TRules for Bodyguards

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Drama

When he was promoted to head of Cadance’s Royal Bodyguard, Shining Armor was prepared to deal with assassination plots, not fancy parties. Unfortunately for him, he discovers an abundance of both.

• Sex
• Violence
• Death
• Profanity
• OC
• Cadance
• Shining Armor
• Royal Guard

ShiningBeacon · 36k words  ·  59  4 · 1.4k views

Thrust into the role of royal bodyguard, Lieutenant Shining Armor finds himself in the City of Roam, trying to protect Princess Cadance while avoiding accidentally starting a war with Equestria's oldest rival. His training taught him to worry about Roamish plots or over enthusiastic crowds. What he hadn't anticipated was the focus on proper etiquette, or the way his heart pounds when Cadance smiles at him, or the sheer number of creatures that want her dead. Trapped between love and duty, Cadance and Shining discover that sometimes the greatest dangers are those closest to home.

Opening remarks

Rules for Bodyguards is a romance drama by ShiningBeacon (Beacon) about Shining becoming the bodyguard of Princess Cadance on her visit to the City of Roam. Shining is one of my favourite characters, and the premise is immensely intriguing. This looks very promising and I look forward to reviewing it. 

Note: The story at the time of this review is incomplete and the following will reflect what has been written up to the chapter …Do as the Roamans do.

Note: Spoilers will be put into black spoiler tags. 

Technical

There are several notable technical issues. Overuse of commas, and misuses of certain words. Additionally, a few minor instances of missed capitalization, misspelled words and misuse of apostrophes. 

As an aside, there are instances of missing lines between paragraphs and use of dashes in place of em-dashes (-- or —), but these aren’t major issues since the former is a Fim formatting problem while the latter is just nit picky. 

Overall, still very readable.

6.5/10

Character

The two main characters of the fic are Cadance and Shining Armour. Both of the leads have excellent characterizations and are a joy to read with their playful banter.  

Shining Armour is a good balance of goofball and serious. He does have notable shortcomings due to his inexperience in the position he is put in, but that is a good as it makes him a more compelling protagonist. He makes mistakes, learns from them, and slowly improves as he moves forward in the increasingly dangerous position he finds himself in. He’s fun to follow along with as the main perspective and it's great to watch him grow as the story continues.

The only aspect that feels off is the scene in Chapter 6 where Shining becomes very bloodthirsty. This character trait is fine, but I feel that it needs more setup before being introduced as it feels out of place in the context of the scene. 

Otherwise, this is a fantastic characterization of Shining Armour, feeling like a great expansion of his canon personality.

Cadence is also well done. She’s a good mix of compassionate and mischievous having the necessary depth for her role as a secondary protagonist. She has flaws born from inexperience which gives her an excellent starting point for further growth. Her banter is a strong point, especially with Shining, however, there are moments in which her dialogue feels very stiff. The main contributors are from the lack of contractions she uses and the very formal feel to her speech patterns. Having her drop into more informal speech with at least Barrel Roll and Shining would help remedy this and remove some of the stiffness to the text. 

On that note, the supporting cast, especially Barrel Roll, are great. They fulfill their individual roles in the story perfectly and really add to the ongoing narrative, a great feat considering the supporting cast is primarily original characters. 

Despite the minor gripes noted, the characters in this story are stellar and a joy to read. 

8/10

Concept

Description and opening chapter solid set up for the story. The premise and set up for the plot are good, sowing the seeds for the inevitable romance. Nothing too surprising or out there in terms of ideas, but the execution more than makes up for it. 

8/10

Vibe

The fic definitely nails a published novel style of writing. The setup and prose lend well to the feel, pacing, and tone of that type of story. The military aspects are softened comparatively to real life, but makes it more palatable to general audiences while fitting better in the MLP verse as a whole. How Shining’s unit operates is an excellent example of this, having the expected professionalism and decorum for their unit without some of the nastier elements found outside of fantasy. Banter is a strong point especially between Shining, Cadance, and Barrel Roll. The dialogue between them is an excellent example of showing their friendship without necessarily telling the reader they are. 

Now, there are several odd word choices that break the flow of the text over the course of reading. Additionally, there is a lot of verbosity that feels redundant within the paragraphs. Either due to being unnecessary information or just repeating earlier made points. Conversation flow could also use some work as there are instances where the dialogue feels stiff or overly formal for the situation.

Another structural issue is the changing between third limited and third omnipescent. There are instances in which the perspective of the story switches between both. For example, when Shining leaves the mess hall early on, it notes the outcome from Barrel’s viewpoint thus changing the perspective. The text should always focus on the current character’s viewpoint. That being said, most instances are overall minor.  

Another aspect of note is paragraph variety. Splitting up some of the chunkier blocks of text and changing up how sentences start would go a long way to improving the flow of the story. 

On a particular note, battle scenes overall are good, having a decent balance of tension and description. However, the flow could be further improved by adding the paragraph variety noted earlier, which would rack up the tension and excitement of the scenes.   

One last minor thing of note is that some elements of the story feel like they should be introduced sooner if only offhandedly such as the recent addition of the knife. It feels like a setup that’s being done at the wrong time. 

Finally, the pacing is on point. The opening scenes do a fantastic job of setting up the ensuing conflict and unfolding character arcs. Especially in regards to Shining, who really feels like a defined character within the text which helps invest readers in his story. 

Overall, the story is enjoyable and a very fun read. 

5/10

Closing Thoughts

Rules for Bodyguards is an excellent romantic drama that could be further elevated by edits. At a foundation, however, the story is gripping and a very enjoyable read. I give this the full otter recommendation. 

6.8/10

<For archive purposes: 6.8/10>

Personal Score

I really enjoyed this story. Shining as a character within the fic is amazing and is a fantastic example of what can be done with him. With some editing this could be elevated to an absolute top shelf fic as the foundations are phenomenal. 

I’m excited to continue reading the rest as it releases and give this a massive recommendation.

9/10

Excellent feedback and analysis. I don’t think I have a single rebuttal other than that Cadance’s dialogue is supposed to feel stiff and a little forced sometimes (I’m stoked you noticed the distinct dialogue styles between characters), but I can find a way to portray that stiffness better.

Also, you were spot on with the knife. It was a plot point that I had cut from an earlier chapter that I forgot to re-add until chapter seven, guess it wasn’t as subtle as I’d hoped

Thank you for the review!