ETeething Troubles

• MLP: FiM
• EaW
• Drama
• Slice of Life

The war with the Changelings isn't going well, but behind the lines engineers vie to produce a tank that might turn the tables - An Equestria at War short

• Alt. Universe
• Celestia
• OC
• Flim and Flam
• Raven Inkwell

The Great Scribbly One · 9.5k words  ·  37  2 · 876 views

Review: Teething Troubles

Tags: Drama, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe

Summary: Tanks and soldiers… and a lot of alternate-universe history.

Review: This was like a docmuation story.  It has its perks I do like that kind of stuff.  For an Alternate Universe, I would have to say yes because of world-building aspects and I do love world-building aspects.  This fiction was meant for me. I saw a little bit of improvement from the last fiction I read from this person.

There was a lot of good stuff in this that I think people would love it.  I hope this fiction receives more attention.   However, there are still a few things I saw so… I would have to say this is at least 6/10 for me.  I like but there was some stuff that needs improvement.

Again, thanks for the review! I do have a question though:

However, there are still a few things I saw so…

I'm not sure what this means, any specifics? I can't improve if I don't know what's wrong with the story.

7775082

pop out your characters a bit more.... (hard to do if you haven't write a lot... however, popping out characters make them feel more alive) which you already done that i think with your next fiction you wrote after this one i think... (reform) I haven't read it yet but... I'm still impressed though.

Thanks!