Well, as the song goes, the internet is for porn.
And this fic is here to prove it!

[Adult story embed hidden]

Grammar
Is kinda there? It’s spell checked, i’s are dotted, t’s are crossed.
However, a lot of words are just not used correctly - either used in a weird buffyesqye way or just not really meaning what I think the author intended.

Style:
Chapters are, like, way, way too short. Sub-2k-chapters are a travesty, and more so when it[s pron. The last thing I want to do when my pants are down and my hands are smeared in baby-lotion is to wait for the next chapter to load.
Due to the bad word use the style comes off as stilted, and occasionally overdescribed.
Finally Pharinx speaking like he’s just swallowed Shakespeare anthology and hasn’t quite digested it yet is a rather strange choice.

Then, suddenly porn.

I mean, it is tagged as porn so I shouldn’t be surprised, but it was just so… random and out of nowhere that it kinda caught me unawares. Like, here I’m preparing for a slow-burn story and then with no forewarning she makes bedroom eyes and commands him to rail her.
Talk about whiplash.

It’s also kinda very by the book? All the elements are kinda there, but I dunno, it’s not sexy. Some sort of je ne sais qui is missing there. 

The Plot
Definitely does not go where I thought it would go? So I don’t know if that’s just a me thing, but yeah, I kinda do think this whole thing comes entirely out of nowhere, with almost no preparation and next to no emotional development.

So in total:
It’s a story. It’s got the nuts and bolts in, it has a plot, but it really, really needs tightening up.
The porn is kinda bolted on and boring, the plot is very sudden and not developed all that well, pretty much skipping from ramp-up straight into denuement without actual development, and, as has been said before, editorial TLC required.
I mark this as 5/10 - it is a passing grade, but not that much more than that.