• Member Since 21st Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 25th, 2013

Chalanceless


Canadian bronies ftw! Planning to start writing something within the next few days.

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Twilight Sparkle, model Equestrian citizen, has had her life turned upside-down by revelations that the world she lived in is nothing more than a lie. Fate, and less poetically-sugarcoated circumstances have led her to join five other mares in the fight against the forces that keep Equestria a fear-filled dystopia. But as the fight wears on, more and more secrets come to light, and Twilight comes to fear that nothing is as it seems in the magical land of Equestria.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 14 )

Interesting beginning. There was one sister you missed crossing out, I'm not sure if that was on purpose, hm?

2754231
Thanks for pointing that out. I'm afraid I'm not that good of a proofreader. :derpytongue2:

In the final sentence, "took" probably shouldn't be struck out. As of now, it reads "The empress back responsibility". "Took back" makes much more sense.

Interesting premise, will keep reading to see if it delivers.

They at least her already considerable magical abilities,
Something's missing or wrong here. "At least doubled"? Tripled? "Augmented" instead of "at least"?

empty-headed mares around you won’t bother you with thinking.
I suspect you mean "who won't bother you".

his perfectly hooficure
perfect

I don't suppose that's all of them, but it's the ones I happened to notice. :twilightsmile:

2830789

Thank you for catching those! I kept rewriting those lines and ended up forgetting to change all the relevant words there. :twilightblush:

WHY THIS NO FINISHED AAAAGGHHHUOFHIWUGFUIWGBHVHWVD:twilightoops::twilightoops::twilightoops::twilightoops:

Hm... I hope this starts fetting updated again

Here's me commenting again, hoping you'll continue this

I'll just keep commenting and sending PMs from time to time in hopes that you'll come back with this story.

Fascinating story. Hope you'll continue it.

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