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The story start with our hero, Ronl and his partner Motomeru, falling down into the Everfree from a wormhole, not the most original start but I mean nobody is perfect, next Rainbow Dash is being chased down by Timberwolves after a failed stunt that damaged her wing, she tried to fight but failed horribly, she was going to die but then our hero arrives right on cue to save her. In this story all ponies are anthro you can already feel where this is going don’t you? 

Short story, he saves her but Rainbow after finding out that he is in fact, a he, she starts to be sexist and can’t accept being saved by one. Weird flex but ok, Fluttershy arrives on the scene and after our hero’s partner knock Rainbow Dash down they all walk towards Ponyville.

Next chapter we are in Ponyville, they brought Rainbow to the hospital and are waiting for her to wake up, during the journey there they are harassed by mares who thinks that he is a sex toy, he didn’t take it well. More conflict arises with rainbow which escalates in a fight of insults until Ronl goes away to take a walk and calm down, meanwhile Fluttershy becomes very protective and does something very unfluttershy like. Ronl comes back and we are introduced to the rest of the mane 6 later on we have some more arguments between Ronl and AJ which fortunately doesn't lead to a full out fight but it was getting there. He decides to sleep at Sugarcube Corner and that’s it so far.

SO 

The problems: It is a story full of overused cliche, the arrival, the sex disparity, the sexism, the herd mentality and the immediate defense of a stranger. I’ll expand on that: The arrival is one that hundreds of thousands used for their displaced story, it an extremely overused trope one that now has gotten old, the sex disparity, yes you are doing it following the idea of this being a centerpoint of the fic. This doesn’t mean it is good.

The sexism; unless stated before that something real bad is going on no one will believe in something like sexism being a thing in Eqeustria, racism maybe, but sexism not. You made Rainbow Dash a cartoon villain with a hate for the males which could be fine but it is not if it is the only thing about her, she wasn’t fleshed out at all and while it may have some reason behind it, it doesn’t make it good, she is not some hateful pony.

The herd is so overused, I understand the temptation but you must resist it, herds are not that loved, believe me too many characters all at once will make them cardboards.

And finally the defense of a stranger, why would Fluttershy defend a stranger going against her own friend, she finds the gut to speak up for him after an half an hour of knowing him, that’s not natural. This can only get worse with her falling in love in the next two days and marrying him at the end of the month with her friends in line behind. It is not right and feels unnatural.

Fluttershy threat is completely out of bound, she would never say something like that in a million years, she is kindness she doesn’t threaten people unless she is in a very unbalanced state of mind. 

The story really eats at me with its overuse of cliche and what I suggest is to stop thinking what would make the character cool and start thinking what would actually happen. The oversexualization of the characters is also a big problem, the trope of Fluttershy’s big tits is so overused you could find it anywhere, it is just too used.

Do I recommend it? No, unfortunately it is too cliche for being recommended and while I can see how this may hurt you, Author believe me that I do this to make you better yourself never to shot you down.

Scores:

Core Idea: 4/10: As said before too many cliches makes it rather boring to read through especially if one already has read a lot of these kind of stories.

Pacing: 7/10: The pacing is fast, sometimes there is too much happening in too little time and the dialogues are in some cases too forced and don’t carry out anything useful for the reader.

Grammar: 9/10: Minor typos but nothing too glaring.

Final score: 6.7/10 A decent fic but unfortunately killed by the usage of too much cliche. My advice for you, Author, take a deep breath and think about your story, don’t let it become a common one that will be lost in the sea of equally common stories out there, take this review however you want but use it to become better.

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Thank you for the review my friend, I'll do my best to improve my story as it goes on and just to let you know I actually have a reason for the way Fluttershy was like that but that's not something I'm going to reveal for a while.