7803935
Hey I don’t know if this could help but here https://www.asistenciaalsuicida.org.ar/ believe me when I say there is a lot of things wort to live for

7803935

Tell the voices to step off. They don't own you, and they don't get to have any say in how you see yourself. The voices are the enemy; refuse to listen to them. Instead make it your mission to make it one more day, and screw whether other people think of you negatively.

I know how ya feel, bro. I've struggled most of my life with mental health issues. There have been times when the world has felt bleak, that nothing I usually enjoy gives me pleasure any more, that I felt like I was utterly alone.

I know this sounds a bit cliche. There are people who care. Reach out to friends, family, clergy and tell them how you feel. But most importantly, reach out to someone who can help you. I don't want to come on here one day and see that you've done the irreversible self-harm.

What you are describing is Major Depressive Disorder, with what sounds like pretty fucking severe anhedonia. I know it sucks right now, and it has for a while, but it does not have to. They make the chemicals your brain isn't making now, as pills. Go get them and they will help you.

I haven't necessarily been where you are. Everyone is unique. But I have heard others say very similar things to what you have.

I've watched those people grow, improve, and things get better for them. You never know when a good turn might come. At the drop of a hat, everything can improve. You may look back a year from now and be absolutely shocked at what's changed.

Don't give up. You're not alone, and you don't want to miss when things do get better.

I've been in a similar headspace. It doesn't seem like it now, but you can escape this and feel joy again. It takes so much effort, and there were times where I truly thought I wouldn't make it after all. But withdrawing isn't the way to make it out. Pills will likely be required - I still take mine, and the shift in mental state was gradual, but shocking. I didn't think I could think this positively ever again - but yet I can. It's not perfect, but I feel so much better than before, and that's proof that this can get better for you too. Please don't give in to death, it's too final. I know you're tired, but please keep fighting. We're all here for you.

7803935
look... i get it, i really really do, i spend a good portion of every single day wishing i didn't exist and wanting to end it all. but here's the thing, noone is completely alone and your life is touching other lives just like mine is, i am sure you are probably willing to hurt yourself right now but are you willing to hurt the other people your actions would effect? maybe you are or maybe you aren't but i am just asking you to consider trying to manage just a bit longer and see if it cant get better first before doing anything you cant undo, if not for your own sake then for the sake of those around you.

Listen, I've been there. In fact, my first run at college was basically shot to pieces by the feeling you're describing here.

Progress has been slow. I'm still full of fears and doubts. I still have days when I just feel empty. But life goes on, and so can we. There is no magical moment where it all finally clicks, nor is there a moment of true finality. It may not feel like it, but even now, you're building up the will and energy to do things; there's no magic trick to unblocking the flow of will, you just need to survive until you have enough will to do what gives your life meaning. It'll get easier with time, with practice, and with assistance from a psychiatrist and/or medication--but I want to be as genuine as possible here: you need to give yourself time. Time to process and time to rest.

Good luck.

I agree with the other commenters that see depressive symptoms in you. As someone who suffers from depression myself, I want you to know you can and will live a fulfilling life. But I also know that when you're deep in a pit it's hard to believe that. Aside from recommending a psychiatrist which I would for anyone in this situation, I also want to tell you some things that help me, because everyone heals a little differently.

When I make a small accomplishment; even something as small as doing a chore or eating a good meal, I tell myself I did a good job. When I look at myself in the mirror I look beyond the fat or blemishes and compliment myself on something small, like my hair. If I go a whole day and accomplish only a single productive thing, I tell myself that's ok, because I did accomplish something.

Self hatred is all about mindset, and a mindset isn't like an opinion in that you can just change it, you have to train yourself to change your mindset. And if you don't succeed immediately or backslide after making progress, you remember that it's ok to make mistakes, and you appreciate what you have already done.

gets tough to get through each day, and anhedonia really does suck. solid work getting through the decade. there will be things to enjoy in the world when you're able to, though they might be different and new. medicines and therapy can help yes, might need to test some different kinds before you hit on anything that does.

negative thoughts are tricky. sometimes it helps me, to think of myself as someone else, and then try to empathize with (them/me). give yourself grace. you are worthy of love and compassion.

7803935
I…I don’t know what to say. I am really sorry you’re feeling the way you are and really, it’s taken me a while to figure out what to say to you, something that doesn’t sound preachy and something you’d understand. To tell you the truth, I deal with these things too a lot of the time. I know what it’s like to have these feelings, to feel like life isn’t worth living. But it is. I know that sounds corny, but it’s true. You have a lot to live for as a person. Hearing these thoughts can be tricky to deal with and they can crush you. But what I find is the best way to deal with it is to prove those voices wrong. They are from your subconscious as you already have these feelings. You have to power through and eventually, those voices will stop. You shouldn’t wish death on yourself as you’d miss out on the wonderful things life has to offer.

I know what it’s like to feel like you’re not good enough. But you have to ignore those thoughts. They’re psychologically damaging and you know they aren’t true. There’s a reason you joined this fandom, a reason you joined this site. You came to spread your passion. Embrace it! You have people who care about you, who love you. Don’t throw it all away. I know hearing this from people online isn’t the ideal option, but I want you to know that we on this site care about you and think you’re important. We know that you have it in you to power through and be the best you can be. Just try it, you won’t regret it in the slightest, I promise.

You have my support if you need it. I do hope this will make you feel better.

7803935
I'm so sorry that's how you felt and everything I probably don't know what's going on because I never face anything like that I know it seems really hard to go through life knowing that you don't have any purpose but in actuality you do by living and everything you just need to find somebody to talk with before whatever's going in your head gets worse like a therapy or someone who can you can actually trust and hopefully you'll be okay just don't give up

7803935
Bravo...(slow clap) Well played, Sir...well played!

Just the right amount of pathos, with barely a hint of self-deprecation! You have all these puppets dancing on your strings, clutching their pearls and wringing their hands, crying "What'll we do?! What'll we DO?!" for someone they don't know, have never met, and have no way of knowing if you're telling the truth. Truly, a MASTER STROKE in attention seeking!

I salute you!

I was directed from another group and joined to post here.

I've been in your shoes before. At least since 12 I knew I was autistic. It for sure caused a lot of problems in my life, but never to the point I wanted to end it all. But then around 2006 when I turned 18, I found out I was transgender. That was probably my biggest source of depression and it all came to a head in 2017 where I did pretty much everything I could think of to become more female. They pretty much all fell apart. I was crying on a near daily basis. I was in and out of the hospital and had multiple suicide attempts including one that came very close. My scars on my arms are quite visible if I don't wear full sleeve shirts.

The only thing that got me to feel better were meds. My situation with being transgender hardly improved in the past 5 years, but the only reason I can handle it is because of meds. They're my life support. Without those I would be right back to that crying suicidal mess. Others have also suggested meds. They won't work quickly however, but well, they'll work sooner the sooner you start to take them. Now I don't know your situation with your insurance but mine was able to mostly pay for what I needed. I had a time where I was missing one of my meds for 2 days and I could barely sleep plus felt really depressed and I couldn't stop focusing on taking those meds. Yeah, they've become a drug, but they're the only way I can keep going.

Of course the meds won't actually solve any of the issues surrounding your life. They probably won't get rid of that feeling of worthlessness. But they can help you not feel suicidal over it. I'm afraid I don't have any better solutions. But I do know how it feels to be at wits in where ending it all is much more desirable than living the rest of your life in misery.

7804063

Bravo...(slow clap) Well played, Sir...well played!

Just the right amount of pathos, with barely a hint of self-deprecation! You have all these puppets dancing on your strings, clutching their pearls and wringing their hands, crying "What'll we do?! What'll we DO?!" for someone they don't know, have never met, and have no way of knowing if you're telling the truth. Truly, a MASTER STROKE in attention seeking!

I salute you!

The fuck is wrong with you?! You remind me of the time in 2017 when I posted on a suicide sub on Reddit. Everyone was supported except for this one guy who took shots at me being transgender, because even on a suicide support (as it not to do it) site, some random asshole always has to come along and find something to go after you for.

Everyone else has your back here Redwolf777sg. No need to feel more depressed over whatever this shit was.

7804067
Yeah...I'm gonna respond just to save you some heartache.

I see from your profile you've been on this site for just over a year. Just so you know, this is an alt account for me, and my main account had been on this site for over ten years. Within that time, I have seen this very scenario play out more times than I can count: someone comes out of the blue with a long-winded post about "how life sucks" and either hint at or directly state they're going to...ahem..."self-delete."

You want to know the weird part? The ones that make these sorts of posts? Once they get enough attention, they suddenly get better! It's a fucking MIRACLE! The fact that he's not responding to anyone's PM's is a dead giveaway that this is a ploy for attention, for he's following the same exact pattern I've seen before.

In my lifetime, I've had three friends commit suicide. NONE of them gave ANYONE any warning...they just did it. When I was going to kill myself back in 1993, I told NOONE...I had the noose around my neck, I had one foot on the balcony and the other poised out in front of me, ready to jump. The only thing that stopped me at the very last second was the image of my children finding me afterwards. THE ONLY THING.

So in my personal experience, when someone is serious about suicide, they just...DO IT.

So to answer your question, "What the fuck is wrong with me?" I'm tired of seeing the same attention-seeking shit over and over.

Just because you have fallen, Doesn't mean you fail, you only fail when you don't get back up and keep moving forward to a better future and beyond...
After all there is literally more to see than can ever been seen in once lifetime and more to do than can be archived by us alone.
Alone we might reach a archivment.
Together we could reach all the archivments.

7803935
Okay: Just had a talk with this user and he pointed out some things I missed, so here goes.

I'm going to take a chance and believe there's a real problem with you, because there have been users on this site who have done just as you have, and either went through with what they were saying, or ended up in the hospital. I truly did not know this, I thought only of my own experiences and believed that to be the standard by which all others can be rated.

I was wrong.

I have lived with depression since 1992 but was only diagnosed in 2010. I could not figure out why my life kept getting worse and worse, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I worked. So I turned to alcohol, and that (among other things) cost me my marriage. Which of course threw an entirely different set of new problems onto the pile. My ex went on welfare for two years after we divorced, so the State of California, in Its Divine Wisdom, decided that I not only had to pay her current child support, but also pay THE STATE back for HER welfare checks! When I got behind, naturally, The State took away my driver's license, so now I could no longer legally drive, but I was still expected to find work, support myself, AND pay my ex AND the State...fun times just KEPT getting better!

Yay.

Oh, and did I mention I kept losing jobs, because I couldn't make the payments on my car, and eventually ended up homeless? For two years? Pretty sure I said something about that...

I said all that to say this: Keep FIGHTING, keep GOING, NEVER. FUCKING. QUIT.

I eventually made it out of ALL of that, and now I sit here, typing this post in my OWN two-story, four-bedroom home, that I. FUCKING. PAID. FOR! NO ONE ELSE'S name is on the paperwork, just MINE. I bought it for $279K and it's now worth over $450k. I plan on taking some of that equity and buying more houses with it until I make my first millions.

One thing all my troubles taught me through the years has been fucking PATIENCE. Delayed gratification. Learning how to wait, how to bide my time, and how to eventually get what I want.

But none of that, NONE OF THAT, will happen to you if you wuss out and give the fuck up.

I'm gonna end this with a great poem by William E Henley called Invictus...

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

BE the captain of your soul, stand up, and FUCKING FIGHT!

7803935
Suicide sounds like such a lovely act. A blissful escape from the greatest challenge that's been given to all of us... trying to live life. I've romanticized the idea of bringing my own death since I was 10. Even thinking about it two decades later still feels like a comforting embrace of warmth and safety. And it's at these moments where death is just a slip away that I stare at it with tears in my eyes and curse the fact that suicide is the master of lies.

This form of escape seems to grant peace, but it just pushes your problems on someone else's shoulder. While I like to view suicide as one of the bravest things someone can do, I can't deny that it's one of the most greediest things that can be done by anyone.

I'm plagued by foolish mistakes a dozen times a day, I'm a bachelor since birth that's already lost half of his hair, I only have six more days of work until I'm forced into a shutdown that'll last for 6 months with no form of pay or insurance, I'm struggling to finish a chapter that I'm getting very sick of, but I'm still pressing forward without a destination in mind with the small goals I have for myself. Finishing that chapter is one of those goals, and even though I'm going at a snail's pace, I'll eventually make a difference by finally finishing it. I do this goal again, and again with each chapter, and eventually, I'll finish a story that I'll be happy about.

What I'm saying is that you should stick around and finish the chapters of your life that have yet to be written. Who can say what'll be in store on the next page?

7804076
Well, different people handle these situations differently. I actually kinda did mentioned to a couple of people here and there about how I was going to end it all, although not the exact method. And then due to spending 3 weeks in the hospital, they probably thought I was gone till I came back and posted that I'm indeed still alive. My other suicide attempts I didn't tell anyone online I was about to do it because I didn't want to give anyone any chance to try to stop me the last minute. So I've been on both sides of just trying to do it and telling people about it.

I can say I have not gotten suddenly better from anything anyone told me. Well, actually I ended up faking it. As in with my biggest suicide attempt, I think I hidden any signs of me being really depressed. I was just suddenly acting better, but only because I was feeling happy that I could finally go away forever. If anything, if someone talks about self deletion like in this post and then they are suddenly way better, that should be a red flag. They probably want to go through with it and their sudden happiness is making peace with what they're about to do.

I know people can fake stuff for attention online and game over threats are some of the biggest ways to get said attention. It's extremely scummy and shitty for those who fake that kind of attention. But what would he even do with this attention? Get some upvotes that in the grand scheme of things is not going to really do anything? More followers? I haven't seen any signs of that happening. Actually, he started following me.

There isn't just one way someone decides to go about handling shortening their lifespan. But it looks like your follow up post you do make amends for earlier including understanding the previous sentence.

7803935
You are not alone, and remember you are priceless, utterly irreplaceable. The meaning of life is perfect happiness, and it is still achievable, even now.
PM me if you need someone to chat with. I am a professional, licensed counselor and I live to aid others in their distress.
Praying for you my friend, God bless.

7804121

If anything, if someone talks about self deletion like in this post and then they are suddenly way better, that should be a red flag. They probably want to go through with it and their sudden happiness is making peace with what they're about to do.

That is exactly how my friend Catherine did it...I noticed her whole demeanor seemed...off, for about a week, and then her entire mood was bright and upbeat on the day she killed herself. The grief counselor told us it was fairly typical of suicides...they actually become peaceful and content, even downright happy, because they've made up their minds about what they're going to do.

Cat also had the deck stacked against her because her father died by his own hand, and the counselor told us when parents do that, it's like they're giving their children permission to do the same: "If Life gets too tough, just do what I did."

Sorry to hear about your own attempts. As I said in my post, (well, my later one) things do get better if you give them the chance.

Redwolf77sg

Give it time, friend.
It takes time to form a diamond, man. I believe you’ve still got some fight left in you. Speaking from experience, I’ve been in that boat before, but I’ve made it through the hurricane because I had friends and family that didn’t give up on me. If you ever need to talk… I’m here for you, friend.

7803935
Embrace Jesus!! The Holy Spirit will come upon you and give you the peace you desperately crave!

7804501
I'm sure you're sick and tired of getting these attempts of reassurance from all of us, but I really mean it that I know where you're coming from. A lot of what you said pretty much matched up with my own thoughts and feelings that I've experienced at some point in my life.

If you don't take my word and assume that I'm just attempting to reassure you by making things up, then just look at my story that I've started years ago, Final Filly Fantasy. Those thoughts of feeling useless and pathetic are the exact thoughts that I've felt and trying to express through Tempest Shadow, even the suicidal ones. You might notice the lack of a suicide tag, it's because I'm hoping to convey a positive message that despite hindrances wither it be by limitations, a hopeless demise, or depressing thoughts, you can still overcome any challenge by being imaginative, carrying a resilient resolve, and realizing the positive accomplishments you've achieved.

I wish I could finish this story faster and get it viewed by many more people to convey this message, but I hope my words reassure you that I've been where you are.

7804648

Hmm...thank you for the story link. It's kinda funny friend. I was working on a mlp crossover fanfic project. That was meant to be loosely base on FF7 - FF12 and so on. I wanted to add some minor elements or make a small homage to other games made by Squaresoft / Square Enix.

It was supposed to be a passion project of mine. Along with adding some original stuff from my other WIP story projects, at least ones I never got around to using in a story. I wanted to do something great with it, give it the works and more. It was one of the reasons I took a job as a dishwasher. In the hopes of saving enough money to hire a few art illustrators and perhaps a music composer to create OST for my story.

I was hoping to show it to everyone here on this site when it was ready...but now I not even sure that would happen or not...Not with the way I am now.

7804109

Thank you.

7804755
You're quite welcome...sorry for being a dick at first.

7804767

It's quite alright friend. Truth be told I can't exactly blame you or anyone else for thinking or assuming thet I did it for the attention or whatnot. And I would probably thought the same if the shoe was on the other foot and such. So I can't really be upset or hate you for thinking that of me. I mean it was out of the blue and I posted that on this site of all places.

If I had to be honest I wasn't exactly in my right mindset and I ended up suffering from a mental breakdown at work two days ago. After finally telling my family and co-workers. I'm think I am finally getting the support and help that I needed for so long. And hopefully I will see professional help.

I know it will take a lot of work and time. But hopefully I will eventually get better in the end. I have spent so long silently hating myself, dealing with my inner demons and wearing mark pretending that nothing was wrong with me. It was only a matter of time before the dam broke. It just took ten or fifteen years to happen.

Anyhow, once again thank you very kindly for understanding and telling me your experience and story with me. It really give me a lot to think about.

And I hope you and I could be friends.

7804769

And I hope you and I could be friends.

I would be honored.

And I meant what I said: don't quit, NEVER quit...NEVER stop fighting.

I'll share with you something my mother told me before she passed, that I didn't understand until years later: "The System is Designed to say "No!" That means, that no matter what you set out to do, be it good or evil, someone, somewhere, will be trying to stop you. Keep on your purpose, and stay focused. I am living proof that if you just keep fighting, keep praying, and keep going, eventually, you'll make it.

As men, we're taught to stand on our own two feet, and to ask for help is akin to admitting weakness. That's bullshit. EVERYONE needs help sometimes, though it did take me years to ask for it. Now, my docs have me on the proper meds for my bi-polar depression, and though I still have good days and bad, it's pretty even. Last Christmas was the first time in a VERY long time I thought about killing myself, but that was only because of some bullshit my adult kids were putting me through, and I spent the holidays alone. They didn't even fucking call me. But, you know what? It is what it is...I got through it, just like I do every time.

Just like you will.

PM me whenever you need to talk. I'll do whatever I can, my dude.

7804795

Thank you kindly. I will remember this.😌

7803935
You were my first real friend in this site.

The very first person I could relate to and connect with on a personal level.

We've had so many fun discussions together and you've given me the inspiration to put a lot more creativity to my stories more than a few times.

The thought of you leaving this world this soon really breaks my heart.

7804820

Sorry man. I didn't realize I was your first friend on this site. I never knew that until now. I thought you forgotten about me. Since I haven't hear from you for a long while.

Like I've said to others. If I had to be honest I wasn't exactly in my right mindset and I ended up suffering from a mental breakdown at work two days ago. After finally telling my family and co-workers. I'm think I am finally getting the support and help that I needed for so long. And hopefully I will see professional help.

I know it will take a lot of work and time. But hopefully I will eventually get better in the end. I have spent so long silently hating myself, dealing with my inner demons and wearing mark pretending that nothing was wrong with me. It was only a matter of time before the dam broke. It just took ten or fifteen years to happen.

Also I do miss our conversations. Whether it's was about pop culture (star wars, DC, Marvel, etc.) Or just talked about story ideas and such. Man., we did create a few here and there.

7804869
I never forgot about you, man.

I was just a bit too preoccupied with finding a job, wrapping up my unfinished projects, and helping some other people develop their own projects.

We can still discuss pop culture or story ideas whenever you want.

I am so glad that you are getting the help you need right now.

7804960

Yeah, I'm hoping to get better as I walk down this long road to recovery. I cannot tell you how long I needed this after so many years.

And Right. That part I very much understand. I suppose everyone is busy these days. I'm busy at my work as well. Trying to save money for my major mlp story project. I'm hoping to hire some fellow artists to help out with art illustrations and etc. Not to mention hire a freelance mlp fan music composer to create OST for my story.

I was working on this mlp crossover fanfic project since last year. That was meant to be loosely base on FF7 - FF12 and so on. I wanted to add some minor elements or make a small homage to other games made by Squaresoft / Square Enix.

It was supposed to be a passion project of mine. Along with adding some original stuff from my other WIP story projects, at least ones I never got around to using in a story. I wanted to do something great with it, give it the works and more.

PS: OH and one more thing, CK. If you don't mind...would you kindly please canceled that "Nightmare Before Heart's Warming" I highly doubt you and I would be interested in finishing that story. Quite frankly it was nothing than a shot in the dark really. And I think we could do a better story collaboration project together. So just leave a notice chapter explaining the situation to the audience of why we will not continuing thst story. I really don't like making people wait for story updates that won't come for a story.

7803935
I don't know if it's what you're planning to do, but PLEASE, DON'T END YOUR OWN LIFE! My uncle did it before I was born, and it almost completely ruined my grandmother. There are always people who will miss you... people who care about you. So please, remember that God has a plan for you (even if you don't think so or believe in Him).

You are a wonderful, amazing human being, and don't ever forget that! Stay safe and remember: Jesus loves you.

Always remember... Jesus loves you.

I honestly don't know exactly what to say, but I'm going to try.

God loves you. He has a purpose for you, and in the end it will make you happy. Trust Him to guide your life.

7803935
friend, brother everything improves, see the positive side, seek your happiness do not give up.