I'm trying to write a sad song about someone being manipulated and indoctrinated and how damaging that can be if used for the wrong reasons and circumstances.

Does anyone know of a song or two about being manipulated in a sad and/or horrific way? Can anyone teach me how to write a song about that?

7633857 I wrote a song about a being of darkness trying to bend a filly to his will. Yet this creature of darkness then realizes that even greater darkness is on the rise that might not threaten just him, but the world itself.

I'm calling you out

Dread the crystal sage

Still not forgotten

Since the dawn of age

I haunted for a long time

To find a suiting host

I’ve finally found my bearings

No longer just a ghost

*

Reincarnated evil

Madness in your veins

No expiration dates

Damnation shall take place

 

Break through to world material

Transition over time

No buck could hope to stop me

I can not truly die

* 

In you the key is hidden

The key to my demise

With force accumulated

I shall materialize

 

Innocent at young age

For you that is not true

The gift placed in your forehead

Faith sealed it was for you

* 

My plan is set in motion

Though time is not yet right

You endanger my existence

I can not spare your life

 

Power without knowledge

For you this is not good

If you don't learn to use it

You certainly are doomed

* 

Inevitable confrontation

That destiny will write

No one can tell the outcome

Until the fight is done

 

Your power's getting stronger

Mine almost at its peak

Your end and my beginning

Victory through defeat

* 

Experience will guide me

The tricks I learned so well

Yet power lurks inside you

What’s next I dare not tell

 

You'll learn why you're existing

One’s end’s delight to you

You won’t hesitate in killing

But you can't be evil too

* 

My Catalyst inserted

A cure to make you well

Could only heal the body

Not spirit and its quell

 

Have I gained a competition

Or true enemy I hew

Your pony side is gone now

What is there left of you

* 

The power overwhelms you

No longer you're in charge

An evil force is borning

Destructive strength at large

 

The hope for a salvation

Was false for all the time

No plans to be a good mare

But conqueror from start

* 

I’ll see you kill your lineage

Blood staining on your hooves

You’ll bury up a carcass

And jest about the grooves

 

You’ll devastate surroundings

And show the world your might

Should I witness the destruction

Or fight and risk your smite

 *

Is it time for me to back out

And live an unseen life

Or should I fight for power

And that for which is mine

 

The gods have made an error

For which the world will pay

They created evil and terror

Was there no other way

* 

Goal of existence changing

Remorse in future life

Should one become a weakling

Or seek a greater plan

 

Am I supposed to stop you

And help the pony race

After miseries I caused them

Can I really change

* 

Could I be dark messiah

Not being understood

Past life just preparation

To realize the truth

 

Not threat to my existence

But sympathy for you

Has prompted me to break out

And give you this preview

7633872
Thanks. Also, can you help me find a song and can I PM you a song of my own for you to see?

7633874 Sure thing.

7633875
Thanks. It's a song that has some of these lyrics:

I'll be tomorrow. So just for tonight, let the music follow. A new dawn to rise. This melody will keep us going through the day.

7633877 I don't like it and here's why:

I'll be tomorrow.

That's something an evil god would say, as in, "In the future, I will control everything."

But in your case, it seems to be coming from a pathetic creature, so it makes no sense.

So just for tonight, let the music follow.

There's no purpose stated here. Are they being bored? Are they singing their own funeral song? You don't explain why should the music take priority.

A new dawn to rise. This melody will keep us going through the day.

If the dawn will rise, it means it's nighttime now. But then you mention the day. It makes no sense.

Also, before you introduced music as something passive that you 'let'. But here, you describe it as an active component of making it through the day. It feels like you're all over the place.

My advice: Keep it simple. Don't overcomplicate things.

7633883
That wasn't my song. It was the lyrics to a song that I'm looking for. My song is at the PM I sent.

7633884 I didn't find what you quoted, but I did find this:

Obsession

Fear of Domination

Loose the chains holding me
I have the freedom to fly
Still I find myself
Bound tightly to the ground
To the wall, to my will
To the lies I despise
Stuck in the trenches at the war zone of my mind

I preserve sanity
Made of fragile glass
Search my way through the maze
How long will I last?
Made my plans for tomorrow
Still I'm stuck in yesterday
This is the second chance I'm given

Obsession
To leave the past behind
Make a sacrifice
For a new dawn to rise
Break the barriers
To finally realize what you can become

Remember times when breathing was easy
Now it's like the whole world is holding me back
Let me through
Time for you to get out of my way
In the mindless wars left unsolved

A demonic insanity turns reality into a haze
Feed the madness of this world
It is not just a phase
In this progression of obsession
And the need for oppression
Are you ready to make a change?
Make the change!

Obsession
To leave the past behind
Make a sacrifice
For a new dawn to rise
Break the barriers
To finally realize what you can become

Don't deny my rights
And claim what is mine
I will draw the line
It's not my demise
I will make my way
So don't you dare to wear me down

Obsession
To leave the past behind
Make a sacrifice
For a new dawn to rise
Break the barriers
To finally realize what you can become

Don't deny my rights
And claim what is mine
I will draw the line
It's not my demise
I will make my way
So don't you dare to wear me down

Obsession
Just leave the past behind
Make a sacrifice
For a new brighter light
Break the barriers
To finally realize what you have become

7633857
I've got a few here for you:

This is one I think is what you're probably looking for, lyrically it's very accurate. From the perspective of someone being manipulated and them breaking free from it.

This one is more akin to how damaging it is from being manipulated. Lyrics really nail it down how one would feel.

Lastly probably the most unique one, as it is written in a way that anyone can interrupt it to their own situation/problem. It gives you the courage to stand.

In terms of helping with song writing, I'm not sure I could help you there but I'm hoping this helps.

I wouldn't be much help there, sorry

7633956
Thanks. It's okay.