EOut Sick

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

Princess Celestia spends time taking care of a familiar sick little filly, and along the way, learns a lesson mothers - blood or not - all one day learn.

• Twilight
• Celestia

Meowofy · 4k words  ·  272  0 · 6k views

Story summary: Princess Celestia spends time taking care of a familiar sick little filly, and along the way, learns a lesson mothers - blood or not - all inevitably have to learn one day.

Light's analysis: Awwweeee...

Gah! Sorry. Got caught up in the cuteness. Okay, onto the review.

This story is a cute depiction of the early relationship between Celestia and a filly Twilight. I love how the princess starts showing this motherly attitude towards the kid, but struggles with trying to handle learning how to be a parental figure. It adds several layers of cuteness as we see such a playful and cute Twilight having a cold.

I love these stories where they peal back the layers, showing the young playfulness and curiosity of Twilight, as well as the nervous, awkward parenting of Celestia. It develops character that the series sometimes glances over. I thoroughly enjoyed this read, and hope you give it a read so you can enjoy the cuteness too.

Grammar: 9/10

There weren't many errors I could find. If anything, I'm very iffy about the usage of - instead of , in some areas. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like it just doesn't work.

Story plot: 8/10

Okay, the cuteness sells it for me. This concept of a sick pony being cared for by another has been done many times before, but the execution is spot on. Adding Celestia's perspective and the letter to Luna only adds to the concept. As I've said before, basic ideas can work amazingly if executed properly.

Story flow: 10/10

The execution is great, keeping the cuteness factor up while developing on Celestia's challenge of being a mother figure to a young Twilight. Adding in the letter segments throughout the story works well as it coincides well with the plot. The layers of characters we see add a lot to the story, showing us a different side to Celestia and Twilight. I can see why this story is so well liked, and why it was featured.

Final score: 27/10 9/10

I can't think of how to improve on this story. This was well thought out, and paced wonderfully. Sure, there was the one gramical thing which I may be wrong on, but this story just works so well that I can't find any ways to improve on it. The story works well with the relationship Celestia and Twilight have, and is a great feel-good story. I'm glad that I was able to have a chance to read this, and am eager to see more from this author.

Now, if you excuse me, I am going to read over filly Twilight being cute again.

7576839
Thank you so much for the review!

There weren't many errors I could find. If anything, I'm very iffy about the usage of - instead of , in some areas. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like it just doesn't work.

Yes, well, to be perfectly honest, I really don’t know if I’m using the em-dashes right either (aaand I totally don’t use a normal dash just to save myself the trouble of having to copy paste them in)! I actually think part of why I like using them is because I’ve deluded myself into thinking it’ll somehow miraculously fix my run-on sentences or something (T-T), which is why I also don’t use the commas?

Either way, I’m not really sure how to fix them without creating more run-ons and I have literally no idea how to fix those either.

Adding in the letter segments throughout the story works well as it coincides well with the plot.

Admittedly, I wasn’t actually sure if it’d work out, and was almost prepared to cut them out - only to have a friend stop me just in time - but I’m glad you enjoyed the little snippets!

I can't think of how to improve on this story. This was well thought out, and paced wonderfully. Sure, there was the one gramical thing which I may be wrong on, but this story just works so well that I can't find any ways to improve on it. The story works well with the relationship Celestia and Twilight have, and is a great feel-good story. I'm glad that I was able to have a chance to read this, and am eager to see more from this author.

Thank you again! I appreciate all the effort put into your review, and am honoured to have received such a high score! - Welllll, at least in my eyes 😅