Page generated in 1.378 seconds
Total duration
962 users online
388,100 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice
Dammit, it's I'm not i'm. When will people learn. As soon as I saw that being repeated multiple times I just stopped reading. Clean up your work.
2803342 Thanks for the heads up. I'll get to work right on it.
2803357 Let me know when you're done. It seems interesting, but things like that just pisses me off.
2803363 Okey, I went back and edited my mistakes. Pleas let me know if you spot any errors. Thanks!
,,,Post apocalypse scenario and mlp? I shall enjoy this very much!
Interesting
In the first paragraph, specifically: “The setting sun was gleaming down upon the crumbling city, loosing it's self to the consequence of time. From my viewpoint I could see vegetation taking over the streets, and buildings” as well as “…proud city loosing its self to the elements”, the phrase “loosing it’s self” needs to be changed to “losing itself.” In addition, the comma between “the streets, and buildings” is not needed. Finally, in the sentence, “…scavenged gets taken back home to our loved ones back homes”, the last “back homes” should be removed as it is being repeated. I apologize if I come off as rude as I do not intend to do so. I simply want to help you make the most of your otherwise good story. Feel free to message me if you’d like to have your earlier chapters looked over for errors; I’d be more than happy to lend you a hand.
Sandstorm? From what I read this is turning out to be an all out shit-storm
please let him have his weapon if not Fluttershy will cry
So how do you say Isaiah I have been saying (is-eye-uh) but I don't know if that is right. Maybe I will just call him Izzy.
Do for your first story this is amazing but plz tell me their wont be any pony x human shit
Needs quite a bit of editing. There are punctuation errors everywhere, especially around dialogue, and many of the sentences are awkward to read because of weird phrasing, missing/misused words, or both.
So far so good.
Yeah, this isn't exactly the most promising first chapter I've ever read. There's a lot of revisions that need doing, as people in the comments section have mentioned. It's a shame, too. 200,000 words is nothing to scoff at, that's a lot of work. But even if the back half of it becomes amazing, it will always be dragged down by the first half. You need to go over this and fix it. As it is, I can't read it.
like the idea it will stay on the read later for now though until a chapter pulls me in.
phenomenal first story!
4592318 eye-zay-ah
Reminds me of Stalker: Shadows Of Chernobyl
Hmm, lots of errors, but the story seems interesting. Hopefully, there are fewer errors further down the line.
Not bad, onto the next chapter!
I take it he ain't in Kansas anymore
After 45 years? You're joking. When exposed to animals, bugs, natural erosion due to the elements - you mention a "jungle-like state", so I assume humid and warm - I'd give them 25 years at most, and I feel that'd be a stretch. Same goes for fabrics, really - polyester and nylon (the things you'd think would endure...) would take some 40 years to go away, but go away they would; wool and other natural fabrics would go way faster.
I'd expect skeletons to still be inside cars maybe (cars make really nice coffins, if you think about it), or in buildings... sure. Underground areas? Absolutely - cold and dry environments with still air (and that's how things end up when sealed away) work wonders to stave off decay. But on the streets, I wouldn't expect to see any signs of people at all - not after 45 years.
Are you honestly real? In one trailer? Talk about putting all of your eggs in one goddamn basket... You'd think apocalypse survivors that have to fend off raiders would know better...
THIS is why, in the military, "things that go together are never transported together", to paraphrase a particular "military joke" - you don't want your enemy getting their hands on everything at once (or you losing everything at once).
Instead, I would've expected the expedition team to take 15 minutes to take stock of all weapons and haul they had, and then re-distribute it all so that each mobile unit had a sensible amount - this way, even if one car was taken out of action, the others would still be active combatants (or, if they needed to escape - there would still be some haul left over once they got back). I mean, as it stands - the raiding party would only need to disable two trailers (the ones carrying the haul) in order to make the entire expedition pretty much a total writeoff. And trust me - if you have good scouts, identifying which trailers to hit is a cinch.
In fact - concentrating the entire fighting force in two trailers (personnel carriers, I suppose) automatically paints a big, fat target on those two. I mean: take those two out (planted explosives? road traps? RPGs?), and you can just pick the rest up and go on your merry way - nobody would even know what happened. Doubly so if all of their combat gear is stored in a trailer they're not riding in.
Anyone who has ever lost a haul should know this instinctively. And trust me, there is no justification for this - even if you have methods to protect the trailers in case of an emergency, it still doesn't excuse sloppy organization or thinking. If you can, say, teleport these to safety immediately? Why not do that in the first place? And if not... why take the risks?