797801

I'm a little skeptical at Dash's final line here...

I realize that she'd be pretty gung-ho to finally enter Tartarus, but wouldn't something about resting her wounded leg and (undoubtedly aching) body be more appropriate?

Or, alternatively, you could have Dash fall unconscious from a combination of over-exertion, lack of sleep, and blood-loss, and then have a possible heart-warming moment with AJ finding them both a comfortable secluded spot and falling asleep with Dash nestled protectively in her embrace or something?

I just think the ending kind of ignores Dash's obvious physical exhaustion, and transitions into "Hey I'm all better now, let's sneak in tonight" without enough of a qualifier.

798511 This is a very good point. I just ran out of words so I called back to the plan Dash outlined in a previous chapter:

“Sure thing: scope the place out while it’s still light, sneak in when it gets dark. Easy.” Her eyes slid shut and within seconds she had drifted off.

I have a few options:
1. Remove the line all together and let the next prompt handle it
2. State clearly that it is sarcasm and have her pass out afterward
3. Have Applejack rebuff her.

Personally I like the second option because I imagined it to be bravado and sarcasm. I just didn't state it explicitly (my bad).

Oh, wow. I have lots of extra time now.

798511>>798590>>798600
Okay! I made some more adjustments to the closing lines. I managed to reference the previous plan, which is what I wanted to do. But, I made it very apparent that while Dash is willing, she's really not in any shape to go spelunking through Tatarus just yet.

Let me know if there's anything else that should be adjusted. A lot has happened so I want to make sure I get this just right.

797138>>797216>>797235
You know, the funny thing is I initially wasn't going to do a Bert Blyleven impression. I wrote a very calm, 800+ word entry that had AJ and RD stop halfway through the badlands. No alarms and no surprises. The focus was going to be an introspective look at Rainbow's desire during this timespan. I scrapped it because it felt redundant. Jondor and Jet Cannon already wrote two chapters, albeit from Applejack's POV, of this style. I don't have the writing talent to justify a third straight "walk and talk" chapter. Then I remembered bookplayer's blog post about this collab's hypothetical structure and I realized that after my entry we would technically be more than 1/4th of the way through. So I rewrote it to introduce a challenge and possibly push things forward a bit.

797273
I'm of a sentiment that the title should wait until we all understand where this story is going, which won't happen for a few more chapters at the earliest. Maybe not even by then. Although, my vote for a generic, good-for-all-timezones title would be "Fate's Desire." It implies nothing and features the prompt word.

797618
Total love draining/death wasn't really part of my headcanon either. But then I recently re-watched "A Canterlot Wedding" and saw the show was kind of - understandably - ambiguous regarding the whole "feeding off love" theme. It allows for different interpretations.

797985
I really ought to read more adventure fic starring Applejack and Rainbow Dash. With respect to Spitfire, they're the show's unstoppable force. Also,

From Tartarus with Love

I'm picturing Dash speaking with a Scottish accent. It's making me giggle, and my coworkers are now staring at me.

797608
Outstanding. You deserve all the credit for this because you had a much more difficult task. The characters walked into the badlands on my watch so I had a blank slate to play with. Your parameters were far narrower, yet you handled it with badass action, comedy, drama, some smoochies, and wrapped it up at the gates to the underworld (which is where I was secretly hoping you'd take it).

Dash sucks AJ's flask dry.

Does she ever, amirite? ...Huh? ....Huh? *suggestive wink*

798600
I know, I'm looking forward to reading what you come up with.

798600>>800134
is probably about how Dash looks right now, too.

Here ya go. My addition to the story.

“Caved in? Caved in!? What the hay do you mean, caved in!?”

“I told ya, Rainbow. The gates have been torn down and the whole place is filled in with sand. Ain’t no way we’re gettin’ in.”

Rainbow Dash pounded her hooves on the ground and screamed in frustration. “We came all this way and escaped a horde of changelings, only to find out that we can’t even get in?”

Applejack nudged Rainbow’s side. “Well, there might be another way in, but I think we’d need to ask Twi about that—I don’t see one anywhere around. And I don’t see that happenin’ anytime soon.”

“So we just walked all that way for nothing.”

“Uhh. Yup.”

Collapsing on her side, Rainbow dug her forehooves into the warm sand, heaving a sigh. “So what are we gonna do, AJ?”

“First thing first, we need some supplies. In case ya didn’t notice, we left all our stuff behind last night.”

“Right. Where are we going to find new things?”

Applejack pulled a map from her pocket and unfolded it, laying it in front of the two as she leaned against Rainbow, nuzzling behind her ear. She examined the map and pointed to the nearest town. “There. Looks like Appleloosa’s the nearest place we can go that’s still in Equestria. It’s closer than Dodge Junction, though not by much.”

Rainbow leaned her head in the crook of Applejack’s neck and frowned. “How are we going to get there? I can’t exactly walk right now.” She shook her hind leg for emphasis.

“You can still fly, right?”

“Yeah, but... I don’t see how I’m going to land.”

“Better than sitting around in a hot desert for a week. How’s your leg doin’ anyway?”

Rainbow winced in pain as Applejack prodded it. “Ow! Still hurts.”

“Sorry, sorry,” said Applejack, backing off.

Flattening her ears, Rainbow rested her head on her hooves and sighed again. “Sorry, AJ,” she mumbled.

Reaching a hoof around Rainbow’s neck, Applejack kissed her girlfriend’s cheek. “Sorry? What for?”

“For this. All of this. I really wanted you to be able to see your parents again.”

“So did I, sugarcube. We just gotta come back after finding another way in, is all. ‘Sides, it’d be nice to see cousin Braeburn again.”

“I guess.”

“Think you can fly us soon?”

Rainbow Dash snuggled up against Applejack and yawned, ruffling her feathers. “Yeah, soon. That bite took a lot out of me.”

Smiling, Applejack cuddled Rainbow Dash until she fell asleep, murmuring something about Applejack “looking really hot” in her Daring Do outfit.

820098

Twisty, twisty. I wonder what in Tartarus is going on?

820098

Smiling, Applejack cuddled Rainbow Dash until she fell asleep, murmuring something about Applejack “looking really hot” in her Daring Do outfit.

The torn sleeves makes Applejack look even more rugged and sexy. Dash definitely wants to get in on that.

820098 These ponies don't catch a break, do they? ^_^; Poor Dash.

Unfortunately, today's entrant has been offline for almost two weeks and has not completed an entry. With no other means of contacting them, we are moving on. Steel Resolve will be continuing as per the schedule.

830923
Applejack woke to the smell of brimstone, and the sound of four paws followed by four hoofsteps. Her eyes darted around in alarm. Rainbow was still asleep, and no amount of poking would do more than make her snore louder. Cautiously, AJ peeked up over a rock, hoping to see the source of the sound before it found the two of them.

What she saw surprised her to no end. As she feared, Cerberus was nearby. But he was... playing with a filly. The filly in question was picking up a tree trunk and tossing it for the giant three headed dog to fetch. AJ would have found it heartwarming were she not afraid for her very life. Maybe with Dash’s help she could tackle that thing... but while trying to protect Dash?

The filly paused in her play, and looked directly at her. “Hello! You’re a long way from home, aren’t you?”

At first Applejack did not respond, hoping against hope that the filly was addressing somepony else in this empty stretch of land nearby to the pit of Tartarus. Seeing nopony else, she finally nodded. “Yes, Ma’am. Ah reckon you are too... That there dog is a might dangerous, you sure you wanna mess around like that?”

The filly laughed in what sounded like one hundred children's voices at once. If AJ was uncertain before, she was sure now. This was not ordinary filly. “Cerberus is not dangerous. He’s my pet! Aren’t you boy?” The dog happily rolled over, presenting his belly to be rubbed.

“Beg pardon, Ma’am. Um... who are you exactly? Ah mean...”

The filly smiled at Applejack. “Don’t be afraid, he won’t hurt you. My name is Meph, and this is my home. What brings you here?”

Her home... Horseapples. Looking over the filly in a new light now, the farmer noted something she had missed. This filly had been using magic, and had a pair of wings. “Yer majesty! Ah’m real sorry, Ah only met the other four princesses. Ah never knew there was a fifth—”

Meph laughed again, in that same eerie tone. “Princess... no Applejack. I am a queen. But I hold no power over the government of living ponies. I tend to those who have passed on.”

“Then yer who I need to see, yer majesty! Ah came to see my folks...”

“Meph, please, your titles mean nothing to me.” She paused, considering the request. “I’m sorry, but the land of the dead cannot be visited by those who still live. When you pass on I will welcome you with open wings, but it’s simply not possible for you to visit with them.”

Applejack sat down with a slump. In this whole venture, she’d never considered the idea that she would reach the very gates of Tartarus, only to be told it was impossible for her to enter. She had been prepared to face anything, but here stood the goddess of the dead, not barring her entry, simply telling her there was no way to get there while she lived. “Begging yer pardon Meph... but isn’t there any way? We came so far, and went through so much. Ah’d do just about anything to see em again.”

“Anything, you say?”

“Well, nearly anything...”

Meph produced a book in a flash of magic, flipping through pages at a furious rate. “Applejack Apple, Born to mother Red Delicious and father Carrot Seed. They died saving you and your siblings from a fire at your farm. The barn collapsed as they got you out. Died instantly.” She nodded as she read over the file.

“How did you—”

“Interesting... Your marefriend kissed you after being struck by a falling beam during a barn razing. She woke up dazed and confused. She never would have confessed her feelings for you had that not happened.”

“What in tarnation?! How do you know that?”

Meph closed the book and tapped it. “The book of life, Applejack. I am its protector, and when necessary, it’s editor. You have had two very similar, yet improbable events happen in your life. One took your parents, one gave you your love.”

“So?”

“If you wish, I can strike them from the book.”

Applejack stared at the filly, uncertain if she understood what was being offered. “Are you offering to bring my parents back from the grave?”

“I am offering to unmake their death. To you, it will be as if they never left you.”

“How can you... No, better question. Why would you do that fer me?”

The filly looked at her, and suddenly Applejack was struck by a sense of overwhelming age. “I have presided over this place since the first pony fell, and my last charges shall be the princesses you spoke of. I occasionally venture into the world of the living. When it strikes me, I offer a boon to a pony. But such a thing cannot come without a cost. I cannot unbalance your life, if I strike a tragedy, I must also strike a miracle.”

Applejack was silent for some time. She was being presented with the chance of a lifetime. No, more than that, a chance nopony could ever expect to see ever under normal circumstances. She could have her parents again...

She looked back at her sleeping marefriend. But the cost...

“Which will it be? Your love, or your family?”

Everything snapped into sudden focus for the farm mare. “No deal.”

“Excuse me?”

Applejack shook her head. “Ah’m real sorry to waste yer time, Meph. But Ah can’t do that. Yer asking me to pick Dash or family. Dash is family. You’ll have to find somepony else to make your offer to.”

Two voices cheered from behind Meph. Applejack’s ears perked up.

A strong male voice spoke from the darkness. “Ah told you she wouldn’t bite. Pay up Meph, she earned her chance.”

Meph sighed. “Very well. You may have your day pass to the land of the living. I will return for you two as the sun sets tomorrow.”

A stallion stepped forth from the shadows, accompanied by a smiling mare. “Thank you, Meph.”

Applejack stared at the two, unable to believe what she was seeing. “Ma? Pa?”

Carrot Seed galloped forward, but not to the loving arms of his daughter. He stopped next to Rainbow Dash, waiting patiently as Red Delicious carefully pushed the still sleeping mare onto his back.

“Wha—”

“Lil Apple, there'll be time for questions later.”

Carrot Seed checked to make sure the Pegasus was secured.

“We have to get your marefriend to a doctor now.”

He turned, and now Applejack could see the infection making its way up Rainbow’s leg.

”Or else she'll be joining us when we go back.”

gdoc

831555
Yesh, prankster Meph :p

And I see you sneakily edited a dreadful ending

831555
DUN DUN DUNNN!

Poor Dashie.

830923
831555

Cautiously, AJ peaked up over a rock, hoping to see the source of the sound before it found the two of them.

Should be peeked.

Otherwise an excellent chapter and a very interesting twist to events.

831555
You know, considering we're going with the whole Tartarus/Cerberus/Greek Mythology theme here, I might suggest changing the Filly's name to Seph, instead of Meph.

843994
Nope!
Meph...istofilly.

844071
Persephone...

Am I the only one trying to keep Greco-Roman Mythology in line with this story?

844370
Probably. The above name is more of a horse pun though. Mephistofilly :p

844400
I see the pun, but Mephistopheles was not the Queen of Tartarus. Persephone was...

844417
How about Persepony?

844910

YES.

844915
By the way, it stays "Meph" unless you can convince Steel Resolve to change it. I don't want to intrude on his naming choice.

844927
Or the next prompt writer could be evil and change it without permission.

I'm not evil, though.

844934
This is true. I'd edit it to be consistent, though.

844938

EEDIITOOOOORS!!

I absolutely hate being all critical here, but really.
What just happened?

...each person will write a 200-1000 (1500 is the absolute limit) word continuation of the last person's entry. It is up to each writer how they want to present their part of the story, although it should make an attempt to flow smoothly.

Sorry if I come across as rude, but that chapter made zero sense to me.
It's not so much about the plot twist as much as the fact that it almost entirely ignored what Krazy's chapter built up towards. It's a collab after all.

854352
I'm afraid that will tend to happen in this story- one person's cool plot twist is another's WTF moment.

As long as it doesn't contradict the previous stuff (the characters are in the same location, caring about the same things) then I think it's something we should just roll with. Krazy ended his piece in front of the entrance, with AJ and Dash falling asleep. Steel Resolve started his in the same place with AJ waking up. It might not have gone in the direction Krazy implied, but that's part of a story like this.

ETA: I meant bahatumay. I'm totally keeping track of who's writing what. See how good I am?

854352

Eh? I'm not seeing this here. Makes sense to me o.O

854352 854428 854439 854549
Jake Roberts nailed it. On the head. I was really, really hoping that someone would go and toss everypony into Tartarus, despite me "collapsing" the entrance (and no, I didn't give bahatumay any ideas :P).

The reason why is that sucking blood out of a wound really doesn't work, and while she meant well, Applejack didn't actually stop the poison from working (highlighted by Rainbow completely lacking all energy in my entry and the slightly more obvious part about the bite from Rainbow herself). Without supplies and with a worsening injury, I don't think jumping right into Tartarus would have been anywhere near the forefront of Applejack's mind. She's more sensible than that and it needed some attention before the story progressed. Steel Resolve picked up on it nicely and started working on a solution to that end.

I also wanted the entrance to be more magical (if we ever went back), as bahatumay seemed to have read my mind about. Why would the afterlife have a simple stone archway lead into it?

Finally, yes, I did take a leap of faith (sorry!) that the story may not have ever revisited Tartarus, but I think the gamble paid off!

854428
You were right the first time. You commented before I'd posted my chapter.

854838
What can I say? Every once in a while the voices in my head have good ideas.

854981

Thank goodness I'm not trying to write anything tonight. My head is soooo scrambled.

844370 The problem with Persephone is she is not a trickster demon known for faustian deals. She is the queen of the dead by virtue of being kidnapped by Hades, not by choice. But I guess if someone wants to rename her Haydes... I do get that the naming convention is off, but c'mon, Celestia and Luna are Roman words, not greek, we don't have to keep within the greek pantheon. Besides, the Greek, Roman and Norse pantheons are very similar in their structures.

854439 854838 854428 831555
You're all right, of course; I simply tend to overreact about stuff I didn't see coming. And on second thought, this twist opens up a lot more opportunities for the story.
Apologies to Steel Resolve for unfair criticism.

Also, on an almost unrelated note, I'm all for changing her name."Meph" is a drug after all

As a side note, I must say I'm pretty damn happy with how things are going. The story is great, and is pretty cohesive/consistent.

Now I wish we had featured status

855586
We can dream, can't we?

855627
Once the fic is done, I think we should try sending it to EQD, see what they make of it

I don't think they've had a single cohesive fic with 20+ authors in it :D

855635
Do eeeet.
Actually, now I'm curious to know how they'll respond, too. I've been half-tempted to submit a story to EQD not to try to get on; just to see what they say.

855808
Krazy would have to submit, I think, since he's listed as the author here. And I think it would be best if the fic was completed to get the best idea of the quality/direction. The remaining chapters are still unknown, after all.

855839
True.
But then! Then we submit.

As she set hoof in Tartarus for the first time, Applejack blinked and everything disappeared.

Everything. The world turned to white. There was simply nothing here, including her mother and father and. . .

“Rainbow Dash! Ma! Pa! Where are ya’?!” Applejack shouted, darting forward into the blank area that seemed to lack any distinction between ground and ceiling. She looked around, but there was literally nothing there.

“Where am I?” she whispered.

“Nowhere,” a voice answered.

Applejack spun around, then again, searching for the source. “Who said that?”

“Nopony.” The voice sounded familiar.

“That ain’t true!” Applejack protested. “Somepony musta said that, and I gotta be someplace!”

“You’re nowhere,” The voice explained with an amused, slightly sing-song note. “You know that you’re in Tartarus, but somewhere inside you know that living ponies can’t be in Tartarus. So since you can’t be where you are. . . you’re nowhere.”

“As for who I am, I’m no pony. But I am the only one in the world who can travel nowhere.” Out of the whiteness, a pair of yellow eyes lit up, and the face and body of a draconequs faded into view behind them.

“You!” Applejack took a step back instinctively.

“Well howdy, Applejack.” Discord reclined back against nothing. “Fancy meeting you here. If you can call this place here.”

Applejack tried to wrap her head around that. This place wasn’t a here. It was. . . nowhere. But that didn’t matter. Only one thing mattered. “How do I get out?”

“Your body is still in Tartarus. If somepony moves you out of Tartarus, you’ll wake up.” Discord disappeared, then popped up next to her. “Easier said than done, of course. Mestophilly isn’t fond of living ponies who try to enter Tartarus. Of course, she’s even less fond of letting them leave.”

Applejack’s eyes went wide. She was frozen in Tartarus, Dash was dying, and Meph had said she wasn’t sure they could get out. She couldn’t be trapped in this nothing forever. . . could she?

“Princess Celestia! Twilight! Somepony help!” Applejack screamed, starting to panic.

Discord smirked and shook his head. “They can’t help you. This place doesn’t exist. Even the Princesses can’t go someplace that doesn’t exist.”

“You’re. . . supposed to be our friend, right?” Applejack said, trying to keep the desperation from her voice. “Maybe you could leave and have a word with Meph, for me? Just try to get me and Dash outta Tartarus?”

“First, I’m Fluttershy’s friend. You weren’t very nice to me.” Discord crossed his arms and looked away. Then he glanced back at Applejack. “But. . . Fluttershy wouldn’t be very happy if I left you stuck in a non-existent transdimensional space, would she?”

“Uh. . . nope! Pretty sure she wouldn’t!”

“However, when it comes to Mestophilly, I’m afraid I can’t help.” Discord said plainly. Applejack deflated. He grinned and went on, “Not allowed in Tartarus, you see. Not since that unfortunate umbrella incident.”

A look of confusion crossed Applejack’s face. “Umbrella inci-”

“You don’t want to know.” Discord cut in quickly. “But I do want to know why you decided to vacation in the afterlife.”

Applejack hung her head. “I was outside the gates, and Rainbow Dash got hurt. I brought her in to try and find a doctor.”

“Rainbow Dash isn’t here with you,” Discord pointed out.

“She could see the gates.” Applejack said, fighting back tears. “She was passed out over my Pa’s back.”

“That explains it.” Discord nodded. “She’s got one hoof in the door, and doesn’t realize she’s not all the way in.”

“I gotta get back to her!” Applejack said desperately, the words escaping with a sob.

“I could kill you,” Discord offered with a friendly smile.

“NO!” Applejack shouted, looking up and backing away.

“It was just a suggestion.” Discord shrugged and grinned. “I have another one: I can make you think you’re dead.”

“Uh, what good would that do?” Applejack asked cautiously.

“You’d think you belonged in Tartarus, so that’s where you would be.”

“What’s the catch?”

“Well, there are side effects- numbness, loss of appetite, having no desire to return to the land of the living.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “That last one would make gettin’ out a bit tricky, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, very,” Discord agreed.

Applejack frowned. “But, if we cure Dash, she could get out, right?”

“Interesting question.” Discord smirked. “If she knew she was alive in Tartarus, she’d end up here just like you.”

“Oh, yeah.” There went that plan.

“But, if she didn’t know she was in Tartarus. . .” Discord smiled, and raised an eyebrow at Applejack. “Of course, then she might even be able to get you to come back with her.”

Applejack rolled the idea over in her head. “So I gotta get Dash healed, or I’ll think I oughta stay in Tartarus forever? And if I do get her healed, she’d haveta get out, and get me to come with her, without anypony lettin’ on where we are, while I’m thinkin’ I’m dead and oughta stay?”

“Personally, I think this plan use a few more complications. . . but yes, that will have to do for now.”

“And my other choice is to stay put?” Applejack asked.

“I’ll keep you company.” Discord offered cheerfully. “Do you like charades? I’m very good at charades.”

“Okay.” Applejack said with a firm nod. “Make me think I’m dead.”

“Oh, good! First word- wait, you’ll do it?” Discord’s eyes went wide.

“Yup.” Applejack steeled herself.

A grin spread over Discord’s face. “Well then, just look in my eyes.”

“No funny business,” Applejack ordered. “Make sure I still know what I’m doin’ there, so I can get Dash outta there safe.”

“Applejack, how could you ever accuse me of funny business?”

Applejack shot him a look, which he met with his usual grin. Then his face popped up in front of her, and his eyes started spinning.

Applejack blinked. She was standing in what seemed like a large cave, with dozens of tunnels leading in all directions. a few houseplants had been placed between them to give the place a more friendly, lived in feel. They weren’t doing a very good job.

She looked around, and saw her parents staring at her in confusion. Her parents. She’d be with them forever now.

. . . but she’d never see Sweet Apple Acres again. She missed it already; she missed her siblings, and friends. She missed Winona. She hated herself for leaving them all, for taking this stupid trip. She just wanted to go home, but she was never going home again. She was dead.

Then her eyes landed on Dash, and all her self pity fell away.

“What’re we waitin’ for? We gotta find a doctor!” Applejack hurried to her father’s side and put a hoof to Dash’s neck, feeling her heartbeat.

Her parents nodded, and the three took off down one of the tunnels as a thought came to Applejack. “And whatever we do, we can’t let Dash know she’s in Tartarus.”

879638
Ooh dear, an added layer of mindfuckery!
Evil. I like!

879667
Complications make stories more interesting!

879682
I'm ok with this.

879638

Excellent twist. I'm unavoidably reminded of the scene in The Next Generation where Picard is in the afterlife with Q.

879638

Oh. I can work with this.

880994
Good! I was afraid I'd have to apologize.

879638 Things got so much more complicated

Do we have enough contributors to finish it properly?

881206
Maybe? It's hard to tell right now.

So. I wrote a chapter for the story that contains neither Applejack or Rainbow Dash. I'm not a part of your system.
____________________________________________________________________________________
“Oh, this is bad, this is really bad.”

Twilight was currently making her way towards Canterlot. She knew that she should have written to the princesses the second that she heard about the plan to ‘visit’ Tartarus, but she hadn't, and now both Applejack and Rainbow Dash were gone.

“I just hope that I’m not too late.”

~~~

“Princesses!”

Twilight barged into the throne room, catching the regents of the sun and moon off guard, this was the first time that the young princess had ever simply dropped in, unannounced.

“Princesses, we need to go to Tartarus!”

Both princesses simply stared at her, taken aback by that last statement.

“Twilight, maybe you should start at the beginning.”

~~~

“So, Applejack’s dreams were telling the truth, this is not good.”

“Luna, what are you talking about, did you know something about this?”

“Well, yes and no, a couple of nights ago, We- I visited Applejack during her sleep. She was having some sort of nightmare, where she was in Tartarus, and Rainbow Dash was dead.” The princess began pacing the room. “I didn’t think much of it at the time, chalking it up to be a simple nightmare, and nothing more. But recently, Rainbow Dash has been having strange dreams as well.”

“How strange, princess?”

“She dreamed of Mephistofilly, queen of Tartarus.”

Upon hearing this, Celestia’s face grew stony.

“This is worse than I imagined, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are in grave danger. The queen of the underworld likes to make deals, and her deals always have dire consequences, masked behind a promise of good fortune. We need to get to Tartarus, now.” She turned to look at her sister. “Quickly, go get Discord, he’s going to help get us there.”
“Sister, what do you plan to do?”

Celestia smiled to herself, “Simple, we’re going to knock on Meph’s door.”