TThe Bloody Mare

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Horror

Trickle, trickle. Drip, drip. You better beware, of The Bloody Mare.

• Gore
• Death
• Rainbow Dash
• Pinkie
• OC

misskoifishpony · 1.7k words  ·  33  3 · 1.5k views

"The Bloody Mare" written by Misskoifishpony is a very well written short little horror poem about Pinkie Pie's encounter with the bloody mare.

My thoughts just after reading:
This story or well poem was written like you're typical well thought out creepypasta. It grabs your attention with its uniqueness, hooks you in with its premise, and keeps you reading with a healthy mix of suspense and devilish enjoyment from the rate in which the story progresses. But, let's get into it. Shall we?

Now, considering that this story was written in poem form, and is a horror one to boot, we'll be using a different set of criteria. Suspense, considering it's a horror, character development, grammar, and of course the stories moral.

Suspense: 7/10
The story behind the poem kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the majority of the poem. Although I wish there was more shared suspense used throughout the story. Sure, we knew Pinkie Pie was in danger since the beginning of the poem, I just sorta wished she realized she was too a lot earlier. Though, it still didn't detract too much from my enjoyment.

Character Development: 10/10
Although Pinkie Pie is, for all intents and purposes, the main character, this is not her story. It's the bloody mare's story through and through. The story throughout the poem allows the reader to empathize with the bloody mare, at least marginally. And she gets the most development in both background and motivation. Pinkie Pie throughout the story, is just more or less the driving force, or some equivalent, and I just adore stories that do this.

Grammar: 9/10
In my reading, I found a couple spots that could have done with a few word changes. But, none of it detracted from my overall enjoyment in the slightest.

The Moral Of The Story: 9/10
The story of this story is quite simple in all reality. That by letting yourself become consumed with grief, it can turn you into a monster. Of course, not always in the literal sense, but people in their grief may desperately try to fill that hole in their heart that death has caused. And in doing so can do horrible horrible things to fill that void, but, will eventually come to learn that nothing will ever truly replace it. No matter how hard we try. And, in this story, is a firm case of someone being maddened by it. A true must-read.

35/40=8.75/10
Would suggest.

My Note To The Author:
Your story was truly a unique one, being a poem on a site full of short stories and books. But, it was still a jolly good read. My only suggestion is to practice shared suspense, sure, you've made me empathize with the bloody mare, and in some part with Pinkie pie. But, I found it hard to empathize with the situation as a whole. But of course, I still enjoyed the story, and I implore you to keep up the good work.

7075368

Oh wow, thank you for not only reviewing my story but also suggesting this to others, putting it in your favorites, and giving it such a high score^^ I wasn't expecting such an amazing review and such high regards for my short story poem^^ I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem aspect of this story, I've had some potential readers swaying away from this story because of this aspect. And I don't blame them for swaying away from a poem because poetry as a genre is not for everyone and a story told through a poem is DEFINTELY not for everyoneXD So thank you for being adventurous and taking a chance on a story told through poetryXD Much appreciated Anyway, I agree with you when it comes to suspense and how Pinkie Pie should have found out earlier. Even though the goal of my story, as you put it, is for the audience to know the story of The Bloody Mare but also the gothic atmosphere of the story. Since its about her and with the story tags and genre and whatnot, that is no excuse on my end to skip out on suspense. That is something I will improve on for the future:) In terms of Pinkie, I was dancing back and forth if I should have her be aware a lot sooner of the creepy atmosphere of the Bloody Mare's home once she was inside. On one hand, Pinkie is a smart character despite what most would believe and would have picked up on it right away and perhaps act on her instinct to protect a new friend and find them once she hears some sound from The Bloody Mare. But on the other, which was the route I took but probably should have taken the first in hindsight, Pinkie Pie is the one to well "Giggle at the ghosties". To laugh at the face of danger and what is scary. To see the bright side first before the dark. Not out of ignorance or being naïve or stupidity, but rather she's open to a lot of things and she takes a new place or situation all in first before truly processing what it is. Anyway, thank you so much for reading my story and have a lovely day^^

7076860
I'm glad you found my review helpful, and please, like I said, I implore you to keep up the good work. Again, I really enjoyed how the bloody mare was really the main character the entire time. Have a lovely day yourself.