The war was over and peace had been declared in all of Equestria. But the effects of that conflict had devastated all the lands. Blood continued to leach from the bodies of many creatures and colored the rivers with a sickening reddish hue. The countryside was scarred deep from unicorn magic applied to military ends. Even the very sky above me was darker with clouds of soot and ash from fires, dust storms and volcanos, all weapons in our quest to destroy ourselves.
It was a year since I returned to my foalhood home in Mt. Windie but I could not stay. Everywhere I looked I saw the deeper wounds of conflict. Families destroyed, foals who await parents that would never return, great holes in the lives of everypony around me. Even our very town carved into the rock was crumbling, having been struck multiple times by unicorn magic in the conflict we dared not recall. There was nothing for me here, I had no attachments or obligations, so I left. I took off straight into the air and did not look back. I made no attempt to plan where I was going, only that I had to fly in a straight line through the clouds. I could not possibly get lost, for I had no home or destination.
As I flew I realized I was still wearing my armor from the Pegasus Knights. Force of habit had made me put it on when I left. I quickly tore it off and let it fall into the misty abyss below. I would not need it anymore.
I continued for many days toward the infinite horizon. But the war that had been my past continued to be my companion in the present. I flew over barren wastelands of rock and stone. Perhaps once rich with life but now scorched to smoking cinders. Occasionally I would spot a rock farmer but the despair in their eyes drove me away before I could ever meet them. Armor and weapons also littered the wasteland and I would see looters and scavengers pick them up to sell as scrap. As I flew through the nights I saw nothing but darkness, no lights of campfires or homes. The moon only illuminated a dull haze of the dust that the winds blew across the lifeless landscape. The sky itself seemed to beckon me with its twinkling stars. The sky was so peaceful compared to the destruction below. For a time I thought of simply leaving the world and joining the stars forever. Still, I pressed on.
For how many days I had continuously flown I do not recall, but my water had run out and my pack contained only dry nuts. I looked around but there were no clouds to rest on or drink from and I could not recall seeing any in the days before. Below me was the infinite patchwork of broken mountains, valleys and hills of stone. As I continued I grew more desperate and many times I flew into a valley hoping for a river or stream or even a puddle to drink from, I found none. I considered taking up the offer made by the sky of eternal peace and rest, but I continued.
Finally, I noticed a slight patch of color in the sea of grey terrain. If there were plants there had to be water I reasoned. So I made my way toward the island of hope. As I approached I saw saplings, small but healthy and gently swaying against the wind. I touched down and for the first time I found the solid ground comforting. I trotted amongst the knee-high saplings but took special care not to injure or break them. They stood in remarkable but gentle defiance to the lifelessness of the world beyond. As I continued my search for water I saw a figure in the distance. It was likely a rock but I made my way toward it nonetheless.
It turn out to be an earth pony who wore a wide hat to keep out the sun and was carrying large sacks of seeds which I presumed he was planting. It was clear this stallion was the source of the saplings I had seen earlier. His brown mane had several bald spots and scars littered his grey coat. Nonetheless he seemed well-groomed and moved slowly but deliberately. He blended in seamlessly with the broken stone of the wasteland but stood out in stark contrast against the healthy green saplings. What struck me most about his appearance was that his cutie marks had been burned off and combed over. I knew he was a soldier like me, as I had done the exact same thing when I was discharged. Many of us younger ponies were drafted into the war before we found our special talents, a desperate but still cruel measure by all sides to increase their ranks. For those of us that fought on the battlefield before we even learned to read and write we found our special talents in war. But those talents were of no use in a peaceful, civilized society. So those that choose to leave the army like myself burned our cutie marks, we did not want to be reminded of a foalhood we never truly had. Like myself this earth pony was a warrior, but chose to defy that destiny.
For a brief instant I wondered what faction he was from. While technically there was an armistice the animosity among the factions still ran deep. He looked at me straight in the eyes as if to assess my character and then reached into his sack to retrieve a canteen of water. When he offered it to me our histories, affiliations and beliefs were immediately rendered irrelevant. I eagerly drank the entire canteen.
He put the canteen back in his sack and motioned for me to follow him. As I did, he lead me through his magnificent nursery of saplings. It was not large by any account but the dedication and constant care was nothing short of extraordinary. He lead me to a well he had dug and refilled his many empty canteens including the one I had drunk. I should have offered to help but he seemed not to mind at all, perhaps he wanted my company. When he was finished he lead me to a stone house he had built. It was small but solid and strong. Inside he shared a meal of vegetable stew with me and I eagerly took to it, I had not realized how much my aimless journey had taken out of me. When it was clear I no longer needed tending he left me to continue eating while he picked up his sack of seeds and poured them on the table. He began separating the good from the bad. I realized he was not planting seeds that day; he was collecting them. There was quite a lot and for the first time since we met I spoke the first words.
“Would you like some help with that?” I asked him.
“It’s my work.” he simply replied.
He continued his work silently as I ate. His small home was very neat and tidy and jars upon jars of various seeds filled many shelves. I don’t think he ever expected to have company but he was an excellent host. He continued meticulously examining the seeds and rejecting them as the piles of good seeds became smaller and smaller. Finally there was a modest pile of perfect seeds. He retrieved an empty jar from the shelf and filled it with his pile. It occurred to me I did indeed have a way to repay him for his generous hospitality and I retrieved my sack of edible nuts. I had come from such a faraway land that I was certain the nuts I had were not in his collection. As he turned to see what I was doing his already content and serene face seemed to light up even more as I poured the pile of mixed nuts onto the table. With both my hooves I pushed it toward him as an offering. For a moment he paused as if to ask me if I was certain I wanted to share it with him. I pushed the pile again and he understood. He sat down and began separating the nuts according to type, and then again according to quality.
I awoke the next day to find my own canteens of water refilled and my sacks filled with edible seeds from his collection. They were the lower quality seeds he had rejected for planting but I was still extremely grateful for the restock. I looked around the home to thank him but I could not find him. I ventured outside and quickly flew around the saplings to spot him quite a bit away in the barren wasteland beyond. I set down nearby and silently observed his work.
Lashed to his hoof there was an iron bar and after walking off several steps, but still within sight of his home, he drove the bar into the hard earth. Working it as best he could with his other hoof he made a hole from which he withdrew the rod and then dropped in a seed. He carefully packed down the earth over it before repeating the process again several steps away. Throughout all this he was calm and quiet, he did not grunt or exert himself. His eyes had a content look that this task was as natural as the wind.
He made his way toward me and for a moment I thought he would reproach me for invading such a private duty. But he was merely going to another hill and I just happened to be on the way. I asked to join him and he accepted as if it was the most natural thing in the world, or perhaps that nothing could upset him.
At the hill he continued planting trees as I watched. I had nowhere to go so I remained observing this simple earth pony act against all of reality, even against his destiny. I asked him what his cutie mark was and he said he did not remember. I suppose I would have given him the same answer had he asked me. I asked him if he had any family. His silence was all the answer I needed. I asked him if he owned the land, he said he did not. I asked him if he knew who did, he said he did not. He assumed the land was common land or simply unclaimed. He said he saw the land being destroyed and he vowed to remedy that after the war. The ownership of the land seemed like a trivial matter.
For several more days I stayed with this humble pony. Without a place to go I could not really set out a direction. He seemed to know this and always welcomed me in his home and at his table. I tried to find someway to help him or ease his work but somehow it seemed wrong to disturb this perpetual act of kindness.
One day while I was preening my wings among his saplings he asked me if I would join him on a journey. I eagerly accepted his offer and trotted beside him as he went across the barren land. Trotting was so slow compared to flying but I dared not take off and disrespect this earth pony. We travelled for many miles across increasingly rocky terrain and several times I lost my footing and used my wings to stabilize myself. But this well-travelled earth pony moved across the treacherous landscape with more grace and dexterity than a mountain goat.
We did not speak, but I knew immediately when we had arrived at our destination. There were trees taller than I was in a small forest on the side of a mountain. This must have been his first attempt. I felt something different beneath my hooves and noticed grasses and weeds growing. Nature had taken its course and new life was slowly returning to this dead mountain. The tree planter started picking fruits and other edible seeds from the trees and I knew this was where he was getting his food. I offered to help and this time he accepted. He seemed very grateful but I think it was not because I was helping him gather food, but because I gave him the opportunity to share his trees with me.
Our sacks full of food we ventured back to his home. While my host continued to offer his hospitality I felt I had to move on. I helped unpack and store the food we had gathered and walked amongst his saplings one last time. Finally relaxed, I took in the profound but peaceful silence of the nursery, it was a welcome change to the noise and terror of war. The earth pony had followed me and somehow knew I was about to leave as he brought me my sack of provisions. With a nod he kindly encouraged my search for enlightenment. He had clearly found his.
My goodness, that is a great rendition of the story. I really enjoyed this and you sir have a knack for short stories it seems. Next time you write try making your own, and see how that goes. As for this story, there is a lot more you could have added, but I appreciate how short you kept it. Some little things to note, you probably could have detailed a lot more throughout, and a few sentences I had to re-read. I'm going to give you the benefit of a doubt that you proof read, but you might wanna try it again, reading out loud to yourself. I love this story, for some reason I was able to imagine it through out, and somehow it was very symbolic. The burned off cutie marks, the fact they may have been different factions, the flying and dropping of the armor. I don't think you intentionally made all of that symbolic, but hey I go back and read my stories sometimes to see the symbolism I accidentally added. Anyways, you got a favorite, a like, and if you send me a message to help you out in pre-reading editing, or if you just want to talk to someone, I'll follow you that way. Anyways...
Final Verdict: Ever read a rendition that works really well? This is one of those rare moments.
Post-war story? Interesting. I shall wait to see what else comes. But two things: First, not much talking in this. O_o And second, You could use more details; such as describing what the house looked like and this of that nature. But all around, I like it. Keep it coming please.
2572053 You realize there is a reason there isn't any dialogue. It supposed to create a serene surrounding, and like you mentioned, if he had added more detail, you would know that there doesn't need to be a lot of dialogue. I'm not trying to sound like a cock, so sorry if this came off that way. Perhaps you should go listen to the story this is based off of.
2572080
You weren't being a cock, you were calling me out on my lack of knowledge.
And I had no idea this was based on something. I don't think I'd have gotten the fact that there wasn't supposed be much talking with or without detail.
2572106 No problem man, just making sure all are well informed before delving into a poetic short story. Ever read anything by Ernest Hemingway? I had to read his biography before jumping into anything he wrote, literature sucks man. It takes a lot of time to break apart, but once you do it makes you appreciate the little things from reading a story.
2572027
Why thank you so much!
I do have a few totally original stories i'm thinking on. I hope to improve my writing a bit before i tackle them.
You are totally right about the detail. Looking at it now i realize i did gloss over... most of it. I'll be sure to try and fill it out more in the next chapter.
Interestingly enough i did intentionally insert those symbolic points and a few more. I'm glad some of them came across. I loved the original story and i felt i wanted to insert some of my own war-symbolism since there was no possible way i could match the sheer poetry of the original. I felt the post-war symbolism would go perfectly with the concept of rebirth (through the trees).
And thank you very much for your offer of proofreading and editing. I think i'll take you up on that offer. I'm planning one, maybe two, more chapters and i would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read.
2572053
Thanks!
Other than fallout: Equestria i've seen so few stories set after a war. I thought it would be a refreshing change of scenery.
You are very correct about the details. I shall try and include more in the next chapter.
Thank you very much for your feedback.
2572896 No problem man, sometimes things hit me just right and I'm not such an asshole.
Either way glad to hear you plans, again, feel free to message me for help at anytime.
good read, it was philosophical but not in a way that the common reader would lose interest. I liked your descriptions and the fact that you managed to portray a pony that doesn't talk much but still says plenty. I like your work and hope to see more in the future.
2574897
Thank you!
Definitely more coming in a few weeks
As someone who has written a few stories based on others, I commend you. (most notably, I did a remix of Ayn Rand's Anthem with the Changelings being the focus, which on the note of your previous conversations, was set after a few centuries after a war in which the changelings rules equestria and forced the ponies into slavery). At the same time, you really made the story your own, and the idea itself is a great one. I'll be watching you, both literally and less-literally-but-not-figuratively-but-actually-sort-of-figuratively-since-its-through-a-screen.
2588202
Thank you so much!!!
I feel honored to have my very first stalker!
If this story doesn't get significantly noticed across the next two weeks, I'll add it to Buried Treasures as well.
2588383
Big thanks if that should come to pass.
This story is simply amazing. And seeing as it's a rendition, I went ahead and added it to my group, 'The Renditioner's Guild' so that anyone that joins might find it and see the greatness.
<3 DarqFox
2598523
Thank you so much!
This is a great story and was very enjoyable to read. I don't think you are that guilty of show vs tell, I think you done a great job at describing the environment and the history of the war you gave me with provided the perfect back story to understand the context behind your story here.
All in all, a great job! :D
2611775
Why thank you! I hope the next two chapters will be just as good.
Man, this is so amazing, I absolutely love the unspoken relationship they shared. Just ohmygoodness, this story blew my mind a little