Chapter Two: Reassignment
Star Swirl continued to stare as the various earth ponies in barding returned to their tasks. Wind rustled through the newly grown trees and a red stallion checked the wall of thorns for holes.
Safety sighed. “That was a big problem. Now I need to find something that the zebras will believe came on your airship.”
“You’re going to deceive them!?” gasped Star Swirl.
“Of course I’m going to deceive them!” snapped Safety. He exhaled. “Now, you wanted to see the springboks. Good. Let’s see if they’ll take you. If they won’t, then we’ll try the deer, the elephants, the giraffes, even the rhinos and the hogs if that’s what it takes. We’ve got to get you out of the city!”
Star Swirl scowled. “Now you want to get rid of me!?”
“I need to get you out of the city, yes!” snarled Safety. “As soon as we’re sure the zebras aren’t watching, I’ll get an escort to hide you. And yes, we need to lie about it! The only thing I didn’t lie about there was the fact that you’re useless!”
“Useless!” Star Swirl scowled. This attitude was deplorable! How insulting was this stallion?! “Why are you so determined to offend me!?”
“Yes! Useless!” yelled Safety as he leaned forward. “And be grateful you are! It’ll make it easier to protect you!” He sighed as he leaned back again. “Look. You may not be one of my ponies. But you’re still a guest. It’s my responsibility to keep you safe. If they found you interesting, they might demand you as tribute and while that might protect my own ponies from being asked for as an offering for a while longer, it wouldn’t be right to just sacrifice another pony like that.” He closed his eyes and hung his head.
“What-what are you talking about!?” asked Star Swirl as her eyebrows rose “Why would they want actual ponies as ‘tribute’!?”
“Mostly because we can do this,” replied Safety as he slammed his back, right hoof down and a field of sorghum sprouted around them. “Though depending on the pony’s talent, they find other uses for us as well. Even though we’re not the only ones that can farm here, we can do it much faster and more efficiently. Forcing us to tend their fields means they get all the food they want and they can focus on strengthening their army and other ‘superior’ interests.”
“That’s ...” Star Swirl backed away slowly. “That’s terrible! Wait! Generosity Bearer Rarity Belle was in a situation like this. Have you tried whining?”
Star Swirl lowered his eyelids. “Doubt that’ll help.”
“Um ... But ... What about Princess Celestia!? Surely she’ll stop this!?”
“Celestia. Can’t. Do. Squat!” said Safety, stepping forward with each word. “When will it get through your thick skull!? This isn’t Celestia’s realm! She has no authority here! To intervene, she’d have to invade which I’m sure the rest of the Cosmic Council would be thrilled with. Not to mention that King Zaida is hardly a lightweight. He’s the most powerful member of the Cosmic Council in the region. His powers probably rival Celestia’s own. Not to mention that he’s about three times her size, has home field advantage and Celestia may be smart, but zebras are crafty. You want to try forcing a rainbow zebra to do something he doesn’t want to do? And not even a demi-rainbow zebra, but a full-blooded one that’s thousands of years old!? Good luck.”
Star Swirl blinked twice and furrowed her brow. “Okay, but ... I don’t get something. The History books said that Zaida was kind and benevolent to his neighbours. Treating them as equals. Guests. Friends. And what you said earlier didn’t exactly seem to throw that into doubt. Why would he suddenly be taking slaves and making unreasonable taxes.”
Safety snorted and rolled his eyes. “That’s what Zaida used to be like. I remember one time he was a guest here. He walked right up to me. His hooves must have been about as big as I was and he somehow still tousled my mane without hurting me and said, ‘Keep an eye on him. I trust him to go quite far. Wait and see so.’
Then, ten years ago, he went on one of his global tours with just a few favoured advisors. He even visited Equestria. But he came back early and it was like he was a different zebra. Suddenly everything was about expanding the zebra kingdom and strengthening his army and forcing the other tribes to serve.” He snorted again. “Just goes to show you that you can’t really trust anyone.”
“That’s terrible!” cried Star Swirl. “What made him change?!”
“I don’t know.” Safety shrugged. “But we need to get you out of here. Light Hoof! Full Plate!”
A small, yet athletically built brown mare was suddenly next to her and a large, muscular, navy stallion with a short mane galloped over.
“I want you two to escort Miss Swirl. Protect her and make sure she isn’t seen by the zebras. She’s a guest from Equestria. She needs refuge. Take her to a tribe which isn’t due for an offering in the near future and is willing to take her in. I’d suggest trying the springboks first. She wants to speak to them anyway.”
“Understood, Mayor,” they said with a nod.
“Stand behind me,” said the stallion as he turned towards Star Swirl. “We’ll lead you.”
“Very well,” said Star Swirl with a shrug.
Star Swirl followed them as they separated the thorns and lead her through the bush.
They trotted along a path through the long grass of the veldt for a few hours.
Suddenly, Full Plate stopped and raised a hoof.
Light Hoof also froze and lifted a foreleg to block Star Swirl’s progress.
“What is it?” Light asked.
“Lion,” replied Full.
Light followed his gaze and her ears pressed back. “I’ve got her,” she said. “Do your thing.” She then disappeared.
Full Plate slammed his forehooves into the ground, shaking it, and stone rose from the earth, enveloping said hooves in rocky gauntlets. He charged into the grass.
A lioness jumped out and tried to swipe him.
He blocked and tried to punch her, but she dodged.
Then, Light Hoof appeared out of the shadows and swept the lioness’s back legs out from under her with her own.
The lioness collapsed on the ground. She began to lift herself up, but Light twisted her leg and she collapsed again. The lion reared up and tried to swipe, but Full decked it, rendering it unconscious.
Star Swirl stood still with her eyes widened. “What will happen to it?” she asked.
“It should be fine,” grumbled Full Plate. “Zebrican animals can take care of themselves.”
“I-I ... see...” said Star Swirl as she nervously raised a hoof to her mouth.
“Anyway,” said Light Hoof, “we’re entering springbok territory. When we meet some, let me do the talking.”
“Okay.” Star Swirl nodded. “But ... may I ask ... how did you do all that!? I understand how Full Plate fought, but it was different for you.”
Light Hoof turned towards Star. “Some of our ancestors used to work in the Equestrian Royal Guard. Celestia had her earth pony guards trained by donkeys. We may not be as good with their arts as the donkeys themselves are, but they compliment the natural abilities of earth ponies as well, so we’ve kept up the tradition. If the current earth pony Royal Guards are any good, you’d never see them. Unfortunately, I can’t go into much more detail without teaching you, and you need to be in the army for that.”
“That’s ... amazing! And fascinating too. So, did you learn in the army? Were your parents also in the army?” She turned her head to indicate she was asking them both.
“My father is a chef and my mother is a miner,” replied Full. “And I didn’t learn much of the donkey arts. Only those like Light who are good at the basics go further.”
“My mother works for the post office,” replied Light. “And my father is a judge. Mom says that the members of the Hoof family used to be some of Celestia’s most important guard members though. I don’t know if that’s true, but it sounded nice.” She smiled.
“I haven’t heard about that either,” said Star, “but I like learning about families. And history.”
They trotted for another fifteen minutes before spotting huts in the distance.
As they came closer, a pair of springboks pronked over to meet them. A glow enveloped their horns before spreading over their body, causing their muscles to bulge. The glows of yellow and green respectively matched the colours of the horizontal stripes which adorned their sides. Shields and weapons levitated before them. A short spear in the yellow aura and a long stick with a sphere at the end in the green one. “Who goes there?” asked the green-striped doe.
“Igami lami uLight Hoof,” said the brown mare as she held a hoof against herself before sweeping it to indicate her companions. “And these are Full Plate and Star Swirl.”
“And what is your business here, ponies?” asked the yellow buck.
“We are here representing Mayor Safety Net,” replied Full Pate. “We wish to speak to Queen Umoya directly.”
The antelope looked at one another and the doe nodded.
The buck’s body shone with a yellow light again and his muscles shifted unnaturally as his internal organs rearranged.
Star Swirl cocked her head and Full Plate held a hoof to his mouth to prevent himself from losing his lunch.
The buck then turned himself around and launched himself into the air as a streak, arcing back to the hut-filled area.
As the minutes passed, the ponies shuffled their hooves nervously as the antelope twirled her weapon.
“Er ... Nice club-thing,” said Star Swirl through an awkward smile.
“It’s called a knobkerrie,” said the springbok as she rolled her eyes. “And I’m even better with it than Udonga is with his assegai, so don’t try anything funny.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” said Star Swirl nervously. “Er, the assegai would be the spear, right?”
“Spears are longer,” said the springbok dismissively.
“Right,” said Star Swirl. They returned to an awkward pause from which they were rescued by the appearance of an orb of prismatic light slamming into the ground next to them, causing it to shake. The light dissipated to reveal a small impact crater. Inside the crater stood an enormous springbok doe with elongated horns and a shimmering, multi-coloured stripe rather than a monochromatic one like those of her subjects.
“Udonga told me that ponies wished to speak to me on behalf of Mayor Safety Net,” she said. “Is this true, Isihlangu?”
Isihlangu, Light Hoof and Full Plate bowed. Star Swirl followed suit.
“That is what they claim, your Majesty,” said Isihlangu.
“Then I direct the question to you, ponies,” said Umoya as she turned to face them.
“Indeed, your Majesty,” said Light Hoof. “We come with a request for aid. We are in need.”
“Aren’t we all?” asked Umoya. “Still, what is your request?”
“Star Swirl is a guest from Equestria,” explained Light Hoof.
“We wish for you to grant her refuge and hide her from the zebras,” Full Plate continued.
Umoya cocked an eyebrow. “You are trying to hide an offering among my antelope, risking the wrath of the zebras for both of our peoples, having her use our resources and keeping her from being harvested while still allowing my own to be and all without compensation? May I ask why you chose me? Was everyone else too intelligent to accept such an agreement?”
“We are willing to pay compensation,” said Light Hoof. “We can negotiate a fair payment of food. As for why you were chosen ...” She lifted her head and glanced at Star Swirl. “Miss Swirl apparently wished to speak to you anyway?”
“Is that so?” asked Umoya. “What is it you wished to speak about, Miss Swirl?”
Star Swirl raised her head. “Queen Umoya, I am new to this region and I don’t know much about what’s been going on, but I heard about your abilities and I see that they are even greater than I imagined. I am a researcher of magic and wish to learn more about the magic of the springboks. I am sorry if it is inconvenient for you to host me, but I will do my best to reduce that inconvenience.”
A smile flickered across Umoya’s face before disappearing again. “Really? You wish to see my performance?”
Star Swirl raised her head and blinked uncomprehendingly.
Umoya’s smile broadened. “Ah, I see that you are less informed than I thought. But I would be a pleasure changing that. Honestly, I miss the times that members of all tribes would watch me regularly.” She nodded her head. “Very well. I am willing to let her stay for a while if you are willing to provide fair compensation. We can discuss the details with my treasurer. Follow me.” She turned around and began to pronk back towards the huts, the ponies having to canter to keep up.
“You can stay here,” said Umoya as she indicated a hut. Her head lowered and her voice became sombre. “The previous owner was taken as an offering by the zebras.”
Star Swirl blinked. “Um ... Thank you, your majesty. I’m … sorry to hear that. What happened?”
“Same as with every other case. The zebras arrived for the scheduled offering. Chose an antelope with skills they decided would be useful. I lose another subject. Anyway, you should rest. You ponies may be resilient, but even you need your sleep. And you need to be alert if you’re going to watch me tomorrow. We’ll deal with the financial implications ourselves.” Umoya waved to indicate Light Hoof and Full Plate.
Star Swirl entered the hut. The front door led to a living room with a pair of sofas and a table surrounded by wooden chairs. The kitchen was bare of food which was presumably cleared out before it went bad, but the crockery was still in the cupboards below the shelves. The bathroom was tiled in multiple, bright colours and there was even a guest bedroom. It seemed that despite what it looked like outside, it was as well furnished as a typical Equestrian house. Well, she thought, if Queen Umoya wants me to rest, I may as well do so. It looks like I have a long day ahead of me, after all.
(/)
Star Swirl slowly left her hut the next morning to graze for breakfast. She could worry about what was going to happen to her after she was no longer hungry. Still, the previous day’s events were not reassuring. While there was obviously plenty to discover in Zebrica, things were not going according to plan and the situation was obviously very bad. She wanted to help, but what could she do if not even Celestia could help and she apparently now needed help herself.
Grass was neither the best tasting nor the most nutritious food in the world, but it was a good idea to have some every now and then. And she wanted to avoid eating any of her hosts’ food for now. Especially since she did not yet know how the negotiations of the previous night had gone. She lifted her head and turned around to see that Isihlangu had been guarding her door.
“Are you done?” the doe asked.
“... For now,” Star Swirl replied slowly.
“Good,” said Isihlangu. “Queen Umoya wants you to join her when you are ready. She’s holding a session specifically for you!”She leaned forward and scowled, emphasising her greater size.
Star Swirl’s eyebrows rose. “Right! I’ll just need to grab my notes!” She rushed back inside and returned with her saddlebags.
“Follow me,” said Isihlangu before turning around and pronking away from the hut.
Star Swirl trotted behind her, looking around. “So ... Why were you guarding my hut? Were you afraid I would gallop away or something?”
“Queen Umoya considered it necessary for the safety of all in the city. You included.”
“Er, right.” She continued to watch the antelope she passed. She decided that the residential and market districts were not that different from those of an Equestrian settlement. Even despite the major mode of locomotion making it look like a city of Pinkamena Diane Pies and the seemingly primitive architecture. Antelope left their huts, conducted business and greeted their friends, though all in a language she did not understand. It was also admittedly disconcerting to see the sky absent of pegasi. And that so many springboks were armed.
Differences began to become more obvious once Star Swirl realised that they were entering farm land. It seemed as though they had reached the agricultural sector. For some reason she could not discern, it was in the centre of the city. And it was a lot smaller than she expected. They kept some chickens, but no other animals. And they only had one tribe of farm resident.
“Are they ... some variation of cattle?” asked Star Swirl.
“Buffalo,” replied Isihlangu.
“Really!?” asked Star Swirl. “We have buffalo in Equestria and they seem very diff...”
“Cape buffalo,” interrupted Isihlangu. “They are very different. As you said, they are more closely related to your cattle. Though I hear that your cattle don’t really use magic anymore, whereas the buffalo provide us with magic in addition to milk in exchange for our protection.”
“They have magic too?” asked Star Swirl. “Different from your own?”
“Yes,” replied Isihlangu. “As long as the zebras let them keep their bells.”
Star Swirl looked at the buffalo and noticed that each had a bell around their neck. “I-I have to learn about their magic too!” she gasped as her eyes shone.
“We’ll see,” said Isihlangu. “You are asking about information that hasn’t been spread around in years. I’m not even sure if it should be classified. I’ll have to suggest that. And speaking of information I’d prefer to remain classified, despite what the Queen’s orders concerning you are, this is our training ground.” She waved a hoof to indicate the area before them.
It was a large field. Within the field, various armed springboks sparred, telekinetically lifted weights, jumped over hurdles, stretched and engaged in various other exercises as Umoya watched over them. There was a large rock covered in thorns in front of her and she frowned as a younger buck approached her. She looked down at him as he raised his head.
His horns glowed with the blue of his stripe, which spread over his body. He then smashed his face against the rock.
Star Swirl gasped, her mouth hanging open as she pointed at the buck and turned her head between Isihlangu beside her and the injured buck before her.
Umoya closed her eyes and shook her head. “Cha.” She levitated the groaning buck into the air as he clutched his head with his hooves.
Another antelope pronked over and took him from her queen, carrying him into a hut marked with a red cross.
Star Swirl galloped over to Umoya as Isihlangu pronked after her. “Um ... No disrespect intended, Queen Umoyo, but may I ask,” Star Swirl said, “what was that all about!?” Her voice rose in volume and pitch for the final part of the question.
Isihlangu narrowed her eyes and snarled, “You will speak to her Majesty with respect, pony! You are here because of our charity!”
“It’s all right, Isihlangu,” said Umoya. “Miss Swirl is obviously upset by something she does not understand. If you’d really like to know, Miss Swirl, he was requesting a position in my army. I declined his request. He’ll be fine once he’s been treated. Though perhaps with some damaged pride. He’ll know to remember that should he wish to apply again.”
“That’s how springboks apply for the army!?”
“It’s the traditional method, yes. Isihlangu, a demonstration?”
Isihlangu raised her head and a flash of green spread from her horns and covered her. She slammed her face into the thorn-covered rock, splitting it.
Star Swirl’s jaw dropped again.
“Being part of the army is unpleasant, painful and deadly. This must be understood. I am not the great warrior or leader of armies my mother was,” said Umoya. “If I was, I would have already tried to overthrow the zebras, like she would have. And they know it. But she’s dead now. I am Queen, and different from my mother. Even still, I can’t let my army become weaker than it already has. Not in times like these.”
“Your mother would have rebelled?” asked Star Swirl.
“She would have. Our tribe would have covered our faces in red war paint and attacked,” Umoya nodded. “The deer tried themselves, some years back. They even earned their freedom. But the zebras simply waited a couple of months until they were weak again and raided them in an act of, ‘righteous punishment’, I believe the term was. They haven’t bothered trying again. Deer may be powerful in the right time of year, but like you ponies, they don’t have a member of the Cosmic Council on this side of the world. And none of them are at the level required to take on Zaida. They didn’t even bother trying. And we don’t want to antagonise his daughter. Princess Zuri has stuck to the old ways, from before Zaida changed, after all.”
“I see ...” said Star Swirl as she lowered her head. She then raised her head again. “What do you mean when you say that Princess Zuri has stuck to the old ways?”
The side of Umoya’s mouth lifted into a half-smile. “The Princess still has the same view of the other tribes that her father used to. She disapproves of her father’s recent actions, but she still loves him and cannot overrule his authority. At least we know that she helps look after the slaves. Poor thing feels rather conflicted. A rainbow zebra who has chosen to represent family is going to feel even more stressed than most in her position. But enough with such miserable talk!” announced Umoya. “I promised you a show! I’m having a performance specifically for you! Come!” She raised her hooves and clopped them together twice.
Every Springbok stopped what they were doing and turned towards her. She then bounded for a stadium on the other side of the training grounds. The other antelope followed her, some stopping to change hoofwear.
Star Swirl galloped after her until Isihlangu diverted her away from the crowd and into the stands of the stadium. The sat down in the front row. The stands were otherwise empty. A significant portion of the city stood stood in the arena, facing them, Queen Umoya at the front. They had all adorned their hooves in various decor.
Some of them appeared to be wearing ... galoshes? Star Swirl thought.
Some furry leggings and some sort of shakers wrapped above the hooves were also common.
Umoya closed her eyes. She breathed in and out. Her horns lit up. And then she began to move.
Hmn. Between the timing of the visit and the color scheme of the royal zebras, I'm going to guess that whatever happened with Zaida has something to do with Dash's first rainboom.
Hmmm, gotta hide her... that can't be good. Also, wait you saying all those animals are sentient? That ummm, doesn't quite work. General rule is any hoofed mammal. So deer, antelope, yeah, rhinos hippos and elephants, not so much, though your 'verse. But yeah rules on what animals can talk and which can't are weird.
"Have you tried whining?" ..... not.. enough... in the world.......
Slave labor too. Okay, I really have a hard time seeing Celestia allowing something like that to go on... unless she just doesn't know how bad it is, which just means the ponies here are being stubborn idiots. And given what I've seen, I could believe it. Okay so there is a reason but... yeah.. still doesn't seem right to me. I just don't see her letting it happen, no matter the political BS involved.
Also... Rainbow Zebra..... ooookay
Okay and guessing Starswirl will end up figuring out what caused him to change and getting him back to how he used to be. But, that size it's... yeah THAT big? How, how does that even work, and traveling.. NOTHING is made with a creature that size in mind.. getting anywhere... doing.. anything it's.. how? The physics are mind boggling...
Okay even IF I could accept the political BS and some loophole of how those ponies choose to leave Equestria, choose to live there and so aren't under her authority, yadda yadda.. still don't agree she wouldn't do something.. but... Starswirl is a whole nother issue. She's still a full fledged citizen of Equestria, and a personal friend to the Princesses. Yeah........ go ahead and try to fuck to badly with her Zebras.
Hey, this really is a quest now, Starswirl's party even had their first random encounter.
OKay, some explanation for never seeing Earth Pony guards... also, so going with the Donkey's = ninja's thing? hehe, nice.
Okay, these springbok's sound weird and.. little unsure what the hell just happened that made one of the ponies almost sick.
Also... so, are we sure her virtue isn't curiosity? She nearly gives Li'lpip a run for her money in that department.
Okay if she travels ie impact crater all the time.. that can't be a good way to travel... also, hope she has good aim.
hhhnngg hehehe, 'pronk'
Well, so far liking the antelopes more then the ponies here.
Actual grazing. You know, really do kind of wish we'd see ponies do that in the show.
"despite the major mode of locomotion making it look like a city of Pinkamena Diane Pies" ... that image.. the horror.. the fun.. the chaos...
More magical animals. Magic everywhere.... hope you brought enough notebooks, ink and quills there Star
Okay, ally in the Zebra court, good to know. Also.. if one tribe could fight back and win.. at least for a time.. then all together...
Awww cut out right before the good part.....
Anyway, really nice so far. Still have issues with Celestia not doing anything. I get the reasons but.. just doesn't sit well with me. Even without directly fighting the Zebras over it, she should still be helping them as best she could... The whole deal is jsut.. wrong.. hurry up and write the rest of it so we know WTF is going on.
The Zebra king seems to big to be believable, i know magical talking equines, and THAT is the unbelievable part but, well from the WSD page.
"You can ask an audience to believe the impossible, but not the improbable."
Might just be me but, trying to work out how something like that works.. one creature THAT much bigger then the rest, with NOTHING built to accommodate someone his size.. and traveling the world..... sorry, I'm just over-thinking it. Still a great story, really well done, just, really want to know wha the hell is going on so I can understand it better... another issue with reading incomplete stories.. (Also why I prefer to do the full liveblog/reviews to finished stories I've read already, have better understanding of the whole thing.)
Pacing remains good. Other then the random lion encounter bit that felt a bit rushed and out of nowhere. And my previous statements about personal pacing preferences aside, really really good job on it. Now hurry up with the next chapter, plus the next stories after that.
Yeah, I know. But I'm going "hoofed and their close relatives". Whuich results in the odd situatuan of including whales and hyraxes (or dasies as we call them here). Also, as the myth is believed to have devoloped with the arrival of cattle, bunyips as well. They're the only things hardcore enogh to be native to Oxtralia.
Well, she's defied the Cosmic Council before. With Sombra.
But A: That caused MASSIVE headaches.
B: The Crystal Empire was much more significant in its influence on her own realm.
C: What's she suposed to do? Swoop in and rescue them? Zaida would then be allowed to retaliate and he might WIN. (Okay, so she could bring backup, which would basically make that unlikely, but then she'd have multiple members of the Council against her, some of which are FAR more powerful than she is. And she does NOT want to cause another Cosmic War. She's participated in three of them (more than anyone else excluding Luna) if you count Nightmare Moon (four if you count Chrysalis, but that was a bit short to count) and she knows that not only were they all BAD, they were all still better than the ones before.
You saw the cover picture, right? I'm not very good, but that's a rough impression of him.
*cough*elephants*cough*dragons*cough*
Well, yeah. THAT might be more of a problem for them.
I'll be honest. "Random encounter" was exactly what I had in mind.
Basically. They're also mostly diplomats, but that's irrelevant here.
A significant portion of springbok magic involves changing the size, shape, position and consistency of their muscles, bones and internal organs. It looks WEIRD to the squeamish.
Curiosity was decidedly NOT a virtue in FOE, though yes. Star Swirl is certainly similar. Ironically more so since the start of the series. I've always said that if Star bore an Element, it would be Honesty.
Only when she's in "leaping tall buildings in a single bound" mode.
Well, glad you like THEM at least. Zebrica's meant to be a bit less idealistic than Equestria, but still idealistic enough to look like part of the same world.
They have their reasons to fear the zebras.
Oh, she's DECIDEDLY not neutral in this conflict. Zaida is well aware of what she thinks of him. Aid, sanctions, yelling in council meetings, political passive-agressiveness, etc. is all going on.
Confused readers are such fun! You'll get your explanation. I wonder how many accurate and inaccurate guesses there will be first.
Zaida is considered to be more magically diverse than CELESTIA (she's stronger, faster and tougher, so she edges out a bit, but still), do you really think that Celestia will have a problem going somewhere too small for her if she REALLY wants to?
I get that. But live reactions are fun to watch too.
Good.
Point.
Next chapter shouldn't be too much longer. Doing the finicky final editting.
Chapter after that is probably a little under halfway written. Thinking seven chapters is most likely.
Story after this is nearing the end of its first chapter too.
3089179
Well, few things. On the springbok's, I did get the general idea of what you were going for with the squik-ness just, it wasn't really well conveyed IMO. Sometimes it is better to leave things to the readers imagination, but you gotta give them at least a basic framework to work with. Just, could have used a bit more detail in that scene to really convey how... wrong...squiky... whatever word... it looked to them.
Well, given she's got Luna, Cadance, and the Elements on her side at least... yeah I'd bet on her. Though I think half the issue with her not doing anything, is all the reasons you have for her not doing so do make sense, but they aren't made clear in story. Granted odds are nopony involved knows about these things, but without the in story knowledge of all this behind the scenes stuff, it just doesn't feel right for her to not be doing anything, for seemingly no good reason.
As to the king's size.. I know it's a minor nitpik just, something that really stood out to me, as to the dragons and elephants.. well we haven't seen those yet, and doubt they'd really be able to live in a non-elephant area just due to size issues. Dragons, all live in huge ass caves of on their own.. going to be interesting for Spike when he gets older.... I mean, using magic to shrink, works fine. Though still leaves the question of why the hell is he so much bigger then average in the first place... I know I know, just some random thing that I got hung up on.
I don't really dis-like the ponies, just, don't really like them all that much either. Mostly the bad mouthing and condescending attitude towards the rest of the ponies. And again, that's in story dislike, not out of story.
As to complete versus incomplete.. another thing for reading bfeore the are done, and really the main reason I wanted to start reading this now. Is to help the author out, give feedback and what not about things that do/don't work to try and help them improve the story as they go, address plot holes they may have missed earlier, see when something might not have come across right etc...
But once again this story is overall really really good, and your biggest issue with the last two, pacing, you have made HUGE improvements on. Pretty much any griping, complaint etc.. is just constructive criticism to point out little things that maybe could be done a bit better etc... but overall, really REALLY great job so far.
Also.. wait the Zebra in the header image s the King... he's wearing a really really weird hat.... HE'S BEING CONTROLLED BY A BRAIN SLUG! THE HAT IS JUST TO CONCEAL IT! HA, figured it out!
Hmmmm... Okay. I'll bear that in mind for chapter ... sixish?
Yeah, THAT would likely be a bit of a stomp.
A really UGLY one though and THAT is part of the problem. It's likely to encourage escalatory retaliation.
Maybe I can fix that a bit in chapter five.
He's huge for EXACTLY the same reason that Celestia is huge. Except the average zebra is much bigger than the average pony. (Zecora is a plains zebra, which is their smallest tribe.)
Fair enough.
Oh, and I really appreciate it. I KNOW that my fics are all better than they would have been without feedback.
So... keep up the good work and this might earn a higher rating than AEPGTM?
I will neither confirm nor deny that that completely awesome thing is happening.
(Seriously. I'm being really tight-lipped about this one. Some of the spoilers are a much bigger deal than in the previous two.)