TThe Marionettist

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Horror
• Tragedy

Apple Bloom is dead, but Discord has a way to fix this. Family must ALWAYS come first.

• Suicide / Self Harm
• Violence
• Death
• Applejack
• Apple Bloom
• Big Mac
• Granny Smith
• Discord

QueenChrysalisForever · 3.1k words  ·  27  3 · 1.6k views

Summary of StoryAn accident has taken our beloved Apple Bloom from the Apple Family. They can get her back though. They must! Family is everything, and they can’t let their parents last wish be in vain. Discord says he has a way; there are rules, but if little Apple Bloom can be returned, they will obey them.

Intro section: Wait? What? Nailah is reviewing a story labeled "horror" what mad world is this! This is the mad world of reviews, and QueenChrysalsisForever is a really good friend of mine. I figured I could at least try to get through this, and I must say, I did well! What that says about the scary ness of this...well let's get to it!

Initial thoughts: Apple Bloom is dead. No spoilers. Discord is Discord. However I feel even though the grief of the situation would make you agree to anything to get back your loved ones, Applejack agrees much too rapidly. It's almost like this was rushed, or not fully realized of just how strong AJ can be even in her weakest moments. I felt the moments with the others were good, but not great. This story leaves much to be desired. The strength in this though comes from not knowing exactly where it's going until it's too late, and you will either be sucked in by this, or just go "meh" I fall into the latter half. Reader discertion advised. 6/10

What I liked: The atmosphere here, it's dark, it's gloomy, it's clearly trying to put you in the mood for a story like this. Discord. Him being chaotic and evil is something we don't see much, and it's a shame because it's good.

What I didn't like: The feeling of it being rushed, how easily AJ agrees to the plan Discord suggests, and how it's all kind of weaved together. It's meant to be like a puppet with strings and to make you it's puppet, but I feel it lacks the feels. The horror element is here, but...it just didn't do anything for me.

Grammar: I didn't see anything here. 10/10

Characterization: Discord is great, chaotic and evil. Applejack...doesn't feel like herself. I understand grief can impact you, but I still feel this is too rushed. She agrees way to easily for the sake of the plot. I also think Big Mac was supposed to be like the middle ground, that he wasn't sold on this, but wanted his sister back, so he's fine. 7/10

Story/Concept: This concept, I've seen it before, and this story doesn't really do anything new. Other than changing it to ponies I cant' really see the differences of this from the source content. Besides the obvious thing that Discord makes everything better. 5/10

Overall thoughts: This story is sorta a medicore way to get into the horror genre. It's not really scary, but I did feel the atmosphere of the dark, the gloom, and the sadness of grief. However as a horror story, I'm going to leave it up to the viewers, but in my opinion this just doesn't do it justice. It needs more of an impact. I can see where the story was going, and it could have been great, but it just lacks the "terror" a story like this should have. 6/10

NEW SECTION:
Headpat worthy: No
Boop worthy: No
Meh!: Yes
Cringe Level: No

Final score: 7+10+7+5+6=35/50
7/10

To the author: Keep writing and stay awesome. I hope my feedback here is helpful, and if you have any questions just ask! I promise I don't bite.

Thanks for reviewing my story! *hugs tight* I'll be sure to do!