Alright, this is a big one. How to Avoid Making a Mary Sue.

Excellent question! Unfortunately, there's no easy answer. To put it as simply as I can, a Mary Sue is basically an audience reaction to a character. Typically, this is characterized by the author giving a lot of attention to said character to the point of excluding all other characters, or altering either established personalities or even the world itself to better suit her.

Another thing to keep in mind is that Mary Sues are very subjective. What is a Mary Sue to me may be a normal, well-rounded character to you. As a general rule, though, you should keep in mind the author/audience view of your character. You may hold one view of your character, as her creator, but the audience will view it another way. You need to be able to view your work dispassionately.

As a general rule, though, keep this quote in mind: there's nothing more boring than a perfect heroine. - Drosselmeyer, Princess Tutu

You were paying attention! I'm impressed!

First of all, when working with fanfic, blatent Mary Sues shine out like a beacon. A huge reason for this is

When you create your character, don't think "What would be a cool character?" think "What would be a plausible character already living in this world, and how can I make her likable and interesting?"

As we are working with My Little Pony, I'm going to give a few examples.

First of all, Alicorns are a very poor choice. There are currently three canon Alicorns in the show (Celestia, Luna, Cadence) and making your character another one of these very rare ponies is a good way to show that they're interesting and special, but they run the risk of being overpowered. Exceptions do occur, however, as this is a highly subjective topic.

Secondly, bizarre colourization is another Mary Sue flag. Again, stick to the show's predetermined rules. Nearly every pony is one colour from head to hoof, with some having streaks of other colours in their manes (Twilight, Rainbow, Celestia, Lyra, just to name a few).

A bright green Earth Pony with a purple mane and tail, with a streak of red in both. Bizarre colour choices, but it fits the world. I can see this character existing alongside Fluttershy and Pinkie. Especially Pinkie.

Please stop. There is so much wrong with this character already. I might even say it's unsavable. Please discard your OC and try again.

Moving on, then...

Violation of canon.

Like I said, when working with fanfic, you're working with a preestablished world, with its own rules already made. Breaking any of those rules is a huge Mary Sue flag. For example, Unicorns are the only ones who can use magic. Having your black and purple striped Earth Pony with a frazzled rainbow mane and tail suddenly start using magic despite the lack of a horn? Mary Sue. Similarly, Pegasi are the only ones who can manipulate clouds and alter the weather. Having our black Earth Pony walk on clouds with no explanation? Mary Sue.

Point number three: backstorying in canon/romancing canon characters

I put these two together for a reason. The first one, backstorying in canon, means you write your Original Character (hereafter shortened to OC) into a canon character's backstory. Using our black Earth Pony from earlier (hereafter called Vir), let's make his backstory. Let's see, he learned how to do magic because he was friends with Twilight while the two of them were in magic kindergarden.

Now, how many problems with canon did I just make?

Very good. But you missed the fact that an Earth Pony is doing magic in the first place.

I will say, however, that the only pony you can get away with doing this with would be Pinkie Pie. She is friends with everyone in town, after all.

The second issue, romancing canon characters, I won't go into great detail, but I will say that, outside of clopfics, you need to tread lightly. Rarity is the only one who's shown much interest in stallions, so suddenly having Fluttershy fall in love with Vir, despite only having just met, would send up even more Mary Sue flags. Add to that, her incredible shyness would probably prevent her from ever approaching Vir.

Mary Sue Causes

Remember that a Mary Sue comes from a series of events. While having one or two common Mary Sue traits is ok, her sue-ness comes from hitting all the buttons.

Unearned rewards.

Simply put, this is where your OC gets a lot of free stuff, despite having done nothing to deserve it. Pinkie Pie throwing a party for Vir is in character for her. Applejack giving Vir a bussel of apples just for stopping by? Less in character. Rarity declaring Vir as her new model for all her upcoming fashion shows? ...ok, that might be in character.

Forcing the issue.

OK, a little explanation needed for this one.

Most scenes are built in such a way that they effectively show off that character A has trait X. In other words, character interactions must happen in such a way that your OC's traits are introduced naturally. If you force something to happen against the will of the characters, that's invasive of the author.

What happens in this instance is that the author wants a particular plot point or character interaction to occur, but it never feels natural. It feels, well, forced.

The best way to guard against this is to have a clear idea how your character will react in certain situations. Also make sure that any secondary characters are reacting appropriately.

For an easy-to-see example, make a villain, as so:

Reus laughed as he snatched the Elements away from Twilight. Still cackling, the bright pink pony leapt out of the window and ran off into the city. Twilight started to cry, burying her head into Vir's soft chest. She eventually stopped crying and looked up into Vir's sparkling eyes. Vir returned the concerned look.

"Of course I'll help you get them back, Twilight. I love you."

"I love you too, Vir." Twilight said, sealing the deal with a kiss.

...oooh, I feel dirty after writing that. I'm going to go cleanse myself. Back in a bit.

Alright, I'm back. Hey! Were you reading ahead? Give me those!

General Writing Tips

Writing is about more than cool characters. It's also about the story. Don't write a story about a cool character and expect it to be good, write a good story that just happens to have a cool character in it. You are writing a story, not building a shrine to this character.

Be careful in what you tell us about your OC. Anything we learn about them is either character development, done for the plot, or building the character/world. Mentioning he trained under Sensai Namdaed for three years gives him a believable reason why he's good at martial arts. Telling us he's a rock musician? OK, fine. But when did he learn kung fu?

When describing the character, do just that: describe them as they are. Don't tell us why we should like the character, just be dispassionate and neutral about it. Unless you are telling a story in first person, never describe an OC with subjective terms or comparisons. Taking a cue from Vir, a good physical description would be: "He had a black coat of fur, with a few stripes of purple every so often. His frazzled, unkempt mane was of many colours, and Twilight thought it was reminicent of Rainbow's own mane." Poor description would be: "He stood on the rock, the wind blowing from behind. The sun itself seemed to shine off his black fur, bringing out the purple stripes. His mane, though one would doubt it had ever seen a comb, was somehow blown into a very becoming coif, the rainbow colours in it lining up like soldiers. He flashed a toothy grin, and all the mares nearby swooned."

Figure out your OC before starting to write. This includes special abilities, powers, skills, and character flaws. Don't just give him a new spell to quickly end the day, and then say "oh, yeah, he learned it as a child. Never come up before now. Sorry."

It is ok for your OC to be better than canon characters at some things, but

For example, Rainbow Dash is the only Pegasus capable of performing a Sonic Rainboom. Your Pegasus OC may be faster than Rainbow Dash, they may be stronger than Rainbow Dash, they may be more agile than Rainbow Dash (but, seriously, having all three is pushing your luck) but they may never perform a Sonic Rainboom. That is Rainbow's personal ability, and no OC can do it. Never make canon characters obsolete with your OC.

Remember that stories are about conflict. Which would you rather read about: Vir's search for the blue jade monkey that goes off without a hitch, or the race for the blue jade monkey as he and Daring Do both try to be the first one to get it?

It needn't even be that adventure-ish. A romance can have conflict as well, but of a more emotional sort, rather then the physical challenges Daring Do would face. A love-triangle sets up some interesting character interactions, as would a Romeo and Juliet scenario.

The point you should take away from this is, readers want to read conflicts, but you should be careful that your main character wins and loses. If everything goes Vir's way, I've given him unearned rewards. If Vir always loses, there's little interest in the character, since he never succeeds.

Remember that as the author, you know everything that's going to happen in the story. You know who the villain is, you know who the mole is spying on the heroes and relaying that information to said villain. The characters, however, do not have this information, and so it is poor planning to have your OC suspect another minor character of being the bad guy/spy without any good reasoning. Having them stumble across a communication between the spy and the villain? Good reason. Having them suspect the spy because his eyes are too close together? Bad reason.

Lastly, do not give your character special treatment. Vir should suffer all the trials and tribulations of life as much as any other character. Protecting him by some unexplained phenomenon or having his love interest dump the guy she's with and go out with Vir is poor writing. It really all comes back to unearned rewards.

Yes it is, my friend from the 1940s for some reason. You'll note that what I've mentioned thus far is about the character and how they react to scenarios in the story. Let's delve a little deeper into designing a character's personality.

Personality, or the lack thereof.

First of all, what is your OC's personality? It might seem a stupid question, but I've read so many stories where the author clearly had no idea.

You are writing a character, and you have to make that character real. They have to breathe, think, emote. What does your OC like/dislike? What do they want to do when they grow up? Who do they idolize? Who do they hate? What are they afraid of?

Don't define your OC by other character's reactions to them. For fun, stick your OC in a room all by themself. What are they thinking? What are they doing?

Remember that conflict thing from earlier? That applies as much to personality as it does for the actual plot. First of all, don't have everyone your OC comes into contact with blindly agree with what they say. Real people do not agree on everything, and it is from these minor conflicts that true friendship or true rivalry emerges.

As a corollary, don't have everyone that disagrees with your OC be wrong. Your OC is not infallible.

Happy or sad?

There's nothing wrong with having a singular emotion define your OC. However, without some depth, there's little else to the character. Is Vir always happy? Well, it's 'cause he's naive and doesn't know any better. Is Vir always angry? It's 'cause he's had a hard life and feels the world is out to get him, so he lashes out before the world can attack first. Both of these, while not good, are at least passable reasons that can be built on to further develop Vir's character.

Is your OC incorruptable? No matter the temptation, no matter what they're offered, they never say yes, and always follow the higher path?

YAWN.

Again, CONFLICT. It applies to the environment (facing death traps), other characters (facing a rival), and facing your own inner demons (facing yourself). There's an old saying, 'Everyone has their price.' If your OC has no price, it's because he's a robot and incapable of emotion.

Character Flaws

Don't make me hit you. Everyone has flaws. Fictional characters have flaws, real people have flaws. What I'm talking about are those flaws that actually affect your OC's day-to-day life. If I say Vir has a crippling fear of snakes, well, good. That's a flaw. But if Vir never encounters any snakes in his travels, then why bring it up?

A flaw is a weak point in a character. If it never comes up, what's the point of it even being there?

It may sound bad, but, again, that's where conflict comes into play. Your OC's flaws are where the villains/rival for his crush's affections can hit him where it hurts the most.

For example, Twilight Sparkle is a highly intelligent student and very organized. She's flawed, however, in three areas. First of all, she's a perfectionist. If something isn't just right, she loses her sanity. Secondly, she's socially awkward. Growing up under Celestia's wing has made her timid and very introverted. Thirdly, she has a bit of OCD. Everything must be arranged a certain way by some preset rules that only she adheres by. But these don't make her a bad character, they make her more real.

While we're on flaws, remember that even an objectively bad flaw (like say, obsessive swearing) can be nullified if no other character mentions it or reacts to it. Don't just tell us they have a flaw, show us how it affects them and how it affects others. And flaws are, well, flawed. More often then not, anyone's reactions should be negative.

Skills.

A skill is anything that a character can do. For example, playing a musical instrument, some sport-related activity, or speaking multiple languages.

Just to reiterate above, don't make your character able to do anything better than a canon character's specialty. No other Pegasi can perform a Sonic Rainbow, no other Unicorn can learn every spell in existance with only a brief practice session, no other Earth Pony can sense the near future.

HOWEVER, you can have your OC be better than a canon character at something else, with good reason. No one is good at everything, though, so be careful. "Talent is cheap," as they say. The reason people are so good at things they do are because they work towards it every day. You can't pick up a violin one day and be playing Tchaikovsky the next. It takes years of practice. Similarly, your OC can't be good at everything, because there simply aren't enough hours in a day/days in a week/weeks in a year to learn everything. Have them have one skill that they've practiced for years, and that's why they're so good at it.

On that note, remember that a particularly strong skill can become a hindrance under the right conditions. Again, this depends on the skill, but we get more of that lovely conflict thing from earlier.

Also, make sure your skill fits the world. If there's no good reason for anyone to have that skill, then why does your OC have it? It's useless except for this very precise sequence of events he now finds himself in.

Physical Appearance.

Good question.

Oftentimes, it's not their appearance so much as how you describe them. Mary Sues usually come with a description laced with Purple Prose, sometimes with new words made up just to describe them. Remember, your character doesn't have 'emerald-green eyes that sparkle like the night sky,' she has green eyes. That's it. That's all I need to know.

Again, make sure your OC fits the world. Every other character in canon has one or two colours for their fur (such as Zecora or Pip), and another for their mane. If your OC has striped fur of three different colours that's always changing, you'd better have a damn good reason for it.

Also, only describe your character once. Readers are not so forgetful as to forget what your OC looks like halfway through the story. The only exception to this is if something major happens to their physical look, such as dismemberment or another serious injury.

Another exception is clothing. Ponies don't often wear clothing (unless you're operating under Alternate Universe rules), but even then, we don't need to know much more than what colour of cloth they're in. However, this rule breaks down if the reason they're wearing clothes is to attend a special event. I would certainly want to hear about the mane six's elaborate dresses they wear to the Gala. I would also want to know a bit about any wedding dress a lucky mare is in. But these are exceptions, not the norm.

Physical Attributes

It's closely related to skills, I'll admit that.

First of all, your OC should look like they're capable of performing the skills you've given them. A farmer would be physically fit, but they're used to toiling in the fields, not dodging swords and evading booby traps. Similarly, a noble would be very attractive, but typically would not be very predisposed to any serious legwork. They might know how to fence, but fencing has strict rules, unlike a no-holds-barred brawl.

Secondly, remember those flaws from earlier? If they're physical flaws rather than emotional ones, make sure they're relevant. A pony with asthma wouldn't last long in an extended fight or a chase. That's a good flaw. There's always the risk that he'd have to stop to catch his breath. That keeps the reader in suspense. A pony with half his ear missing? Cute, but it doesn't really affect his physical abilities.

Thirdly, scars. OK, yes. A scar can be a nice visual aid that your OC is a warrior who's been through some tough fights in his time. That said, know the difference between types of scars. Without medical attention, most scars end up in horrific colours and are quite ugly. Also, without medical attention, most scars will continue to bleed, allowing for infection and in serious cases, amputation of the affected area.

Lastly, dealing with threats. In the openings to both seasons, the mane six had to stick together and wield the Elements of Harmony to purify Nightmare Moon and seal Discord away. Remember how I said that your OC may never be better than a canon character's specialty? It definitely applies here. It took six best friends and the strongest magic in Equestria to defeat these nasty enemies. Your OC cannot beat them alone.

Canon Character Relationships

Yes, I did. But it's an important point that bears repeating.

Like I said, you can include your OC in a canon character's backstory, just not in a way that affects what canon has already said. Twilight is right out, since she was a loner growing up, and Fluttershy's shyness is likely to affect the number of friends she has. But that still leaves Rainbow, Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie.

Now, as for romance. Tread lightly, my friend. Don't forget, you are not the only one who wants to ship yourself...er, I mean your OC with Fluttershy/Rarity/Incidental Unicorn #2.

Don't do Love at First Sight. It happens in real life, true, but there's a saying: Fiction has to make sense. Real life doesn't. Pace your relationship for realism.

Don't incorporate romance into your story if it's not a major focus. I'm not saying you can't have romance in an adventure fic, just keep it subdued, something to be read between the lines.

Being related to a canon character.

Oh, boy, this is a tricky one.

Well, first of all, large families are easiest. Applejack has a large family, so having your OC be a cousin of hers that's visiting is fine. The smaller the family, the harder it is to make us believe that your OC is related.

Somewhat related: Being a canon character's child. Already, you're on thin ice. You don't have to just design your OC, but a possible mother/father, reasons they got married and had your OC, and somehow without disturbing canon too much.

You can, however, get away with being a distant descendant of a main cast member, brought into their time via Time Travel. You need to explain Time Travel, and why they're there, but you needn't worry too much about pairing up Fluttershy with anyone. Yet.

As a side note: don't do something like your OC's father raped Rainbow. It is guaranteed to be shot down as a Mary Sue almost immediately.

As for being friends with canon characters, do just that. Make them friends. Don't have them act out of character whenever your OC is around; don't have canon characters idolize your OC. Canon characters should react to your OC in a way consistent with their characterization.

Story Elements and Backstory

Twilight is the Element of Magic. She is skilled with and adept at all forms of magic. Your OC cannot be better than Twilight at magic, nor can s/he be another contender for the Element of Magic.

On a similar note, don't have your pony be able to raise the sun. Or the moon.

Now, as for backstory...

Not frowned upon, unless it's done poorly.

You have to remember, tragedy is very, well, tragic. Your OC has to react to their bad past realistically. If they are still affected by their horrible past, give them a good reason why. Maybe it happened recently. Maybe it's an old wound. Maybe one of the canon characters reminds them of their tragic past. Maybe they're just the type that can't let the past go (hey, a good emotional character flaw!)

Bottom line, pick one tragedy to befall them in the past and build on that. Oftentimes, this one bad thing will provide all the angst and character flaws a well-rounded character needs. If you are hitting every bad-past cliché known, you are definitely in Mary Sue territory.

As an addendum, do the research about related victims to whatever tragedy you decide upon. It shows you're trying, and it shows respect to people who actually have suffered through it.

Continuing on, ok, your OC has a dark and mysterious past. But that should NOT excuse them from any misdeeds they do. If your OC offends anyone else, they should react realistically. Just having them shrug it off as a result of their bad past and continue being their friend? Mary Sue.

Don't kill off your OC as a means of cheap drama. Death is huge. Death should be treated with respect. Simply killing your character as a means of obtaining sympathy will result in Mary Sue claims.

Finally, remember those flaws we talked about earlier? Make sure it sticks with your OC for the entire story, or at the very least, have them be very resistant to changing. A phobia of snakes, for example, can lead to an interesting situation where your OC is stuck in a booby trap and the only way out is through a snake-infested pit. If he just dives in without worry, then his fear of snakes never actually existed. There should be some build up, either from within his own mind, or from encouraging words from friends, about how he needs to face his fears.

Names

Oh, boy, here we go.

There's nothing difficult about it. The problem is coming up with a name that fits the world.

For example, in Equestria, everypony has either a meaningful name or a punny name, and your OC should fit the world. A pony named Coltrane is clever. A pony named Josh? Not so much.

Similarly, don't give your OC an obvious meaningful name.

Oh, right.

A meaningful name is a name that has a direct, barely-hidden meaning to it. Twilight Sparkle is a meaningful name, since twilight is the point in time when day and night meet. However, this is a clever example. Pick a character's name from the Phoenix Wright games. Any character. Phoenix included. They're all meaningful names.

That said, don't give your OC obvious names. A character named Dr. Nefarious can only be a villain. An OC named Simon Ulysius Perhero is very plainly the main protagonist.

Now then, I've detailed quite a bit on Mary Sues and how they're written. Now, I'll dive into some interpretations of Mary Sues, and give a bit of a description.

Mary Sue as a character you don't like

As one can plainly see, this is not actually a Mary Sue by any term. Mary Sue has mutated over time and is thrown around as a derogatory term. Unfortunately, this means that people will label certain characters as Mary Sues just because they don't like them. As with anything, ask for more clarification. If they list a number of the above reasons as why they think it's a Mary Sue, then it probably is. If they refuse, then chances are your character is fine, and the reader just doesn't like them.

Mary Sue as a poorly written character

Again, your OC may be not be a Mary Sue, but they are still poorly written. Chances are you've made this one by accident and they might even have gone unnoticed, except for the fact that it's your main character. Either way, your OC still needs some touching up.

Mary Sue as a cliché'd character

Draven, orphaned and abused since childhood, discovers he is the Chosen One destined to overthrow The Tyrant Celestia with a new power unique to him, and even within his own family, he is special.

That's...wow, I don't even know where to begin fixing this character. He's hit every cliché in the book. It may be required for the story, but Mary Sue will still get slapped on him just for his backstory.

Mary Sue as idealized character

This Mary Sue is idealized to a fault. They are incorruptible, infallible, incredibly beautiful. This is also the most common Mary Sue mindset. That said, this Mary Sue works because of a sense of escapism. Superman is this kind of Mary Sue.

However, this interpretation has lead to many people trying to give their perfect characters meaningless flaws in an attempt to not be seen as Mary Sues. The danger here is that people mistake flaws for character development.

Mary Sue as the center of attention

This character gets too much attention from the other characters. Every scene either involves them directly, or has everyone talking about them if they're not present. It's important to note that this isn't restricted to positive comments. If everyone your character meets hates them with an unbridled passion, that counts as too much attention too.

The worst type of this Sue is when both are combined. Every good character in the story likes the Sue, while every evil character hates her.

As a note: it's important to realize that characters should be charismatic individuals who want you, as a reader, to be invested in them. These types even exist in real life. However, even if you meet a striking individual and you enjoy his company, you still don't spend every waking minute thinking about him. You have your own agenda to deal with, your own life to consider. The same is true for the fiction world. Every character is the main character of their own story. Vir is the main character of his tale, while Twilight is the main character of her own. They are secondary characters to each other. They should treat each other as secondary characters.

Mary Sue as Alien Element

OK, just so we're all clear here, this does NOT mean an alien character. I use 'alien' as a term to describe a foreign entity.

This is a character who breaks the dynamic of the canon characters or the world. They break the established rules of the world, and take the focus away from the canon characters. Often comes paired with rewriting of canon elements such as how magic works, how Pegasi can alter the weather, and so on.

This is closely related to the above Mary Sue as a center of attention, but the difference is that a center of attention Sue still tries to fit into the world as a character who could exist; an alien Sue is very blatant wish fulfillment on the part of the author, and as such would appeal to very few besides them.

Mary Sue as a Sturgeon's Law Character

Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crud.

This means that the remaining 10% is worth finding. And, well, this Mary Sue is it. Yes, she's a Mary Sue. Yes, she's got a dark and troubled past, littered with cliché after cliché. But, somehow, it works. It fits the tone of the story. Maybe it's done in a tongue-in-cheek manner, maybe the rest of the actual story makes up for the fact, maybe it's just blind luck on the part of the author.

In any case, the story works despite the inclusion of a Mary Sue protagonist. It's a good idea to keep in mind that there's more to a good story then just a interesting premise or a well-rounded character. It's the inclusion of everything involved - the characters, the story, the plot, the writing - that determines whether a story is good or not.

This is a tricky one. Very, very hard, actually.

First of all, considering the nature of the show, a human-in-Equestria story is likely to be shot down as a sort of wish fulfillment.

And before you ask, wish fulfillment is essentially just you, as an author, writing about what you would most likely want to have happen to yourself.

I think the best way to talk about HiE fics is to separate them into certain genres.

Self-Insert

This character is not a character. They are you, the author, living out some fantasy in the only way you can. Of course, I feel the need to point out here that this is not immediately a bad thing. Like any other kind of story, even a self-insert fic can be done well, and even be done in such a way that it attracts readers.

The problem when relating self-insert to My Little Pony is this: reaction. Think about it for a moment. As a fan of the show, to suddenly find yourself within that show, how would you react? In all seriousness? You'd likely fall under one of two categories: you'd freak out and assume you must be crazy, or you'd instantly fall in love with the world and move in permanently.

Now, think about what you might say or do. As a fan of the show, you'd know who every character is and a number of the things they've done. And if this information were to come up in conversation, how would the ponies react? How would you react if some person you've never met before came up to you and very accurately recounted tales from your past, tales that you thought were yours and yours alone?

Or, take it in another direction. Let's say it's a self-insert, but MLP:FiM doesn't exist yet. Or any version of MLP. Again, the same questions pop up. Reactions. How would you react to magical talking horses? How would you react to suddenly popping up in Equestria? How would all of Equestria's inhabitants react to you? Remember how suspicious everyone was with Zecora? At least she was still equine.

Well, that brings with it more problems. First of all, you're likely not going to know how to walk. Walking on four legs requires a different stride than one you develop on two legs. Ever watch a dog or a real horse walk? Do it sometime, and pay particular attention to their legs. At the very least, your Human-turned-pony should spend some time learning how to control their new body.

Now, this should also exclude magic (for Unicorns) and flying (for Pegasi). As seen on the show, both Unicorns and Pegasi have to learn how to control their magic and fly, respectively. Your human-turned-unicorn can learn how to use magic, just like your human-turned-Pegasus can learn to fly, but not on their own without great difficulty. A teacher of some kind can make it easier, but it still shouldn't come naturally.

Ah, that'd be an OC human. Essentially, the same rules apply for this as they do an OC pony. Don't make a cool character just to be cool, make a character we can relate to.

Now then, let's move on to specific types of Sues.

Yes and no. What I said earlier were interpretations of Mary Sue, but it could still be argued that a character labeled as such is not a Mary Sue. These next examples are blatant Mary Sues and are much harder to defend.

God Mode Sue/GM Sue/Sue the Alicorn

Quick, what's the biggest reason we read stories, watch movies, look at comic books?

Ha! Good one.

Escapism. We like stories because it gives us a chance to live vicariously through other people. The average Joe is unlikely to take a bullet for the President, fight alongside giant robots, be swept up in a huge international diamond heist, and so on. But even so, even these characters are bound by the laws of the world they exist in.

Not God Mode Sue.

GM Sue does not conform to the world. She conforms the world to her. Or, to put it another way, the plot solves itself while Sue stands around looking pretty. She exists to show the other characters how useless they are without her. Even though we may have seen in canon how competent the mane six are, as soon as GM Sue arrives, they all find themselves unable for whatever reason. Rarity can no longer design dresses, Pinkie isn't happy, Twilight can't organize her life, etc. Then GM Sue shows up and solves the issues in a fraction of the time that Rainbow could, and with only half the effort.

In most balanced fiction, we generally know the hero's going to win, downer ending aside, but there's still a conflict there. Their powers may fail them, their carefully laid trap doesn't work, and we continue watching to see HOW they solve the day, even when weakened. GM Sue never fails. Ever. Her plan works perfectly. Her powers never fails. She has the exact ability needed when they need it, even if it was never mentioned prior to this one specific event where it's perfectly needed. You never think "I know the hero's gotta win, but HOW are they going to do it?" GM Sue is boring. She never loses, never even comes close. The plot, and any conflicts therein, are all biased towards letting Sue win.

Purity Sue

A Purity Sue can be male or female without too significant a difference, but in all but the earliest incarnations there's a strong tendency towards the latter. It is a character that is intentionally made by the author to be overly positive. They almost never have any flaws that actually affect them in a way that truly matters, usually going for endearing traits such as "clumsiness" or naïveté, instead getting overloaded with overwhelmingly positive but largely passive traits (i.e. beauty, innocence, etc.). The character will usually be soft-spoken, have a pleasant voice, and be mild-mannered. Often, the traits verge towards the ethereal, with auras, non-human lineage, and other such things. Or, in this case, non-pony lineage, maybe sprinkled with some Diamond Dog or dragon along the line.

Purity Sue exists solely to be loved by everyone for being perfect in every way that matters. She rarely directly affects the plot, outside of being a cheerleader for the real heroes. She spurs the other characters into winning just by smiling or something similar.

Jerk Sue

Ok, so you're tired of saving everyone. God, it's like these idiots intentionally get themselves into trouble just so you can save them. And you're sick of it. You're crass, snide, and just downright rude.

Pity everyone still loves you anyways.

The basis of this Mary Sue is the tendency of many writers to create a bitter, ill-spirited, confrontational, or downright mean character and still play them up as an ideal person. You just can't have it both ways. You can't be a foul-mouthed bitch and still be considered the height of perfection.

Possession Sue

Fanfiction is a beautiful breeding ground for favouritism. Pokémon is riddled with fanfics where Team Rocket manages to win. Harry Potter is filled with fanfics where Ron is killed so Harry can get together with Hermonine. Star Trek has the Borg win and manage to enslave/robotize/zombify Earth. My Little Pony is no more exempt from this than any other fandom.

Every canon character in fanfiction represents the fan's re-interpretation of that character. They aren't the original author, so they don't have first-hand knowledge of the inner mechanics beyond what is shown in the released materials. The most they can do is try their best to emulate that character using the information they have, with varying levels of success. I'm as guilty of this as anyone else on the site.

Possession Sue is a curious example where the author takes a canon character and reinterprets every aspect of them to the height of idealism. In short, they've taken a well-established canon character and turned them into a Mary Sue. If you've got a canon character acting way out-of-character, chances are the author has done this to them.

Relationship Sue

A short entry this time around.

This is what most self-insert romance/clopfics are. A character, fairly obviously a stand-in for the author, is made to be the perfect mate to a canon character. If they're really Sue-ish, a perfect mate for every character. Rare cases may involve canon characters acting out of character to further the relationship.

Sympathy Sue

Their life sucks. FEEL SORRY FOR THEM!

In practice, this is when the OC has had such a rough life that it's clear that the author is just trying to buy your sympathy. I'm going to quote a Sailor Moon introduction here:

My mother died giving birth to me, so I'm an only child...
My father was killed in Iraq when I was 2 then I was put into an orphanage...
When I was three I was kidnapped and augmented into a soldier called a CRUSADER...
The war ended when I was 15, and all my friends were dead...I'm the last CRUSADER...
When I was 16, I found out that I'm the wielder of a sword that almost everyone is trying to kill me for...
I met the girl of my dreams, who was shortly later killed...
You think YOUR life sucks? THINK AGAIN!!!!

...I have nothing further to say about this character.

I feel the need to point out - again - that having a constantly-sad character is ok. Most people deal with grief by getting stuck in one of the Five Stages of Grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance). I think it goes without saying they don't get stuck in Acceptance. The important thing here is that the character's grief is never glamourized. Attempted suicide (Depression) is not pretty, yelling at anyone who gets close (Anger) does not make them approachable, and ignoring their past (Denial) doesn't make them charmingly naive.

Grief hurts. Anyone who has had a pet, close friend, or even a family member die can tell you, it really hurts. You don't go around telling everyone you meet about your dead mother, you keep that to yourself. If you do talk to somebody you trust about it, you will do so infrequently and reluctantly.

Sympathy Sue talks about their horrible life as often as possible to as many people as possible, clearly vying for affection.

That said, some people are like that. Everything in moderation.

But even a tragic past doesn't alone make a Sympathy Sue. It's how she deals with her grief that determines how she's perceived. Often, even her grief is just there to make other characters (and by extension, the reader) feel sorry for her. She may often blame herself for her bad life, even if whatever tragic backstory she has couldn't possibly be her fault. Finally, she ignores every good thing in her life, focusing only on the bad.

She'll never attempt to relieve the emotional pain herself - other characters do all the legwork for her. Any character who doesn't try to help gets chewed out or portrayed as a jerk.

OK, two things. First, stop stealing your lines from The Incredibles.

Secondly, I'm just going to answer your question by quoting Errant Story.

Meji: ...so... um... you're Jon's long lost, estranged sister, who's been turned into an emotionless magic Ninja assassin by some secret order of monks hidden in the mountains? That's like, really, kinda freaking stupid if you don't mind me saying. And I thought your brother's whole 'hitman with a troubled past and a heart of gold' bit was bad.
Ellis: Yeah, and this is coming from a magic-using, half elven heiress with unusual hair and eye colors, and talking animal companion. So that's really saying something there.

I love Errant Story. So self-aware.

Almost a good idea. The problem here is you screwed up your definition of opposite.

Mary Sue's hatred is not from her perfection (usually) but from how other characters and even the world react to her. Your new ugly OC may cause all weak-willed women to faint at the sight of him, but the story still revolves around him. He still manages to make the love interest fall in love from his charms. The world still bends to suit him. People make friends with him and just ignore his appearance. And even always failing is just as boring as always winning. There's no tension in either case.

Hmm, an interesting thought. I'm impressed.

Well, a lot of the rules for designing a character are universal, so I'll skip them and just focus on specific rules for a few other species in FiMVerse. I'm not going to talk about every species you can choose from. That'd be crazy.

Dragons

Spike is the only dragon we know much about; adding to the problem is that he was raised by ponies so his behaviour is not common for dragons. Even in canon the ponies know very little about actual dragons; the only things we've seen about them is that a dragon's greed makes them grow incredibly fast (Secret of my Excess), they can sleep for many many years (Dragonshy), and they are apparently migratory creatures (Dragon Quest).

However, that just means there's more for you, as a writer, to fill in the blanks. And, well, you can write whatever you feel like, really. The important thing to keep in mind, though, is that you remain internally consistent.

For example, in Dragon Quest Spike meets a few adolescent dragons and tries to connect with them. Now, you can take this one of two ways: either a) the dragons Spike meets are a product of their society, and how they act is indicative of all dragons, or b) the dragons Spike meets are your typical rebellious teenagers, acting rashly and mean-spirited just because their parents aren't.

So, introduce your own dragon OC. Is he another rebellious teenager, acting like the ones who tease Spike? Or is he a rebellious teenager in that he doesn't act like the ones who tease Spike, instead opting for a more peaceful solution to all life's problems? In either case, though, you have to make it clear what the social norm is for dragons, and whether your character adheres to them or differs from them - and most importantly, why they act the way they do.

I won't get into a lengthy discussion of social and peer pressure and how it affects our daily life, but the fact remains that they exist, they do affect us whether or not we're aware of it, and your character should be no different. If dragon society tells them that they should only be concerned with amassing a large treasure hoard, then you need a viable explanation as to why your dragon OC doesn't collect gemstones.

Gryphons

Again, the only canon gryphons we've seen thus far are Gilda and Gustave. Similar to the dragon example, you can take this one of two ways: their behaviour is typical for gryphons, or it isn't. Of course, you needn't limit yourself to the two extremes. Perhaps, just for example, Gilda's behaviour is not typical of gryphons, but other gryphons are much worse. Compared to gryphons at large, Gilda is actually one of the nicer ones. And following this train of thought, Gustave is snooker-loopy.

Diamond Dog

I feel like I'm repeating myself needlessly by this point. What's the social norm for this species, and does your character adhere to it or not and why? With ponies, you already have a lot of the details worked out for you; social norms, behavioural patterns, society's expectations. With other species, you're required to think up not only a single character, but a species as a whole, since we're given very little information about anything besides ponies. You have to consider social niches, parental expectations, perhaps some form of government, and so on.

Yes it is. But my saying is: nothing in life comes easy. You could take this in a pessimistic vein, believing that nothing is worth doing, but I prefer a more optimistic viewpoint: if it's easy, then you get no enjoyment from besting it. You feel more accomplished beating a tough challenge by the skin of your teeth than you do sleepwalking through it.

A...crossbreed? You mean, like, a zebra-unicorn mix?

...I think part of my soul just died. Alright, let's get this over with.

Congrats. You've made a Mary Sue.

Let's think about this logistically for a moment. What did I say way back at the beginning of this list? I'll save you the brainpower and just tell you: what would be a character already living in this world? Now then, let's run down the expansive list of what's wrong with this character.

First off, who would be the mother and the father? One would be pony, and one would be dragon, obviously. But which is which? If the father were the dragon, then the two mating would be like watching an elephant copulate with an ant. It's not physically possible, and even that's ignoring the fact that, considering they hatch from eggs, dragons may reproduce in a manner similar to how reptiles do.

...look it up yourself. This is a Mary Sue guide, not a clopfic repository.

Secondly, what would this character look like? No, wait, lemme guess. It'll be a pegasus but with leathery dragon wings opposed to the feather wings normal pegasi have. Or it'll be a unicorn, but the magic is controlled via the twin dragon horns jutting from its head.

Do me a favour. Go look up a liger, then a mule. Compare them to a lion and a tiger, and a horse and a donkey, respectively.

Now, what do you notice?

...I so wish I could slap you.

They look like an imperfect combination of their parents. More than that, they look like a realistic combination of their parents. Hell, I didn't even need to get you to look up a liger. Go look up what the child of a black man and a white woman looks like (or a black woman and a white man). The kid is some skin-tone between his parents.

The same should happen with a dragon/pony hybrid. It shouldn't look like a pony with dragon parts grafted onto it. It should look like a dragon and a pony went through a matter transporter accident. Really short fur covering scales (how would that even work?), or even no fur at all. Horns, spade tail, claws. A longer snout, a mouth filled with razor-sharp teeth designed to kill. That's what a dragon/pony hybrid should look like. And I think I'm underplaying it, honestly.

Lastly, what was this kid's life like growing up? Remember how scared everypony in Ponyville was before Zecora became well known? At least she was all equine. This monster that you've made will be even more horribly segregated, if not outright run out of town. But maybe he was raised by dragons instead. That's somehow even worse. Remember how those dragons were treating Spike? They were all one big happy species, too. Your pony/dragon has that nasty little PONY part of him to deal with.

So, ok. This kid couldn't grow up with dragons or ponies. So, how did he learn to survive? What of his parents? What happened to them? And wouldn't Celestia ever go out and collect this rare, unique, totally original, hated-by-all creature and protect it?

Yes it is, but the rewards are worth it.

Lastly, the only thing I can think to mention is presentation.

Everyone knows what Twilight looks like, and Celestia, and Luna. But we don't know what your OC looks like. It's the first time we've seen them, so they need a proper introduction.

The problem here is that people go too far the other direction, overdescribing their character and often delve into huge paragraphs of purple prose. Other ponies walk with purpose, but your OC 'walks with the grace befitting a princess. She casts a glance downwards, admiring her expert hooficure and frowning at the knowledge that all her bits will go to waste no sooner than she begins to walk. She tosses her head, ensuring that no fewer than 50 strands of her elegant golden mane cover her right eye, leaving her to coyly look over the crowd of ponies as they turn to gawk at this divine beauty.'

...ugh, it worries me that I'm so good at that...

Every character must have a reason for being in a scene. Don't try to work your OC in to every scene just to remind the audience that they exist.

Try to introduce your OC into the story in a way that doesn't disrupt the narrative. On that note, don't introduce your character along the lines of "Hi, my name's Vir and I'm a unicorn and my special talent it..." JUST SHUT UP! Relatedly, don't have your OC look in a mirror as an excuse to describe their appearance.

Major plot points (for stories that require them) should be revealed to us, the reader, as they occur. Mentioning something exciting that happened offscreen in an offhoof manner is a good way to lose viewers. When given the choice between reading about your OC's shopping trip to Canterlot, and Rainbow and Fluttershy's adventure and fight against a rampaging timberwolf, I'll take the timberwolf. Every time.

Well, that's about all I can think of to say. Of course, there's lots more to Mary Sue that I haven't touched on, and my list is by no means extensive or the definitive guide that you should compare your character against. All I offer it for is a helpful reminder. Take care, my bronies.

-Tricondon

Very well written! Excellent character writing points all around. You deserve a smile and a few moustaches.

You missed the gryphon/griffon chef, the one on the Friendship Express.

390190

...d'oh.

-Tricondon

You should add a tl;dr section to the end that says:
"Stop being an arrogant ass and making ridiculous characters!"

So hang on: assuming you character is still flawed...if the OC is the main focus of the story, and is talked about a lot, then it's a Mary Sue.

But if the issues pertaining to the OC are relevant to the outlooks of life of other characters, then the OC becomes a MacGuffin character, no? I ask because it's relevant to one of my own works.

Example: Ace (full name pending) is an alicorn foal who gets private tutoring and is Luna's favorite nephew. Mary Sue incoming so far. He gets straight A's, but his teacher realises that's mainly because he's incredibly bored and just puts more work in homework. Specifically: when he has to write an essay, his teacher has to use a dictionary to correct it, but that's only because he used a dictionary while writing it. The fact that he's an alicorn is frequently brought up by strangers as a reason to think he's fine and perfect and should be left to his own devices, when really he's incredibly lonely and turning cynical at age ten. His cutie mark suggests that his talent is some form of magic, but in reality it's something else entirely. His talent involves the only hobby he has, and no one else shares it not because it's something hard, but something really obscure. Now, that would be balanced, but if the story is still exclusively about Ace, then we're still talking about Mary Sues.

But if you then have character development where he actually talks about how he feels, and another character starts realising this is pretty similar to their predicament...then it's not? So...basically, my question is: if a character embodies a certain flaw or by their presence raises a certain question, and this question is then explored further by other characters to whom this question is relevant...is that still a Mary Sue?

Another example would be my OC Doldrum Whimper, who's flawed but still gets mentioned and talked about a lot. The basic idea is he got bullied in school because he's slow (for a pegasus, that's bad), he has only one friend. This friend helped get him bulk up by helping out on farms and just training properly when no one noticed, which ended up making him quite strong for his age. Unfortunately, he's still a pushover when the story starts. A while after getting into shape, this friend got waylaid by a demon thing, and he fought it. When he goes to Flight Camp (the start of the story), he makes friends with Scootaloo, and when she brings up all the stuff she's pulled, he mentions it casually, thinking that makes them more alike. He's revealed to have some talents early on that make him look overpowered, but he's emotionally unstable. Think Fluttershy on steroids.

Now, not to spoil the story too much: a lot of the plot centers around dealing with the aftermath of the attack. A lot of different issues are addressed, like the limit of self-defense, whether or not appearance alone makes a bully back off, whether or not it's okay to hurt someone who looks hard to hurt. The thing that worries me is: all of these issues wouldn't be addressed if Whimper wasn't there. I thought that made him a MacGuffin character: he doesn't actually do that much. He was meant to be a foil to Scootaloo in the story: slow, strong, and insecure.

But him being there and having these issues makes Twilight re-evaluate how Rainbow Dash gets treated, it makes Scootaloo wonder how tough she really needs to act to impress everyone, and makes her question how she treats her friends...it's not all about Whimper, but he does get a lot of attention as a victim (to the point where it annoys him, Scoots and Dash near the end) and he enables the plot. So...is an enabler of the plot instead of the focal point of the world still a Mary Sue or not?

411878

I personally think that your OC is just fine. MacGuffin characters don't spoil the story at all, rather, they just give an additional dynamic for the other characters to play their roles off of. Almost all adventure stories have some form of MacGuffin or another, having a character act as one is just fine.

Granted, I might be saying that because the OC in my story is a MacGuffin as well.

412148
Thanks! I'm more worried about Ace, actually. I intend to use him in that alicorn foal friendship/romance idea I had, but I'm worried that the fact that both are alicorns will make people hate it from chapter one. I guess I'll just have to make him snarky and funny enough in the first chapter, right?

Anyway: one general tip that I try to keep in mind, and might just summarise the whole Mary Sue thing:

Everyone always wants to be happy. At any given point in time, a character is compromising their happiness and their personality. A Mary Sue is someone who is perfectly happy and needs no progression (well, according to one of the definitions). The best anyone can ever hope for, and the best an OC needs to strive for, is a better compromise.

For example: Twilight's obsessive nature and need to control things are not just bad traits, they turn out to be good traits on Winter Wrap-Up Day and for organising the expedition in Dragonshy. Fluttershy's kindness is part and parcel to her personality: she cares for animals and feels a sense of satisfaction for that. But that same kindness makes her a bit of a doormat sometimes. When she follows Iron Will's advice, she doesn't get any happier in the end. The compromise just shifts, for the worse. It shifts for the better in Hurricane Fluttershy, where her lack of confidence and sensitivity ( the latter being a good trait when dealing with patients) don't even change at all, but her resolve does.

And if that makes no sense, let me put it this way: if your OC has a strength, there's no reason that strength shouldn't be a weakness in disguise. Or vice versa. Read the above again, with that in mind, and it'll make more sense...I hope

I wish I read this before I posted my oc story. It was completely unintentional for the very least. I have an idea on how to fix it with another story but would like help if anyone will be willing to help.

446206

I really need to get back to adding to this.

On that note, just gimme a description of your OC; I'll see if I can't help fix 'im.

-Tricondon

447255
Yesh. I eagerly await the next installment.

447278

Hmm, question: where does the list cut off for you?

-Tricondon

447290
How do you mean?

447296

First off, who would be the mother and the father? One would be pony, and one would be dragon, obviously. But which is which? If the father were the dragon, then the two mating would be like watching an elephant copulate with an ant. It's not physically possible, and even that'

That's the last thing I see of my list. I think I lost everything past that point.

-Tricondon

447298
...I just noticed that it does the same thing to me. Is there more there when you click on it to edit?

447299

No.

...

Fk.

-Tricondon

447301
Hmm.... I know! Use your second comment to continue the guide. Cut off part of the last section of your guide, and replace it with a note stating that this continues in the second comment. then paste what's left over into the second comment. You get what I mean, right?

447311

I know what you mean. Except I've lost everything after that part. And I never saved it elsewhere because I'm an idiot. I have to rewrite it. And I don't really remember what I said in the first place.

-Tricondon

447316
I misunderstood your last comment. You don't need to continue it in a second comment

Well, nothing more fresh than a rewrite! I just hope you do it soon.

447316
On a side note, your guide is about 8,402 words long at present time.

447332

Woo.

447320

Yeah, shouldn't be too hard to rewrite what was lost. Just need time. And then I can add more.

-Tricondon

447335
Yesh. I find this as entertaining to read as a story.

447255 Well you could always read the story but in short terms his name is Mood Mane, Loses memory of his past becomes guard rises through rank really quickly (2nd in command of royal guard and captain of ponyville) mane changes with emotion some of which give him special powers. which pretty much made him out as a mary sue.

447502

Well, the obvious problem is his mane; while the changing mane colour depending on his mood is actually not a bad idea (assuming you can do it well) the addition of special powers for certain moods is a bad idea. This is not helped by his amnesia, since he has these special powers but has no idea how to control them. Thirdly, he may have risen through the ranks a bit too quickly; an amnesiac would probably not be readily welcomed into the guard, and even that ignores the issue of how he lost his memory. A bump on the head (concussion) would be a constant problem, requiring regular doctor visits. Magical aid is doable, but then that means that Mood has enemies and can't remember who or what they are. The guard wouldn't enlist him, they'd protect him.

-Tricondon

447695 Well that helped cleared it up but got any idea's on how to fix it? I will most likely make a follow up story or something. So I would probably need a couple of idea's for that. They only idea I got just makes it funny.

447720

...heh. Ever played Super Princess Peach? Why not do a crossover/comedy with your OC standing in for the titular Princess?

-Tricondon

448726 I was thinking more on the lines of him finding his home village and learning a terrible secret about his powers. Which the way I would explain just be all like "hahaha that sucks" and he continues on with the terrible secret but keeps it from everyone.

448759

Danger, blobbo420, danger! My sensors are detecting a Mary Sue inbound!

-Tricondon

448767 If i said the only reason why he has the powers was because his kind is cursed when they go through puberty which makes them have unusual powers but then loses them if lucky they keep some of their powers with only being able to do a fraction of what they can do. Most of them die because of overconfidence in their ability but they lose it eventually something like that. idk that was my idea was puberty lol

Changelings are a pain. So is story progression.

That said, you can see where this is going, I'd hope. I've been annoyed with the flow of my story recently and I think it is because the main is edging close on Mary Sue territory. Changelings by nature do, what with having the power range of an alicorn (though not power depth) with extra unique powers added on. But this isn't so much the character as the tale. No one has called it out, but another commenter has agreed with me when I mentioned that the story flow felt "off". The character is fine, but the environment is iffy. Not totally drowning off the deep end, but treading water and barely staying afloat isn't as nice as being on a boat.

Put simply, and hoping to sound not too much like a villain asking a rhetorical question: Without outright killing a guard, how can I get a recent immigrant changeling (unicorn disguise) into the Canterlot guards in a reasonable amount of time (both in-world and writing-wise)? Conscription is out because it would require a reason that I'm not yet confident to write into the tale. Having him start there and not bothering to explain it seems a bit of a plot-pull, pardon the pun. I suppose I could off-screen 6 months of basic training, as a last resort, but I wonder what other options might be out there. After all, just saying "welcome to the team, I guess we just accept anypony without background checks around here" stinks of Mary Sue.

449191 This is tough but maybe you can have him change into one of the guards brothers, slip in and try to stop all contact between the guard and his brother then somehow convince the guard into letting you become part of it. That is just my idea. i am too trying to fix my story but having problems with stuff but oh well. hope I helped!

449453
S'alright, any idea is appreciated. I'll probably wind up using something completely different from everything, but the idea bank keeps the ideas in my head, to use a conglomerate of them. Ultimately, I'm trying to get to answering "How did Chrysalis replace Cadance?", and to me a key step in the process is the main 'ling OC integrating with the guard if I'm to keep to canon-level danger (nopony ever really dies, and no guards were caught with Cadance in the mines, so none were removed lethally or nonlethally). And doing so without making a flying, magic-casting, unique organism with odd colours and mental processes whose entire species relies on easy acceptance and instant friendship into a Mary Sue is a fun trial.

449191
The changeling took the identity of a relative of a famous retired guard/noble, and had a written (faked hoofwriting) letter of recommendation to get in. He was still tested and he was't trusted by those who 'worked to get in', but his skills got him some basic respect, at least. The famous guard in question is on the other side of Equestria, and communications with that guy kept getting intercepted (a changeling butler in the household, perhaps?). They only ever tried to send one or two letters to confirm who he was, and the replies were enough to keep up appearances.

You know: like Mulan, only evil. Does that help?

On another note: my own OC gets more background in a sequel. The basic thing is he's learning to think with his body, and in that respect he's at a higher level than Rainbow Dash, due to an accident, sort of. Now, in the original he was borderline Mary Sue (only one person commented on the topic, and said he wasn't, but one reader is hardly a reliable sample size). Still talking about a 10-year-old pegasus foal, his limitations don't change much since pat one, but the whole picture is as follows:

-he's never going to be able to fly as fast as Rainbow Dash or even Scootaloo. As a matter of fact, any normal pegasus pony can outfly him and any Earth pony can outrun him. This can get milder, but it'll never go away and it'll never allow him to be as fast asa normal pegasus. No fixes, the cake is a lie.

-his reflexes are fast enough to react to Rainbow Dash if she fights him, but he doesn't have the movement speed to do anything aside from rolling away from the attack once it hits. This means that in a serious fight Rainbow Dash can completely own him, but in a game he can at least put up a fight. Rock Lee vs the Sharingan is a fair comparison, I suppose.

-he doesn't actually get his speedy reflexes unless he lets go. He's not fully conscious when he fights for real, but he does get some control (as opposed to it being random in part one). It also makes his heart rate go up, so while he can do it when it's needed, he doesn't do it very often.

-physically he's pretty strong for his age, and it shows, but he's still timid. One of the running gags is he keeps getting compared to Fluttershy, and (spoiler) in the sequel he finally actually sees the one ponies have been comparing him to.

Here's where I really don't know what to make of it:
-princess Luna is the one who shows him exactly what the deal is with him and how to control it better, after Rainbow Dash explained some of the basics. It's Luna because she's the only one who deals with the darker side of it (you can compare the whole thing to berserker rage, but milder). She also tests him for the condition, and gives him an official seal to prove his capacities. He doesn't make the newspapers for it, doesn't get any fame with the normal populace, Luna's the only one who knows how far he is.

-he's got a reputation in the higher echelons of the court for fighting some demon thingie (a lot of it was based on luck). He was offered a medal for it, and his picture is up next to RD's in some remote Hall of Fame, but he turned down the medal because of some complications, personality-wise. Not to spoil it too much, but suffice to say he was scared of what would happen if he accepted it. Even in the sequel it's not made clear if he's ever going to accept it, since to him it makes zero difference.

Those two things are reason enough to say 'Mary Sue', right? Especially for a 10-year-old. My problem (or solution, depends on how you look at it) is I've put those two things into context:
-three of the Mane Six have the same thing as him, but a lower level. Having a higher level of it only really counts in combat, and since none of them are warriors, it just never comes up. It's not an actual improvement of his life compared to that of the Mane Six. Two of them don't even know they have it or what it is.

-the OC himself is basically like Fluttershy. Having a talent for fighting, in and of itself, does nothing special for him. It also makes him more sensitive, but he's still normal, aside from having the same emotional problems as RD (long story). He's regarded as a good fighter by the grandmasters, but he doesn't join a class and doesn't officially compete because his speed and stamina are so low. He's a stationary fighter, mostly, and he's never going to make a living out of fighting or being a Guard. Nor is joining the Wonderbolts remotely considered an option for him, not because of the handicap but because of his personality.

-the big demon fight and an eating contest, as well as how he got so muscled...that's pretty much all the big things he's managed to do. Scootaloo (the character foil to him) has gotten into a lot worse over a far shorter time period. She considers him a friend because they understand each other, sort of, and because Scoots likes the idea of other foals getting into the same crp as she has. He makes her feel normal, she makes him feel special, I guess you coul say. It's the sort of relationship Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have, only the Fluttershy actually knows he's capable of causing damage if he tries and has to exert restraint.

So all in all, the character himself has some impressive abilties, a handicap that's never going to go away, and a bit of fame that doesn't actually affect him. Is that closer to Fluttershy than it is to a Mary Sue, and if it's the latter, what would push it back?

[Dammit, I need to learn to shorten my posts ]

449789
With what I've already written, what you suggest would not work directly, however it has given me an idea of similar nature on how to get this to properly go forward without seeming like a Mary Sue. Thank you.

In regards to yours, frankly, Fluttershy is a Mary Sue. She exhibits most of the traits of one, especially when transposed into fanfiction lenses (loved by all, unbeatable deus ex machina weapon, solves problems with absurd luck or contrived skill over legitimate tactics). So being between Fluttershy and a Mary Sue is not a good place to be, as it's between an acceptable MS and an unacceptable MS.

I would say worrying about your character being a Mary Sue prior to any accusations of it is a sign the character is walking the line but on the right side of it, on average.

To give a long, rambling answer: RD's talent is racing, not fighting. Usain Bolt is a great racer, but probably an average fighter at best. Rarity is probably a stronger fighter than RD, so a foal being able to roll with the punches of her is fine. "Never going to fly fast as Scootaloo" is actually more concerning to me. People try to avoid MS-ing so much that they send themselves into the reverse form. Don't make him Blessed With Suck, to use a TVtropes term.

You need someone to spout exposition and explain the plot. Usually it's the main, but as an outside force, Luna's a fine pick. As long as she doesn't take him as her mate or something silly, it's not MS.

"Reasonable fame" is another concern point. Paladins ("I must not accept this award, good is its own reward") are often preludes to a MS, even paladins are greedy (further their church and thus their own power and influence, or to gain a sense of superiority over their "lessers"), make sure you explain your motivations well for the character. Two characters can have the exact same abilityset, exact same events happen to them, and one is a MS while the other isn't due to that, so a list of events won't help too much. How did they get lucky with this demon? Could another creature feasibly have ever been that lucky? When they won, bloodied or not, did they react realistically, or either stoically or as if it were gauche?

Also, Fluttershy is fully aware the damage she can cause. I couldn't give you a straight answer, but hopefully some points to think on, regardless.

451107

Well...he's not blessed with suck, exactly. Most of the stuff you point out has been established in the story that's already finished, actually.

The starting point is: he's got a breathing problem that stops him from going fast for a long time. Because of that, he got bullied, and his friend encouraged him to work on his strength instead, the idea being (quoted in the sequel, possibly) "That maybe if he had something good to look at when he let his head hang, he'd feel better." His eventual fighting style revolves around that, too: he can't do a flurry of punches, he needs to pace himself. Him never going to fly as fast as Scootaloo at top speed was one of the main intents of the original story: how do you make Scootaloo learning to fly interesting? By making her problem seem trivial compared to the problem her new friend has. That makes her think about how soft a side she's willing to show, and how she defines a friend.

Their friendship starts as basically another spin on that of the CMC: they have a common goal, Scootaloo reaches it, he reaches it, sort of. He can fly, he can get to average speeds, but that's it. She wants to have fun with him just like she wants to have fun with her other friends, but there are times when he just to call it quits for a bit. It made for some nice characterisation of Scoots, to show how she reacts to someone who's her equal in some respects, but beneath her in the ones that she feels really matter.

The reason he doesn't accept the reward is because, at first, he thought he got lucky. The demon thing attacks by stealing breath, and since he's used to be being out of breath he thought that was the only reason he survived. Later on it's revealed what he's really worried about is the fact that he wasn't aware of what he was doing: he moved in a reflex, and since the fight he's been losing control at times. Berserker rage, again, is the closest I can get to explaining it briefly. In a society where friendship is magic and violence is bad, knowing you have that much anger in you, at that age, is scary. Having that out in the open is an even scarier prospect. At least, I think it is.

The fight was a trauma, but it happened several months before the original story, so there's been a modicum of coping. He's not a complete wreck, he's just shaky when the story starts. The idea of the reward in and of itself wasn't the problem, he was just terrfied of getting famous for that because a) next time something happens, he'll fail miserably because he's too slow and b) there's a good chance he'll completely lose it before that and hurt someone. To him, the safest thing was to try and keep a low profile and hope nothing bad happens.

How he got lucky with the demon, exactly: normally it just walks towards it victims, paralyses them and robs them or scares them near to death. He ran towards his friend (the same one who got him into strength training, so he felt quite strongly about that) after she'd been robbed, and he went after the thing, not realising what it was. It cast its spell on him, which made it hard to breathe and made it feel like a crushing weight on his back. Here's where he genuinely got lucky: the thing grabbed him by the throat and tried to feed on his terror (it feeds on emotional memories, so that's either stealing sentimental trinkets or scaring somepony into seeing their life flash before their eyes). The memories that flashed by his eyes were of him failing, and his friend cheering him up. He just snapped, completely lost it, and twisted out of the thing's grip, unbalancing it. It's a bujinkan technique, but I can't remember the name of the kata it was in, not sanchin no kata, but the other one. Anyway: the thing normally flees at the first sign of trouble, but it got angry with him, so it tried to cast its spell again. Only this time he lunged forward in a reflex and got the drop on it. The important thing to note here is that the OC got very close to death: the condition he has triggers under (among other things) extreme stress. He was also not conscious at the time: it was all on auto-pilot, all on the biggest adrenalin rush he'd ever had. It wasn't until he got to the hospital that he fully realised what had happened, and it took months before he even knew what moves he'd used. So that bit was exceptional.

It's implied in the story that only those with that berserker condition at that high level can dodge an instant-cast spell. The ones who've actually hunted and fought this thing don't need that: they ambush it and damage it, forcing it to flee. The main idea behind it is...this is a bad thing that happened, but the fact that he's got that much anger isn't something he should be scared of. Luna basically encourages him to learn how to fight properly on his own (because the breathing thing makes warming up in a normal class impossible). There's a lot of bad and scary things connected to the berserker condition, but a lot of good things, too. It's not that he has to be a fighter in the future, more like he's got the capacity for violence (like everyone else, he's just seen it face to face) and he has to deal with that. It's supposed to be about accepting the fact that everyone has a dark side, and that fighting it is fighting yourself. Suppressing it and pretending it's not there just means it's going to sneak up on you eventually.

All in all...I made the character to serve the story, and I was careful to make the story make sense to the canon.

So in the sequel I'll just make the character into as much of a jerk as I can and see if I can make that work

Another wall of text...and that's the last I'm going to say about that character, I've spent enough time finetuning him. Any more I can do in-story.

Thanks for the feedback, btw .

Hey guys, guess what?

I finished my Mary Sue guide. Go me!

-Tricondon

This thread is dead. Obviously.

554809

-Tricondon

555484
Because it's absolutely true. Two weeks on the front page and still not a single comment since it was finished. That says something, no?

Don't worry, every other thread is dead, too.

Practically, anyway.

So an Alicorn is a bad OC to use. How about, she not stronger in magic compared to Twilight; knows basic theories behind a large number of spells, but can only cast a small number of them; and is afraid of how ponies think of her and hides her wings...she is also half Nightmare.

Before you think of anything, she isn't from the normal dimension that the mane six are in. Her name is Silver Tongue, and her Talent involves books. She just happened to appear in the CMC clubhouse unconscious after being chased in her world.

I have worked on her flaws as much as I could when I made her.

555739 That's because this thread is dedicated to the offering of a treatise on the avoidance of Mary Sues, as opposed to a dialogue. Speaking of which, there is a fellow down below who actually has a question.

633013 That would for all likelyhood still be highly criticized, the dealbreaker for me is the half-Nightmare and extra-dimensional thing. The important thing to realize is that the true bane of Mary Sues is they bend the world to themselves, becoming the unwarranted center of all things by mere presence.

If I may suggest an alteration to your character that can still provide conflict. Rather than a trans-dimensional traveller who is somehow related to Nightmare Moon. Have her be the offspring of ponies somewhere outside the Equestrian Principality of the Dual Monarchs (Basically where Celestia and Luna rule). Have her flee the area because other rulers in the area, dragons, Diamond Dogs, heck even changelings if you can manage, all want to try and use her to gain supremacy. Hiding her wings can be part of the ingrained desire to protect others. The fact that she had to flee would automatically show that she isn't all powerful.

And for the love of god, do not simply say "She was less good at magic than Twilight." Have a scene where Twilight manages to turn an apple into an orange. While the alicorn just makes it turn inside out and spray Pinkie Pie eat the resulting applesauce. If you're toeing the line with characterizing an Alicorn, show, don't tell, remain perfectly detached from your character.

It's like the old piece of advice somepony (literally, their avatar and name is pony related) gave me: Don't be afraid to kill your babies.

633765

Silver Tongue isn't related to Nightmare moon or any.... Where she is from, there is left over essences from when Nightmare Flare had to be killed, and and Nightmare's have been being born. They usually are abandoned or killed. The only reason Silver is alive, Is cause a Unicorn took pity on her, and took her in as her own.

634134

*sigh*

You're missing the point. Her backstory isn't the main issue (though it plays a large part), the issue is that the world bends to her. First off, she's made of essence from Nightmare Flare (who I'm assuming is a corrupted Celestia, akin to Nightmare Moon/Luna). She already has a unique 'birth' that is sure to inspire wrath. Secondly, you just stated that Nightmares are abandoned or killed. If this is the norm, then that unicorn who took pity on her wouldn't live a normal life; she'd be ostracized.

-Tricondon

634134>>635030

Having flaws doesn't mean that the character won't be a Mary Sue. Loading them with flaws is bound to make people annoyed because they won't have formed an emotional connection with the character yet--they won't give a rat's ass about him/her.

Creating characters is all about balance, really.

635120>>635120

I am treading carefully about her being an Alicorn. There will be hints as to her being one, but Silver will be seen as a unicorn through the first couple chapters. Luna and Celestia will be becoming the main focus of the story though too.

As for Rune Word being ostracized, yes she was a bit, but where she lives most just left her be...nopony quiet cares for the Head Archivist of the Sanctum Library....

635249

Sanctum: noun. A holy or sacred place; an inviolably private place or retreat.

Given that it's a library, I'll go with the first definition: a holy or sacred place. So, Rune Word is the Head Archivist of THE SACRED LIBRARY. And you're honestly telling me that nopony cares about such a job?!

Do yourself a favour and take a hint from 633765 there. A pony from outside the principality of Celestia and Luna is a beautiful idea. You could even keep her as an alicorn and it would still work, so long as you are careful about it.

The point about Mary Sues isn't that they're all-powerful (see the entry on Anti-Sue above). The point is that the story revolves around them to a ludicrous degree. It's a given that any story revolves around a certain character; we have to focus on one or two individuals in order to create a concise, followable story. But even still, the narrative may break away from the protagonist to follow the antagonist for a time, or the deuteragonist, or even a minor character. But even within those boundaries, all characters in a story are still bound by the laws that make up the world.

Let's examine your OC, going by what you've said thus far.

First of all, she's an alicorn. Already you're going to lose a lot of readers unless this is done well. Secondly, her talent is books? What does that even mean?! She's good at writing? Reading? Speaking in dead languages? Translating?

Third, and this is a big one, she was born from the essence of a mad God (for all intents and purposes, this is really what Celestia and Luna are: Gods). You stated that all other alicorns born in this manner are killed or abandoned, yet this one isn't.

WHY?!

Because some unicorn took pity on her? That isn't how life works! If you set up your society to unequivocally hate this one species, people are not going to stand idly by and allow her to grow up. They are going to make her life a living hell, if they don't decide to just take her by force. Your OC and her 'mother-figure' would not live in town, they'd flee to the woods or somewhere remote, far from any other prying eyes. I'll buy that one or two ponies may look on these alicorns with pity, but they will undoubtedly be in the minority. I liken it to the slave trade back in the 1800s. Slave owners who released their slaves, or other people who allowed escaped slaves to continue escaping were not dealt with kindly when caught; they were prosecuted, run out of town, or in some cases, killed outright by enraged slave owners. In the world you created, ponies are the slave owners, Silver Tongue is a slave, and Rune Word is the one helping her escape.

That was a metaphor, by the way, since I'm certain someone will misinterpret me if I don't state it blandly.

Your character doesn't fit in with the world you made, the world is convoluted and hateful and filled with paradoxi, and I haven't even touched on bringing Silver to canon Equestria.

If Silver is terrible with magic, how did she come to canon Equestria? How will canon Celestia and Luna react to another alicorn's presence? How will Silver react to finding out the Celestia never went crazy and therefore, never 'gave birth' to her? How will Twilight react to finding out there are parallel worlds out there? How will Silver react to discovering that her species isn't hunted down mercilessly? These are the sort of questions your audience will ask, and you have to answer them otherwise you will not gain many readers.

-Tricondon

635933 Yay! An idea I had has been deemed of value by a respected member of the community! While I'm here though, why do you sign your posts? You're the second community member I know who does that. Granted, I sign my PMs, but I akin those to mail.

635933
I guess I should actully share more information...which I neglected to share

Rune Word is the Head Archivist of Seanchai's Sanctum Library, which that it self is located far off the coast of the mainland of Equestria. (before you look Seanchai means old lore in celtic) Being one that likes the old way the land use to be ruled, from the many books that are now housed in the library she works at, she couldn't leave a abandoned foal in the harsh streets of Manahatten during her visit there.

The land of Equestria itself is now governed by the U.S.A. (The United Species Alliance) Which decreed that it wasn't safe for Alicorns to exist anymore. Though Luna is kept in a secured prison for the tending to the celestial bodies. This had a bad draw back on winged unicorn's, but they are left alone as is due to that...they are just unicorns with wings. This is one reason people never thought much of Silver, cause they just thought she was a winged unicorn...until her first Nightmare outburst happened, which drew the U.S.A's attention.

Now back to the Cannon area and Silver's Talent. For one, Silver has a weird talent to manipulate words in books. not really a strong talent, but it's part of how she even ended of in the tree-house. In a sense, the world she landed in is cannon. I also never said terrible with magic, just not as strong.
Yes, twilight might think Silver crazy if she ever told her, and the Princess' would probably take her presence not that well at first.

All Silver wants is to live normally...but of course things never go like their wished.

I hope this helps more with your analyzation. I only have the first 900 words of the first chapter done anyways.

Point of order: this guide (being really, really old) states that we've only seen one gryphon in the show (Gilda), but that's not true anymore. So you may wish to update that part to note that it's established in canon that not all gryphons are nasty bullies. Otherwise, this is probably the most detailed and in-depth guide to Mary Sues I've seen anywhere, and you've done a fantastic job.

636069

You are not helping your case at all, honestly. Nothing in your backstory seems to make logical sense. Where did the USA come from? Why have they decreed alicorns are too dangerous to exist? Why is there a difference between alicorns and unicorns?