Lumina Faith #1 · Apr 29th, 2020 · 2 · ·

Dracula needs an heir, and has chosen Fluttershy to fill the role

Leafdoggy · 67k words · 66 5 · 1.6k views

Thousands of years ago, Equestria was a dark place. Safety was a resource few could afford, and fewer still could provide. The creatures of the night were no exception, and when it came time for them to band together, a single pony rose to lead them.
This cruel, unforgiving man came to be known as Count Dracula.
Some years later, tensions had calmed. A leader was still needed, but many grew spiteful towards the Count's harsh, violent means. Amongst those unhappy was his daughter, and after much hardship, the reign of Count Dracula came to an end.
Thus was born Lady Dracula.
Now, Equestria has changed again. No longer is it fraught with danger and distrust, and Dracula has come to a decision. It's time for her to step down, and make room for a new Dracula.
A kinder one.

In light of me forgetting to write an intro, cookie to you if you saw it After a month's hiatus, let's get right back into the stories!

Plot and Setting

Flutterbat is no new concept in the MLP fandom, although I confess that I don't believe I've read many Flutterbat stories myself. Today's story, Heir To Darkness starts out with the premise that Dracula, vampony (alicorn? Was she one before or prior to her ascension to the Dracula position? ) and ruler of Trotsylvania, is planning to pass down her title to Fluttershy because she believes that a change in rulership is in order. By the time the story is finished, we learn that this does not come to pass and I suspect I'm not the only reader who was left unsatisfied by that.

While it would be in character for Fluttershy to do as she did, (i.e. backing out from becoming the next Dracula and supporting from the sidelines), it is a choice that undermines a lot of the build-up or key points that were hinted at throughout the story. To me, it felt unsatisfactory that we learned so much about what Fluttershy is going to have to do, what shoes she has to fill, what skills or resources she learns about, such as the blood fountain, and the culmination of that reading journey only uses one or two of them.

I admit it's been a month or so since I initially read the story, but there was a build-up about the blood fountain that made it feel like a key point in the story. As far as I can tell, its use was to make a point to Fluttershy that blood is a powerful boost to a vampire and that it's far easier (and less painful on her part) to get it straight from a creature. The fountain has its costs, but it is a readily available source of power for Fluttershy, so if she needed it, she knew where to find it, but when the fight with Dracula occurred, it almost felt like the fountain had been completely forgotten about.

Ultimately, there are points within the story that are written to feel important, but then nothing comes out of them, resulting in the rising action that brought us there feeling wasted. Why go through all the trouble of establishing that Fluttershy gets a boost from blood, that she knows a source of blood (however painful the cost), and that she is eventually reunited with Pinkie, and then use neither the fountain nor Pinkie in her hour of need? However clichéd it seems, the Chekhov's gun(s) in Heir to Darkness are shown and handled, but not fired throughout the story, so why mention it in the first place? It almost feels like the climax of this story was written for another similar story that took a few different paths to get to its ending.

Ignoring the climax, I'd say the rest of the story was written decently and I did like the exploration of the Stare and how Fluttershy could use it in different scenarios.

Section rating: 6.5/10

Character Exploration

Arguably, the entirety of Heir to Darkness is a character study on Fluttershy and what she'll do when pushed to the brink. I have little to no qualms on it that aren't tied to the aforementioned bumps in the plot, and overall, Fluttershy's character and her morals are the core elements of the story.

Section rating: 8/10

Grammar, Formatting, and Consistency

Again, I don't think I have much to say here. When it comes to grammar and consistency, the Leafdoggy scored well on both as I don't recall anything standing out to me during my reading aside from a few points where I had to go back and read some sections that weren't clear to me. I probably would have preferred longer chapters, but that is a choice made by the author and something I can't quite control

Grammar: 9.5/10
Formatting: 9.5/10
Consistency: 8/10
Section rating: ((9.5+9.5+8)/3)/10 = (27/3)/10 = 9/10

My Little Nitpicks

Heir to Darkness caught me at a bad time during my semester and my mental health, so I don't have my thoughts throughout the story. Apologies for that!