Vinyl Scratch sat on the end of her bed, appraising the bruises and scratches that permeated her otherwise flawless alabaster body. Prodding here and there, she quickly discovered that she had no major injuries to attend to. None on the outside that is. Despite the damage to her front legs and chest, the real damage was inside. Her heart was broken. Not two days ago the mare of her dreams had smashed, cracked and destroyed her from the inside. And it was all Vinyl’s fault. She had acted rashly, without thinking, only with the idea that she was protecting her. She couldn’t have been farther from the truth. She had seen the look in her marefriend's eyes, the pain, the pleading, and overshadowing everything, the anger. Pure unadulterated rage had spilled out of those eyes, soon followed by that of her hooves and mouth.
I hate you.
Vinyl began to shake, her pent-up emotions slowly leaking out of her until the dam broke and she put her head in her hooves and began to sob. Long, heartbroken crying echoed around the room, taunting her, berating her for her mistakes.
Stupid... Thoughtless... Disgusting...
She wasn’t sure how long she stayed there, her position never changing, tears collecting on the carpet. Eventually, she resigned, crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She curled up into a ball, sniffling, trying to make up for the vest emptiness of a bed made for two.
***
“Hurry up Vinyl!” Octavia called from the doorstep, verging on impatience.
The mare in question rounded the corner with a sense of rising doom. This was it. She was done for.
“If you don’t stop stalling I’m going to have us stay longer.”
Oh Celestia no.
“Please Octy, anywhere but there. I’ll take us out to dinner some place! We’ll take a long walk in the park! I’ll go to one of your boring recitals!” Vinyl pleaded.
“For the last time, no. I’ve had this dinner with my parents planned for weeks, and you’re not getting out of it because you are pretending to be sick, or you have a last minute performance to go to,” The grey mare shot back. “and my recitals are not boring!”
A stroke of brilliance shot through Vinyl. “Oh! Performances! That reminds me! I have to tune my soundboard! You go on ahead though, I’ll catch up.” She said as she turned and began to walk away into the relative safely of the living room.
“Oh no you don’t!”
Octavia grabbed Vinyl’s tail in her teeth and dragged the unwilling unicorn through the doorway and out into the street.
“NOOOOOO!”
***
The strobing lights and heavy bass that resounded through the club made no impact whatsoever on the DJ at the bar counter. To her left lay a score of empty shot glasses, and to her right stood a concerned bartender. He had been keeping an eye on the pony ever since she had sat down on that stool. She hadn't gotten up in four hours. He assessed the situation quickly and began to bear down upon the drunken mare.
“Ma’am, I think it’s time for you to go home. The club closes in a couple of minutes, and I don’t think that it’s safe for you to have anything else to drink tonight.”
Vinyl glared up at him through crooked shades, wobbling a bit on her cushion. She threw back another drink just to annoy the barpony, paid for her indulgences, and stumbled to her feet.
“I don’t see why you care, as long as I keep tossing bits your way.” She slurred.
The brown earth pony frowned. “I care because it’s my job. Everyone that gets drunk in here is my responsibility, at least until they leave the doors. And in your state, you probably wouldn't even be able to get to the exit without passing out. I’m calling you a cab.”
“I can manage myself for a couple of blocks you... you... jerk.” Vinyl immediately pivoted, took four mistimed steps forward and promptly fell over, proving the bartenders point.
He sighed, called over a bouncer, and instructed him to get Vinyl outside, and to wait for her cab. He grunted, and cast a disapproving glance down at the unicorn, who was now trying her best to rub her face deeper into the tiles. The bouncer pulled Vinyl to her feet, dropping her tinted glasses to the floor, and proceeded to carry her over to the exit. Vinyl giggled and thrashed, enjoying the trouble that the pony was having with her. He muttered something about 'not having enough time' and 'I don't get paid enough' before pushing through the doors and setting her down, one hoof on her back to make sure she didn't keel over again. Despite this, Vinyl swayed, but stayed on her hooves long enough to watch as the cab driver pulled up along the sidewalk, shared a knowing look with the bouncer, and helped the inebriated pony stagger into the back seat.
Half an hour and an uncomfortable cab ride later, Vinyl found herself trying, with varying amounts of success to climb the stairs to her apartment. After struggling with the door handle, and collapsing inwards through the entryway, she lay there on the threshold, and absentmindedly closed the door with one free hoof.
This isn’t so bad. I’m doing just fine without her.
She knew that she was lying to herself, but with the haze of hard cider burning its way through her veins and consciousness, it was hard to care. The unicorn stumbled her way to her feet, and through her home, ending up in the kitchen. A mountain of unwashed dishes, used Chinese food and pizza boxes greeted her with open arms. Sitting down at the table, she softly lay her head down on the rough, grainy surface, and let out a less than dignified sigh.
"I'm just going to rest my eyes for a sec, m'kay?" she whispered to the empty room.
And then she passed out.
Eez good! I favourite, like and await more
Maybe longer chapters?
I agree - longer chapters most deffinatly. It'd really make sure you get properly sucked in. It was well written however and I got the sudden urge for a drink. Come on Vinyl, get her back!
Look forward to your next chapter :3
please....PLEASE KEEP WRITING!!!!!! ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh please please please!!!!!! i love this concept, keep working hard! oh and yes, longer chapters please
Wow, i never expected this to catch so well! It makes me feels so good that my first story is working out! I should hopefully have the next chapter done by next week, probably around Tuesday. I want to thank you all for the feedback, and hope that you stick with me (and Vinyl) to the end. here's some mustaches.
Whoa. Am impressed.
I was only planning to read this as a courtesy because you left such a nice comment on my story earlier- that's the first "Right in the feels" I've gotten". It feels (no pun intended) good.
But seriously, you've done a damn good job with this chapter. I'm looking forward to the rest.
I noticed that you asked for some feedback on your superb story. So I'm gonna pull through on that. Wall of text incoming!
I'm debating the merit of including "flawless" in this sentence, because I really don't know what you're trying to get across here. Are you trying to make the point that Vinyl Scratch is attractive? I mean, if you want to do that, go for it, but it's a bit cumbersome in this sentence. I'm no expert, but I generally consider bruises and scratches flaws.
It's generally written "pent-up".
I don't think you need the second comma, and it screws up the rhythm of the sentence.
"Commas go after the last word in a quote," SpaceCommie said. "And then you finish it with an appropriate clause describing who said it and how," he continued. "On the other hand, if you're following up with the circumstances of the quote, you can end it normally and move on to the next sentence." He lifted his hands off the keyboard, confident that he had presented the basics of punctuating quotes in a satisfactory manner.
Typo, obviously. Even the best spellchecker can't get this kind of stuff.
*absentmindedly
You meant softly, of course.
I figured I'd give you a sample of my editing efforts. Let me know if you want to work with me in the future.
It was really good other than the rare spelling and few punctuation mistakes.
I feel like a heartless man, I didn't cry at all and this story was really sad near the end... I read sad stories all the time yet I've hardly cried at any of them, I cried at a few.... I'm too emotionally strong sadly
im really emotionally strong. out of hundreds of sad stories i have read only one has made me cry. i have read the first chapter of this and look forward to the rest. hope it makes me cry.