TThe Fire’s last Ember

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

Could you imagine living forever, to live out a life that you thought would never end, only to learn that indeed there is an end?

• Death
• Alt. Universe
• OC
• Bat Pony

TikiBat · 2.6k words  ·  16  0 · 649 views

Summary: Could you imagine living forever, living out a life that you thought would never end, only to learn that indeed there is an end? Maybe it'd be a curse... or a paradise? To me it's been a mix of both, though I like to think it's all been good. After living so long it's hard to imagine what kind of things would you regret when you reach the end of the line. Would you be satisfied with a life well lived, or would you think back to the things you've taken for granted-- your life's solitary regrets?

I personally never thought I'd have to answer that question, but here I stand at the brink of that final breath... My thoughts filling with the many memories I've made over the years.

So, would you care to join me around the fire? Maybe listen to a tale or two from an old thestral? The fire'll be dying out soon and I'd hate to leave you in the dark all alone.

WARNING: This review contains SPOILERS. Read with caution.

Initial thoughts: First off, the summary is too long to really hook us as readers. A shorter verison that leaves subtle hints to what the story is about would be more engaging then what comes off as a wall of text. If I were going to rewrite this something like this.
"Join me around the fire, listen to my tales from my adventures over the centuries, allow me a chance to bring light once more. Before my fire goes out and leaves you alone and in the dark."

The story itself was both captivating and a bit chunky at times. I feel sometimes the paragraphs went on too long, and that first person was a good narrative for how to convey this story. But I also am left not really feeling the emotions/sadness a story like this should leave the reader with. It feels lackluster, that it needs more emotions, and more connection to the main character for us to truly feel for him and what he is going through. 6/10.

Heart of the story: The heart here is simply our main character, this is his story about his time in this world, and how he is at the end of his life. Despite living for so long, the stallion seems content with dying, but wishes to pass on his story to those around him. His story rings a bell, and certainly made me want to know more. Often I felt the jumping of time, was probably a missed opportunity as it tries to put all this time together in a tale, but doesn't really tell us a whole lot about our main character and why we should be sad/depressed that he is leaving this world. Overall, I liked the formatting, and stylistic choice of first person here, but I just felt we could have gotten more from the main character. 6/10.

Characterization: This is probably the hardest one to tackle for it's both the best thing about the story, but also part of it's problem. Our main character. Why do we care about him? Why should we be sad that his life is ending? There are many questions I was asking myself as I was reading, but only a few of them were addressed. Who he was, what he was, why he is telling his story, and how will it affect the ones around him. Overall, the characterization here is well done for what it is. 7/10.

Story/Concept: The story here is what I felt the strongest about. The story of an old threstral wanting to regale in his last moments to tell a story to hopefully inspire those around him, and help them grow, and even as he is fading the light of those around him warms his heart so that he is able to pass onto the next life. This was written in first person, and I felt that choice was perfect for this kind of story. The paragraphing and formatting could be smoothed up a bit, but overall this was a good story with a good message. 8/10.

Originality/Execution: I have seen stories about dying, and stories about characters that wish for more, even if I try to avoid them because I don't like to be sad, but there isn't much original about this, so how's the execution? It's...decent. Nothing to write home about, and as said before at time it does feel chunky, and that some events go by too quickly for what the story is trying to accomplish, but for what it is, if this is something you'd like to read, then go for it. There's certainly nothing awful in here that made me groan or roll my eyes. Just a bit of formatting to fix. 7/10.

Overall thoughts and final score: This is a decent story about age of life stories. It's not a coming of age, more an accepting of age, and one's time on this world. And what they can do for others. This thestral wants his final moments to be something he can be happy about, and that is why he shares his story with those around the fire, so that his light might continue on long after he is gone.

Final score:
6+6+7+8+7=34/50
6.8/10

Headpat worthy:
Boop worthy: Yes, it's a decent story, and you get boop status.
Meh worthy:

To the author: I find this piece was interesting, but could use a bit more characterization and maybe some formatting changes to make it more impactful. This was a good start, and I hope to see more from you!

Next time we have "Learning to feel by Mechawrecker" see you soon!