I know posting a thread is not a regular procedure in this group, but since Faceless and Bait might not be responsive due to exam season I decided to create a thread instead of PM-ing (you can always delete this thread if you deem it wrong).

Sweetie Belle's search for immortality is my first ever fan fiction story. Only Chapter 1 is finished so far. One major aspect of this story is a different interpretations of the character Sweetie Belle. She has her dark moments in the show. In this fic she has, due to extra pressure on her, even more of them. Chapter 1 is adventure genre (Cutie Mark Crusaders are at it again), but as the story progress it will turn more and more dark.

I started writing this story because I thought I was onto something. I don't want the story to fall in the 'meh' category. I don't want it to be superficial. Anything but that. I want my stories to be entertaining, not dry.

Also, I want my story to flow. I heard there was a sentence in the story that needed to be read twice. I won’t stand for such a sentence in my story. But I can’t find it. Can you tell me if you come across any awkward sentence please?

I want to know if this story has the potential to get on EQD. I would like to know what I can improve on.

Link to Public Google Doc: Sweetie Belle's search for immortality

For all and everyone who reads the story (you don't have to be a pro editor), please post your comments (good or bad) in this thread. If you have any kind of opinion, I want to hear about it.

I made a mistake of releasing Chapter 1 without having any editors or pre-readers. It will be some time before I release another Chapter. But I would very much like to get some volunteers before hand that I can poke for editing and pre-reading when the time comes.

If you want to be involved as an editor, grammar nazi, proofreader, pre-reader or idea bouncer as I develop the story in the mentioned Google Doc, I would also be glad for it. Basically, I will accept every and all the feedback anyone can offer me.