Title: Unforgettable and Unforgivable

TUnforgettable and Unforgivable

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Sad

Despite being redeemed and accepted by the Princess of Friendship, Starlight's guilt for her actions haunt her daily life and it never seems to go away.

• Violence
• Alt. Universe
• Twilight
• Spike
• Starlight Glimmer

Catpaw616 · 6.4k words  ·  33  3 · 940 views

Summary: A simple story that takes place relatively close to Starlight’s ‘redemption’ and how she's still feeling guilty/unworthy of this chance.

Analysis:

I’ll start with two things to get them out of the way:
1, you put ‘following asleep’ instead of ‘falling asleep’ in chapter 2. 
2, I caught your Fairly Odd parent reference, and it caught me off guard. Twilight would never do that in the show, but somehow I could see her doing something like that in the earlier seasons so in a way it fits her personality.

Alright, let's get started with this story review.

I’m not going after grammar, or story structure so we’re not going to focus on that. What we will start off with is the story premise, and it's a tried and true classic- “I’m not worthy.’

The premise works, and is about as predictable as one can assume it would be with Starlight feeling unworthy of her new lot in life given her past aggressions. Which I’m fine with as I remember around that time many fans were angry, and out right hated Starlight because it felt reckoned and a cheap way to have this unicorn as strong as alicorn Twilight enter the cast. I mean, I felt the same way too but the show handled her very well and now she’s one of the more popular characters around, and to have her sharing our concerns is welcomed. 

Things happen, and after having some worrying nightmares lashes out in anger at Twilight and decides to leave, which is again understandable as she’s never had to worry about how ponies would judge her actions. All of this eventually accumulates into a talk with a certain pony that guides Starlight to the realization her past will always be there, but she has to be the one to keep it in the past by becoming a better pony. 

Ultimately it ends with about how you’ll expect, but that’s not a bad thing. The story comes off as a comfort fic for me, and kind of reminds me of the early FIM Fics that came off as episodes themselves, and with some good refinement could be considered a lost episode. The story, Sunny Skies All Day Long is seen as a wondrous contender for becoming an actual episode, and while this story doesn’t reach that level, Unforgettable and Unforgivable can act as our lost episode by providing insight to her shift from villain to eventual school head, and how she became familiar with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.  

Rating: 7/10

Additional: When issuing a grade, I tend to be very lenient unless there’s something that rubbed me the wrong way, or hit me the right way. 

That being said, while I wouldn’t have read this story on my own, I do appreciate finding it in my folder for it brought to my attention a connection I’d never considered- Starlight and Luna. While she was having her nightmare, I was wondering where Luna was and then she appeared, and once the best princess started relating their similarities I was like ‘OH! I never considered that.’

As a fan that had stopped watching the show around season 3 and only kept up with clips and discussions from others means I missed a lot of the lore, so this was a nice surprise. Having never considered their similarities, I might have to incorporate that into my own stories in the future as the dynamic sounds like fun.

Now, there are a couple big issues that stood out to me that may or may not be an actual concern, but that will be up to the reader. For me, it was the author’s drive to not use commas. 

EX: 

Starlight helped Twilight clean out her bookshelves by stacking the books that they carried out. And while Starlight did the heavy lifting, Twilight was dusting the bookshelves with her sweeper. And with the dust going into her nose, Twilight let out tiny sneezes a few times, which made Starlight chuckle by how cute the Princess's sneezes sounded like.

This selection is one of two that stood out to me while reading mostly because the pauses seemed unnecessary and avoidable if the author were to use a comma. Yet, it highlights the author's love using the word ‘and’ which isn’t a bad thing, but is fairly noticeable if you were reading the sentence aloud. It’s almost like driving and having to just stop almost every few yards making driving almost not even worth it.  Here is how I might have written the opening. 

My EX:

Starlight was helping Twilight clean her bookshelves by stacking the removed books off to the side, and while Starlight did the heavy lifting, Twilight was dusting the bookshelves with her sweeper. With each pass of the sweeper, lingering bits of dust found their way into her nose causing Twilight to let out a few tiny sneezes, which made Starlight chuckle by how cute the Princess's sneezes sounded like.

A small change, but one I personally feel keeps the same feeling while eliminating the abrupt stops.  Overall a quick fic that reminds me of the early days of FIM when fans were either rewriting the show episodes or trying to write their own episodes, and a period I miss. The story is solid, and written well enough to show the author is growing and learning the ropes of creating a good story, and I'm hopeful we'll see even better works in the future.

Ty for the review. I'll try my best to improve on more chapters and stories :)

7770408

As I've mentioned in my other reviews, its doesn't mean I didn't like your story. So, if you ever publish another one and happen to drop it in my folder, I wouldn't mind!

7770443
Alrighty ty for your honest opinion. It helps me write better 😄

7770565
I'm always saying this, but I'm trying to do these reviews as I normally reader that stumbled upon your story. Which is true, for they appear in my folder. If you have questions or would like a second opinion on things in the future feel free to DM me, and I'll see what's up.

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