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Jarvy Jared

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Jarvy Jared #1 · Jan 23rd, 2021 · 3 · ·

EThawing the Frozen Earth

How do you manage grief? How do you recover from loss? And what do you say to somepony that is struggling?

applezombi · 4k words · 33 0 · 684 views

Author: applezombi

Description

After an explosion of temper, Apple Bloom flees the family home to be alone. Fortunately for her, her big sister is wise enough to know it would be a bad time to be by herself. The two sisters talk about life, and loss, and filling the empty hole left inside when someone you love leaves you behind.
Meanwhile, two dense but well-meaning pegasi try to figure out the best way to cheer up their marefriends.

Initial Thoughts

It looks like we’ll be getting a nice family drama from applezombi, a fellow reviewer, this time around. But also, it seems with a bit of romance - and possibly a sense of abandonment, though to what degree, or from what source, is, of course, unknown.

Having read a few of applezombi’s stuff, I have a robust sense of their style and what they try to do with their writing. Simple premises tend towards a complex conclusion, in the sense that more is unpacked than initially expected. I wonder if this story will bode much the same?

Onto the story. Beware: spoilers ahead.

Summary

After Winona’s passing, Apple Bloom wants nothing to do but be left alone. But Applejack knows that is the last thing she needs, and the two of them have a heart-to-heart about the nature of grief, death, and life carrying on. Meanwhile, their respective marefriends, Scootaloo and Rainbow, plan ways to cheer them up, knowing that they will be efforts necessarily in vain, but it’s the thought that counts.

Plot

It’s necessary to point out that this story emerged as a speedwrite, and so much of its review must take this limitation into account. The theme of the contest was “Love.” Chapter one, according to the story’s own description, was inspired by the prompts “You promised” and “unafraid,” which suggests that chapter two was written largely separate from the main idea.

To what extent, then, has applezombi rendered the story in accordance to these classifications? I believe they have done relatively well, but there are still some flaws in its execution.

Let me start with what works. In terms of setting up the “conflict” between Apple Bloom and Applejack, applezombi has made that scenic moment work quite nicely. It makes sense that these two should argue—though argue is perhaps putting it a bit too harshly—following such a tragic event, and there are plenty of implications that this particular event has more to it than meets the eye. Consequently, the “plot” is really the passing down of vital, yet still tough-to-swallow knowledge from the elder sibling to the younger one; the tragic element is the catalyst, but it’s not, in my view, what the story is totally about.

This, to me, makes the story stand on its own, because a story about death is hardly the most interesting. I turn to great works such as Tolstoy’s “The Death of Ivan Ilych” that prove you really cannot write about just death so much as you must write about everything else (in that story, while the title gives away the ultimate end, the whole is about, fittingly, Ivan Ilych’s life). Here, “Thawing the Frozen Earth” speaks to Winona’s death less than it speaks to what must come after: the “living on,” as it were.

There may be a theme to that first chapter, then, tied up in a simple axiom: The first place the dead go is the heart of someone else. Thus Apple Bloom can’t escape the grief of the dead, nor should she, as Applejack is apt to point out.

This leads into what the second chapter does, which is expand upon this outward examination of death by talking, really, about the impossibility of fully coming to terms with it, when especially you are the person to whom it afflicts. The death that has struck Apple Bloom cannot be fully understood by Scootaloo, nor Rainbow; for Scootaloo, death has yet to strike in such a way, and indeed, the most “tragic” thing to happen to her is not death, but the limitation of her very own life (see: her small wings). In this way, the chapter paints the impossibility of reckoning. Death is not just a tragic event. It is wholly violent, the great and perfect antithesis to life, and so those outside of its sphere cannot fully understand what it means to be touched by it, and even if they know death, they do not know it. No one, does, really.

Which makes Rainbow’s “plan,” while, yes, laughable, noble in its pursuit of that impossibility. Bringing chocolates to a grieving pony is not going to take away that grief, of course. And on one hand, it may make Rainbow, and consequently, Scootaloo, to be rather dense and unconcerned with their marefriends’ emotions, but what else can one do? The chocolates are not the gift of comfort; the thought of bringing a gift, and therefore, bringing themselves to the door—that, to me, seems to be the gift intended.

This is what the story seeks out to do, and on these points, it succeeds. However, there are issues with many of its avenues: in particular, the implications it sets out.

As I said earlier, there are implications in the first chapter that suggest Apple Bloom sees a parallel between Winona’s death and her parents’. She recognizes the similarity in there being death involved, but notes, to her frustration, that “It’s not fair to compare the two.” Given the fact, too, that Applejack would have known the latter’s events more than Apple Bloom, this frustration bears interesting relevance.

But the story, I don’t think, goes quite far enough to develop this parallelism. In a way, it rebuffs that relevance with a simple line from Applejack: “Oh, sugarcube. Don’t say that. Hurtin’ is hurtin’. It doesn’t matter to the pony that’s in pain.” It makes sense, but it ends that story point a bit too early.

If this is a story about the uncertainty revolving around death and, consequently, the uncertainty of living, then I wonder if more could have been done to explore how it doesn’t make sense that these two deaths can’t be compared fairly. Apple Bloom seems to both hesitate in declaring, they can’t be compared, and confused by it all the same. And adding that to her own anger, frustration, and grief regarding death, and not knowing what must follow, how to comfort herself, how to keep going… well, following such a plot point would have developed the story a bit further.

The story also would have benefited from a bit of clarity regarding exactly what Apple Bloom shouted at the breakfast table. The mystery and vagueness of it, I don’t think, particularly helped the story—while it allowed applezombi to get more into the main moment, it seems necessary exposition which would have solidified much of Apple Bloom’s words and emotions a bit more. Without such solidification, one gets the sense that this story hits all the beats of a story about grieving, but then it doesn’t quite do much to set itself apart in that regard.

But I acknowledge, again, that this story’s first chapter was a speedwrite, so there isn’t always enough time for further development.

Of course, the story—that is, the one told in the first chapter—ends on this incomplete note, in that there isn’t really a “resolution.” The sisters have to continue on, whether they are able to or not; life waits for no one.

Score - 7 / 10

Characterization

Most of the characters are well-rendered. I especially enjoyed the interactions between Applejack and Apple Bloom, especially how Bloom is consistently resisting some of her sister’s advice. It makes sense both from a grieving perspective, and also from a younger sibling’s perspective; some part of her world has shattered, and, in thinking that her older sister could provide some words of comfort, the younger sibling is left disappointed, but wiser for it.

Applejack’s wisdom also fits her character, and given a few implications (the most notable being that she’s had to face this kind of grief before), we can see hints of her having traveled through her own grieving procession, such that she has it on good authority to “say what she says and mean it to.”

Rainbow and Scootaloo have a similar dynamic, with Scootaloo being disappointed with Rainbow’s plan. But Rainbow’s “logic” makes sense, and it fits her character nicely, such that Scootaloo inevitably accepts it as true.

The one character, however, that I feel didn’t quite get enough space in this story, was Sweetie Belle. She shows up at the beginning of chapter two, then fades away, never to be seen again. It’s perhaps a necessary decision to have her here—how can you talk about two-thirds of the CMC without bringing in their unicorn friend?—but she doesn’t play much of a vital role, other than setting up momentary exposition for why Scootaloo has to appear in the story.

On this point, I’m not sure if Sweetie Belle was necessary. Or, even, if the scene where she shows up is necessary. There’s one moment that struck me as interesting: this weird, slight sneering voice Sweetie makes to rebuff Scootaloo’s remark, but she doesn’t go anywhere with this. It seemed like this was a point where applezombi could have expanded upon her character presence, but as it stands, she doesn’t exactly “move.”

Score - 8 / 10

Syntax

Nothing to report here. All the sentences, as far as I could tell, were grammatically correct, and nothing in the story’s “voice” sounded awkward to me.

Score - 10 / 10

Final Score - ( 7 + 8 + 10 ) / 3 = 8.3 / 10

Final Thoughts

It’s the nature of speedwrites to have a bit of a lack of development once finished, but I think despite that setback, applezombi has crafted an interesting short story. A longer story would no doubt address the issues I’ve observed, but as it stands, the story does function as intended. It’s a nice look into the world of grieving, death, departing, and moving on—all things we must face eventually.

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