Twilight trots through the exit of the auditorium and finds herself in a dark hallway. A mural of musical notes can be seen decorating the wall as far as the eye can see. Posters reading "Student Artist of the Month: Sandy Cohoof" and "Vote Andset Ryshimmer for Student Government President" are scattered here and there, some on the wall, and some which had fallen onto the floor. Further along the end of the hallway, some kind of music seems to be playing, making the scene more... eerie.
Suddenly, Twilight hears a disturbance a little way down the hallway. A few posters which were just lying on the ground had visibly been lifted into the air somehow, and were slowly floating down to the ground.
"I'll wrap you in last year's fashion of a sheet."
The overtly girl-stereotype voice saying those words came across as utterly terrifying to Twilight. It was in that moment when Twilight realized that she would need to keep her wits about her for the time being, if she ever hoped to get out of here. Alive.
"Just a bit further..." piped up Somlas.
Twilight moves forward as Somlas suggests, only to see something turn around the corner out of nowhere - it was some kind of human, dyed in pink, holding two candy-cane hooks in both of her hands. What was worse, her body was nearly as thin as her neck was, and her animation design was even more intimidating than the versions Twilight had seen on the projector screen in the auditorium just minutes earlier. The human looked at her, with an overtly slap-happy look on her face.
Just then, a random remote-controlled car once again drove right into the hallway, launching apple pies at the human abomination. Overwhelmed by the surprise, the human dodged the apple pie projectiles and jumped onto the wall, crawling up it with her candy-cane claws.
"Hah! How do you like that, human!" Somlas yelled from the intercom as the spider human disappeared into a ventilation shaft above her.
"Now, would you kindly find a crowbar or something?"
Twilight decides that she might as well look for a "crowbar or something". Might be good for fending off humans in the future.
Where to look first?
- - -
(Return to the auditorium - chapter 4)
(Go to the greenroom - chapter 7)
(Go to the auditorium's backstage - chapter 8)
(Go to the music department - chapter 9)
Upon further inspection, there are more doors that lead to more places - but they are currently locked for some reason.
I honestly do not know how to properly give you feedback on this.
Its too short and sudden from a story standpoint, but it's a CYOA, so I'm hesitant to call it rushed.
I'm not really sure, I could probably tell you why it isnt doing so well though. Generally CYOA's are in second person (Hence choose your own adventure) so having to guide Twilight instead seems a bit painstaking, but then again, I'm not really familiar with this sort of thing.
This makes it really not all that interesting. Another thing is that it isnt finished. Most people wont be waiting for you to finish this if youve only given them a taste of it, and they didnt really like it. I'd suggest putting it out finished, otherwise, I dont see much of a return rate tbh.
Really, in a story like this, it may be better to just eliminate the option system all together. Just make it a linear story, that way the reader doesnt have to go through so many dead ends to just come to an abrupt stop because you didnt finish it. It would probably be better off as a traditional story with this plot anyway.