From Russell, With Love

by lunabrony

Dr. Neigh

The stallion in the white coat smiled to the pair invitingly, and ushered them back towards the door in the rear of the establishment. "Right this way, Diamond Tiara." He said. "I'm the doctor."

"Doctor who?" Russell asked.

A brown earth pony in the waiting room suddenly looked up at this exchange of words, a startled expression on his face. Upon realizing he wasn't being spoken to, quickly went back to attempting to calm down the pony next to him, a grey mare with her head completely stuck inside an oversized muffin jar.

While normally pleased by such service, an exchanged glance with Russell gave Diamond Tiara a feeling that she rarely experienced. A feeling of morality. "But these other ponies were here first..." She protested. The words felt strange and sour coming out of her mouth, yet Russell looked impressed.

"Yes, but we can't let the daughter of Filthy Rich be kept waiting, now can we?" The stallion replied. "I'm Dr. Neigh, I'll be overseeing the examination today."

Whatever feeling of selflessness that Diamond Tiara had briefly experienced quickly dissipated, and her attitude of superiority returned, along with a pleased grin. "Well, I must say, that's more like it." She announced, though Russell was not as quickly relieved.

"Examination!?" The hedgehog exclaimed. He didn't like the sound of that. Not one bit.

"Just a regular checkup," Dr. Neigh assured him.

"Alright, but if you try anything funny, we're out of here." Russell warned.

"Very good," the doctor noted. "Say ah, please."

"Ah-ahhhagh!" Russell had sounded intially confused, only to have a stick of sandpaper wedged over his tongue the moment his mouth opened. The vet peered into the hedgehog's mouth with a small light, and appeared satisfied. "Good coloration, good energy, healthy quills," Dr. Neigh observed.

Russell folded his arms. "Well of COURSE they're healthy, I care of myself. And I'm teaching Miss Tiara to do the same." He licked his hand and used it straighten out the quills on his head, which had become misaligned. A creature of habit and coordination, he was.

Diamond Tiara frowned. "You, like, never told me exactly where you were from, Russell." She said, almost accusingly. She'd been trying to figure him out for some time now, but had been thus far unable to do so.

"First of all, PLEASE don't speak like that around me. The term 'like' is meant to be used for the purpose of comparison, not as a random vernacular insert. Secondly, I come from a pet shop, where else? Although I admit we've fallen on fairly hard times lately. We've started a new campaign in order to earn extra funding, in which the pets are lent out to wayward teenagers to teach them responsibility."

"Sort of like a Big Brother program," Dr. Neigh offered thoughtfully.

"Something like that. Except I'm not big. Or a brother."

"Your pet shop must be awful little to need funding that desperately," Diamond Tiara said. She was a bit relieved to hear that Russell would not be with her permanently, carrying around a hedgehog on her back was totally going to disrupt her social status.

"The littlest!" Russell said with pride. Diamond Tiara didn't know why, but she found this amusing.

Dr. Neigh shook his head, and continued with a few more basic examinations. "All things seem to be in order, you're a healthy young hedgehog," he said finally, to Diamond Tiara, he added, "I'll bill your father."

Tiara hesitated. A day or two ago she'd have been out the door without another word. but instead reached into a pouch on her saddlebag, and withdrew a few bits. "That won't be necessary, I suppose I can part with... a few of my earnings." She said reluctantly, setting the bits on the table.

As they left, Russell gave Diamond Tiara an unrelenting grin. It was the look of a detective who'd just found the final clue to a particularly difficult case.

"Why are you looking at me like that? It's creepy. Stop it."

"You're starting to account for your own actions. Was that you being responsible back there? I think it was."

Tiara snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. I just didn't want him billing my father. He's a busy stallion, you know. He's got things to do. Besides. Parting with a few bits never hurt anypony."

Russell opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment, Silver Spoon approached them.

"Diamond Tiara! Hi!" Silver Spoon said cheerfully.

Tiara ignored her.

"Oh, please don't tell me you're still angry about the whole ratting you out thing." She sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, alright? But like I said before. We're almost mares now. We can't get away with that sort of thing anymore. I'm watching out for you. That's what friends do, right?"

Tiara knew her friend was right, but would never admit it. "Whatever."

Silver Spoon sighed. "What are you doing with a porcupine, anyway?"

Russell immediately looked offended. "I'm a hedgehog! Why is that so difficult?" He complained. "Maybe I should wear a sign."

"Or a bowtie!" Silver Spoon offered. "Bowties are cool."

"He's not wearing anything! I have a hedgehog because my father thinks I need to learn responsibility. It's stupid, really."

"That's great!" Silver said. "Looks like you're doing a good job, too. You wanna go catch a movie with me tonight? Invasion of the Saddle Snatchers is playing at the market, it's just a silly bedsheet tied to some streetlamps, but the whole thing is campy anyway."

Diamond Tiara shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that sounds alright. See you then."

"Great!" Silver sounded relieved, and ran back off in the direction of Ponyville. "Seeya!"

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" Russell asked, and his stomach rumbled.

Diamond Tiara paused. "I guess it kinda has been an eventful day, can't stop to hurt at the market," she said. "Even if it is filled with dirt."

Russell frowned. "What's wrong with dirt? Lots of good things come from dirt."

"It's disgusting, and I don't need to associate myself with ponies who spend all their time in it," Tiara quipped.

"If you refer to the farming community, they don't seem to mind. They grow all sorts of delicious food, food which you were rather eager to purchase a moment ago," he reminded her. "That's economics."

"Yeah, well, that's why I live in high society and they live in the ghetto," she said snobbishly, turning into the market district.

Russell sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. "Just because you have more money or more popularity doesn't make you better than them," he protested.

"Sure it does."

"Then why is it the less fortunate ones are happily working and making money while your father threatens to cut you off and send you to military school?" he countered.

That gave her pause. He was right, but she didn't like it. "I don't know. A flaw in the system."

"Or a flaw in your logic."

Tiara purchased a few fruits and vegetables, and began heading for home while Russell gorged himself on blackberries. She still had a few hours before she had to meet Silver Spoon, and needed to get some thinking done.

***

DIAMOND TIARA AND RUSSELL WILL RETURN IN...

ON CELESTIA'S SECRET SERVICE

***

Comments

[fred2266]

I love it and I haven't even read a word of it yet.

[Arthur Derpmanson]

Diamond Tiara is best filly- Wait, no DT icon here!? BLASPHEMY!!!

[Valhuir]

And what is "LPS"? If we don't know the show you crossed over, we sure as heck ain't gonna know the acronym.

[Mudpony]

2663522
Yup, but not of Russell. Hence why I suggested adding the blurb at the end of the description with what the crossover is. Which Lunabrony did. And then I knew what the crossover was

[SuperChaosKG]

The stallion in the white coat smiled to the pair invitingly, and ushered them back towards the door in the rear of the establishment. "Right this way, Diamond Tiara." He said. "I'm the doctor."

"Doctor who?" Russell asked.

A brown earth pony in the waiting room suddenly looked up at this exchange of words, a startled expression on his face. Upon realizing he wasn't being spoken to, quickly went back to attempting to calm down the pony next to him, a grey mare with her head completely stuck inside an oversized muffin jar.

"Your pet shop must be awful little to need funding that desperately," Diamond Tiara said. She was a bit relieved to hear that Russell would not be with her permanently, carrying around a hedgehog on her back was totally going to disrupt her social status.

"The littlest!" Russell said with pride. Diamond Tiara didn't know why, but she found this amusing.

Russell immediately looked offended. "I'm a hedgehog! Why is that so difficult?" He complained. "Maybe I should wear a sign."

"Or a bowtie!" Silver Spoon offered. "Bowties are cool."

You know. It's the little thing. The puns and sutle references. Stuff like that that make say

"This story is fucking brilliant."

Add in a concept that I have NEVER heard before (Tiara owning a pet for responsibility) and including MUTHA FUCKIN' RUSSELL from LPS (best LPS character, by the way. Speaking of which, wouldn't that mean Blithe is here? A human in Equestria?)

All of this adds up to me saying

"You got talent, bro. Take a fav and watch.