EA Kirin In Cardboard

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

Autumn Blaze meets a cardboard box for the first time.

• Pinkie
• Applejack
• Autumn Blaze

TheLegendaryBillCipher · 2.8k words  ·  220  2 · 3k views

By TheLegendaryBillCipher

Summary:
Applejack takes a care package to the Kirin Village in a giant cardboard box. Autumn Blaze has never seen such a box. Hilarity commences!

Our story begins with Applejack going around and collecting things to put in a care package for the Kirins from the rest of the mane six. It starts out kind of slow, the beginning being a huge chunk of exposition, but once AJ is on her way to the Kirin Village it picks up nicely. The characters were all on point and very in character to their canon selves, which is always nice. I almost felt like I was reading a script for an episode or one of the cute shorts they have on youtube for the show, as such, this short is great writing! The idea of Kirin being like cats and loving boxes, especially with Autumn Blaze's reaction, was the cutest thing I've read all month, if not longer. Autumn Blaze has always been a character I love, and I wish we had been able to see more of her in the show. This little peak back into her life fills that empty place.
The writing quality is superb, there are little to no grammatical or spelling errors, things flow smoothly after we get to Autumn Blaze. I liked being able to see what the mane six offered up for the care package. Though there were some lines that didn't feel as lively as others, for example:

Fortunately, just as she was about to make the first jump, she was interrupted by someone calling her name. “Applejack?”

Applejack turned and with a relieved smile, found Autumn Blaze standing there. She was certainly a sight for sore eyes – and backs.

“Autumn Blaze, just the Kirin was I fixin’ to come see,” Applejack replied, dismounting her heavy load.

“You weren’t about to hop up there with that on your back, were you?” Autumn Blaze asked, walking over and looking the box up and down. “Because, you know there’s a cave like, right over there, right?” She gestured with a hoof behind her.

Applejack smacked her forehead – she had been so determined about carrying the box she had forgot all about the shortcut cave that Fluttershy’s squirrel friends had found. No wonder those chores had been so complicated on the farm all those moons ago.

This is just one part where the characters and dialogue seem 'fed' the lines rather than saying them naturally? Just a small nit-pick, as otherwise I found it great!

The plot was excellent, like mentioned before, if felt like a canon episode or short, something the team might have done if we had more seasons of the show. Everypony (and Kirin) was believable, adorable, and did just what I would imagine of them.
Pretty much the only fault I can really find is I want more of Autumn Blaze playing in a cardboard box, all the crazy things she could imagine for her plays. Maybe just a fireproof spell for her next box.

Pros:
Excellent characterization- everyone was in canon
Wonderful plot! Felt like it could be a canon episode or short!
Few to no grammatical/spelling/punctuation errors

Cons:
Beginning is one huge chuck of exposition.
Few sentences are not as lively as the rest of the story.

Plot: adorable and show worthy- 10/10
Characterization: Very canon, very good- 9/10
Grammar: Excellent! Few if any errors-9/10

Overall: 9/10

To the Readers:
I simply loved this little short, and I'm sure you the readers will too if you like cute Kirin acting like a curious cat with a new box. As well as a cute surprise at the end!

To the Writer:
I loved this so much that it was hard to find fault in it. So the above is very nit-picky as I just want this to be the best it can be, and it is nearly there!

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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