Alternate universe stories and speedwriting don’t always go hand in hand with each other, as many speedwrites can attest to. But occasionally an author is able to execute in such a noteworthy, beautiful method that it stands out in a brilliant fashion. Sweet and Proper by Undome Tinwe is one such case. 

“It’s not often that a story without a background can still draw me in so fast and so fluently that I want to know more about everything in it,” began Vis-a-Viscera. “Usually, I’m not as strong a believer as I could be in the impact of a character in a story, or at least in their power to model out  the scene by their actions rather than the description. So when I say that I consider the first scene of Sweet and Proper by Mel to be one of the best I’ve seen in a dramedy adventure fic as I’ve ever seen, despite it being just Rarity, Dash, and a bed described there, you can take it to the bank.”

“This is how you do AUs,” Zontan agreed. “All the pieces the reader needs are established in a way that makes perfect sense, and never breaks the flow of the story.” Snow Quill was quick to agree, calling out the worldbuilding in particular: “The world building in this is phenomenal. Right away, we are given what kind of universe the story takes place in; in this case, a universe where Nightmare Moon has won and rules Equestria.” 

The other reviewers quickly agreed. “I think the best AUs have echoes of the original canon,” stated Flashgen. “Slight differences that put characters in different circumstances, but ultimately see what makes them come through in the proper moment. For a speedwrite to manage this, and the amount of worldbuilding it packs from character interactions alone is impressive.” 

ScopingLandscape continued, “The best AUs tend to stick close to its source, and this is no different. Set in the Nightmare Moon timeline in the Season 5 finale, Rarity and Rainbow Dash is wonderfully depicted, with their core elements shine through at the best time.”

Red Parade summed it up: “Alternate Universe stories are tales that are generally very difficult to pull off, especially with the constraints of a Speedwriting Contest. It’s always a rare and exciting thing to see one pulled off as flawlessly and as effortlessly as Mel did it, all without alienating the reader and tossing them into something so new and unknown.”

What helped this piece perform so well was its masterful crafting of its scenery and positioning, not just as an alternate universe, but as one that rests very close to canon. “We’re introduced to Rarity and Rainbow Dash in a way that makes them clearly recognizable,” said Zontan, “but altered in ways that make sense for the universe they inhabit. The stakes are high from the word go, and the piece draws you into its world effortlessly.” 

Snow Quill appreciated the character establishment as well. “Rarity and Rainbow Dash's relationship is also laid out in plain terms - they love each other yes, but unflinching loyalty to the Queen takes precedence above all else (moreso for Rarity it seems).”

Flashgen agreed with this, stating that “We get a sense of the world as it is not by being told (in narration) the state of things, but by seeing it through the eyes of two characters we know dealing with being in that world.”

Scoping Landscape found the romantic aspects intriguing as well. “Here, we can see their unwavering loyalties to the Moon, with Rarity's thought nearly immediately shifted to turning Rainbow Dash in if she even entertains the idea of questioning the Queen's orders, despite their ongoing romance.” 

Red Parade touched on this as well, saying “The pillars of Rarity and Rainbow Dash still stand true, even if the circumstances of their existence have changed. Rainbow is still loyal to the right cause, and Rarity is still generous to a fault, determined and faithful in her cause. Not only does this story capture its main characters in such a brilliant and breathtaking light, but it isn’t afraid to thrust them into a situation of change.”

Zontan was able to dissect the characterizations quite well. “The characterization is on point, too. Rainbow Dash is a tricky character to write, since she is both extremely confident and incredibly insecure. Mel nails this duality in the opening scene, and perfectly sets up the eventual conflict. It’s something the genre savvy will see coming, especially since it parallels the Shadowbolts from all the way back in season one, but it does it so well that that’s by no means a bad thing.

Rarity, on the other hand, is a fanatic and a spy in this universe, and this feels very appropriate to her as well. She is a character who knows how to look and how to act to be accepted by society, and in a society like this, that means undying loyalty to the Queen. Even in the face of her lover’s betrayal.”

Of course every AU story needs a good plotline, and this one is no exception. The story takes place in a world Where Nightmare Moon reigns supreme, and the ponies under her rule love her dearly. Rainbow Dash is called upon to battle the Wonderbolts in the name of their queen, and after a conversation with Rarity she answers this call. But the attack fails, and Rainbow Dash is declared dead, leaving Rarity alone.

But it is the second half of the story, where we learn Rainbow survived and defected to the side of Celestia that attracted the reviewers’ attention. Vis-a-Viscera praised it heavily, stating that “The second scene shows just how terrible the cost of war is, closing in on a Rarity all alone in the thick of a battle. She’s still sympathetic, chastising herself for her weakness but eager to prove her work to the country. Then that spirit is put to the ultimate test -for both her and her lover - when Dash shows up on the opposite side, fully enlightened to just what Moon had suppressed in this war. She and Rarity clash, with word and deed. It's here that the Latin phrase (Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori, or ‘it is sweet and proper to die for one's country,’ comes back to haunt Rarity in the most tragic way, as Dash chooses to save Rarity over herself, citing her belief that Equestria’s freedom matters more than any one pony’s life.”

Snow Quill built on this point, saying that “The shift from lovers embracing before an important mission to a chaotic battle scene is jarring, but in all the right ways. The reader is thrown into a sudden shift, following Rarity as it seems the Queen's castle is being overrun. There is also a little bit of a shift inside Rarity herself it seems, for rather than being a diehard follower with no care for 'the weak', she finds herself missing Rainbow and cursing herself for being 'weak'. When she stumbles upon Rainbow Dash, who turns out to be very much alive and now allied with Celestia, we see this shift turn into an internal battle between her 'weakness' for Rainbow and loyalty to the Queen. Then comes the ending scene, where the fuse has been lit and Rainbow forces the teleportation crystal onto Rarity. Rainbow makes the choice for her, and gives Rarity a chance for life under a new Equestria, presumably under Celestia's rule once more.” 

Zontan agreed, saying “The clash of ideals we see in the finale is deftly executed and heart wrenching. Rainbow Dash has grown, and Rarity has not, and neither can accept the other anymore.” 

Flashgen went further, praising both the first and second scenes: “Rainbow Dash's loyalty comes through in both scenes, and you see the faith that she puts in authority, whether blindly or not, come through just as much as it does in the show. Rarity, for her part, feels just as generous and caring too, both for her lover and her ruler. While there's cruelty there, it falters and cracks in the way you would expect it when put to the test.”

“The pillars of Rarity and Rainbow Dash still stand true, even if the circumstances of their existence have changed,” commented Red Parade. “Rainbow is still loyal to the right cause, and Rarity is still generous to a fault, determined and faithful in her cause. Not only does this story capture its main characters in such a brilliant and breathtaking light, but it isn’t afraid to thrust them into a situation of change. The tail end of the story kept me guessing, but the reveal at the end still felt so touching and impactful.” 

The characterizations and intricacies of the plotline were perhaps best summarized by Zontan. “Even though the story is told through Rarity’s eyes, it’s really about Rainbow Dash, and her arc is masterfully executed. She completes her transition from doubtful servant to freedom fighter by sacrificing herself so that Rarity can have a chance to do the same. Because it’s more than just about Queens and empires - it’s about hearts and minds. Rainbow could save herself to fight another day, and kill a valuable enemy spy in the process. But fighting for freedom isn’t about who is on whose side - it’s about saving individuals. Rainbow sees that there’s a chance to save Rarity, both from the physical threat, and from the society she lives in. And her valuing that chance over her own life is what makes this ending so poignant.” 

All in all, the reviewers agreed that Sweet and Proper deserves its first place victory. Flashgen was satisfied by the overall length and quality, saying “Really, the entire story is paced perfectly to get what we need: a relationship in a harsh world, tested by differing ideals. I don't think there's a single world wasted here, and I wouldn't even beg for more.” 

Zontan agreed heartily: “This was an absolute masterclass in how to establish a world and invest a reader in it and its inhabitants in as few words as possible. Well done.” 

Snow Quill also walked away satisfied. “There really isn't much to critique at all on this story, its technically sound with a solid concept and near flawless execution. The setup for a much larger universe, yet keeping this story fairly self contained, is a delicate balance yet one that feels just right here.”

ScopingLandscape also found himself blown away by the sheer quality of the story. “The story, while short, still finds me at a loss of words for two main reasons: One, it was written under a time constraint. To write something as good as that under a time constraint is hard, harder than it looks. Two, it's rare to find such a well-executed AU. The worldbuilding is amazing, and the characterization of Rainbow Dash and Rarity is on point, both being rather hard to write. I find myself drawn to it, and leave the story satisfied.”

“This is such a bittersweet story with so many twists and turns that kept me hooked the whole way through,” said the Red Parade. “The intimacy of the characters also starts strong and manages to keep pushing forwards to the beat of the story, which just made this all the more amazing.” 

“The fic feels complete, even though it’s mostly two scenes, which is a testament to the emotional investment Mel places in each character, one static, one dynamic to the end,” concluded Vis-a-Viscera. “And the ending, showing ‘And then all was light’, shows a brilliant symbolism of the lost Celestia that ties together the reason for Dash’s sacrifice that it brought tears to my eye.”

Check out Sweet and Proper for yourself here.