An Angel and her Soldier

I somewhat think I'm doing all right, but I need feed back, bros.

Here's a list of things I think I'm doing wrong:
1. Headshot is Mary sue
2. Format
3. This is turning into less of a crossover and more into ponies trying to save the world
4. Not enough characterization
5. Lack of screen time for a psychopathic fire wielding Unicorn
6. Grammar

768672
Question: If you know what you're doing wrong than what do you need us for?

768679
to point out where he is doing it wrong i think hes just speculating like i have trouble pointing out where my mistakes are but i know they are there

768684
I was kidding I have the same exact problem as OP, maybe we can all help each other out?

768672
I Propose a I scratch your back you scratch mine deal

768685 ah ok didnt get the joke
this may seem like a stupid question but what does OP stand for?
I mean the only definition I know for it is Over Powered or some shit like that
and also yeah sounds good I'm pretty new to writing so i need all the help i can get luckily i got an editor working on my grammar but i still need help developing plot and such so i'll take a look at your stuff and see if i can give any insightful input

768692
OP=Original Poster

768706
ooooooohhhh ok thats good to know thanks

768691 How do you propose we help each other?

768738
I guess we just read each other stories and provide some pointers or suggestions
I'll keep in mind the points you have raised and specifically look for ways to improve them

I just posted my story on Fimfiction, I would be glad to read both of yours and provide input if you do likewise B-).

768782 I agree, let us do that, my good sir and/or madam. I'm going to read it, but my god, 13k words.... This might take a while