TWings on the Horizon

• MLP: FiM
• Sad
• Slice of Life

The water has always soothed me. The sounds of waves always makes me feel calm, makes me forget my sadness for just a moment. I never realized what the ocean had in store for me.

• Human
• Fluttershy

The Ranger · 6.8k words  ·  30  2 · 1.2k views

Wings on the Horizon by The Ranger is an amazing read that sparks my reflecting mind on the pertinent topics of friendship and love. The philosophies of friendship, hatred and love were discussed in this story through the eyes of a despondent boy who grew up to a self-sustaining man. It may be a sad story, but many meaningful life lessons could be gleaned upon careful observation of the events.

Content

The story starts out with a philosophical standpoint concerning friendship of a soul recollecting his past, before delving into his days as a young boy who suffered a horrible setback in his life that shattered his optimism, his reality, and I dare say, perception of the meaning of his life. The tale of how the boy lost his parents at such an early age was sharp and I certainly felt it within my heart. It painfully reminded me of how fortunate I am, and convinced me to reflect deeply on this subject.

The author integrated the notion of the Great War and how the Great War would be the one to end all wars, through the boy’s father. Of course, we now know on hindsight that this was not the case. And I see the perspective of a child that was forced to flee to the countryside, for his own safety’s sake. This was a brilliant touch, considering the foreshadowing of the medals and weaponry the father possessed as relics of remembrance and appealed to the history side of me.

The fateful letter came of the tragic news, to the utter dismay and disbelief of the boy. At this point, I wished that there was more to the boy’s actions and feelings than what was described. Surely, the intense jolt of emotions would be difficult to eliminate from the young man’s memory. Although, if I were him, I would try my best to squeeze that memory out of my mind as thoroughly as I could.

Along the sea, the young man wanted to end it all, but he was saved from the brink, a kind act that was personified well by Fluttershy. The interactions between the two were well-executed throughout the story, both before and after the man suffered yet another setback in his life.

Time passed, and year by year the man was comforted by this adorable pony. But alas, time is cruel, and they could not escape their individual destinies. The longing for his companion was great and genuine. In the end, he chose to end it the way he almost did decades ago, should Fluttershy fail to intervene.

Emotions seep out of my mind as I write these words. The descriptions of the man’s feelings and thoughts were authentic and relatable.

Flow

The flow of the story is excellent. Narrating from the perspective of the man himself, the events were lined up in a way that was easy to follow, though -

Mom came running into the kitchen with tears in her face as well. I threw myself into her arms, and she held me as we both cried on the floor of our kitchen. The floor that my father had laid, in the house he’d built. The living room next to the kitchen was decorated with various military memorabilia, including dad’s medals, and a box holding his service gun, an M1911.

Now, both the medals and the gun were gone, just as my father. He’d told me that we’d never see another war again, at least not in my lifetime, and I believed him.

Perhaps it would be better to show the emptiness of the spot where the father kept his memorabilia, rather than show its existence and then its disappearance rather abruptly.

Language

Language errors were fairly scarce. Apt paragraphing helped to separate each idea well and gave great pause between each paragraph to add suspense into the story. Rhetorical questions were utilised well, such as below, to show the many questions that emerged from the man’s mind.

What was it? Where did it come from, how did it end up here, why did it save me? How did it save me? Why did it have wings, and what did those butterflies mean?

A last thing - the entire passage is written in italics, which I suspect is to show the reflective, thoughtful thinking happening in the narrating man. Personally, I felt that if the entire story is in italics, the meaning of its usage may be diluted. Of course, I am aware that the usage of italics in the entire story is surely unique, compared to other stories, creating contrast to emphasise its meaning.

Stance

This is a fascinating read. The story portrayed has a great depth in meaning, reminding you to treasure the things you have before they may be stripped away from you. Granted, there are more you can glean from this piece of writing, but your perception will lead you to a self-discovery as you scan the lines of this story. I would highly recommend this story.

Content/Plot: 9/10
Flow/Communication: 9/10
Language/Readability: 8.5/10
Overall: 8.8/10

7223952
Holy crap, I did not expect this! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my story, and I'm so happy you found it so good. Honestly, I was expecting more of a meh/mediocre impression of the story, but it's quite clear that the story touched you, and as a writer, I hold that in the highest regard. We all want to invoke feelins in our readers, don't we?

As for the whole story being in Italics, it's meant to symbolise a final letter, or maybe even a last will and testament. Others have pointed it out too, that it makes the story look odd, but I personally think it gets the point across. I would also like to point out that English isn't my main language, but I try my hardest to make it as flawless as possible. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I don't.

It just makes me feel so much joy reading your kind words. I am my own worst critic, so seeing these emotions playing out through your review really puts a huge smile on my face. I'm humbled, truly. I am. It's an honor to get such praise as this. Thank you so much for this review!

7223963
I believe that the story can be improved, which is why it did not get full points. For example, note that I did not mention the repetition of adjectives and verbs in your piece. But I try to motivate writers to know where have done well and continue writing in the spirit of self-discovery of themselves. As a writer myself that spends hours writing, I am aware of the thinking and planning that goes into it.

Did it touch me? Absolutely, since I share some of the experiences the man faced in my own life.