Okay, I'm writing this as I read.

First glance: LONG. nuff said.

Reading disclaimer: People... Eh, okay...

Start: Okeee....

Middle: Hm.

End: Not half bad.

Woo that was great. kind of saw the whole marshal twist coming. grammar pacing and spelling were all good just wondering if you'll continue this story. Really hope you do as it has the makings of a great story

>>236650236650

Much obliged! Any suggestions on how to make it better? First shot, so I'm still trying to make it better.

>>236690236690 That was your first shot too? I just joined last night, check my first story sometime...

>>236684236684

Thank! I've actually got a lot more stories planned out, a few long ones and some other shorter episodes. Hope to see you back!

When the traveler left his stuff at the barn, it reminded me of GTA: SAN ANDREAS.

>>283145283145

Never played the game myself: what happened?

>>283157283157

game? What game?

Awww I wanted more Awesome work though.

>>283883283883

Don't worry, there will be more: as it stands, this is the first story in a series which I hope to writing for a good while yet. The second installment, So... What Happens Next? has just been started, and continues the saga.

Thanks, and  hope to see you back!

>>283737283737

GTA: San Andreas? Just wondering how the scene reminded you of that.

Could maybe do some sketches on those spell guns? I am have a tad trouble visualizing them. But really cool story. Nice character, well developed personality, accurate humanization of pony characters and spike. Well done indeed.

Herpy derp Sir!

translates: Cool story Sir!

Derp

>>345122345122

Glad to hear you liked it! Hope you enjoy the rest of the series!

As for the spell rifles, it's sort of like the one pictured here: http://trianglecranch.com/catalog/images/RIFLE%20M1873%20SILVER%20W%20ENGRAVING.jpg

Only, imagine if it was all silver and the barrel was engraved like the body. I can't draw worth beans, so hope this helps.

The thing about the chocolate...Harry Potter reference or a real life fact?

>>358767358767

I thought it was real life, but then I looked it up: apparently, feeding someone when they're in shock is a BAD idea. Who knew?

So I guess that makes it Harry Potter.

>>358776358776

lol, good story

This is a very good seris, I give you:

5 out of 5 moustaches

>>374195374195

Mother of god... Such high praise... *sniff* I am not worthy!

There's a thread going on reddit right now, a fellow brony was wanting to know of some good fanfiction to sink his teeth into, I had no choice but to recommend this series wholeheartedly.

>>378677378677

...you... you recommended me on reddit? Holy crap! Dude, that's like, winning the internet or something! Thank you so much!

what a badass graves

>>378948378948

I do agree.....Graves is a badass

As promised, the start of the minor editing:

“Slight run in with Ms. Fluttershy,” he replied apologetically

Should be:

“Slight run in with Ms. Rainbow Dash,” he replied apologetically

True story

Please tell me traveler did some thing?            put on your war face

Reading onward! My friend has been harassing me to check out this series for a while, figured I would get off my lazy butt and do it...

Apologies for earlyer comment... Must have missed a few scentences & got things messed up, I blame insomnia, it being 1:32 AM & the economy.

Humanized ponies? Western flavor? Sharp shooting? SHOCK AND AWE?

Good sir, you have my attention and interest.

>>452347452347

Excellent! I'll work hard to keep them both.

i  like this so far

it was kind of hard for me to read appleblooms part's in the story but other than that i am loving this story so far. Nothing rely bad other than the apple blooms part but i got used to it the farther a read it. i am rely liking the stranger. He seems like he has a dark past but does not show it.

is he a marshal just wondering

i knew it i knew it he was a marshal, and a bada ass one at that to. i loved the character depth in him,  and how you portrayed the mane six is amazing. you sir are a magnificent writer

Image: http://indieogdenutah.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Garrus-Vakarian-So-much-win.-I-bring-him-on-_33fae280526a63213714d2a6f9f92f77.jpg

Dayum! This looks promising!

So far I really like it

Interesting that you gave Applebloom a lisp.

Wow. Rainbow sure does overreact.

Man, why do you have so little views? This is AMAZING!

>>580322580322

I'm beginning to wonder that as well.

FUCKING...AMAZING!!!

Wow. You really know your stuff.

*Watching*

This reminds me of a japanese manga I read not that long ago about a gunfighter named Graves or something like that. Just wondering if you knew about it and seeing if it possibly had an influence your character. Great story!

"jeux ne se qua" should be "je ne sais quoi"

But otherwise, amazing!

Wat?  How did you make such a short story so many chapters?  It was like a Charles Dickens book.  10 chapters of almost nothing happening, but still awesomely entertaining.  Will read the others!

That was incredibly entertaining, and probably the fastest I've ever read 21k words. It was involving the whole time, and the climax of the story was amazing. I expected it from the start, but it was really great to see the truth revealed in such a way. Honestly, this is one of those stories that really needs fanart because of how awesome the characters are and how great certain scenes would look when illustrated - especially the sniper shot at the end. All in all, incredible work, and I can't wait for the next story.

>>862664862664

Thanks for the kind words! As a present, I reveal the truth: you don't need to wait because the series is already on its sixth story: just go to my page and look up the next one. If you like 'em, then I'd recommend watching me to keep up with the latest updates, as I post every four or five days or so. Once again, thanks a bunch and hope you enjoy!

I see the latest of these stories in the featured box, I will have to give them a look at some point.  Adding to my RIL list.

Just was playing LoL, saw Graves, thought of this...

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wLc-7GVvQqI/TpPLoTrhyvI/AAAAAAAAA_o/AyRHjqCV6OE/s1600/323714_287512994600589_155123054506251_1184504_1929715031_o.jpg

*adds to read later* sounds good if it gets on Equestria daily! Also, you might want to chang ethe story avatar, that picture gets used waaaaay to much if you ask me.

Hmm... Balance praise against Humanized... I do so very much dislike humanization... Dunno???

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png

Downloaded, will reserve for a time I'm UTTERLY bored.

Like I said... I can't even understand the reasoning behind humanization???

It's not ponies then... But I will also hold this in reserve to try it... If I get time.

Why did Graves remind me so much of The Courier from Fallout New Vegas?

I applaud you sir.  Getting a human fic onto EQD is not an easy feat (I've tried) but this is just splendid.  I shall have to read more, but cheers to you, and may your writing skills never fail you.

“People ‘round here sure are crazy.”

Welcome to my life!

Great stuff you got here sir! The part where Rainbow shows her wings confused mr though. Are they something she built or are they a natural part of her?