Needs some commas here and there, and there are some minor grammar mistakes.

Otherwise it looks good.

You really had me goin' there at the beginning.

2723362

What's so funny?

2723074
2723362
ONE OF YOU DIDN'T LIKE!
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw757_flameon.gif
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw949_h39n9.gif
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1074_Luna_angry.gif
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2802-132891661916.jpg
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2557_medium.jpg
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4500-1335176840274.gif
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2074-mad.gif

2723473 The first chapter ended in a cliffhanger, causing me to think Rainbow gasped at the sight of dead pegasi.

2723573
Oh, well that's actually what I intended the reader to think. Lol

2723586
therefore, mission accomplished

Uh sorry about that I thought it was finished sorry for that other comment

Well, this seems interesting enough. Mind you, the Rainbow Factory is gonna be in a helluva state when the Doctor get's finished with it...