EWhat's Left Unsaid

• MLP: FiM
• Sad
• Slice of Life

Limestone Pie takes her youngest sister to the Peaks of Peril in search of something important. Marble Pie finds something else.

• Limestone Pie
• Marble Pie
• Autumn Blaze
• Kirins

Gay For Gadot · 3.7k words  ·  87  2 · 1k views

WARNING!!!!!!!! Spoilers ahead. Proceed with caution.

This story is about Marble being mute, and how her sister Limestone will do anything and everything to help cure her. The story is actually told in a very unique way, with the first chapter being Limestone's POV, and the second being Marble's POV. We never learn how Marble got mute, but we see the dedication of Limestone to help her sister, and Marble's awkwardness in feeling this is all her fault, even if it's not. It was very unique to read, and I didn't realize immediately what it was going for, but I found myself highly invested in what might happen to Marble, and how they would solve, or even not solve her muteness. The open ended ending leaves a lot up for interpretation and while that is a good tool for the write to employ, it also left me aching for more. Wanting to know what would happen to the sisters and what that might mean for their future.

7/10

Sisterly love. This story is about two sisters. One that has stopped literally living her life, in order to help her sister find a cure, and the other who just wants her sister to be able to be free again. Free to pursue her own desires, rather than being weighed down by her mute sister, who cannot speak up for herself. The POV shift from Chapter 1 to Chapter 2 did surprise me at first, but once I looked at it again, I realized what it was doing. There's a saying about it's not the journey but the destination, and in this story it's not about the answers, but how the sisters question themselves in order to help the other. There's definitely subtext here that you might not catch on the first reading. But by far the sisters are the best part of the story.

8/10

Limestone Pie: Stubborn, Prideful, easy to anger, and hot under the collar. Limestone isn't nice to most ponies. Heck, she normally doesn't get along with those outside of her family, but somewhere behind all that anger and aggression is a pony that just wants to be loved. It's never really clear where this stemmed from, but I always liked seeing Limestone outside of the Rock farm, and seeing how her personality would come to full fruition.

Marble Pie: Shy, awkward, typically hides herself behind others. And hates being the center of attention. Marble in this story has no choice but to be focused on because of this "disability" of being mute. And while I know she hates it, she can't actually speak up for herself, making her character traits to be more focused on her gestures and physical actions, and because she is shy and withdrawn, it takes a lot of courage for her to step up to try being brave for the sake of her sister Limestone.

Autumn Blaze: She's not in here for very long, but long enough that I wanted to say that the author knows how to write her character. She's very high energy, and very Reminiscent of Pinkie Pie, but still having her own unique flare. (see what I did there?) Anyways, good job with her and keep it up.

8/10

I could not find any errors within this piece, and the stylistic choice of writing two POV's while very similar are done this way on purpose, so it's not repetitive nor dull.

10/10

This story has a very unique way of presenting itself, that I don't recall having seen done on Fimfiction before. So if it has been done, perhaps I never noticed or was blind, but that doesn't discredit this from being a very unique stylistic piece of work. The execution is also well thought out. Every piece of dialogue feels like it was meant to be there, and each bit of description adds more weight to the scenes. It's very hard to find anything to complain about, besides the obvious complaint of not knowing HOW this happened. But that's very nitpicky, and I think this story is well worth reading and remembering for quite awhile to come.

9/10

This was different, but I really enjoyed the way it was presented. The sisterly bond of Marble and Limestone was very believable and well written. I do not deny, I wish I know how Marble got mute, but that may have ruined some of the themes, and tone you were going for here, so I understand if that's why it wasn't mentioned. Besides, the focus is the journey, not the destination.

Final score: 7+8+8+10+9=42/50
8.4/10

Headpat worthy: Yes

Boop worthy:

Needs work:

To the author: This was definitely unique, and for that, I thank you. However, it’s not my favorite work of yours. But don't worry, it’s still a really enjoyable piece of work.

To the reader: Recommended for the unique charm and different POV’s.

Chapter 1: In this chapter we are introduced to our main characters, Limestone and Marble. It’s unclear exactly what is wrong at the start, but it becomes very apparent that Marble cannot speak. She’s mute. However the way the author writes this is convincing that you could be fooled into thinking she is just shy and wary to speak up, but why would she be that way around her sister? A sister who knows her  inside and out, and once they arrive at the village of the Kirin, it becomes all too apparent, this is a last ditch effort to cure Marble, but how did she go mute? This chapter doesn’t tell us that, and leaves it up to interpretation. I’m hoping the second part  will clear this up, but this chapter does a good job at introducing us to the characters, and revealing the reason why they are going to the Kirin village in a subtle way. You might not catch it at first, if you aren’t paying much mind to how Marble responds to her sister.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2 feels very similar to Chapter 1 in it’s story, but I  realized very quickly, I was following Marble, not Limestone. That means that Limestone was the main character of the first chapter, and this shows a different side to things. While it is interesting to see two different takes on the same subject/plot of Marble being mute, it also doesn’t tell me how she got this way. 

Here is what I know:
Marble is mute
Limestone will do anything to help her sister be normal again
That leads them to the Kirin village
Why do the Kirin say after Marble takes the tea, she is supposed to leave? Isn't this lot friendly now? Why the sudden hostility in their tones? Do they fear Marble’s muteness will somehow affect them if she stays?
Any good story makes you ask questions, but a great story will answer those questions along the way. I don’t really feel this story succeeds in being a great story. It’s an interesting experiment of a story, but there’s just something missing. Where’s my Chemical X? And yes that’s a powerful girls reference.

<For archive purposes: 8.4/10>

I think this story gave the impression that Marble born mute and had always been mute. Limestone thought this was an awful fate for her sister and set to correct it. As for leaving the village I think they sensed how much rage Limestone naturally has. She sets them on edge and if rage is met with rage then another village burn is imminent. That was my take. I don’t think they were saying that to Marble.