Mercy

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A young Royal Guard faces certain death, and he prepares himself for the end. Not even a glimmer of hope shines for him, but will an unexpected sympathizer be able to lend a talon in his darkest hour?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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Raiku-Kawisa

Raiku-Kawisa #1 · Jun 16th, 2013 · · ·

So far it is very well written, I look forward to more.

SnowyFlight

SnowyFlight #2 · Jul 31st, 2013 · · ·

Wow... Thatt was well made. You can feel the guards gratitude. You are a very good writer!

TheNocturnalLoner

TheNocturnalLoner #3 · Aug 1st, 2013 · · ·

2970645 Thanks!

Tito-Mosquito

Tito-Mosquito #4 · Feb 1st, 2014 · · ·

Great story!

I wonder if there's any mares among the Royal Guards. If they bravely excepted their fates or if they were screaming, crying and begging which the gryphons enjoyed seeing.

TheNocturnalLoner

TheNocturnalLoner #5 · Feb 1st, 2014 · · ·

3881059 According to my head-canon, there are indeed mares among the royal guards. However, for this particular story I had to focus on only one. It just so happened to be a stallion.

BLACK M3SA

BLACK M3SA #6 · Jul 5th, 2014 · · ·

Walking up to the door he searched for a handle or knob.

You need a comma between 'door' and 'he'.

He was in one of the dungeons of the Gryphon Empire awaiting his probable execution.

You might put a comma behind 'empire'.

He had led a good life he thought.

Internal dialog goes,

"He had led a good life", he thought.

stable family

Haha! Horse jokes.

For some reason he was dwelling upon his military career.

You need a comma between 'reason' and 'he'.

TheNocturnalLoner

TheNocturnalLoner #7 · Jul 5th, 2014 · · ·

4643525 What are you? The comma police?

Fun fact, so called "horse joke" was unintentional. Didn't notice it until you pointed it out.

BLACK M3SA

BLACK M3SA #8 · Jul 5th, 2014 · · ·

4643558

-work and dedication he worked his way-

Should be,

-work and dedication, he worked his way-

Upon completion he was promoted to 2nd Lieutenant.

Should be,

Upon completion, he was promoted to 2nd Lieutenant.

I demand a sequel of the guard's quest to return to his family!

TheDizzyDan

TheDizzyDan #9 · Feb 21st, 2016 · · ·

This is decently written, and I really like it, but it feels short. That's my only criticism.

TheNocturnalLoner

TheNocturnalLoner #10 · Feb 21st, 2016 · 1 · ·

6957246 Thank you. Sorry about the length, but it was just a one-off idea way back when I wrote it.

TheDizzyDan

TheDizzyDan #11 · Feb 21st, 2016 · · ·

6958716
It's quite all right. I guess I was just expecting a little more detail in a few more areas like during the flashbacks. It all seemed to run together nicely but rapidly. Your writing is crystal-clear, though, so I can commend you for that.