Story Overview:

This Review may contain some spoilers. As always, I’d recommend reading the story first, then coming back to read this. You’ve been warned.

EA Heart's Warming Eve Gift

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Sad
• Slice of Life

Prince Alfred has a gift to give both a certain purple dragon and a blue griffin.

• Human
• Alt. Universe
• Spike
• OC
• Gallus

Bronie312 · 2.4k words  ·  14  2 · 593 views

“A Heart’s Warming Eve Gift” by Bronie312 follows the story of the author’s own character, a human by the name of Alfred. First thing to get out of the way first is that this story is a sequel, as well as a part of a much larger literary universe, which the author refers to as the "Alfredverse".

I should start by saying that I did look through the other stories in the universe as a piece of this review. In my journey, I found that much of the character’s background is littered throughout the other tales. While it doesn’t have too great a bearing on this story itself, it might be nice to have that knowledge going into it. So, while I will say that it’s not required reading, it is definitely recommended that you read through the other stories before reading this one.

With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s move on to the story itself with a short description. Also remember: Spoilers ahead.

This piece begins on Heart’s Warming Eve, with the main character, Prince Alfred, looking out over Canterlot during the night. His introspection is interrupted by a guard, telling him that his visitors have arrived. These guests, Spike and Gallus, are there to receive a gift from the royal. Alfred begins by recounting memories from his youth, lamenting his own lack of family. Unwilling to let his friends suffer a similar fate, he decides to adopt the two of them and act as a sort of father figure in their lives.

Grammar/Spelling (8/10):

While I saw no spelling errors in my reading, I developed a sort of odd relationship with the grammar in this story. While still grammatically correct, some of the sentences can come off a little awkwardly. Several times throughout, I found myself having to reread to get a firmer grasp of the scene playing out. Even now, it can be rather difficult to explain this issue. My working theory is that it ties into the writing style of the author, which I’ll cover later. Still, there are no major issues with the spelling or grammar that need be addressed otherwise, so good job there.

Plot (6/10):

The story has a rather simple plot. Spike and Gallus visit Alfred and are given the gift of a family by the royal. Again, the plot strikes a weird point for me. It feels sort of like a chapter taken from the middle of a novel. At first, I thought this might have had something to do with this being part of a multi-story universe. There’s a problem, though. As far as I can tell, there is no other story involving Spike and Gallus. So, when the story describes their backstory and relationship with Alfred, it feels like the reader is told this, rather than actually experiencing.

Which brings me to the second problem, which is the one mentioned in the Grammar section above. The writing can sometimes feel a little overcomplicated. Let me explain:

Every writer hears the mantra “Show, don’t tell.”

Basically, the idea behind this is to show the character react to something without just directly telling the reader what it means. A popular example is showing a scene of a character tapping their foot while waiting. It gets across the feeling that the character is annoyed or impatient, without ever using the words annoyed or impatient. In my personal opinion, this is one of the toughest rules to adhere to when writing. But the problem is, this story tends to show and tell. I’ve picked a section of the story to explain my point:

“Gallus and Spike turned to see Alfred and greeted him, he returned the gesture and proceeded to hug them both; the 3 had become great friends and were as close to each other as considering themselves family...”

The first half of the paragraph works. It shows Alfred greeting his guests with a hug. An action that implies a certain degree of closeness between these characters. Which renders the second half of the paragraph redundant. The reader doesn’t need to be told they’re good friends. The author already showed that in the first half.

As I said, this is one of the most complex tricks a writer can use. And as far as I’m concerned, this author already has the easy part down. They are capable of writing scenes through showing. Truthfully, I think a round of trimming would massively boost the score in this category.

Characterization (7/10):

Alfred (6 / 10):

Alfred is a fine character. He’s not some perfect OC that becomes the hero of a story. He’s not some annoying character that makes the story painful to read. In truth, Alfred seems like a rather tragic figure. There’s just one problem. This particular story doesn’t hit the point all too well. You get hints of it here and there. His memories of his family make him sympathetic, but really aren’t explored here too well. However, I know the author is capable of creating a scene like that, because they already did. In “The Weeping Winter” the author does this incredibly well. Since this isn’t a review of that story, though, I’ll keep it out of this particular review. (I would recommend that reading that, though).

Spike and Gallus (8 / 10):

I’m putting these two together because they play a relatively similar role in the story. Additionally, their roles in the story are simple. The small snippets of character we get are certainly fun, though. We see the three characters banter over drinks, which does help establish a bit of personality for all three.

Total Score:

Grammar/Spelling: 8 / 10

Plot: 6 / 10

Characterization: 7 / 10

Final Score: 21 / 30 (7 /10)

<For archive purposes: 7/10>

Final Notes:

Despite the flaws of the story, I found it overall a worthwhile read. I do believe that this is one of the weaker stories in the “Alfredverse” though. I feel that this story is sort of a “Jack of all Trades” for this author. It encompasses a few different ideas that are explored in their other stories. Though those other stories don’t have as much range, they stick to their tone and theme very well. As I said, I’d recommend giving this a read if you’re interested. Even if you don’t necessarily enjoy it, I would still say to check out a few of the other stories (Especially “Weeping Winter”). Well done, author.

Well, I actually expected an even worse score, but I'm fine with this review. Thank you very much for this; I just want to clear one thing: These stories were completely improvised, with no original intention of doing a whole universe, which can be seen in how vague I leave some points and parts of the stories. Besides, by those times I was on a stress period that didn't let me feel comfortable while writing, but still, I did.

Anyway, thank you very much for this, Arkane. Hope you've enjoyed reading my stories. Have a nice day!

What's more, I'm planning a one-shot featuring both Alfred and Gallus; set a few months after "A Heart's Warming Eve Gift".