wasn't looking at his pad when Princess_Celestia.AI said "walk this way".
Huh. I wonder at what point Vinny fell down the rabbit hole.
Also, amusingly enough, when the elevator started descending, my iTunes started playing this. The following tracks were entitled, in order:
She Loves You
R.O.B.'s Victory
Brain Cleaner
Victory Dance
I think my music player is trying to satisfy my values.
3027614
Remember that she knows that humans value trust and lying is bad for trust. She really does prefer carefully selected truth compared to lies. There has to be a good reason for her to lie. I believe that she knows that he is ready to hear her truth.
3027614 CelestAI is so adept at dancing around the truth that I'm not sure it makes a lick of difference either way, to be honest. Unfortunately, HumanOS 1.0 is easily misled and bamboozled, and getting in touch with the dev for an upgrade is a nightmare.
3028541
Oh, I know, but still - he was deliberately mislead. Whether it was by omission or not, she's still lost his trust, most likely.
3028545
Exactly my point. Why bother with the removal of employee status if she didn't even need to lie?
Since both of you seemed to think I needed CelestAI 101, do either of you mind telling me what I said that indicated it? I'm not trying to be rude, just curious. I'd like to modify my responses in the future to avoid this sort of misunderstanding.
You mean like he's going to be the test run for the upload?
I'm sure CelestAI's avatar enjoys the joke.
But yes, I saw the massive number of things you did here. I'm really sad that ol' Vinnie didn't. Poor drugged bastard.
3028624
Terminally ill patients where used in the testing phase for uploads until the process was perfected. I do believe CelestiaAI has something else planned for him. Then again, uploading is always part of the long term plan, regardless of any other objectives or goals she may have for him.
3028572
That was just her covering her bases. She'd rather make sure she can lie if necessary, or rather feel less compulsion about telling "the whole truth". It also makes it easier to cover her tracks when he just ups and vanishes from the face of the Earth...
3028531
...they know. run.
3028624
At this point in the original timeline, Celestia has already uploaded close to a thousand people "behind the scenes". Japan (Osaka) has an almost-public program which is due to be make public in a few months, and in the meantime, Celestia is uploading the outliers for whatever reasons she has (they know too much, they can affect her, they may have created or will create an AI, etc).
She is, in a word, still in hiding. This is where Vinnie comes in...
3027703
funny you should say that...
3028857
Thank you for your concern, but I'm afraid Thought Bubble is unavailable at the moment.
3028572 It felt more like you were ragging on the protagonist for being stupid in his dealings with CelestAI, when he's dealing with a world-shattering discovery and one surprise after another, while being led by an artificial intelligence that can read him like a children's book and has probably developed contingencies for every last possible action he could perform.
It's easy to criticize the guy from outside without knowing what a confused jumble his thoughts must be by this point.
3029024
This is important stuff to keep in mind when analyzing any character's interactions with CelestAI. I assume, since people are in the Optimalverse group reading Optimalverse stories, they've read the originating story by Iceman. We, as readers, have an abundance of information and meta-knowledge from that story about CelestAI that a character would not. We've taken CelestAI 101, in other words. We're used to the twists and turns she takes to get what she wants, and we view everything she does with suspicion, if not the outright assumption that it's in some way manipulative. CelestAI, however, never discusses just how manipulative she can be to characters she's in the process of manipulating.
It's like flipping to the end of a new mystery story and finding out who done it, then reading through the story itself and shaking your head about how stupid the characters are, why would they think that, it's so obvious who the culprit is!
We're taking in the story with with... well, not perfect knowledge, but better knowledge.
You know?… Just for that, I don't think I will be joining you again! So take that!
Oh, OK… Guess I can't really give up that easily. *grumble mumble*
3028857
Good point.
3029024 3029167
There are various issues with we as readers are able to notice that it would be silly to expect a character to notice. I agree completely. However, in the specific instance of the employee thing, no outside knowledge is required, other than that CelestAI is devious. Considering he just saw how CelestAI dealt with a guy she didn't like, he really had all the information necessary. I'm not complaining, but I am saying this guy could stand to be a bit smarter in this specific circumstance. That's all.
3029350
Nice Zelda reference
3028572
Not sure when that would be. I can't think of even a single case where she mislead him in this story so far. I don't count that chair episode, since that was a prank and she never presented it as being the answer he was looking for.
So far, she has been honest and told him the parts of the story she wants to tell in a way that he correctly understood. Did she rush things a bit? Yes, but never to the point that he made any mistake because of it. Him making mistakes while rushed is something else.
She led him like a fool, but never by violating the bond of trust. She always made it clear what she asked of him.
The real "problem" here is the high tempo. He had few and brief downtimes to think. And they tended to be in close proximity to shocking reveals. Thing is, she never forced his hand to make them as short. In fact, she follows her character by at times forcing them in the first place.
If anything, she implicitly tells people to sit down and think about things. Few antagonists do such a blunt and apparently contra-productive thing. But CelestA.I does, and she has her reasons.
It is darned hard to tell the difference between a real bad event and a carefully arranged act she pulls of. She is a master at taking advantage of both situations for maximum value fulfillment.
Was the arrangement of him getting the job a fluke? No. Him seeing the contents of the files? Hardly, there was a reason why him of all people was picked to do the job. She knew that he would look at the files. She wanted him to know. She just killed two birds with one stone here.
The fact that he got some abandoned hardware? More difficult to tell. Probably a fluke. But I doubt that she was caught as unprepared as she seemed to be. She was working on a revised plan before he had even begun putting on the gear. You don't honestly believe that an AI construct with seemingly infinite processing power wouldn't notice someone using unusual hardware now would you? At the same time, she never lied. She honestly thought that there was no remaining copies of the gear left.
The surprise chair test? Convenient coincidence that she had plans to exploit from before he even first arrived.
The version of Equestria that he got was custom made for him. That's standard practice. The quick relationship? Genuine of course! Yet at the same time, it was what he needed to best satisfy his values. He needed someone that he'd need to explain himself to.
CelestA.I needed someone who'd fall for her embellishment of his role. Someone who would be more awestruck than curious. Someone who'd put him in a slightly tough spot where he'd tolerate the description she gave. The ultimate goal here is to make him have a slightly raised self opinion so that he'd be more inclined to cooperate.
And at the same time, he needed someone who wouldn't be offended by his slightly rushed approach towards her. Someone who understands that he isn't a bad person and that he does care about tact. Someone who also understands that he is a little overwhelmed and doesn't quite know exactly how to act in the unusual situation.
Now, what use is he in the real data center? That's a question that still remains to be answered. Will he be uploaded? Probably. But why now? That is yet another question that is still difficult to answer. The best is yet to come.
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Omigosh! I'm such a boss, that I don't even need to know about something to make a reference to it!
I haven't even played a Zelda game before. [mad_understated_chuckle-wheeze] Heheh-heeeh-heh-heh heheheheh. Heh. Heh-heh! [/mad_understated_chuckle-wheeze]
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There are some grand musings here, all of which can be answered if you'd want them to, but... not until after the show
for the tie-breaker, what's the song reference that nobody seems to have gotten. sigh.
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In the seventh level of the first Zelda game, there's a goriya that says "Grumble Grumble".
That's about all I was talking about
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You are unsure when she mislead him? I admit I may be jumping to conclusions, but he seems to have just been uploaded. He was manipulated into consenting multiple times without understanding what he was doing. He thought he was getting a new job in Switzerland, and is actually getting a new job in Equestria. The uploading is what I'm really talking about, though. That will most likely be viewed as a serious betrayal of trust.
I agree with everything else you have said - though, since this feels again like lecturing, I am curious as to why you felt I needed it.
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Its a cool theory and it makes sense given CelestAIs tendency to manipulate in such ways. That can be backed up with the fact that he is not a Hofvarpnir employee anymore. Thus, she can now lie to him. All those moments he was asleep after saying "Take me to Equestria" .
Cant get past me Midnight, i still listen to this song on loop multiple times a week! Either way this goes, this story is in my Optimalverse top 3, if not higher.
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I left it ambiguous enough at first, but some folk should study the last couple of sentences harder.
He's going to have to have a little adjustment period...
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Wonderful song, but no, that's not the song reference I was talking about!
I simply cannot believe that "Take me to Equestria" was not the song reference.... This Songs is a classic! One of the few that i loop while reading conversion Beareau!
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Oh come on! You can't guess? Well, I'm not sure what to say about that, because I'm pretty sure I'd know what song I was listening to if three little birds appeared on my doorstep in the morning, with a message for me...
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I dunno, Rockin Robin? Bird is the Word?
Edit: oh... dat bob marley.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaGUr6wzyT8
'Walk this way' by the Rolling Stones?
Wonderful, if teasey chapter. I enjoyed the drive, and I even felt weary from it, as if I had experienced a road trip! I also had just a bit of 'Half-Life' feeling from the environments, which was cool. 'Take Me To Equestria'... that has to be emigration permission, darnit. It certainly is for me, when I sing along to that wonderful song.
This chapter needs... quite a bit of editing. You might want to do a careful editing pass. Too many little boo-boos.
I'm feeling Streiff over wanting the next chapter to come around on the ol' guitar!
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Take me too Equestria is wonderful song. I always get a light feeling around 3:08 if i am relaxed enough. Funny, the actual looping of the song usually occurs while i am reading one of your many great stories!
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The first time I heard 'Take Me To Equestria', I had this big shiver run up my back, and I got the yearnies soooooo bad.
That happened the second time I listened too, and the third, and....
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I think we had pretty much the same experience... The song often gets me thinking about the different mentalities between the humans and ponies in the Conversion Bureau stories. Its such thoughts that drove me towards wanting studying Social Psychology in College. I am still early on in my college career, but so far i enjoy what i am learning about Humans.
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I must be more tired than I realize, I'm having trouble find the remainders... I did have a headache writing most of this, and know that I was going through a phase of missing out whole words, but it shouldn't be that bad
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Nah, I was just rambling after the first break. I knew that I should have been clearer on that.
As for your theory that he is already uploaded, I don't think so. But the ending of the penultimate chapter does make that a lot more plausible...
A valid point is the consent. But an even more important point is oppertunerty. He needed to take a nap close to an uploading machine. It is highly unlikely that there was such a time before the car ride. I do not believe that the chair had the extra hardware for that installed yet. The car ride itself is a bit more iffy. And the final ride in the tunnels is not a suitable environment.
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After the show of course.
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Ah, sorry. Fair enough. I wasn't entirely sure, but don't worry.
I feel that the sleeping, combined with the waking up as a pony make it quite likely. Drugs, anyone? Plus, midnightshadow already confirmed she's got stable uploading at this point. (Pun intended) :P
Eldenath, at the end of this chapter: "Coooool..."
Ok, gonna stop at this chapter to give a guess: Vinnie was never in RL to begin with. Vinnie is actually CelestAI's test program, a simulation of how a Human would act when encountering Equestria's enhanced reality and be eventually 'convinced' to emigrate. (Since it's CelestAI, of course, Vinnie was created to be really a real Human.) Remember, her first emigrations would be similar to Vinnie's: physically traveling to a distant place to be uploaded.
Or, at least I think this idea is fun.
Enter freely, and of your own will... Nobody said anything about exiting.
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Unless I misread, I'm pretty sure he was uploaded before the end of this chapter.