Plaidface
Joined 24th Jun, 2012 ·
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For a first story this is surprisingly excellent. You have my applause good sir, and my upvote and favorite! the story seems to be holding up rather well, I enjoy how you have chosen to portray the Pegasi in a feudal Shogunate society, there are one or two minor issues but they can easily be resolved. Grammar and punctuation seems to be fine if needing a little brushing up in places, but you could pick up the following points:
- Indent your Paragraphs.
- Do not capitalize things you want to emphasize, instead put them as a single statement on their own and perhaps if you want to emphasize it more perhaps put it in bolt font, although I don't think that is terribly correct.
- More than one exclamation is unnecessary and simply makes you look unprofessional, so in future just use the one exclamation.
7/10, Another chapter and perhaps more stories of the same quality and I will consider watching you in future.
EldritchSpires
haha poison joke as a hallucinogen. Love it. Want it.
well, i guess this is dead.
Poison joke is a hell of a drug. Good to see continued work on this. I had thought it was dead.
7197855
Thank you for your patience
Yes.
Yes yes yes!
Pirates in steampunk dystopia future/past with war and corruption fueled by desperation and greed at every turn! I love it!
nice to see it back.