Ponies Vs. Monsters: More Friendly Games

by TimeBomb0

The Monster Apocalypse

Poking your head up from under a pack of crates, you carefully examine the surrounding area. The street that lies before you is wide open, with not a single pony in sight…that, or they’re really good at hiding. In the distance, you can see your destination: A glowing ball (courtesy of Twilight’s magic) hanging high in the sky, marking one of the current safe zones. Making your best guess, you surmise that you have maybe thirteen minutes left before that safe zone disappears and reappears elsewhere, most likely even further away from you.

Guess it’s now or never, you muse. Taking one last glance at the surrounding area and making an audible gulp, you slowly tip-hoof out of your hiding spot and make your way down the street. Your head shifts about crazily as you look and listen for anything that might suggest you’re about to get tagged. It doesn’t help that you can hear shouting and the sound of hooves clopping against the stone roads in the distance as other ponies frantically try to escape their chasers.

You’ve been panicky and paranoid ever since the game began, and you can tell the stress is starting to tire your brain out. You feel pity for the ponies who live their entire lives this way, but at the same time, you also feel a little bit of exhilaration. You can’t recall the last time your adrenaline was ever this high, something not even your most intense video games could provide-

*Rustle*

You nearly leap out of your skin at this noise. Whatever it is, it is way too close for comfort.

Immediately turning your head to the source, you spot a bush near one of the many buildings on this street. A bush that happens to be shaking in a foreboding manner. Not taking your eyes off the bush, you slowly back away as the rustling grows louder and louder…

…until a squirrel walks out from behind the leaves, causing the rustling to stop. Seeing that the squirrel is not a player and certainly not a monster, you release the breath you had been holding as a sigh of relief. This event was all too similar to a scene in a scary video game you once played. The only thing different between that scene and this one is-

“GOTCHA!”

This one word, shouted at a scarily-close distance, causes your heart rate to triple. Time seems to slow down as you jerk your head to the source. All you can make out is a blur of blue and black as something leaps towards you at an alarming pace. For a moment, the shock renders your mind blank, making you feel as helpless as a bunny caught in a net trap. You can only stare in horror as the figure’s body flies ever closer to you…

Press “A” to dodge!

“AAAAAAAAYY!!!” You yell as your head finally starts working, immediately leaping to the side. All you feel is the air brushing against your coating as you not-so-majestically soar through the air, thankfully landing on your hooves like a cat.

You don’t bother to check out your assailant, instead choosing to run as fast as you can to the safe zone. Your mind is filled only with thoughts of escaping, your hooves pound against the ground in a frenetic pace, your heart beats like crazy, and your leg muscles push themselves to the limit to get your butt out of there as fast as ponily possible.

Even while in full flight mode, your brain still reminds you of your surroundings. It doesn’t take long before you hear another set of hooves running right behind you, but you don’t dare to look behind you to see who or how close your chaser is. All you can think of is reaching the special walls of the safe zone and be protected even for only a little while longer.

You’ve never considered yourself a sprinter, but you quickly bring yourself closer and closer to the safe zone. Unfortunately, you also hear the hooves of the one chasing you growing steadily closer. You can even hear her panting as she closes in.

No, I have to make this! you silently yell. You’re so close now; just a few more feet…

Deciding to go for broke, you push yourself the ground as hard as you can, forcing you into the air. As you make your best Supercolt impression, you hear your chaser yell “Yah!” and the sound of her hooves disappearing. Time slows to a crawl as the two of you seemingly hang in mid-air, your bodies moving millimeter-by-millimeter, your mind completely blank and heightened to feel even the slightest brush on any part of your body…

…but no such thing happens.

Time seems to speed back up as you glide effortlessly through the transparent magical barrier and into safety. Unfortunately, you didn’t put any planning into your landing, and end up smacking into the ground with a solid “THUD!”

As you lie there with your muscles expressing their discontent at your move in the form of pain, you vaguely notice the sound of something bouncing off a trampoline right behind you. In the meantime, your brain replays the entire scene multiple times, and each time you can only come to one thought:

“Press ‘A’ to dodge?” Really?

Taking a few seconds to recover from your reminder that gravity does indeed still work, you roll over and sit up to survey the aftermath. Your entire body lies safely within the confines of the magic barrier, and a quick check confirms that your socks are still colored orange.

“…Rats!” a voice calls out. Looking away from your hooves, you quickly spot the source: Your chaser, the blue-coated, rainbow-maned pegasus you spotted from earlier, lying on her back a few feet away from the barrier, the rope tying her wings together still tightly in place. I guess the mayor wasn’t kidding when she said the monsters can’t get in the safe zones, you think to yourself.

Quickly sitting up, the mare spots you and immediately directs her scowl towards you. “Hey, you just got lucky, that’s all!” she yells, “If I hadn’t tired myself out tagging the rest of your buddies, you’d be on my side for sure.” She points a hoof covered in a black sock in your general direction. One advantage given to the ponies is that the monsters could not see through the barriers.

“Just you wait! This is the last time you’ll be able to hide behind that barrier. The moment these walls disappear, you’re toast, got it?” The mare ends her boast here, choosing to patrol the barrier and count down the time left before the wall dissipates.

It’s at this point that your mental and physical stress finally catch up to you. You fall back onto the ground out of shock, staring into the sky as your body struggles to recuperate. You pant heavily, your body feels drenched in sweat, and your muscles burn so much you could almost swear your blood is on fire.

Even with all this, your focus remains solely on the rainbow pegasus’ words. She was right; the game was almost over. In just a few minutes, the safe zones would disappear completely, and you doubt you would have the strength to be able to outrun her and all the other monsters for what little time remained. Faced with these facts, you can only lie on the ground with one thought running in your head:

How did so much go so wrong so fast?

The game had certainly not turned out like you had expected. You were so sure you had this game in the bag; you had studied the rules extensively and even left your house a couple times just to scout out good hiding locations for maneuvering between safe zones. Unfortunately, your plans had gone to waste almost immediately. You had severely underestimated the chaos that would ensue in the first few minutes, as well as how many ponies would be tagged before the first safe zones sprang up. In what seemed like no time at all, the streets were littered with monsters.

You weren’t even sure that you would make it to the first safe zone, let alone survive to the end of the game, yet somehow you’ve had an incredible stroke of luck and have barely been chased by any of the monsters so far. In fact, you had hardly run into anyone you knew (an admittedly small list, but still). Not your boss, not Twilight, and not even-

“Hey!”

“GAAAAAH!”

…She is really good at startling you.

You panic and roll to the side as your view of the sky is suddenly obscured by a pink face with bright blue eyes. Unlike last time, however, these eyes are furrowed and her normally cheery expression has been changed into a scowl. If you didn’t know any better, you could swear she wasn’t very happy to see you.

“Uh, Pinkie!” you force out, “Uh, glad to see you’re still, uh, not a monster...”

“Why’d you break your promise!?” she yells back.

“Our…promise?” you ask. What could she be talking abou-

“Ah!” you shout as it comes back to you. “Pinkie, I’m so sorry! Everything got so crazy, I just…lost track of everything…I didn’t mean to break my promise…”

At this point, your courage gives out and you avert your gaze from Pinkie’s piercing stare. You had committed the cardinal sin of breaking a Pinkie Promise, and now you were surely doomed to an ill fate with no escape. You have never wished for real life to have a reset button more than you do now.

“…Is that so?” Pinkie says, lowering her eyes and leaning towards you until her face is uncomfortably close to yours. Her gaze pierces straight into you; no matter where you shift your eyes, you can’t escape her stare of doom.

“…Well then…I forgive you!”

In a flash, Pinkie’s scowl turns into a cheery smile as she wraps her forelimbs tightly around your neck. You would probably take note of how comfortable her clothed legs feel on your withers if your mind still wasn’t drawing a blank on trying to process this situation.

“You…forgive me?” you ask for confirmation.

“Yup!” replies Pinkie, letting go of you and taking a couple steps back. “To be honest, I kinda lost track of things myself. My Pinkie Senses have been going crazy since the game started. I’ve lost count of how many times I felt my ear twitch or tail shake, and then had to start running to dodge a monster!”

“Isn’t that...kind of...” you start to say.

“Unfair?” Pinkie beats you to the punch. “Well, maybe, but I can’t exactly turn it off, and there are no rules that say I can’t use it, so technically it’s not cheating.”

“Well, I guess when you put it that way...” you respond. If it’s not against the rules, after all... “So...do you wanna try sticking together now?” you nervously ask.

“Of course I do, silly!” replies Pinkie, “I just know this game will be a lot more fun now that I have someone else watching my back. I tell you, this game has got me so worked up that sometimes I feel like I could just scream!”

“AAAAAHHHH!!”

“Yup, just like that!”

“...um, Pinkie,” you slowly speak up, “That wasn’t me...”

“Huh?” Pinkie rubs her chin with her hoof, “But I didn’t scream, either...unless I did do it without realizing it...” Her eyes go wide, “Maybe I have a super-secret ventriloquism talent! Here, lemme try it again-”

“Pinkie, I think someone’s in trouble!” you reply before she can try again.

“Oh, right!” Pinkie realizes, “I think it came from the other side of the safe zone, come on!” Before you can get another word in, Pinkie rushes off towards the source of the sound.

You don’t need to be told twice. You still haven’t fully recovered from your chase with the rainbow pegasus, but you hightail it as fast as you can regardless. Fortunately, the safe zone is not very big, and you arrive at your location in no time at all.

Once you reach the other side of the barrier, you immediately spot Pinkie standing over another pony lying on the ground in exhaustion, the one you assume to be the source of the scream. Just outside the safe zone stands a pack of monsters, some trying to catch their breaths, other carrying a frustrated grimace.

As you walk closer towards Pinkie, you begin to recognize the pony who had just escaped a brutal tagging. It’s a bright-green unicorn with an equally green mane, clad in orange socks and a nearly-pristine white jacket. You also spot the colt’s cutie-mark, a wooden spoon and spatula crossed together in an X-pattern, as well as an official PvM magic-sensing cap covering his horn.

Unlike most of the ponies playing this game, you actually happen to know this colt on a personal level.

“...Caesar?” You call out.

“...Yes, sir!” he replies almost out of instinct, throwing his tired limb up next to his head to give a fatigued salute. You had come to accept that was just his normal way of saying “hello.”

“Are you okay?” you ask, “You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine...” he replies as he catches his breath, “Really tired...but still...able-bodied...sir!”

“Wait a minute...” says Pinkie, “You know this pony?”

“Sort of,” you reply. If you count bumping into him and saying “Hi” at work everyday...

“Then that means...Ohmigosh!” Pinkie’s eyes go wide and her cheery grin comes back in full-force. “YOU’VE MADE YOUR SECOND FRIEND IN PONYVILLE!”

“Uh, actua-BLAGH!”

Before you can explain yourself, Pinkie throws her forelimbs around you and traps you in another hug that could rival the strength of an Ursa Minor. You already feel your consciousness starting to fade. I guess there are worse ways to go, you figure.

“This is so great! I knew my friendship lessons would eventually pay off, and now you finally have another friend! I just know you two are gonna have all kinds of fun times together and play games and tell jokes and get into wacky misadventures with a heartwarming lesson at the end of the story and...oh!”

Pinkie lets go of you just before you black out from lack of oxygen as an idea comes to her head.

“This calls for a super-special Friendship Party!”

At her words, Pinkie reaches to the side and pulls what appears to be a miniature cannon out of thin air. She punches a button on the front and the cannon fires, launching a series of colorful streamers that glide through the air and perfectly stick onto the side of a building.

“Luckily, I always keep my party cannon close by in case of emergency parties!” she explains without explaining.

All you can do is give a blank stare while your brain attempts to reboot from crashing due to trying to process Pinkie’s actions too hard. You would think you would be used to this happening by now, but she still manages to surprise you on an almost daily basis.

“...uh, sirs?”

Caesar’s voice thankfully reminds you that you still have a monster apocalypse to attend to.

“Uh, yes, Caesar?” you turn to the young colt, seeing that he has recovered enough energy to stand up again.

“I happen to have some very vital information to report concerning the current status of the game, sirs!”

“Important?” asks Pinkie, “I like hearing important stuff! Let’s hear it!”

“Well, I happened to overhear some of the monsters talking as I was hiding,” begins Caesar. “They said that the ratio of ponies to monsters is really low now.”

“How low?” you ask.

“Well, they continued to talk, and one of them divulged that there are so many monsters now, they...” He pauses to take an audible gulp. “...They can form perimeters around all the safe zones so tight that nopony could break through them.”

“Sounds like bluffing to me,” you reply, “I only had to run from one of them to get here, and the part of the safe zone I entered was totally unguarded.” You stop to gently massage the stitch in your side that had built up from all your running today. “Not that I didn’t have any trouble getting here, though.”

“I think I can explain the absence of monsters in this general area, sir,” says Caesar. “A good portion of the monsters were occupied with tagging a group of ponies that tried to hide outside the safe zones to keep them off-guard.”

“They...tried hiding in plain sight?” You ask.

“I know, it’s really smart, isn’t it?” chimes in Pinkie, “That’s what I’ve been doing for most of the game. I’d hear some of the monsters rush into a safe zone looking for me and then they’d be like ‘Where’d that pink one go? I thought she was right here!’ and I would just run away while they weren’t paying attention. They never saw it coming...or me going!”

“...O-kay...” you blink a couple times before turning back to Caesar, “But...aside from Pinkie, how successful were they at finding and tagging the ponies who tried that?”

“Um, well...” Caesar’s eyes move to the sides as if he’s not quite sure how to put his thoughts into words. “...Before coming here, I tried the same tactic with a few other allies, and...and...”

“...and what?” Pinkie asks. You have a feeling she’s not one for suspense.

“Well...they were the ones chasing me here, sir.”

“I see...” you take the opportunity to glance towards the edge of the safe zone where the monsters had gathered.

The sight you see nearly makes your jaw drop.

“Um...Caesar?” you ask.

“Yes, sir?”

“Exactly how many monsters were chasing you?”

“I...I think about three or four. I was a bit preoccupied with escaping, sir. Why do you ask?”

“Because there are about at least a dozen more of them standing outside the barrier now.”

Both Caesar and Pinkie turn to look outside the safe zone and adopt the same frightened look as you. True to your word, the street just outside the magic barrier is filled with ponies wearing black socks and menacing looks. Their glares remind you of the same horror game from before, at the scene where your character was trapped in a log cabin and had to fend off an endless horde of crazed killers and other monsters. Unfortunately for you, you don’t happen to possess a briefcase full of firearms to protect you once the walls disappear...

“Maybe...maybe we could still sneak out the other way?” you ask.

“Lemme check real quick!” says Pinkie. Before you can get another word in, she takes off in a blur of pink toward the other side of the safe zone.

I wonder how long she’ll be go-

“There’s a whole buncha monsters over there, too! And at all the exits!” Pinkie returns just as quickly as she left, leaving no time for you to even finish your thought. Something tells me “Pinkie Senses” isn’t the only reason no one’s been able to tag her...

“What? But...how...where did they...” you stammer. The only way this could get any worse is if...

*Vrrrm* *Vrrrm*

A strange sound reaches your ears, and you spot a faint glow of red in your peripheral vision. You wish with all your might that it didn’t mean what you think it did, but once you turn around to confirm, you find a new reason to be scared.

The safe zone’s normally-transparent barrier had now taken on a dark shade of red. You know all too well what this means: It’s Twilight’s way of showing how much time remained before the safe zone would vanish, this time for good. In less than two minutes, the walls will disappear and the monsters will charge from every conceivable angle. To you, the word “escape” may as well not exist.

“This is bad, sir!” shouts a panicked Caesar. “We appear to be flanked on all sides! What are we gonna do!?”

“I...I don’t know,” you reply, “There’s no way we can dodge all of them for even a minute.” As much as you don’t want to admit, you can’t think of any way out of this mess. You had been outmatched, plain and simple.

“I...I think...” you start your admittance, “I think we’re done for...”

“HOLD IT!”

You and Caesar’s eyes open wide at the outburst. You both turn to its hyperactive, pink source.

“I have an idea!” Pinkie exclaims, her face locked in an ecstatic moment of Eureka! “I know exactly what we need to do to dodge them!”

“How?” you ask, “There’s too many of them for us to get around without being noticed.”

“We don’t go around them, silly. We go over them!”

“...But, sir...er, ma’am,” asks Caesar, “Isn’t flight against the rules...and not possible for non-pegasi such as us?”

“Nope, wings are the only thing against the rules, not flight,” replies Pinkie. “We won’t be flying with wings. We’re gonna fly with this!”

Once more, Pinkie reaches to the side just outside of your vision, and brings out the object crucial to her plans.

“Pinkie...” you start to say in disbelief “That’s...”

“It’s not wings!” She cheerfully interjects, “The monsters will never see this coming, trust me!”

“Pinkie, you’re suggesting to shoot us out of the party cannon!” You decide that you would need to directly express your exasperation to get your point across. “How do you know we won’t be seriously hurt?”

“I had another Pinkie Sense while you were looking at all the monsters outside the safe zone,” she explains, “It was a ear-flap, tail-twitch, double-hoof-shake combo, which means that as long as I aim it towards the cafe, everything will turn out okay! All I gotta do is turn it up to ‘Turbo Party Mode’ and it’ll fire all three of us with ease.”

Just how many senses does this mare have? You quietly ask yourself. “Uh, okay, but how will you know where to a...”

“Oh my gosh, the cafe!” Caesar yells, his eyes wide in horror.

“Huh? What about it?” You ask.

“I-I was supposed to lock it up after I got done cleaning before the game, but I completely forgot!” he hastily explains. “Oh, this is bad! What if someone broke in and stole all the money out of the register? What if they trashed the boss’ quarters? What if they took my lucky spatula!?”

“Caesar, calm down, soldier!” You grab his shoulders and press down firmly. He stops shouting and remembers to breath, although you can still see the panic in his eyes. “I’m sure the cafe’s fine,” you continue, “I doubt anyone’s had the chance to sneak in while the game’s been going on.”

“...Sorry, sir,” he says, his voice a bit calmer than before, “...but I have to set things right.” He backs out of your grip on him and turns towards Pinkie, who is currently using a protractor to get the angle of the cannon just right.

“Miss Pie,” says Caesar, getting the pink mare’s attention, “I need to head to the cafe ASAP. Please let me go first!”

“Okey-doke!” replies Pinkie, her voice a bit too cheerful given the dangerous stunt she’s about to pull. Reaching behind the cannon, she pulls out a safety helmet and tosses it to him, landing perfectly on Caesar's head. “Just climb in rump-first and let your General Pie take care of the rest!”

“Yes, ma’am!” shouts Caesar, giving yet another sharp salute, one that almost hits you in the face.

Without wasting another second, Caesar throws on the helmet and rushes over to the cannon, stopping right in front of the barrel. He then promptly turns around and lifts a rear limb into the barrel. It takes him a couple tries due to his frantic speed, but eventually he crams his back half tightly into the cannon. Meanwhile, Pinkie was busy turning some unseen knobs, her tongue sticking out to the side while her eyes were lost in deep concentration.

“Ready for deployment!” Caesar yells.

“Okey-dokey-lokey!” replies Pinkie. Taking one last look to make sure the cannon was perfectly tuned, Pinkie raises a hoof and punches the “Party!” button.

*BOOM!*

“SEMPERFIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiii...”

In an instant, Caesar Salad disappears in a cloud of smoke. You jerk your head to where the cannon was aiming to try and spot him. For a moment, you can just make out a small dot in the sky before it disappears in a twinkle complete with an audible “ding!”

“Okay, your turn!” Pinkie calls your attention back to her, “Make it quick! Those walls will come down any second now!”

“Pinkie, I’m not so sure about this idea anymore...” you nervously say. Not that you were ever entirely sold on the idea, but Caesar’s performance has only furthered your doubt.

“Don’t worry about a thing,” she replies, “My Pinkie Senses have never, and I mean never been wrong before.”

“But I-”

“You just have to trust me, okay?” Pinkie almost pleads with you, even going so far to stare right into your eyes.

As the two of you exchange glances for that moment, you realize that her offer is one you cannot refuse. She was right in that it was never a good idea to ignore a Pinkie Sense, but somehow you get the feeling that she isn’t just offering a suggestion to help you win a game with no material prize. It’s almost as if she truly wants you to climb into the cannon...

“...I’ll do it,” you finally agree.

You trot up to the front of the party cannon in a manner not unlike a child about to face punishment from its parents. You take a moment to stare into the dark cylinder before turning around and lifting a limb inside.

It’s not until your leg is partially inside when you come to a realization: Caesar is just a bit smaller than you overall, and he was barely able to fit himself inside. As far as you know, you don’t possess any contortionist abilities, which meant that you have no chance of climbing into this barrel far enough to be shot out of it.

“Uh, Pinkie...” you start to relay this information to her.

*VRRRRM* *VRRRRM* *VRRRRM*

“No time to talk!” exclaims Pinkie from behind the cannon. The walls are now emitting noises again, this time in a steady beat. The final countdown before the walls would disappear had begun, with only fifteen seconds of safety from the monsters remaining.

“Pinkie, I can’t fit!” you shout.

“Oh, yes you can!” she yells back. In an instant, she rushes from behind to cannon to in front of you, her front hooves off the ground and pointed towards you.

“Pinkie, what are you-OOF!”

Before you can object, Pinkie forcefully pushes down on your chest, forcing your rear inside the chamber. As this wasn’t enough to get you reasonably in the cannon, she keeps shoving, pushing you further inside the chamber.

“You! Just! Need! A little! Elbow! Grease!” she yells between shoves.

You count yourself lucky that none of your bones are dislocated by the time she’s finished. You can’t tell from your view, but you look like an experiment gone wrong. Your head and forelimbs stick out at odd angles of the cannon’s opening, and the barrel is so tight around your midsection that it is almost impossible to breathe.

“There, perfect!” declares Pinkie before she disappears from your view, only to immediately reappear. “Almost forgot!” She slams a safety helmet right on your head, blocking out the top portion of your vision. “Okay, now we’re ready!” she declares one last time before running to the front of the cannon.

Unable to move, all you can do is stare at the sky while your heart pounds against your chest in panic. There was truly no turning back; either you would find glory or an early grave. Most likely the early grave.

In the few seconds you have left, you witness the magical barrier give one last glow before it finally dissipates completely. You vaguely hear somepony yell “Charge!” along with the sounds of a veritable army’s worth of hooves and screams rushing towards you. Before, you would have considered the impossibility of escape from them as the scariest thing you have ever felt. However, what moments of fear you would have felt from the masses charging towards you pales to the terror that grips your mind now.

“This is it!” the mare who had gotten you into this mess yells, “Are you ready!?”

“Not really!” you shout back as if you had a choice.

“Too late!” is the last thing you hear her say. Though you can’t see her, you can feel the pressure around you shift as she raises her hoof towards the sky...

...before bringing it down on the aptly-labelled “Party!” button.

*BOOM!*

Comments

[Unknown]

Having played Humans vs Zombies, I'm literally shaking with adrenaline from reading this. Good show, sir!

[IMNOTHERE889]

*checks pulse*
Yup, I'm still fangirling.

[ViceCityFTW]

press a quickly to not die as fast, plus Caesar Salad, what about Caesar Pizza?