You Asked For A Story, Huh? Well First You Get Exposition
The word of the day was "chaos."
Well, it wasn't actually "chaos." The word of the day was "fortune", but if one Cheerilee had anything to say about it, it would have been "chaos". (And she had something to think; fortune was the opposite of what she was seeing right now.) They had already done chaos, but it was the exact word to describe the current situation in class, and it was a situation even she was having trouble handling. This was something odd coming from somepony who had been Ponyville's sole teacher for most of her adult life, but there were some situations not even she could yet handle. And she knew that as the colts and fillies here grew up, they might get even more rambunctious.
She thought about what the class would be like in Grade 9 about as often as she thought about her manestyle 20 years ago; she tried her hardest to never do so.
Today, however, was different. Every once in a while there would be a show and tell, or a class report issued, but most of the work was done. So, today, Cheerilee was going to take advantage of this to tell her students a story that had just happened recently, one involving the newest arrivals to Equestria, and the adventures they had undergone to save the world.
Instead of doing anything to try and silence the children, Cheerilee simply looked towards the door and made a "come hither" motion with her hoof, minus all of the sensuality a "come hither" motion is implied to carry. Two ponies - more accurately, a pony and a person - entered the room, and at the sight of the two of them, the entire class fell utterly silent. A ball dropped to the floor, not having been caught. A paper airplane was hidden by a unicorn classmate.
The pony that had entered the room was known by everyone. Her indigo blue coat and wavy, starry mane and tail were less obvious codifiers of her status as an alicorn than the fact that she had wings and a horn, and stood at least a hoof taller than everyone else (or 30 centimeters, if you want to get specific). She was Princess Luna, Princess of the Night, and while she was definitely a very nice and benevolent pony, her presence was still intimidating - her massive blue eyes matched the theme of "blue mana" that she possessed to some.
But the silence was more caused by the second person that had entered the room. He was a rather portly fellow, wearing a pair of grey jeans, a set of boots, and a faded orange shirt with the sleeves rolled back. His face had visible wrinkles, and he had a flat-top haircut, a mustache, and a beard that were brown and neatly trimmed. There were gray hairs on his head as steely brown eyes surveyed the room. This man - this human - was none other than Marcus Kincaid, owner and proprietor of Marcus Munitions Limited, and controller of all Marcus Munitions and Ammo Dump vending machines on the planet of Pandora.
After the obligatory bow, Cheerilee spoke, the class finally fixating on something. "Children, I would like to introduce to you two very special ponies - and as you can clearly tell, one of them isn't even a pony! May I please present Ms. Princess Luna and Mr. Marcus Kincaid!"
"Thank you, Miss Cheerilee. It is nice to see the youth of Equestria." Princess Luna curtly nodded to her. She was telling the truth - a kid was refreshing compared to an adult, especially because they were malleable, and could easily adapt to new ideas.
"It's a pleasure to meet you all today." Marcus had a smile on - the one that was just right. While he hated dealing with kids, he loved telling stories - no man or woman in Sanctuary could spin a better yarn than Marcus did, regardless of fictional status. And that's why he was here today.
"Mr. Marcus is here to tell us a story-"
"Please, just Marcus," interjected said fat man. As much as he liked honorary titles, Marcus preferred for his reputation to be his title. "Anyways, what... Cheerilee said. I am here to tell you all a story."
A voice that Marcus could only describe as "snivelling", but that everypony else could describe as "condescending" arose from the back of the class. "Like what, the story of how you ate too many pies one day?"
Marcus locked eyes onto the pink filly that had said that. Her buttmark appeared to be a tiara. "Yeah, shut up, Ms. Prissy-Pants. Not like you're the picture of beauty yourself."
Cheerilee in turn whipped over to Marcus. "Marcus!" This didn't stop most of the class from breaking into giggles at the expense of one Ms. Diamond Tiara, who, for ten seconds, actively regretted ever having spoken up.
Marcus looked over to Cheerilee, getting the unspoken message. "I apologize for my actions." It was said in a carefully measured voice that was more monotonous than anything else. Truth be told, the CEO wasn't at all sorry, but he knew how to play people, and if ponies were any different...
"Now then," instructed Cheerilee, "Marcus and Luna are here to tell you a story, and I can easily send them off if any of you feel like misbehaving."
The class immediately got the rather unsubtle hint, and after a few seconds of silence, she turned over to Marcus. "Anyways, Marcus?"
"Right." Marcus pointed to Luna. "Truth be told, Princess Luna is only here to act as a sort of... projector. She can play out things as they happen. Think of this story as like a movie! A movie being told by me!" The class fell into a serious of "oohs" and "aahs" as Luna walked over to the back, then lowered her horn and fired a blast at the wall.
The burst of magic impacted and coalesced into what appeared to be a blank projector screen, before a secondary tendril floated over his head. Luna was obviously going to censor this a bit, but Marcus could speak his mind for the most part. He thanked whatever deities existed for the versatility of magic. "Anyways... pay attention to the screen. I would start the tale off cold, but I figure I should exposit on the Borderlands a little bit, so you all don't walk in completely clueless."
Marcus Kincaid cleared his throat.
People like me... we have all come from a planet called Pandora. Now, do not take this to mean that humanity originated from that planet - we originated from a planet called either Terra, or Earth, depending on who you are. But that's not important. What is important is that Pandora is where the stories of past have played out.
It is not a nice world. Pandora would eat up the average mare. If the heavily-armed, anarchistic bandits did not shoot her on sight to eat as food, then the ravenous wildlife, capable of eating anything they choose to pray on, would do so. Or maybe what's left of the Hyperion forces would take her in for Slag experimentation...
Psssh! Rainbow Dash could survive there any day now!
Quiet, you! I am the one telling the story here, and your precious little pegasus... well, she would stand a chance...
That's what I thought.
Oh, shut up. You're adopted.
The entire class fell into total silence. Scootaloo looked shocked, Cheerilee was also shocked, and Luna was looking at Marcus in a way that could only be described as "what were you thinking, fool?"
"What? Don't tell me she actually is a di-"
"An orphan, yes," came the response of Princess Luna.
"...oh." Truth again be told, Marcus had a somewhat soft spot for orphans. He knew what it was like - so unlike other kids, he didn't immediately write it off. Then again, he had limits, so he wasn't going to get mushy with them, but he still understood the situation better than most, and was generally willing to give them a shot.
Even if his abrasive speech towards them didn't really give it away at first.
"Sorry. I didn't know-"
"I bet you're just saying that-"
"I was an orphan too, you know! I grew up on Pandora alone and it's a miracle I survived at all!"
There was quiet.
"I might not have meant it when it came to Miss Diamond Spoon over there, but this one I actually did mean."
"...oh. It's... just... keep going."
In lieu of any further awkwardness, Marcus decided to continue with the story.
Ahem... yes, where was I...
This is not a planet of love and tolerance, and it is not a planet of magic. Pandora is a planet of blood and hellfire, where a loaded gun and a quick trigger finger make up the law. It is a planet where the weak die - and the strong thrive. And everyone in Sanctuary is one of the strong.
So what would make people come to a desolate planet, where everything but the air and the ground are trying to exterminate you? The answer is quite simple.
The Vault.
My father was one of the people who spent their lives looking for The Vault - he was a Vault Hunter. He went on and on about the Vault, up to the second he died. And there was good reason to. It was rumored to be a source of power, through many reasons. If you opened the Vault, they said, you'd gain infinite power. Fame across the six galaxies. Alien technology, advanced beyond even the wildest of imaginations. Weaponry capable of reducing your opponents to ashes. Many, many women, for reasons you will find about when you are older.
He was not the only Vault Hunter. The rumors obviously spread. I'm not sure of how, but many came to the planet as Vault Hunters - all heavily armed and looking for this mythical stash of pure power. And many died, unprepared for the wastes, felled by the creatures and the bandits, killed by other Vault Hunters who wanted to balance the odds in their favor. But there were four who came to this deserted hellhole who were stronger than the rest.
There was Roland. He... he was a good man, the leader with a Scorpio turret. A former Crimson Lance soldier, part of the former Atlas Corporation's military arm, who defected because of the corruptness contained within both.
Mordecai. The greatest sniper in the six galaxies, a man who once won a sniping contest at the age of fourteen with nothing but a scopeless revolver pistol. Accompanied by a pet bird he obtained on his travels - named Bloodwing.
Lilith. A Siren, one of six empowered women who can exist at any given time. She could temporarily shift into an alternate dimension, emerging with a flash to gun down those she had fooled.
And Brick. A massive hulk of a man, whose name describes himself perfectly. He was made of muscles and rage, and if anything could be shot up, Brick could punch it up just as effectively.
These four Vault Hunters realized the power of teamwork, and using it, they surmounted Pandora's challenges. They faced down the ravenous beasts and showed them what it was like to cross a team. They defeated the various bandit lords that had carved fiefdoms out for themselves, and went against the Crimson Lance themselves to get to the Vault and open it, guided by a mysterious Guardian Angel.
Unfortunately, the Angel had tricked them, and the Vault opened - to the disappointment of all, a massive, tentacled monster that could destroy the dimension they were in. The Vault Hunters annihilated the Destroyer of Worlds and spread out into the wastes, doing a couple of odd jobs involving the undead, a colosseum, finishing off the Atlas corporation, and an uprising of the Claptrap robots that served as helpers. They eventually formed the Crimson Raiders to help keep order in the wastes.
But something happened. When the Vault opened, it triggered the growth of deposits of Eridium, a purple metal that could be used for untold amounts of energy. And with the Eridium, came the Hyperion corporation - and Handsome Jack.
He may have been handsome, but Jack was not good. He declared that everyone on the planet before he had arrived was a bandit, and that all bandits needed to be killed to ensure that Pandora would be a safe place for all. He built a massive moon base that blotted out some of the light and could be seen in the day, and his army of robotic Loaders imposed his will on all who did not surrender to him immediately.
And then Jack found the one thing that finally put conquest of Pandora in sight. He found another Vault, and inside it; an Eridian Warrior. For what purpose it was built, we will never find out. But the person that wakes the Warrior would get to control it. And he could use it to wipe out everyone on Pandora. So he hired Vault Hunters, mostly so that he could dispose of them on his way to meet them.
That was how things went on Pandora. Loaders would destroy settlements day-by-day. New Haven was burned to the ground, the Vault Hunters defeated. And Jack killed hundreds upon hundreds of Vault Hunters. But then along came six. Six who refused to die, who beat the odds and survived the betrayal.
Axton, a Dahl commando with ten years of experience and an even greater Sabre Turret.
Zer0, a mysterious assassin armed with naught but a decoy, a cloaking device, a katana, and a mysterious past.
Maya, yet another Siren. A different set of... rather constricting powers did not make her any less dangerous to cross than Lilith.
Salvador, a self-proclaimed 'Gunzerker' and native of Pandora, whose strength lets him dual-wield whatever he likes.
Gaige, an eighteen-year-old girl with a robotic arm - contained inside it; Deathtrap, a self-constructed floating annihilation machine.
And Krieg, a Psycho who seems a bit less of a bandit than the rest. Nobody knows why he joined up. All we know, is that he is very good with a buzz axe.
These six Vault Hunters battled their way to the Crimson Raiders, and under their direction, managed to overcome the wastes yet again. Facing off against the savage wildlife, the dangerous bandits, and the fascist Hyperion forces, they were betrayed by the Guardian Angel. They soon learned that Angel, as she preferred to be called, was a Siren - and Jack's daughter.
She was being used to charge the Vault Key, the item that would open the Vault itself. The Key has a natural recharge time of two hundred years - but, as Jack found, routing liquid Eridium through a Siren and directing the energies into the Key would shorten it to five. And the Key was almost charged.
Rounding up the Vault Hunters and a friendly clan of bandits known as the Slabs, they charged Angel's core, and destroyed the Eridium injectors that were keeping her alive. The battle, however, came at the cost of Roland's life - and gave Jack a new Siren catalyst; Lilith.
Fighting their way to the Vault, they discovered that Jack had already unleashed the Warrior - and he was ready to destroy everything, starting with them. But the Vault Hunters marshaled their teamwork and power, and destroyed the Warrior, before squashing Jack like the petty little bug he was on the inside. They went off and performed a few other adventures afterwards - finding the Lost Treasure of the Sands, opening yet another Vault found by the Torgue corporation, and going on a hunt with Sir Hammerlock, one of their friends - but their most recent adventure?
It had never happened until one fine Saturday afternoon, as they prepared to invade Hyperion's moon base. Fate, however, had other plans for the Vault Hunters... other plans, indeed...
"So, are any of you interested in hearing the tale further?"
"On one condition!" Scootaloo had jumped out of her chair, and her slightly-less-stubby wings were buzzing. Audibly. "I get to come sit in front of you!"
"What?"
"That'll make the story even better! And my friends get to come too!"
Marcus turned to Cheerilee, and opened his mouth to verbally explain how much he didn't believe this. The second he saw the look on the teacher's face, though, he backed down. Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman, Pandora had taught him. Or, more specifically, hell hath the fury of Maya throwing a ball of Scorn.
His attention returned to Scootaloo. "...alright. Siddown and try not to make too much noise." Before he had even finished, the three of them had somehow zipped over directly in front of him. They looked god-awfully cute. He felt one of his legs begin to shrivel from diabetes.
Not that it bothered him. Three annoying little fillies were not a problem to him. He had a story to tell.
Marcus' facehole opened, and the aforementioned story began.
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First. And very interesting! Next chapter now, or you're skag-bait.
PLEASE PRESENT YOUR TICKETS, THE POOP TRAIN IS ABOUT TO SET OFF.
...This is going to be so awesome!
Yessssssss.
I've alread played BL2 all the way through. Don't have all the DLC's though. Only got Assault on Dragon's Keep because my friends got it.
If there isn't a contest between Krieg and Pinkie to see who is more insane I will be sorely disappointed
2849564
In my opinion, Pinkie is a lot more like Tiny Tina than Krieg.
2849312: Try me, grinder.
2849564 and 2850128: Yeah. Krieg would be the winner. Like Frog said, Pinkie's a little more Tina-like, whereas Krieg... Krieg is a legitimate psychopath. Krieg wins this contest hands-down. He might not have knowledge of the fourth wall like Ms. Pinks does, but then again, how you expect somepony with the Element of Laughter to act when she knows about that kinda stuff? Without a fourth wall, Krieg is eight different ways of screwed up, so he wins.
Be disappointed. (Probably won't do that, but hey, I got stuff planned.)
Still haven't read it!
2851663: Three out of four betas is enough!
Sorry Proth. Oh well. If you catch any errors I'll commend you next chapter over.
The Vault Hunters in Equestria? YES! All of my YES!
I love Borderlands! It's unique blend of comedy and drama make for one hell of a game. And I can't wait to see how the world of Equestria will react to the legendary Vault Hunters.
I just hope that this story doesn't wind up on hiatus or dead like so many of the other BorderlandsXFiM crossovers I've seen on this site.
2851936: I finished a story about Mass Effect that ran for about 15 chapters.
I'll try my damndest to make sure it doesn't go down fighting, but I've planned out the entire story beforehand. This stands a chance.
Me, it would've been fine if you just had Krieg, but having all six of them, that's awesome. Oh and Gaige is actually either 13, 14 or 15, because her Echo recordings show that she was living with her dad and left to Pandora over a Science Fair accident.
2858586
http://forums.gearboxsoftware.com/showpost.php?p=2886828&postcount=4
Let's see if that mind control implant works. Ahem, would you kindly work on nothing but this until it is done?
Seriously, I f*cking love Borderlands, both games, and combining it with FiM is sure to lead to happy fun times. LOOK OUT, THE POOP TRAIN'S COMING THOUGH!
2863049: Psych Resistance of 100, suckaduck. Try again next time.
Can't wait to see where this goes, never enough Borderlands crossovers, but this one definitely seems to be a unique take on the concept. Also
Marcus' facehole opened
Fantastic
2879412: I am a creative person who sometimes uses creative words.
Facehole is one of those words.
If you have a problem you can take it up with Marcus.
2883081
No problems, just satisfaction
pllllleeeeeaaaassseeee put up the next chapter, I've never begged before but I think this story is worth all my squabble
2898660: Greatness cannot be rushed.
(Admittedly I am a lazy bastard but next chapter is indeed in the works, so just hang tight)
2899298 I'll hang tight. The noose is already set up, with the words "THIS STORY HAS BEEN ABANDONED" on it.
Well christ, am I late to the party.
I'm sorry.
Steam sales, and things. I wish I had friends
But anyway, my god is perched on a branch and will jump on your face and smother you if you won't give Zer0 the appropriate amout of screentime.
2990355: No promises. Expect Zer0 to say badass/weird shit, though. It's what he's there for (besides stabbing peeps in the face/sniping fools).
"Not that it bothered him. Three annoying little fillies were not a problem to him. He had a story to hell."
He had a story to hell
This an error? did you mean
"Not that it bothered him. Three annoying little fillies were not a problem to him. He had a story to tell."???
also shouldn't "Marcus' facehole opened, and aforemented story began."
be "Marcus' facehole opened, and the aforementioned story began. (another error - aforemented to aforementioned)
To me the 'the' before aforementioned just makes it roll off the tongue easier. (or read easier either way XD)
sorry if i'm bothering you just had to say those. I'm a stickler for spelling mistakes XD
3010289: Somehow, none of the betareaders even caught those.
Much thanks, amigo. Repairs effected.
3011628 No problemo! Awesome start to what I hope to be a good story. Have a good day!