A Dab Of Forbidden Caramel
Chapter 1: Revisiting The Past
Caramel approached the shabby looking house, he wasn't even sure if you could call it a house
anymore due to the cobwebs, graffiti and the broken glass all over the place. He fumbled with the gate
in front of the house, because he had forgotten the key, probably back in Canterlot with his old things.
“Just great, now i'm going to have to break the gate.” He rambled on. The tan colt was used to talking
to himself ever since that day... He bucked the gate door open, making note of is handy-work he
continued his trip towards the house, dragging his expensive leather suitcase on the cobblestone sidewalk in front of the house. He arrived at the large maple door of the house, passing the giant statue of Princess Celestia that stood on his porch. “Been a while hasn't it Celestia?” he joked to the rock form of his Princess. He took out his large set of rusty keys to belonged to the house and put them in the lock, he waited a while before turning them like he was expecting something to stop him from entering the house. But eventually nothing did and he turned the key and opened the door. His hoofsteps resounded loudly throughout the old house as he walked into the kitchen. He fumbled with the light switch, and set his things on the table. He pulled his suitcase into the master bedroom and threw it onto the perfectly made, dusty bed. The tan colt went up the the dusty dresser and pulled out some of the drawers and began unpacking his stuff, after he had finished he pulled the sheets off the bed and threw them in the wash, luckily there was still some detergent to clean them with. Tired from the journey back the young stallion walked over to his bare mattress and plopped his body on top of it. He began to think back to what had caused all of this...
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It was a year back, god I was so stupid then thinking I could trust that.. that.. mare..I was almost high off the holiday spirit as it was close to Hearth's Warming, I was such a fool then. I had work delivering packages for the holiday rush otherwise I would be home cuddling... with her...I had just a few packages left but I decided to check in on her in “our house”. She thought I would be out all day. I walked up to the gate as I always did but I knew something was wrong, I turned the key on the gate, I guess she didn't hear it screech. I walked up to the door like I always did, and it turned the handle it was unlocked. It was never unlocked but I figured she just left it unlocked for when I got home. Nothing in my life could prepare me for what happened next, I saw on the steps right in front of the door two scarfs laid carelessly on the floor only I had my scarf with me. I walked up those steps almost know what I was going to see: My marefriend in bed with some.. some other mare! She saw me look at her with disgust and got up. “ Caramel I'm so so sorry” I left without a word making sure to let her know that she was to leave the house. I slammed the door on the way out, I angrily took a pebble from our yard and chucked it at the bedroom window, it shattered on impact. Then I just took off running not caring where my hooves would take me, I just ran. I didn't take notice to the “Now Leaving Ponyville” sign that I had passed or that I hadn't any money or place to stay. I stopped to lean against a tree to give myself some time to catch my breath. It was only then that I began to cry.
“W-W-Why d-d-d-did s-s-sh-she?” I kept repeating, I was certain that no one was there to hear my cries and sobs.
“Why did she wut?” I jumped at the deep and sudden voice. I tried to wipe my eyes.
“Oh nothing I'm just stupid...”
“Filly Problems?” He sat down next to me. “Th' names Big Macintosh and it seems ya could use somepony ta talk to right about now” I looked at the big stallion with those handsome green eyes, I could spend the day just gazing into them.
“The na-name's Caramel, and yeah, ever had a fillyfriend before?”
“Eenope ah couldn' help ya there but ya could talk 'bout it” The red colt replied. I smiled
“I wouldn't want to bother you with my problems” He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it too me
“Ah've got time, 'sides if ah was cryin ah'd want somepony ta talk ta. So what happened?” I told him about the whole ordeal and he gave the occasional Eeyup and Eenope even shed a tear when I told him about when I found her with another mare. “That there is ah mighty big waste o' love, ah fer one don't get why ponies cheat it just ain't right. Eenope, I can't stand it.”
“I don't either, well it was nice talking to you, it helped clear my head. Sadly I don't think i'll be seeing you around I'm off to Canterlot to make a fresh start.”
“You'll have ta come back an' visit me sometime” he chuckled lightly
“I'll try to do just that” With that I was off, I walked to the nearest train station that wasn't in Ponyville and bummed the ride off my friend who works as the conductor on the train. I rode to Canterlot got off and walked to my parents' house, it was time to see them again. They assaulted me with questions and barraged me with worried looks, taking me in but only for the month until I found a job and a new place. It turns out every city needs a deliverypony, and the pay was good enough to afford a new place close to the Royal Castle.
Eleven Months Later, one day I was delivering some AppleJack Daniels to a bar close to my Apartment, and having a nice friendly talk with the bartender when a big red stallion approached me. “Been ah while hasn't it Caramel?”
Oh, God. A ship fic...
I'm not downvoting, that would be unnecessarily mean, but seriously. Come on.
2763905 I did say if you don't like it don't read it :p
2763905
listen you fedora hauling jackass
1. no one asked for your shitty opinion
it's like running up to a couple with a baby and saying "i never want kids" and running away
wtf are you doing no one gives two flying fucking shits what you think and they arent here to cater to you you self-entitled asswhistle
2. "oh no someone ships something i dont like let me minge about it on the internet.com"
well what a shame
you arent a furry thats cool man
but dont bash on people who are that makes you a dick droplet so shut the fuck up and leave this person and their fanfiction alone and stop trying to make yourself sound important and privileged ok goodbye
The pacing and wording seems a bit awkward. Story has potential, but it polish with the writing. I'm sorry I'm not a good critic, but yeah, something about the way it's written doesn't feel like it "flows" properly
2764507 Nah, you're fine. Thanks for the help! I'll take another look at it and see what I can do from there.
There are so many words that are needlessly capitalized. Stuff like "her" and "colt" only get capitalized if they're at the beginning of a sentence.
2766194 Meh that's what I get for trying to write/proofread at like 2 in the morning, thanks!
2769146 hey please tell me your not quiting on this story cause i like it so far mattere of fact it is nice to see a new story start and forget those who dont like it i think its a good start and a caramac...... well im a caramac fanatic so i like all caramacs instantly but this one seems good and yes its not quite smooth but i like it so please make a new chapter cause i feel like a giddy filly!!
2770206 OF COURSE I WOULD NEVER QUIT ON THIS STORY! What made you think that? Oh and expect a new chapter either end of this week or sometime next week. Ps. I love Caramac too~
2775624 well its just thaty some caramacs either never get finished or a story is cancelled and then i get upset and cry cause they are what i liv for on this site. thanks for continuing!!!
2775717 Welcome